The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child (25 page)

During the summer Julianne perked up, but she grew anxious as third grade loomed closer. Her mom had requested a third-grade teacher she thought would be more compatible. The school, however, wouldn’t guarantee she’d get that teacher. We all gave a big sigh of relief when Julianne lucked out and was assigned to the easygoing teacher who understood that all children’s minds are not
identical. After about six weeks in her new classroom, Julianne said to her mother, “I’m beginning to like school again.”

Innies’ Challenges and Advantages

School is full of hurdles for any child. But innies face particular difficulties in the classroom setting. First, just being out in the world and focusing externally burns their energy. They’re often operating outside their comfort zone, which makes it harder to do their best. Typical classrooms consume gallons of fuel because they are noisy, full of visual distractions, and require close proximity to others. It’s difficult to hear, especially if people speak quickly or have accents. And on top of all this, there’s often little time or space to recharge.

Second, innies are pressured to process information, communicate, and finish work quickly. They are measured by the ability to work speedily, assume tasks before they feel ready, and take timed tests. In addition, they are often forced into situations that they struggle with, such as speaking before the class, assimilating others’ standards and views, managing interruptions, shifting from topic to topic, and working in groups. Plus, innies may be overlooked in classrooms. Rowdy students often take up the teacher’s attention.

Teachers, especially outies, often misunderstand innie behavior and qualities. Since it takes innies longer to access information, they may not respond to teachers’ questions if they don’t feel comfortable. If pressed for time or if they feel any other type of pressure, innies may not show enthusiasm. As a result, they may appear to lack interest or motivation—their real feelings don’t show on the outside. And since their auditory track is slower, as I have said, they may not catch directions the first time and so may seem a beat behind. The introverted child, then, may be perceived as not very smart, not keeping up, lacking enthusiasm, too stubborn, too independent, not social
enough in the classroom, or asking too many questions about directions or the materials.

Those are the potential problems. But most innies are eager to learn, and teachers often recognize innies’ strengths and encourage them. This happened to me, and many innies have told me they’ve had similar experiences. Some teachers are drawn to innies because they like their ability to have more complex conversations. Teachers value their keen observations and insights. Innie students may even become teachers’ pets because they are helpful, easy to handle in the classroom, and some even seek out their teachers. My grandson has loved, loved,
loved
his kindergarten, first-and third-grade teachers. My daughter’s ears have almost fallen off hearing about Miss McDonald, her son’s current favorite. Many innies find they are more interested in their teachers because they have more in common with them than with their classmates. Indeed, many innie children prefer conversing with adults, in general, rather than with their peers. Outie teachers often find innies fascinating when they get a glimpse of their inner world.

Many innies find school a flourishing garden of knowledge, despite the drain on their energy. They enjoy learning. In order to help themselves enjoy school, some find inventive ways to cope with their overstimulation. Often they uncover less frenetic places at school to recharge. They might spend their lunch period in the library, if it’s a quiet place. An innie I worked with went to the kindergarten class to read to a child for an hour. Another used to visit the school nurse and chat with her during his lunch break. I helped out in the quiet back office for one period in high school. When one of my daughters was in high school, she went to the local elementary school to develop arts-and-crafts projects for the teachers during a free block of time.

It’s What’s Up Front That Counts

Remember, innies are hardwired to use a direct pathway to the executive area, in the front of the brain, which integrates and develops complex ideas and concepts. As innies grow and develop, their thoughts, emotions, and experiences become integrated. This blesses them with the ability to use complex mental functions. The front, or
bonnet
, of the brain also holds the keys to judgment, social and ethical behavior, creativity, and what may be our greatest gift,
mindsight:
the ability to know other people’s minds and understand their intentions, the most sophisticated type of emotional intelligence.

How Innies Learn

“
I believe that everything in a child’s development is connected—what has gone before, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future.” —Fred Rogers

Whether a child is an innie or an outie greatly determines how she learns. Extroverts form their perceptions from
external
past events in the back, or
boot
, of the brain. Introverts base their experiences on
internal
thoughts and feelings. These are processed in the front, or
bonnet
, of the brain. Learning is a complex function that activates numerous parts of the brain in rapid succession. In a way, learning requires riding a roller coaster around and through various parts of the brain. Let’s see how the process differs between innies and outies.

Innies attend to what interests them. They receive information from their bodies and brains on slower, more unconscious pathways. Their minds work associatively, drawing on long-term memory. Experiences are compared and contrasted with past, present, and in the front of the brain. More complex perceptions are constructed during overnight processing as the day’s memories are integrated
and stored when they are dreaming. At this point, thoughts will have coalesced, and they will be ready to form an idea or plan of action. Innies need time and encouragement to demonstrate their internal knowledge to others. To expand their knowledge, they need to test their ideas by applying them in the real world.

Outies focus on what catches their attention. Information from their senses enters the brain via fast, conscious pathways. The data is matched to old experiences—good and bad—to generate a rapid perception in the back of the brain. They may make a quick decision or take an action like speaking, writing, or changing an opinion based on this small amount of data. Information flows quickly in and out of short-term memory—it only holds about seven items at any one time—and may not stick. To expand their learning, outies need help to pause, reflect, and connect more associations in the front of the brain to develop more complex perceptions, plans, and actions.

