Other Side of the Wall (14 page)

“It’s
the God awful truth, Ava Mae, but don’t get me wrong. I still hate the guy.”

“Yeah,
me too.”

“Goodnight,
Ava Mae. If you hear any screaming in the middle of night, just ignore it.”

I
started laughing again.

“I
love you, Tucker. You’re the best big brother ever.”

“You
know it.”

Every
girl needed a big brother like Tucker. We had so much fun growing up. Our house
was always full of teenagers, and it didn’t hurt that Tucker had some very good
looking friends. Tucker never let any of them date me, but he didn’t know that,
on occasion, a few kisses were snuck here and there. I have a feeling he
probably kissed a few of my girlfriends, too. Tucker was quite the popular guy,
and all my friends were in love with him. I was so surprised he still wasn’t married.
He was successful and attractive and lots of fun. That may have been his
problem; I think he still enjoyed the fun too much, and many of his friends were
still on the beach. Tucker was like two people almost: during business hours he
was a no-nonsense kind of guy that could close any deal, but then when the day was
over, it was like a switch flipped and he was as carefree as anyone I have ever
known. All I know is that he had been my confidant and protector and the best
brother a girl could ever have.

I
knew I wouldn’t be sleeping well. Scott’s unexpected presence and declarations
of love guaranteed that. I had expected when he said those words I would be ecstatic,
but I couldn’t trust it. He had been too unsure with me, like he was frequently
in conflict with the way he felt about me. I had tried to deny it because I
wanted him to be sure, like I was sure. There were moments when I swore he felt
the rightness of us, but that always seemed to precipitate him pulling away
again.

I
opened the window in my room, even though it was very cool outside. I loved the
calming sound of the ocean waves breaking against the shore. I cranked up the
electric blanket and snuggled in. I grabbed my copy of
A Christmas Carol.
I
was just about finished with it. I thought back to the night I started it; I
remembered watching Scott restlessly sleeping. I had a feeling it wasn’t just
because of the flu. I think, even in his sleep, he was conflicted. I still
remember waking up to him watching me. It was one of those moments where I
thought for sure he felt the same way I did, but then he pushed me away.

I
finished the book and set it on my nightstand.
Another year is ending
, I
thought. Oh, what a year it had been. I had gone from being married to divorced
to meeting who I thought was the love of my life. I know that sounds backwards,
but for a while it had given me great hope that through my greatest heartache,
I would find my greatest happiness. Instead, I found out what true heartache
was.

I
lay down and closed my eyes and tried not to think, but then I thought of an
old movie my momma and I watched together. I was having a hard time remembering
the name of it, but there was a song in it that said, “If you’re worried and
you can’t sleep, then count your blessings instead of sheep.” I always felt that
was a nice thought, so I decided maybe I would give it a try. On the top of my
list was my parents, Tucker, my health, my warm blanket, the beauty I was
surrounded by. Then I started thinking about Myrna and Jerry and even Nick. But
as hard as I tried not to, Scott kept frequenting my thoughts.

Oh,
it was going to be a long night.

I
think I managed a few hours of uninterrupted sleep mingled with a couple of
hours of off-and-on sleep. I gave up at six and decided to go for a swim. One
of the best things about being back home was our pool. I had missed being able
to swim outdoors almost any time of year. I slipped into one of my swimsuits, a
red one piece. I grabbed a towel and my robe and made the chilly trek out to
the pool. I noticed the main house was still dark. I knew my parents didn’t like
me swimming by myself, but I think sometimes they still thought I was twelve.

I
quickly dove in to warm up. It was only forty degrees outside. The pool was
blissfully warm. I swam several laps and reveled in the solitude and the water
as I glided across it. There is something so soothing about water; maybe that’s
why I didn’t notice I had company until that company was practically right on top
of me.

I
practically screamed when Scott jumped in.

He
came up out of the water grinning like an idiot. “Good morning, beautiful.”

He
was so annoying. We stood about five feet apart, and oh my goodness, he looked
very fine. I knew he would have a nice chest, and the whole wet look worked for
him. But I was not going to let his physical prowess undermine the hate I had
going for him.

“Well,
it
was
a good morning. What are you doing up so early?” I asked,
completely annoyed.

He
moved closer. “I could ask you the same question, Ava Mae.”

“Yes,
but I asked you first. And don’t ‘Ava Mae’ me. Only my family gets to call me
that.”

He
smiled and winked. “Fine. I’ll wait until we’re family then.”

“What’s
that supposed to mean?”

