Other Side of the Wall (16 page)

“Is
that why you’re here?”

He
touched my cheek. “No, I didn’t need your ex-husband to tell me that. I already
had plans to come, I just moved up the timeframe.”

“When
were you going to come?”

“After
I fixed myself.” He sort of laughed. “But I knew that was going to take too
long. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind taking a fixer-upper knowing that I’m
better with you than without.”

I
looked into those sincere blue eyes. “I don’t know, Scott. I know the kind of
work that goes into fixer-uppers, and what happens at the end when I don’t get
a return on my investment.”

“Who
says there has to be an end?”

“Scott,
according to you we didn’t even have a beginning.”

He
gave me a pained look. “Ava, if I could go back and re-do Thanksgiving, I
would. Honestly, there are lots of things I would re-do, but I can’t. But, I’m
here and I love you and I’m working through my problems with Dr. Heard one on
one.”

That
tidbit surprised me, but it made me very happy
.

“I
like Dr. Heard.”

 “Yes,
she likes you too and, off the record, she said I was a real dope to let you
go.”

I
grinned. “So is that her clinical diagnosis of you? Dope?”

He
winked. “Something like that.”

“Are
you still going to the bereavement group?” I asked hesitantly.

“No,
Ava, nor am I associating with anyone from it.” He wickedly grinned. “That’s
what you really wanted to know, right?”

Just
then dinner arrived. It was perfect timing. I ignored Scott’s last comment, but
he kissed me sweetly on the side of my head. “I know, Ava. Be…”

I
didn’t let him finish her name. I never wanted to hear that psycho’s name ever
again.

He
looked at me thoughtfully. “She was a serious lapse of judgment, you were
completely right about her. Can you ever forgive me?”

I
smiled coyly. “I’ll think about it.”

He
kissed my head sweetly again, and then we began to eat; it was fabulous, but
the conversation was much more pleasant. We talked about his family, what they
were doing for Christmas, and all the Langston family traditions like
snowmobiling and midnight mass. I thought maybe someday I would get to be part
of them if we could work this all out.

I
was glad to hear he was seeing Dr. Heard. I know for some women that would be a
turn off or they would see it as a sign of weakness, but not me. I saw it as a
strength, and it gave me hope that maybe he really did love me.

On
the way back to the car, Scott kept me close with his arm around me. It was
actually colder than normal, so sharing Scott’s body heat was a definite plus.
Ok, and I liked being close to him. When we got to the car, I looked up at him.
“Thanks for dinner.”

He
bent down and kissed me ever so lightly. “I hope this isn’t the end of the evening.”

“No
way, you still have some explaining to do.”

He
gave me a wry smile.

“I
know it’s kind of cool out, but do you want to take a walk on the beach?” I
offered up.

“That
sounds nice but…,” he said as he embraced me. “I’m thinking you and me in the
hot tub together sounds better.”

“Oh,
you think so?”

“Definitely.
Why I never took you swimming before, or anywhere you needed to wear a swimsuit,
is beyond me. I’ve been missing out for months.”

I
playfully smacked him.

“You
know my parents can see that hot tub from their window.”

“I
know, and as hard as it may be, I promise to behave.”

I
rolled my eyes but agreed. Let’s just say Scott drove us home very quickly.

Men.

Chapter 17

We
met back in the hot tub, and he was all smiles as he stared at me in my bright
blue suit. He looked fabulous, and I couldn’t help staring either. I just hoped
my parents weren’t staring. The lights in the house were off, but that didn’t
mean anything. My brother and I had found that out, to our detriment, when we
were younger and tried to sneak out once. I don’t even remember what we were
sneaking out to do, but we never made it.

Scott
was already in the water when I made it out. I got in on the opposite side from
where he was sitting. He looked at me disappointedly.

“Being
close to you is a distraction,” I explained.

He
didn’t listen. In one fell swoop he moved to my side of the tub and was by my
side, smiling somewhat naughtily. “I think you can handle it,” he said. “I
think we’ve spent enough time apart, don’t you?”

