Other Side of the Wall (5 page)

Scott
and I always had a great time together. We laughed frequently, but he kept up
his barriers, and I had no intention of breaking them down. Only he could do
that. But I had hoped I would eventually have been enticing enough for some of
the barriers to come down.

I
guess in the end he wanted to spend time with me because I was safe. He could
never have deep feelings for me because I was so not what he wanted in a
partner. I was just a fun friend. By the end of the summer, I gave up on Scott
ever seeing me differently, and I decided I should start thinking about dating
again. My mom had been trying to convince me for a while to get back on that
horse. She reminded me I wasn’t getting any younger and she still wanted
grandchildren. I never told her of my fondness for Scott, she just knew we were
friends, that we saw an awful lot of each other, and that I liked him.

While
I contemplated getting back into the game, I still saw Scott on almost a daily
basis. At the end of August Scott asked me if I wanted to attend a class he was
teaching at the Lincoln Park Zoo. He sometimes did educational classes for
children there. I liked seeing him in action, so I agreed. I had no idea I
would be getting more than an education that day.

Peter
had been becoming more and more a distant memory for me; he hadn’t contacted me,
and I was so busy with work and Scott that I rarely gave him a thought any more.
But unfortunately life sometimes has a way of reminding you of the past.

Peter
had two older sisters, Tonia and Carla. Both of them, along with their mother,
Piera, hated me. Piera means stone or cold in Italian, and it fit her to a tee,
except where her precious baby son was concerned. I had had plenty of visits
from all three of those women after Peter and I split up. They couldn’t believe
I wouldn’t give Peter another chance. His mother even had the nerve to tell me
that all men stray, and I was the selfish one not to give him another chance.
She had had to do the same with Peter’s dad, so I guess that made it ok. I
never could understand that reasoning.

Both
Tonia and Carla still lived at home. Tonia had a seven year old son, Daniel. He
was a hellion. I love kids and hope to have several someday, but this kid was a
terror. I hated when they came to visit; inevitably something would end up
broken, and I was never allowed to say anything about it. Unfortunately, the
only male influence Daniel had was Peter, which didn’t give me much hope for
him. To top it off, his mom and aunt and grandmother only encouraged his bad
behavior, and they were just as loud and obnoxious.

Believe
me when I say I would be more than thrilled if I never ever saw any of these
people again. They had been nothing but belittling and horrid to me. Chicago was
a big place, and I had never just run into any of them by happenstance. That
was until that Saturday in August. I had just helped Scott finish setting up
his presentation. He was teaching about the life cycle and eco patterns in the
ocean. I was totally turned on by his mind. Anyway, that’s when the kids and
their parents and guardians began filling up the outdoor classroom. And that’s
when Peter and Daniel walked in. I was still at the front with Scott when I
noticed. I could immediately feel my heart rate change and the color rise in my
cheeks. He was the last person on earth I wanted to see.

Without
thinking, I grabbed Scott’s hand. Thankfully he didn’t pull away. That would
have only made the situation worse, but he knew something was wrong.

“What’s
wrong, Ava?” he asked.

At
that moment, Peter and I locked eyes. At first his eyes lit up at seeing me,
but then he noticed my hand in Scott’s, and then he scowled.

Scott
noticed where I was looking, and he recognized Peter. “It’s ok, Ava. Just breathe,”
he whispered in my ear. He squeezed my hand. “Look at me.”

I
turned toward him and he smiled. I instantly felt better. He just had this way
of making everything better. I smiled back at him.

“You
have this, Ava.”

I
had expected him to ask me if I wanted to leave, but he surprised me by giving
me something better: not an out, but a realization of my strength. I took a
deep breath. “You’re right.”

He
squeezed my hand once more. “Take your seat. I expect you to be my top pupil
today.”

He
released my hand, and I made my way to the front row of the amphitheater-type
seating. I sat and kept my focus on Scott. He frequently glanced my way and
smiled. Just as I was feeling better, Peter decided it was a good idea to sit
behind me.

He
leaned forward. “Ciao Bellissima.”

His
Italian and compliments no longer charmed me. I rolled my eyes. “Hi.”

“I’m
surprised to see you with our married neighbor, Ava,” he whispered in my ear.

I
turned around to face the jerk. “Not that it’s any of your business, but his
wife passed away several months ago and we’re just friends and there is no ‘our’
anymore.”

He
smirked. I hated when he did that.

“You
didn’t look like just friends.”

“The
man misses his wife Peter.”

He
touched my cheek, and I turned away.

“I
miss my wife too.”

“I’m
not your wife.”

Before
Peter could disagree, Daniel came bounding up as obnoxious and loud as ever.

“Say
hi to your aunt, Daniel,” Peter said.

“My
mom says she’s not my aunt anymore,” Daniel responded.