“You
know what they say, Ava, first comes love then comes marriage.”

“Are
you out of your mind?”

He
grabbed me and, like an idiot, I liked it. But I quickly came to my senses and
pushed him away, or at least I tried to.

He
looked down at me as he had me in his arms. His nicely toned bare arms. He
reached up and stroked my hair. “Ava, I’m completely out of my mind in love
with you.”

I
put my head down. “Will you please quit saying that?”

“Why?”

“Because
we both know it’s not true.”

He
tipped my chin back up with his hand. “Ava, why don’t you believe it?”

I
for reals pushed away from him. His sincerity and amazing body were not helping
my resolve to stay on my side of that ever-shrinking playground. I swam to the
side nearest to me. He followed. I leaned against the pool wall, so just my
head and shoulders were showing. He did the same a foot away from me.

He
turned his head toward me. “Ava…”

I
looked at him and narrowed my eyes. “How could you be in love with me? I still
have a pulse and my husband didn’t die.”

His
eyes widened.

I
decided after that unwarranted and biting remark, I should probably go. I
turned to leave.

He
gently grabbed my arm. “Ava, you don’t get to just run away after a comment
like that.” He pulled me closer and looked down at me and smiled. “Wow. You
know how to cut right to the core. It’s like an art form for you.”

“I
guess I’m just gifted that way.”

His
eyes bore into mine. “Ava.” He ran his hand silkily down my arm. It gave me goose
bumps. I blamed it on the cold morning air. “I know I have a lot of explaining
to do and I promise I will, just at least give me the chance.”

I
carefully thought about it while he looked down at me longingly I let out
several long, slow breaths. “I’ll think about it. Just tell me one thing right
now. You say you love me, but the last time we were together, you basically
negated our whole relationship and then you just let me walk away. Why?”

He
leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I’m a selfish jerk.”

I
pulled away from him. “You’ve got that right.” Then I dove into the water and finished
my swim.

We
swam together, silently next to each other, for several more minutes. Back and
forth and back and forth, just like our relationship had been. I contemplated,
as we swam, about our relationship. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. If
it was only a matter of being in love with him, then the answer was easy, but
it was much more complicated than that, because I was selfish, too. I wanted to
be the only woman he loved.

When
I finished swimming, Scott followed me out of the pool. I quickly put on my
robe while Scott wrapped a towel around himself. He really did look good.

“Feel
free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen. My momma and I will be
shopping this morning.”

“Your
dad asked me to help him and your brother today.”

I
couldn’t help but laugh a little. “A word of advice, watch my brother.”

“Yeah,
I get the feeling that for some reason he doesn’t really like me.”

“See
you later,” I said as I walked back toward my little house.

“Ava?”

I
turned around. “Yeah?”

“Can
we talk later?”

I
smiled. “If you’re still alive.”

I
heard him laugh as I entered my house.

Chapter 16

I
got ready and dressed carefully, taking extra care with my hair. Not that Scott
was picky about that sort of thing. That’s one thing I liked about him: no
matter what I wore, he was always flattering. I’ve never felt self-conscious
around him. But I wasn’t sure why I was dressing to please him anyway. Who was
I kidding? No matter my confusion or current feelings for him, he had an effect
on me.

My
mom and I headed to the open shopping complex closest to our home.

“So
how was your swim this morning, Ava?”

I
rolled my eyes. “Don’t pretend you and daddy weren’t spying on us this
morning.”

She
laughed.

“I
still can’t believe you invited him to stay with us.”

She
briefly glanced my way as she was driving. “Well how else were we supposed to
get to know him?”

“Why
do you want to after the way he treated me?”

“Ava,
your daddy and I aren’t pretending we like the way he treated you, but last
night when he walked in, I visibly saw you change. I could see your annoyance,
which by the way you’re terrible at hiding.”

“I
wasn’t trying to hide it.”

My
momma laughed at me. “Anyway, mixed in with your annoyance was the light you
had been missing since you returned home.”

“So
you think I should just forgive him and welcome him back with open arms?”

“Absolutely
not. I expect you to give him a run for his money, like a true Elliot woman.”

I
laughed, but I still didn’t know what to do. “Momma, I’m so confused right
now.”

She
glanced my way again. “Ava, there are no straight lines in relationships,
especially with someone like Scott who brings baggage.”

“We
all have baggage,” I quipped.