Good teaching can be understood as the art of enhancing the brain and the brain’s ability to learn. The brain is designed to learn; in turn, learning alters the brain. When a child’s knowledge is expanded, neural connections are increased. First, the child builds a foundation of experiences at home and in the world. Then, new information is connected to those built-in experiences. The result is that a new piece of knowledge, with an entire new constellation of associations, becomes part of the child’s mental repertoire.

An introverted child’s strong suit is learning by association. It’s an innie’s natural inclination to forge links—to connect the dots. Teachers provide new information, which helps innies draw lines between the existing dots of data already in their brains. Now they are linked together. An outline of a fuller picture begins to emerge as the child situates new information within the context of his own personal experience.

When Mrs. Chan didn’t review what was learned in first grade, Julianne was left without any dots to link up with the new material. No coherent picture formed for her. All she found was disconnected
units of information. Connecting the dots means that the child sees associations (for instance, “Oh, if I learn math it will help me figure out how to count money” or “Learning science can teach me how to grow a sunflower”). Innies have lots of internal dots, a virtual treasure trove of potential hooks on which to hang new learning. But they need to take in information in a sequence to help connect these dots.

In the classroom, children learn best when new information is taught in an engaging, hands-on style that, literally, stimulates their brains. Lively stories, for example, connect all areas of the child’s brain: emotion, cognition, meaning, and memory (past experiences). Rote learning tends not to generate knowledge or innovative thinking. Real learning appeals to all levels of the brain. It transforms learning from a simple mode of receiving and filing information in the brain to a more complex process: receiving information and then
creating
knowledge, by sending it along the introverted path to the executive areas of the brain.

What Learning Environment Brings Out the Best in Innies?

Introverted children require time and space, and need to set their own pace
. Because innies turn inward for energy, safety, and satisfaction, they flourish in a well-ordered, quiet classroom where subjects are discussed in depth, one topic at a time. They demonstrate their attention by being still (not because they are necessarily expected to, but to conserve energy when they’re listening keenly). They sit watching, often without expression (again, to conserve energy). Occasionally, they may look away or look down (to facilitate processing information). Noise and movement interrupts their ability to concentrate.

Innies thrive in an atmosphere that’s accepting and patient
. If innies are asked questions on the spot, the answer usually zooms right out of their heads. But this doesn’t mean that the information isn’t in there—it just needs to be lured out the right way. Without pressure, they can volunteer answers. And in an atmosphere of trust and space, they can surprise others with the complexity of their responses. In Jonathan’s fourth-grade class, for example, they were studying the history of flight. Suddenly, he raised his hand, and the usually quiet child launched into a whole wellspring of knowledge. “Did you know that they built one hundred B-1B bombers? They are stealth bombers, and they fly very close to the ground so they can’t be picked up on radar. They are very sleek, and their wings retract after they take off. But four crashed because they sucked birds into their engines. Now they fixed that problem and they are using them in the Iraq War.” After a stunned silence, the teacher asked Jonathan more about the B-1Bs.

Choosing a School

“
The best thing you can give children, next to good habits, are good memories.” —Sydney J. Harris

Innies need schools where the environment is calm, encouraging, flexible, and warm. I have worked with many adult innies who went to competitive, judgmental, shaming, rigid, and harsh schools. In that kind of atmosphere, innies may shut down, not learn, fall behind, and, sadly, think they aren’t smart. They need a school environment where the staff enjoys children (unfortunately, this is often not the case) and where students are viewed as individuals. They need teachers who can adjust to different learning styles. What is most important is an environment where innies can use their gifts. They need a quiet, structured classroom where expectations are based on the individual child. Smaller is better. If teachers are open to learning about your child and allowing her the space and reflective time her brain needs, a good fit can be made.

Many parents don’t have a choice of schools. If you do, try to find one that encourages individual strengths and doesn’t put undue pressure
on the child. Homeschooling and charter schools can work well for innies if they are based on one-on-one, individually designed learning. However, homeschooled innies will need other group and social experiences to strengthen their extroverting muscles. Schools for children gifted in the arts and sciences are often very helpful for innies, as long as they aren’t too competitive, rigid, or demanding.

The optimal learning environment for innies includes:

• A quiet, structured classroom with few surprises.

• Time and space to reflect, process, and prepare.

• Having the big picture presented first, and relating material to students’ lives.

• Having a choice of whether to work in groups or alone; the option of having a pal to work with or ask questions of; individual, rather than group, credit on assignments.

• Having a designated “Learning Lair,” a private area or one set off with screens, complete with earplugs and headphones.

Innies are private and need to have a sense of ownership over their space and belongings
. When innies share space and supplies, they may feel intruded upon. In some school districts, students share desks. This depletes innies’ energy and reduces their ability to concentrate. Ten-year-old Tony is typical in that he can’t bear even to read with someone looking over his shoulder. When he senses somebody there he altogether loses the ability to think! I have worked with teachers who give innies their own place and space, and the children function much better.

Innies like clear instructions and information
. Once they have a clear sense of the task at hand, they take off on their own. They are especially self-motivated if they find a way to connect with a topic personally. Hayden’s fifth-grade class is studying South America. Hayden is interested in mountain climbing. He wonders, “What is the highest peak in South America? And which peaks have been climbed?” His curiosity is such that during recess he goes to the library and looks up South American peaks in a reference book and on the Internet.