That
was fine with me, but I did say hi to him and told him he was getting big and
handsome. Then I promptly turned around and ignored them both. Scott looked my
way and smiled before he began. I winked at him. Surprisingly, he winked back. But
I noticed the glare directed above me. I didn’t have to guess who that was for.

Scott’s
presentation went off without a hitch. He really was amazing. The kids were eating
out of the palm of his hand. I tried to soak in as much as possible, in case he
quizzed me later. Every time we were together I seemed to learn something new.
It was like going to college, but a lot more fun and a lot less expensive. The
only drawback today was the idiotic comments being made under his breath by
Peter. Sometimes he felt the need to lean up and whisper them in my ear. I
ignored him, hoping he would get the hint and leave me alone.

Scott
saved me, though, at the end. “I have someone I would like to thank today for
helping me.” He came out to the audience and asked me to stand. He told
everyone my name, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he emphasized my last name of
Elliot; he directly looked at Peter when he said it. He explained that I had
helped him with the graphics and the handouts, which I had, but I didn’t expect
public acknowledgement. Embarrassedly, he asked everyone to give me a round of
applause. Then he asked me to come to the front and help him pass out the
handouts we had worked on together. I sneaked a peek at Peter, and he was
fuming.

I
still didn’t get him. We were divorced, but when we were married, he didn’t
seem to want me. Why did he want me back now? It didn’t matter; I didn’t want
him, I wanted someone else I couldn’t have.

I
helped Scott pass out the handouts, and several kids wanted to talk to Scott
about the presentation and his job. Being a marine biologist was apparently
pretty neat stuff. I was actually in total agreement. While Scott was detained
by his little fans, Peter took that as his opportunity to try and engage me in
conversation.

“Ava,
I’ve missed you.”

He
was like a broken record. I just shook my head.

“Are
you seeing anybody?”

“That’s
none of your concern, Peter.”

“Just
so you know, I’m not seeing anyone and I would love it if you would agree to
just go on one date with me.”

I
tried to keep my anger in check. “You know who you should be seeing?” I
whispered.

He
smiled. “You.”

“No.
You should be seeing your daughter, Gia.”

His
face turned red, and I knew he was upset, but he was trying to keep his
composure. He couldn’t even speak.  

No
matter.  “Stacy and Gia came to see me several weeks ago.”

Peter
swore and called Stacy something I will not repeat.

“Peter,
she’s the mother of your child and she deserves your support and respect.”

“I
take care of Gia.”

“No,
you send a check, there’s a difference. You know she looks just like you.”

His
features softened a bit.

“Peter,
be the father Gia deserves and the one I know you can be.”

I
left him looking dumfounded and made my way to Scott, who was thoughtfully
looking my way. When I reached his side, he grinned. “I was just about ready to
come and rescue you.”

I
curtsied. “This damsel fared well on her own, kind Sir.”

He
dramatically bowed in front of me and I laughed.

Chapter 5

The
temperatures and the humidity began to drop as we neared the end of summer. I
actually enjoyed the autumn weather in Chicago, but I knew it was a precursor
to winter, and I abhorred the winter. For a moment, I thought maybe I should
fly south for the winter and stay, but then I thought about Scott and I put
that thought on hold.

September
dawned and I found myself being asked out by an Oncologist for dinner. I
couldn’t think of reason to turn him down other than my very friendly feelings
toward my neighbor who loved his wife, so I agreed. But as soon as I said, yes,
I had this feeling like I was being unfaithful. I know it sounds dumb. Scott
and I were just friends, even though we spent most of our free time together,
but some friends are just like that. He didn’t know I was attracted to him and
I wanted to be more than friends. He had not signaled he wanted anything more
than friendship; in fact, lately he had been talking more about Jenna. I
noticed the last time I was in his house there were photo albums and old
yearbooks laying around like he had been pouring over them. She had only been
dead six months and what he was doing was natural and normal, but selfishly, I
wanted him to work through it already and see me differently. I wanted him to
take off his wedding ring. I wanted him to see that even though I was her
opposite, we were a good match. But, I was smart enough to know that it
probably wasn’t going to happen, so I kept my date with Dr. Micah Novalis.

The
night of my date I dressed up in a new red wrap around dress. I had finally
done a major shopping trip and an overhaul of my wardrobe, my mom would be
proud. Southern women knew how to shop and accessorize. I was pretty sure it
was hereditary. I had just finished the final touches on my hair when there was
a knock on my door. My date was early and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
He was already a little too eager for my taste.

I
opened the door, annoyed, only to find I wasn’t annoyed at all. It was Scott
and it looked like he had just gotten off work.

His
eyes got wide when he looked at me. “Ava, you look … Um, you look … What I mean
to say is uh, wow.”

I
waited until he was done stammering. “Thanks, I think.”