“Yes,
sweet girl, but you don’t let your baggage weigh you down. You, young lady,
have always had this amazing ability to take whatever life gives you and make
the best of it. And I’ve never known anyone as determined as you. I remember
when you were learning how to walk. You were only eight months old and you were
so desperate to chase after Tucker. There you were, so tiny, but every time you
fell you would get right back up, tears and all. I would even try to help you
and you just fussed at me. I had never seen anything like it and that’s the way
you have been your whole life.”

I
don’t know why, but my momma’s words made me cry. “Momma, what do you do when
that person loves their old baggage and you don’t feel like you want to give
that old baggage space in your closet or you’re afraid they’ll keep using that
baggage, and it’s baggage that you feel didn’t fit them right in the first place?
Or better yet, they keep going to the same old luggage store and picking out
the same set?”

By
this time we had made it to the shopping center, and we parked toward the back.
My momma always parked far away. One reason she did this was for exercise, and the
other was that for some reason she thought her Mercedes was safer there.

She
turned off the car and turned toward me and took my hands in hers. “Ava Mae, I
don’t have all the answers, and I wish I could tell you the exact right thing
to do, but this I know, men are real idiots sometimes and they do things that
just don’t make any sense at all.”

I
started laughing.

“Take
your daddy, for instance. After we had been dating for several months he
finally told me he loved me. I was the happiest woman in the world. I had been
in love with him for months and was just waiting for him to say it. But then,
just the very next day, he told me we should see other people.”

“What!
Why?”

“He
said we were moving too fast.”

“So
what did you say?”

“I
told him fine, go ahead, but not to expect me to wait around for him because I
had plenty of men lined up to take his place.”

I
smiled. It sounded like something I would say. “So did he date other women?”

She
raised her eyebrow at me. “What do
you
think?”

“No,
but then why did he say that to you?”

“Because
honey, I told you, they’re idiots and they scare easily.”

“You
think Scott’s scared?”

“Oh,
I think you terrify him.”

“I’m
not scary.”

She
tapped my nose like she had when I was younger. “No, sweet girl, you’re the new
shiny designer luggage that he didn’t think he could afford or maybe he thought
he didn’t deserve. Now he realizes he missed out on the bargain of a lifetime
and that same luggage is much more expensive and even more valuable to him and
he’s scared it’s now out of his reach and, like an idiot, he was the one that
increased the price.”

I
reached over and hugged my momma and told her thank you and that I loved her. I
still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but just talking to her made me
feel better. She was the wisest, most beautiful person, inside and out, I had
ever known. I was so lucky to call her momma.

Before
we left the car I had a thought. “You don’t think Tucker will do anything to
hurt him while Daddy is there do you?”

“He
better not, for his sake.” She winked at me. “Besides, I think you’re doing a
good enough job of beating him up yourself.”

I
just shook my head and smiled and got out of the car. As we walked toward the
first store, my momma turned to me for direction. “Well, what should we get
this man of yours.”

I
wanted to say he wasn’t my man, but I knew what she meant.

“I
don’t know, Momma.”

She
gave me her, ‘Really?’ look. “Come on, Ava. I know you probably had your whole
Christmas list planned out before Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah,
well, that was before he went completely on the naughty list.”

“Well,
don’t you think he should get some credit for coming down here and facing all
of us?” my momma replied.

“I
guess so,” I said begrudgingly. I seriously had some good ideas, and I hated to
see them go to waste.

We
decided to first head to the department store where my momma had bought us all
matching PJ’s. Apparently, she thought Scott should have a pair, too. I thought
it was weird, but I knew better than to argue with her about it. She also bought
him some nice small things like cologne, a fancy shaving kit, and a blue
sweater to match his eyes. Then she asked me what all his favorite treats were
so she could fill his stocking, which reminded her she needed to sew him one to
match the rest of ours. I told her not to go to all the trouble; we could just
buy him one. It wasn’t like he was part of the family. But I did mention to my momma
about what he said about marriage following love. She just smiled. Was he
really thinking about marrying me?

Once
my momma was done taking care of him, we worked on my list. I had planned on
getting him this incredible little pocket projector and wireless Bluetooth
speaker for his presentations and classes. It was quite expensive, but at the
time I made the list I had thought,
what the heck I love him
. I still
loved him, but things were different now. We searched a few stores, and I was
able to find what I was looking for. I hemmed and hawed about spending that
kind of money on him, but in the end, I purchased both. Next we hit a running
store, and I bought him a top-of–the-line wrist heart rate sensor. Then, by
happenstance, I found this hokey t-shirt that said, “I brake for dolphins.” It reminded
me of him, so I bought it. I was the best non-girlfriend ever. At least I made
my momma proud.

