Other Side of the Wall (12 page)

I
think she actually huffed and stomped her foot. I kept looking at her and
thinking,
why in the world would Scott choose her over me
? She was
completely bratty and self-absorbed.

I
began to walk to my car; I didn’t need this. She began to follow, so I turned
and faced her. “Do I need to call security?”

That
stopped her in her tracks. I smirked and walked off.

“Don’t
think I don’t know it was you that told Scott not to see me anymore,” she
yelled out after me.  She sounded a little desperate and maniacal.

It
was bothersome. I didn’t respond, I just picked up the pace to my jeep and
quickly got in and locked the door. I wasn’t sure what that was all about. I
had no desire to know about her and Scott, but for his sake I really hoped he
was staying away from her. In my professional opinion, she was crazy. But it
hurt that he chose someone like her over me. Saturday couldn’t get here quick
enough.

The
night before I left, I had dinner at the Langston home. It was a somber affair,
but they had become my family, and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, but
with them. Maybe that wasn’t totally true, there was one other place or person
that I wanted to be with, but I guess if I was with him, I wouldn’t be leaving.
I asked them to come and visit, and they said they would in the spring; I guess
winter was a busy time for plumbers. Myrna, the whole time, kept saying, “I
just can’t believe you’re leaving. I thought for sure we would be sharing last
names and I would finally be getting some grandchildren.”

I’ll
admit, I had hoped that too.

I
couldn’t stay too long. My brother was flying in early and then we were renting
the trailer, packing it, and then taking off. We would drive as far as we
could. I just hoped the weather cooperated; so far the forecast looked good.
Myrna, and even Jerry, both gave me big hugs; there were some tears shed.
Everything seemed so messed up.

I
should be happy I was finally going home, but I was anything but happy. I was
angry and depressed and sad and lonely. I couldn’t even get into the holiday
spirit, and normally this was one of my favorite times of year. I didn’t even
bother putting up my tree, and for some reason I couldn’t even stand to listen
to Christmas music on the radio. I guess I had had so many hopes for what
Christmas was going to be like this year with Scott and I together, that I
couldn’t get over it. I couldn’t get over Scott either. I know it had only been
two weeks, and I knew it was going to take lots of time, but I was impatient. I
felt like I had just done this, but this wound was deeper.

I
hadn’t been sleeping well at all, and I needed to be rested for tomorrow, so I took
a mild sleeping aid. It was the first time I had slept through the night in the
last two weeks. I got up early, at least excited to see Tucker. He was coming
to my rescue, once again.

As
soon as I saw him at the airport, I started to cry.

He
picked me up and spun me around. “Ava Mae, are those tears of joy over seeing
me?”

I
hugged him tight.

“I
know, girl. It’s all going to be ok,” he whispered in my ear.

I
guess eventually it would be, but that was going to take some time.

I
was so glad to have Tucker with me. I sure did miss him. He was a couple of
years older than me, but he still acted like he was twenty-two. I needed his
fun-loving attitude at the moment. Also, I had no idea how to hitch a U-Haul
trailer to my jeep, so he definitely came in handy there. We got back to my
place around noon and went to work filling the small trailer.

I
took the “Scott” box and placed it on his porch. I didn’t know what else to do
with it. I guess I should have thought to give it to his parents or maybe just
chucked it, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. We had finished
loading the boxes in no time at all. There wasn’t much room. All that was left
was my luggage. While I took out my luggage, Tucker checked the house and shut
off my water, just in case.

I
was wheeling out my large suitcase when Scott walked out. I tried not to look
over, but I couldn’t help but look at him one more time. He looked perplexed by
the box on his porch. He looked up and caught me staring at him. I quickly
turned and briskly walked to my jeep.

Scott
called my name and quickly met me at my jeep with the box in hand. “Ava, what
is this?”

“Just
stuff I don’t want anymore.”

He
looked hurt. “Ava?” He looked at the trailer and suitcase and a worried look replaced
the hurt one. “Are you driving home for Christmas?”