His
face turned a little red. “Ok, you look gorgeous.”

He
was always careful about talking about my physical appearance ever since that
night he kissed me. I really wished he would kiss me again. Like right now.

I
smiled. “Better.”

“So
what’s the occasion?”

I
bit my lip and thought about lying. I don’t know why. I hated liars, and I
never wanted to lie to Scott, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell him I
had a date. I knew he didn’t care, but still.

He
kept looking at me expectantly.

I
sighed. “I have a date.”

His
face dropped. “Oh.”

“Is
there something wrong with that?”

I
so badly wanted him to say yes, because I would have called off the date in a
nanosecond for him.

“Of
course not,” he answered. “Have a great time. I’ll see you later.” And just like
that he walked off.

I
slammed the door harder than I should. I was such a fool. I was in no mood to
go out to dinner with Dr. Novalis, but it was too late to cancel now. I don’t
even know why I said yes in the first place. He wasn’t even my type. He
reminded me of a California beach boy with his golden blonde hair and over-tanned
skin. It was odd to me that an Oncologist would be so tan. You would think he
would be more concerned about skin cancer. Believe me, I was all for being in
the sun, but he seemed to overdo it. But who was I to judge? I think I was just
upset he wasn’t Scott.

Micah
took me to a cozy little Italian restaurant in the heart of downtown. After my
ex-husband, I wasn’t a huge fan of Italian places, but whatever, I just wanted
to get this date over with. Micah was polite and attentive and even pulled out
my chair for me, but I couldn’t get my mind off of Scott. The date was like
most first dates, nice and superficial. For me there weren’t any sparks. This was
what I would a call a “one and done.” After dinner he asked if I wanted to stop
somewhere for dessert. I told him I had had a long day and I was full from
dinner. He seemed disappointed, but I just wanted to be home.

Micah
pulled up to my house, and he insisted on walking me up to the door. I really
didn’t want him to, but my Mom’s voice kept entering my head to let a man be a
gentleman. I hadn’t dealt with the door scene in a long time; this was the
first date I had been on post-Peter. Though, I had to admit, I’d been on some
pretty great non-dates with Scott. My rule was never to kiss on a first date. I
know I broke that rule with Scott, but technically that wasn’t a date.

To
my horror, we were walking up my steps while Scott was walking up his. It
looked like he had just gone for a run. He looked amazing, sweat and all. But
he didn’t look happy to see me, and that was confusing and hurtful. I turned
from him and back to Micah who was yammering on about what a great time he had
and could he call me again sometime. I didn’t know what to say. He was a nice
guy, but I honestly had no interest in him. And I felt awkward; I knew Scott
hadn’t gone in. From the corner of my eye I could see he was still on his porch
stretching and paying attention to what was happening on my porch.

When
I didn’t answer right away, Micah went in for the kill, I quickly turned my
head and he kissed my cheek. I swear I heard Scott chuckle. It wasn’t funny,
and I wasn’t amused.

I
quickly said goodnight to an embarrassed Micah. He took off quickly. I looked
over at Scott and glared at him like this was all his fault. His face
registered consternation, but he didn’t say anything, and I didn’t say anything
to him as we both stared at each other for a moment. After several seconds, I
opened my door and slammed it for the second time that night. I think I heard
his slam too.

I
wasn’t sure what had just happened, but I cried. I hadn’t cried in weeks, but I
curled up on my couch and sobbed. I eventually cried myself right to sleep. I
woke up on the couch; I felt stiff and my neck hurt. I had slept on it wrong,
and I was still in my stupid red dress. I went upstairs and immediately turned
on my shower. I looked in the mirror. I looked like heck. My eyes were swollen
and puffy, and my mascara had run a little. I hoped I didn’t get any on my
couch. I took a long hot shower and tried to relax my muscles, but it wasn’t
working. I couldn’t believe I was allowing myself to get so wound up over
another man that was emotionally unavailable. I thought I was such a smart
woman, but apparently not when it came to men.

Maybe
it was dumb to have fallen for Scott, but we fit so well together. We could
talk for hours on end about everything and nothing. Then there was the way I
felt when I was around him. I felt peaceful and like I was home. There was a
comfort that existed when I was with him that I had never experienced before.

As
I contemplated my feelings for Scott, I got ready for the day and commenced my
usual Saturday chores and grocery shopping. I kept waiting for Scott to call or
come over; he usually did on Saturdays. Sometimes we would ride our bikes to
the farmers market or we would go to the grocery store together, each pushing
our separate carts. We typically had lunch together during our outings, but he
never called and I never saw him. I didn’t even hear him on the other side of
the wall we shared. It was Labor Day weekend, so maybe he went out of town. He
hadn’t mentioned anything, but all I knew was he wasn’t with me. I guess I
could have called him or knocked on his door, but the look he had given me
confused me, it was like he was upset with me and I couldn’t figure out why.

