Other Side of the Wall (10 page)

I
wrapped her in a blanket and showed Peter how to hold her. While he rocked her,
I made a couple more bottles, put them in the fridge, and wrote down
instructions on how to warm them up. I verbally warned him not to make them too
warm. I also wrote down the name and number of a good pediatrician, just in
case. I told him the fever wasn’t worrisome but to keep an eye on it. I left
him with my infant ear thermometer, and I showed him how to use it.

As
I watched him rock Gia, I was again reminded that life really sucked sometimes.
Peter looked up at me, and I turned away and looked at Scott who sat staring at
me, not saying a word. Gia quickly fell asleep in her dad’s arms, and I was
more than ready to go. Peter thanked me profusely. I couldn’t leave before
giving him the do’s and don’ts of where to and how to place sleeping babies. I
admit I was acting like a paranoid mother, but he clearly didn’t know what he
was doing. I was surprised Stacy had left Gia with him, but she was probably
desperate.

As
Scott and I made our way to the door, I paused and looked back. “Peter, I’m
glad you’re trying to be part of Gia’s life.”

He
looked at me with regret. “Ava, I…” But he didn’t finish. And in the end, it
wouldn’t have mattered what he was going to say.

I
couldn’t say goodbye quickly enough.

By
the time we got into the elevator, I was emotionally drained. Without a word,
Scott wrapped me up in his arms and held me all the way down. I felt safe and
warm in those arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.

He
held my hand as we walked toward his car. I still didn’t say anything. We
approached the passenger side and before he opened the door, he backed me up
against the car and leaned toward me. “After watching you tonight, I feel like
a jerk. I forget that you have loss to deal with too. I really am sorry. I was
way out of line today and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to see me
anymore.”

I
looked into his sincere eyes. “I’m thinking about it.”

I
think that surprised him.

“Really?”
he said.

“Scott,
I feel like I’m never going to be enough for you. You know how you say I hold
back part of me physically? You do that emotionally.”

I
couldn’t help it, a stupid tear fell. I was so done crying over men.

He
softly wiped my cheek. “Ava, you’re more than I deserve. I know that,
especially watching you tonight take care of your ex-husband’s baby. You’re
amazing. Please don’t give up on us just yet.” He smiled down at me. “If you
do, my family may disown me.”

I
smiled.

He
touched my lip gently. “There’s the smile I love so much.”

I
just shook my head. He pulled me close and rested his chin on the top of my
head. “Do you want to grab some take-out and go back to your place where we can
talk and be completely emotionally available to one another?”

I
couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his cheesiness, but I was hungry. I hadn’t been
able to eat earlier; I was too upset.

“Sounds
great,” I replied.

He
grinned and then kissed me hard, once, before helping me into his car. On the
way over to the Indian restaurant I kept thinking,
I hope I’m making the
right decision
. It’s not like I really wanted Scott out of my life, I
honestly wanted him more in, but I would be foolish to think this couldn’t end
badly. I already had one failed marriage to my credit. And to be honest, my
feelings for Scott ran deeper than they had for Peter in the ways that counted.
Scott was truly my friend. Yes, physically I was attracted to him, but I loved
his sincerity and his mind even more. And there were times when Jenna wasn’t
present and I knew it was only me he cared for. I loved those moments. In those
moments, I couldn’t ever see myself with anyone else.

We
pulled up to the restaurant, and he looked over to me. “Come here.”

I
leaned toward him; he met me in the middle.

He
kissed my forehead and then worked his way down to my lips, where he just
sweetly brushed them with his own. “Ava, have I told you lately how beautiful
and talented you are? Today I’ve watched you be an interior designer and then a
nurse, seriously you’re amazing.”

“Are
you just trying to get on my good side?”

He
lightly laughed. “Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

“Good,
because it’s all true.”

We
came back to my place with coconut chicken and chicken tikka masala. We ate at
my coffee table as we watched some ridiculous reality T.V. show that reminded
me why I hardly watched T.V.