“No,
I’m moving back home.”

His
face went completely ashen. “Do my parents know?” he sputtered.

“Yes,
I had dinner with them last night,” I choked out.

“Why
didn’t you tell me?” He sounded like he was going to cry. That didn’t seem
right.

“Why
would I? You made it clear you didn’t want to be part of my life.”

He
set the box down and moved closer to me. I kept the suitcase between us. He
looked down at me. “Ava, I know I screwed up and I didn’t treat you the way
that I should have. There’s absolutely no excuse for my behavior, but please
don’t leave yet.”

I
didn’t answer; Tucker arrived by my side before I could say anything. He looked
coldly at Scott; I guess he knew who he was, but I made introductions anyways.
“Tucker this is Scott, Scott this is my brother, Tucker.”

Scott
put out his hand to shake Tucker’s. “Nice to meet you.”  

Tucker
stared him down. “Yeah I’ll pass.”

Scott
looked defeated and deflated.

Tucker
turned to me. “Are you ready, Ava Mae?”

I
shook my head yes. “I just have this suitcase left.”

Tucker
took it from my hands and walked it to the back of the jeep.

Scott
moved closer. He acted like he was going to reach out and touch me, but I think
he was afraid of what would happen to him, or perhaps, my reaction.

“Please,
Ava,” he pled. “I know I don’t deserve to ask anything of you, but please
stay.”

I
started crying, and Tucker came around quickly.

“It’s
ok, Tucker, just give me a minute.”

Tucker
walked over to the driver’s side of the jeep, but he kept his eyes on Scott the
whole time.

Scott
inched closer. “Please don’t go.”

“Why
would you want me to stay?” I cried.

He
braved touching my cheek. “Because, Ava… I love you.”

I
shook my head. “No, no you don’t.”

“Ava,
I don’t blame you for not believing me, but it’s true.”

Tucker
rolled down the window. “Ava Mae, come on its time to go.”

I
turned to leave, and Scott pulled gently on my hand. “Please, Ava.”

“Scott,
I have to go.”

He
let go of my hand. I turned and opened my door and climbed in. “I love you, Ava,”
were the last words I heard.

I
shut the door. Tucker looked at me for direction. “Drive,” was all I could say before
I completely lost it.

Chapter 14

Charles Dickens said, “Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one;
stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest
conjuration.”

There is something magical about being home, but it has nothing to
do with the house or where the house is located. It has everything to do with
the people. Sure, I loved being back on my beloved beach, but if things had
been different; Chicago would have been magical, too, and for a moment, it was.
I felt it at the Langston’s, and I even felt it in my home at times when I
would look across the table at Scott or sink into his arms after a long day at
work.

I felt it at my parent’s home, too, but it wasn’t what I expected
coming home. The familiarity and the love my family gave were all comforting,
but I still felt lost and like I wasn’t whole anymore. I felt like I had left a
big piece of myself in Chicago. I kept wondering if I had made the right
decision. Logically, it didn’t make sense to stay. How could I live next to
Scott after everything that had happened? But I was perplexed by his behavior
the day I left. Did he really love me? How could I trust that? How could I ever
trust him again? And if he really loved me, wouldn’t he at least call or try to
contact me? It’s not like I changed my number.

I kept thinking it wasn’t true, because how do you love someone
and treat them the way he treated me? But then, sometimes, I let myself think
it was true. That thought made me angry. Why was it that I always had to leave
before the men in my life came to the realization that they loved me? These
were the thoughts that kept me up at night and had me running on the beach at
the crack of dawn in the cool winter air.

I just wanted something to make the pain and emptiness go away. My
parents and brother were doing their best. I think my daddy brought me home a
gift every night. “I saw this today and it reminded me of my little girl,” he
would say.  

And my brother was constantly trying to convince me to hang out
with his friends. But my momma, she was the best of them all. She was keeping
me busy with the two rental houses. While we worked, she just let me talk and
talk and talk some more about him. I thought maybe I could regurgitate him out
of my system. Unfortunately, when I talked about him, especially all the good
parts, it just made me miss him more.