Sunday
came and went and still no Scott. Monday dawned too early. I had to work.
Holidays were a busy time for the ER since regular doctor’s offices were closed
and people for some reason just did dumb things on holidays. This particular
holiday was no exception, we were overwhelmed with patients. I saw everything
from broken bones to burns from barbecue grills and alcohol poisoning. We were
so busy I ended up staying later than normal. It was ok; at least it kept my
mind off my absentee neighbor. I wondered if we were going to go back to
avoiding each other; I hoped not. I missed him, even if I couldn’t have him the
way I wanted him. I still wanted him in my life. He was one of the best friends
I had ever had. I don’t know anyone that had ever compared to him other than my
family.

When
I got home I noticed it was quite noisy at Scott’s house, and there were a few
cars parked in front that I didn’t recognize. It sounded like he was having a
party. It was odd, he was usually such a quiet person, and I admit I was hurt
that I hadn’t been invited. Oh well, it had been a very long day. I showered and
changed quickly into some old running shorts and a t-shirt. Then I came
downstairs to get something to eat while I let my hair air dry. I was too tired
to cook, so I just made a bowl of cereal to eat. There was barely some daylight
still out and I had been stuck inside all day, so I walked out onto my deck to
enjoy some of the last warm evenings of the season and to get some fresh air.
As I sat there taking in the evening and eating my raisin bran, I heard Scott’s
back door open. I instinctively turned expecting to see Scott, but instead I
was greeted by a boisterous red-headed woman holding a tray of meat.

“Hello,”
she said.

I
returned her greeting.

She
introduced herself as Myrna Langston, Scott’s mom.

She
was not what I expected at all. “It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Ava Elliot.”

Her
eyes got big. “Ava! Well, I have certainly heard a lot about you.”

“Really?”

Her
smile widened. “Oh yes, sweetheart.”

I
instantly liked her. She seemed like a lot of fun.

She
turned back toward Scott’s patio door.  “Jerry, come here. Quickly!”

I
didn’t know who Jerry was, but I waited to find out. A tired looking man came
out, but I could see Scott in him almost immediately. I’m pretty sure Jerry was
Scott’s dad. He was graying, and he had a little bit of a beer belly, but his
facial structure was similar to Scott’s. When he smiled at me, I really saw
Scott. I smiled back.

“Jerry
this is Ava, you know, Ava,” she said in her thick Chicago accent.

“Myrna,
I know who Ava is.” He looked at me and smiled warmly.

I
wasn’t sure how he knew me, but ok.

I
stood up and walked to the edge of my deck. I felt a little ridiculous as my
hair was a mess, I wasn’t wearing make-up, and I wasn’t in the most flattering
of clothes. I reached across and shook both of their hands and told them how
nice it was to meet them. Oddly, they both beamed at me.

Myrna
looked at my cereal bowl. “You’re not having cereal for dinner, are you sweetheart?”

I
looked down at the soggy raisin bran. “Yes, ma’am.”

She
smacked Jerry’s arm. “Isn’t that adorable, listen to her yes ma’am and that
accent.”

I
smiled. Jerry seemed a little embarrassed, but like he was used to his wife.

She
shook her head at me. “I don’t think that will do, we were just about ready to
grill these steaks and I brought plenty of food, we would love it if you joined
us.”

I
was just about to answer, but then Scott came out. He was surprised to see me.
He kind of froze and didn’t say anything. I could feel my cheeks redden. His
parents looked between the two of us as we uncomfortably stared at each other
and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what was wrong. I wanted to know why he
was avoiding me again, but now was not the time to find out.

I
turned to his Mom. “Thanks for the invitation, but it’s been a long day. It was
really nice to meet both of you.”

They
both looked disappointed.

I
quickly said goodnight as I made my escape. Scott never said a word. I entered
my house and looked at my half eaten mushy cereal and sighed. I dumped the
remainder in the sink, and then I began to scrub the sink with a vengeance. I
liked to clean when I was upset. Just as I got my stainless steel sink to shine,
my doorbell rang. I assumed it was a solicitor as I wasn’t expecting anyone, so
I didn’t answer it. I wasn’t in any mood to deal with someone trying to sell me
something I didn’t need. Then there was a knock on my door. I thought,
go
away already
. Sheesh. But then I heard a familiar voice.  

“Ava,
I know you’re home, please open up.”

So
now he was talking to me. I waited. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him right
then. I was tired and a mess; it wasn’t a good combination.

He
knocked again. “Come on, Ava.”

I
reluctantly walked to my door and opened it.

He
smiled when I opened the door.

I
just glared at him. “What do you want?”

He
still smiled. “My family really wants you to come have dinner with us.”