On
our way home, my momma decided we should stop and get lunch for everyone. We
stopped at my favorite Mexican restaurant and ordered enough food to feed a
small island. My momma’s attitude was, better to have more than less, and she
supposed we would be too busy to cook dinner tonight with all of our party and
Christmas prep, so the extra prepared food would be handy.

When
we got home, my momma took the food into the main house, and I grabbed the bags
full of Scott’s gifts and took them to my place where I would wrap them later.
I walked back through the gate to find the men hard at work stringing lights
around the pool area and backyard. I was happy to see Scott was still alive,
but Tucker did have an evil glint in his eye as I watched him eye Scott up on a
ladder. I just smiled at him and shook my head no.

 “Hey
guys, momma has lunch ready for everyone inside the house,” I called out as I
walked through to the guest house.

Tucker
dropped the lights he was untangling and went straight in. He never missed a
meal.

My
daddy smiled at me. “Thanks, sweet girl.”

Scott
climbed down the ladder and came straight toward me. “Do you need help with
your bags?”

I
pulled them toward me, so he wouldn’t see inside them. “No thank you.”

He
smiled. “So what’s in the bags?”

I
just raised my eyebrow at him.

He
laughed. “So, your mom made you buy me Christmas gifts.”

I
couldn’t help but laugh too. He knew me too well.

He
winked. “I’ll wait for you.”

I
shrugged my shoulders. “Ok.”

I
ran in and placed the bags in my bedroom, and then met Scott outside my door.

He
immediately held my hand when I reached him. I wasn’t sure if we should be
holding hands, but in the end I liked it too much, so I allowed it.

“So,
you’ve survived the morning,” I said.

He
looked down at me and smiled as we walked toward the house. “Were you worried
about me?”

I
smirked. “Why would I worry about you?”

He
raised up our entwined hands and kissed mine. “You know you still love me,
Ava.”

I
nudged him with my shoulder. “You wish. I just would hate to have to tell your
parents of your demise right before the holidays.”

He
laughed, but he pulled me off to the side before we entered through the patio
door.

He
gazed down at me. “That reminds me. Thank you.”

I
cocked my head slightly. “Thank you for what?”

“My
mom told me about what you said about not wanting what happened between us to
get in the way of my relationship with my parents. I think that may be the only
reason they’re still talking to me. Well, that and me being here.”

I
smiled at the thought of his mom. “I don’t think so. Your parents love you.”

“Not
as much as they love you. I think my mom is still referring to me as the shame
of her flesh.”

I
couldn’t help it. I began to laugh heartily. I could hear his mother’s voice,
Chicago accent and all.

At
this point, my brother stuck his head out the door. “You better eat up, Scott.
You never know when it could be your last meal.”

I
turned around and shook my head at my brother. He smiled sweetly at me and then
glared up at Scott. I turned to look at Scott, who seemed to take it all in stride.
“Do you think there’s any chance of me winning over your brother?”

I
shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I would be more worried about winning
over his sister if I were you.”

He
pulled me to him and looked down lovingly. “Don’t worry, that’s priority number
one and I have a plan.”

“It
better be a good one,” I whispered. I walked off toward the door. I waited for
him to open it; he did, all while grinning from ear to ear at me.  

My
parents and brother were already sitting around our high kitchen table, and
they all looked our way as we sat down next to each other. Scott thanked my momma
for the food and once again expressed his thanks for their hospitality. My daddy
said he needed to go to the hardware store and pick up some more lights and
hooks and asked if Scott wanted to join him. Scott readily agreed, but I think
it made him nervous. Tucker chimed in that he would go, but my daddy told him
he needed to stay here and wait for the outdoor heaters to be delivered. I had
a feeling my daddy wanted to get Scott alone, or maybe he was just preventing
Tucker from pulling one of his pranks.

I
handed Scott the pan of mild enchiladas; he didn’t like his food as spicy as I
did. He poured my water and placed two lemons in it, just like I liked. It was
odd to just fall into our habits, but there was something so comforting about
it. We just kept smiling back and forth. I kept having to remind myself we
weren’t really together, along with the reasons why, and that those reasons
hadn’t been addressed yet. But it was so easy for me to love him.

I
felt like my momma was watching our well-coordinated dance of sorts. She kept
smiling our way. Then she kind of embarrassed me when she handed Scott her
Macy’s bag. “We got these for you. We all wear matching pajamas Christmas Eve
night. If they don’t fit, let me know, but Ava was pretty sure about your size.”