My momma and I were just in the first stages of renovation. We
poured over paint samples, fabric swatches, and furniture styles until I began
dreaming about them. The only thing I was against was anything nautical, for
obvious reasons, even though nautical themes were popular for beach rental
houses. The first house we decided would be very romantic in an all-white theme,
except we would use dark wood for the flooring; it was going to be gorgeous.
The next house we were doing something we had never attempted, and that was an
urban loft/industrial theme. I was most excited about that one.

As it was so close to Christmas, we basically just outlined our
plan and made design boards. We would wait until the New Year to really get
down to work. But my momma had me busy with Christmas plans, too. I guess I
couldn’t avoid the holiday after all. When it came to Christmas, my momma was
like Buddy the Elf-she felt it was her job to spread Christmas cheer to all,
even her Grinch of a daughter. She had me baking and shopping like crazy, and
when we weren’t doing that, we were planning our annual Elliot Christmas Eve
party.

We Elliot’s were famous for our Christmas Eve party; everyone on
the beach was invited, and even some of our crazy family from Mobile would show
up.

Three days before the party, we spent a marathon day grocery
shopping. We filled the back of my daddy’s suburban to the brim. As we unloaded
it into the house, I had visions of massive food prep in my head. I had
forgotten the amount of work that went into this party, but it all came rushing
back to me. My momma kept saying how happy she was to have me home this year to
help.

I told her I was glad to be home, too.

“I don’t think you are, baby girl. I think you left your heart in
Chicago.”

Her response surprised me. “Momma, of course I’m happy to be
home.”

“Ava Mae, you’re about as happy as your daddy is when I take him
to the mall. Or more like when he gets the credit card bill.”

I laughed. “I’m sorry, momma, I’m trying.”

She walked over to me, and she hugged me tight. “I know you are.”

I hugged her tighter. “I just don’t know what to do. I’ve never
felt this empty and lost before. I literally feel like I lost a part of myself,
a part I can never get back. It was a part that was created out of loving him.
My best and truest self and now it’s all gone and I ache for it. I ache for
him.” I couldn’t help it, the tears came.

My momma pulled back and faced me. We were almost the exact same
height. She wiped my tears, and she had some of her own now, too. “Ava Mae, I
wish I had all the answers and I wish I could kiss it and put a Band-Aid on it
and make it all better for you.”

“You mean you lied to me all those years about magic Band-Aids?”

We both laughed through our tears.

We worked up a sweat bringing in and organizing our haul for the
day. The next few days would be spent in the kitchen making magic out of all
the food we had purchased. Thankfully my momma had already decorated the house
before I came. It looked amazing, as always. She was up to five Christmas trees
now, and I thought the ships in the ocean might have mistaken our house for the
light house, but it was a beautiful sight to behold. The only decorating that
needed to be done was around the pool area; my daddy and my brother would be
putting up the party lights tomorrow. They were also bringing in portable
heaters, just in case. We had so many people come to this thing; we needed the
extra party space our pool area and patio provided. Inevitably, though, someone
always got a little crazy and ended up in the pool, usually fully clothed. One
year we had someone get real crazy and we all got a show. I was fifteen, and
boy did I get a male anatomy lesson that night. Funny enough, we don’t even
serve alcohol at this party.

My daddy was still spoiling me, so he drove over an hour and a
half round trip into Florida to get me my favorite pizza. Florida’s Pizza
Kitchen was amazing. Even Tucker came over to have some. While we were enjoying
our pizza, the doorbell rang. I started to get up and get it, but my Daddy
stood up. “I got it, sweet girl.”

Yeah, I was spoiled.

Tucker mocked me like he was still ten. “How come no one in this
family calls me ‘Sweet Boy’?” he joked.

Both my Mom and I laughed at him. In the midst of our laughter, my
dad came back, and he had someone with him. We all immediately quit laughing.

“Scott?”