Scott
fed me some of his coconut chicken, and I set his mouth on fire with my tikka
masala. I teased him that I liked my food like I liked my men…hot. He liked
that. We talked until early in the morning. I loved that no matter how much
time we spent together, we could always find something to talk about. Our last
topic of conversation centered on me losing my youth.

 “What
do you want to do for your ‘big’ birthday next week?”

“Could
we please not refer to it as my ‘big’ birthday?” I smiled sleepily.

“Ok,
what do you want to do for your miniscule birthday?”

“Ha,
ha. I don’t know, I guess I haven’t thought about it.” I placed my palm on his
cheek. “But as long as you’re there, I’ll be happy.”

He
grabbed my hand and kissed the palm. “Done.”

“Now
I know it will be perfect.”

Chapter 11

My
thirtieth birthday was perfect. Scott involved his family and made sure he
covered all his bases from dinner to cake and ice cream to the gifts. First he
came up with this elaborate scavenger hunt at the aquarium that led me to my
gifts. I loved it, but Scott was serious when it came to the scavenger hunt, and
I had to employ all my brain power to figure out each clue. The last clue led
us to his office. There on his desk sat two wrapped gifts. He sat me on his
chair and handed me the first gift; they both looked professionally wrapped or
Myrna-wrapped. I carefully unwrapped the paper and lifted the square box lid. I
discovered the contents were every movie, in Blu-ray, that we had seen at the
park that summer together, starting with “Return to Me” and ending with “Lake
House” and everything in between. I adored them and the memories. When he came
to take the box out of my hand, I pulled him down to me and kissed him hard and
thanked him.

He
grinned. “Wow, that wasn’t even the best gift.”

Next
he handed me a large rectangular shaped package. “This reminded me of you.” It
was a beautiful hand-painted picture that quoted Shakespeare, “Though she be
but little, she is fierce.”

I
teared up. It was beautiful and thoughtful.

He
noticed my tears. “I think she likes it.”

I
stood up and gently placed the picture on his desk. He was leaning against his
desk. I placed myself directly in front of him and looked up into those
beautifully framed eyes. “It’s perfect.” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed
him.

He
wrapped me up tight. “Happy Birthday, Ava.”

The
birthday didn’t end there either. He took me to his parent’s home where his mom
went overboard and decorated the whole house in streamers and balloons for the
occasion. She made a totally southern meal of fried chicken and corn on the cob.
She even tried her hand at cheesy grits, and she made homemade corn bread. It
was fabulous. I felt like I had gone home.

To
top it off, she made a chocolate layered cake with chocolate mousse frosting.
It was amazing. Scott insisted that thirty candles be placed on it. I was
surprised the fire alarm didn’t go off. He laughed when I failed to blow them
all out at once, but I told him there would be paybacks when he turned thirty-five
the next year. He said he looked forward to it. I loved that we planned to be
together then. His family spoiled me with gifts too. I got free haircut coupons,
my favorite perfume, and Nick even brought me flowers. I thought the flowers
were sweet, but I think Scott found it suspicious. Seriously, Nick did nothing
for me. In fact, I kept having the urge to tell Scott I loved him. I wasn’t
sure where it was coming from. I had been careful about that particular
feeling, but I found I couldn’t control it. I didn’t say it, but I sure
recognized it. I did love him, but I held back. Yes, we had had a very good
week. He tried very hard to be emotionally available and present, but I didn’t
want to rock the boat, so I held on to my little secret.

The
only person I couldn’t hide it from was his mom. I wasn’t sure how she knew,
but the next week when we had lunch, she totally called me on it. I didn’t deny
it; I just asked how she knew.

Her
face erupted in a Cheshire grin. “Sweetheart, if you could only see your face
when you see my Scotty. It just screams love.” She took my hands in hers. “I
know you’ve had your ups and downs and I know Scotty isn’t the easiest person
sometimes, so your secret is safe with me, but I’m hoping I don’t have to keep
it for too long. You don’t know how happy you’ve made me!”

I
warned her, though, that I wasn’t sure he felt the same way and that those
feelings may not be welcome to him. I mean, the man was still surrounded by
pictures of him and Jenna. I know it irritated his mother, but they
had
been married.

She
threw her hands up in disgust. “Ava, he would be a special kind of stupid to
not be in love with you.”

“I’m
not the only woman in his life, Myrna.”

“Oi”
she said. “You’re the only living and breathing one, and he was never this
happy with Jenna.”

I
grabbed her hand. “Myrna, just promise me that no matter what happens between
Scott and me that it won’t interfere with your relationship with him.”

She
looked at me funny. “You are such a good girl.”

She
didn’t promise, but it was the best I was going to get.

October
was a fabulous month. The weather was perfect and mild, except at night when it
was a little chilly, but that was just extra incentive to cuddle up. Scott and
I were pretty much inseparable. Scott even took me up to this orchard in
Wisconsin one weekend, and we picked apples and went on a hayride. On the way
back we stopped by a pumpkin patch and picked our own pumpkins. We had a
carving contest with his family, and Scott won, hands down, with his carving of
a dolphin. Who knew he was that talented? His mom taught me how to make her
apple pie and caramel apples. I had a feeling I would be exercising more if I
continued to hang out with the Langston’s. His mom had some serious baking
skills.

Scott
was having more good days than bad days. I knew Jenna loved the fall and, once
in a while, he would comment on it. I tried to be patient and loving and
supportive when he did. He also had a hard time when his new furniture arrived
right before Halloween. I loved getting new furniture, but for him it was just
another reminder he was moving on. I had found this great wooden ship’s wheel
that would look great on his wall. I bought it to surprise him with on the day
his furniture arrived. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as I had hoped, but you win
some and you lose some.

I
thought the new furniture looked fabulous, and it was much more his style than
the blah furniture it replaced. I kept trying to be enthusiastic about it in
hopes it would rub off on him. No such luck. I finally gave up and kissed him
goodnight.

But
before I walked out the door, he held up an envelope. “Ava, I received a letter
in the mail today from your hospital. They are offering a bereavement group for
people who have lost their significant others. I think I’m going to go.”

“I
think that’s a great idea. Goodnight.”

You
know, to this day I wished I could have taken back those words. It was honestly
the worst idea ever. Not because of the group, or even the counselor that led
it. I actually knew Dr. Heard, and I respected her. No, it was because after he
started attending the group, there was a grieving, scheming widow in our lives
named Beth.

At
first, she was a minor annoyance. I had never met her, but I was annoyed when
Scott would say things like, “Ava, you have no idea what it’s like to finally
have someone to talk to that knows exactly how I feel.”

I
wanted to say, “What have I been to you all these months?” It kind of hurt. I
mean, I get that my husband didn’t die, but I felt like I did great job
empathizing with him.

So
November came in like a lion and out like a cyclone. It started with Scott
getting the flu. I had told him to get his flu shot, but he didn’t listen,
because who didn’t believe in them? Jenna, that’s who. Here she had an
auto-immune disease, and she refused to take medical advice. I found out, too,
that the reason her illness spiraled out-of-control so quickly was that she
refused to take any of the medications prescribed to her, and she regularly
missed doctor appointments. She wanted to take a more homeopathic route. Don’t
get me wrong, I believe some people rely too heavily on prescription
medications; they come in and think a pill will just fix it, but instead what
they really need is a healthy diet and exercise. But then there are people like
Jenna who completely ignore sound medical advice. I was just so shocked that
Scott couldn’t have convinced her. He is a man of science, after all, and he
obviously loved her. She could have at least done it for him.

Scott
sounded horrible on the phone, so I decided to get over my annoyance with his
new found friend and make him some lemon orzo chicken soup and take care of
him. I also got him an assortment of over-the-counter flu remedies and things
like ibuprofen and cough drops. I even made freshly squeezed orange juice
because I loved him, even though he was making it difficult for me to. I loaded
up my basket and brought my medical bag too. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t
getting any secondary infections, like pneumonia, which are common with the
flu.

I
let myself into his darkened home. He had given me a key, just in case. And he
had one for my house, you know, just in case. Like a true man, he acted like
death while lying on his couch. He barely raised his head when I entered.

“Ava,
I told you not to come over. I don’t want you to get sick.”

I
sat next to him on the couch. “You know I work with sick people all day long,
and unlike you, I got my flu shot.”

“Yeah,
maybe I’ll rethink that for next year.”

“That’s
a good idea.” I touched his brow, and he was quite warm. I kissed his forehead.
“I would say 102.”

“You
can tell my temperature by kissing my forehead?”

“Yes,
it’s one of my many nurse superpowers, but if you don’t believe me, I’ll prove
it to you.” I got out my oral thermometer with new protective covering, and I
had him open up so I could place it under his tongue. As soon as it beeped I
took it out and read it. “102.1”

He
tried to laugh, but failed miserably. “I hope you’re not kissing all of your
patients.”

I
winked. “Only the cute ones.”

Next
I got out my stethoscope. I tried to warm it up before I placed it on his
chest. “This may feel cold against your overly warm skin.” I reached up his
shirt, which is something I had never done, and medically speaking, it was quite
nice. He had a toned chest with some chest hair. I bet it looked nice. I told
him to breathe in and out slowly.

“What
are you checking for?” he asked.

“I
just want to make sure I don’t hear a Velcro sound, that’s a sign of pneumonia.
You sound good, but your heart rate is a little high.”

He
managed to reach up and touch my cheek. “That’s because your hand is up my
shirt.”

I
smiled. “I’m glad I can still raise your heart rate.”

“Ava,
believe me, my heart rate increases frequently around you.”

“If
you weren’t so sick, I think I may just kiss you.”

“Incentive
for me to get well,” he replied.

I
touched his warm cheek. I got up and took the food to the kitchen. I prepared a
tray with soup and juice and brought it back to him.

“Can
you sit up?”

He
slowly sat up. He really did look miserable. First I handed him some ibuprofen,
with some juice to swallow it, for the fever and aches. He hesitated, but I
insisted. Jenna wasn’t here anymore. I told him he should drink the rest of the
juice; he needed to push the fluids. I also gave him a mucous reducer. Then I
placed the tray on his lap with the soup. While he slowly ate, I cleaned up for
him. I had never seen his house this messy. Normally he was a pretty clean guy.
I mean, it wasn’t a pig sty or anything, but for him it was unusual.

After
I started his dishwasher, I came and sat down next to him again. He had eaten
most of the soup. I removed the tray and told him to lie back down and get some
rest. I kissed him once more on the forehead.

“Ava,
what would I do without you?”

“I
would like to think you would live a sad, miserable existence without me for
company.”

He
closed his eyes. “That about sums it up.”

I
kissed his warm skin once more. “Rest. I’ll stay in case you need anything.”

He
smiled and quickly drifted off to sleep.

I
had brought a book to read. I always liked to read
A Christmas Carol
by
Dickens during the holiday months, and I figured this was as good a time as any
to start. I curled up on his new blue chair with an afghan and the book. I
frequently looked over at my patient, the man that I loved, the man that
frustrated me like no other. Sometimes I thought for sure we would stay
together, I could easily picture us being married, but at other times I just
knew we were in for a bad ending. I tried not to think like that. I hoped the
bereavement classes would help propel us in the right direction, but it seemed
to have the opposite effect, or maybe it was just his new friend Beth. I just
had an uneasy feeling about her. I hadn’t met her, but it was the way Scott
talked about her sometimes. She sounded very needy, and he seemed to thrive on
that.

I
read a few chapters and nodded off myself. I awoke to Scott coughing loudly. I
got him some water, and he was able to go back to sleep. I got up with him a
couple more times through the night to give him more medicine or get him
something to drink. Each time he expressed his gratitude for me.

When
morning came, I was actually awoken by him sitting on the ottoman in front of
the oversized chair I was curled up on. He was stroking my cheek and looking at
me sweetly.