“Yes,”
I responded cautiously. I did feel that way, but I was so afraid to give away
too much to him. Part of me so wanted to do just that. I wanted to tell him I
loved him and we should move forward, but I worried he was just on the up part
of the yo-yo and we would come crashing down again. I could see in his eyes he
recognized my hesitation and tentativeness.

He
held my face with his wet hands and lovingly gazed at me. “Ava, please tell me
what you want.”

I
felt the tears forming, and I couldn’t stop them. I looked into those beautiful
blue eyes of his. “I want something I know I can’t have, Scott. I don’t want to
be the other woman anymore. The one that only gets part of your thoughts and
your heart. I want to be the only woman you love. I know that makes me selfish,
but I’m tired of sharing you with Jenna and being second best and feeling like
I’m in a competition where I can never win.”

He
began wiping away my tears with his thumbs and he kissed a few away too. “Ava,
honey, you can’t cry or your dad and your brother might kill me.”

I
smiled through my tears.

“Ava,
this isn’t a competition. And if it was, you would win.”

I
just shook my head at him like I didn’t hear him right.

“Why
do think I’ve had such a hard time with this and why, at times, I’ve pulled
away?”

“I
don’t understand.”

“Ava,
so many times I found myself feeling guilty and confused because I was supposed
to be in mourning and not falling in love more deeply and more completely than
I ever had before. There were times I was with you and I wished I had met you
first. But then I would go home and remember that I promised Jenna I would
always love her. I would try and stay away from you, but my heart demanded to
be with you and so I would try again hoping the guilt would go away and I would
be free just to be with you, because I wanted to be with you. Then as time went
on and we grew closer, I knew we were hitting the point of no return and so
instead of dealing with it like I should have, I acted cowardly and ran from it
and hurt you and pushed you away in the process. And then you left and I felt
like someone had sucker punched me. I’ve never felt so alone or afraid in my
life.” He brushed away some more tears and pulled me on his lap and held me.
“You’re just going to keep crying aren’t you?” he asked sweetly.

I
just shook my head yes against his chest. I was just trying to process and take
in everything he was saying.

“Well,
if I have to die, this is a good way to go,” he teased. He began to stroke my
hair. “Ava, I love you. You’re not the other woman in my life. Yes, someone
came before you and part of me will always love her, but you own my heart and
it’s yours for the taking, if you still want it. You do still want it, don’t
you?” he asked nervously.

I
shook my head against his bare chest. “I think so.”

He
leaned down and pulled away so he could see my face. “You only think so?”

“Scott,
I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but I’m scared. I’m
scared you’ll get scared again, I’m scared of not being with you because I feel
like I’m not myself when you’re gone. And I’m….”

I
didn’t get to finish because his lips found mine and I found that’s exactly
where I needed them to be. I melted into him and just sank into his tender,
long slow kiss. As he kissed me, I could feel that he loved me. But I think the
kiss may have gone on too long for my daddy’s taste, because suddenly the whole
backyard was lit up.

Scott
gently placed me off of his lap and we both laughed. I couldn’t see my daddy,
but I had no doubt who was behind it. Scott turned to me. “Maybe we should do a
few laps in the pool. I for one could cool off.”

Reluctantly
I got out of the warm water and made my way to the pool. Sure it was heated,
but after being in the hot tub I knew it would feel cool at first. We both dove
in and swam a few laps. Then we met by the small waterfall in the pool. Scott
kissed me briefly, but I could tell he was nervous we were being watched. He
had great survival instincts. But he risked holding me close. “Ava, we’ll take
things slowly, and I’ll prove to you I’m not going anywhere. I can’t promise
I’ll be perfect, but I’m working on it.”

“So
you’re not promising me perfection?”

He
squeezed me tight. “No, just me.”

“All
of you?”

He
let go of me and touched my cheek and smiled. “Every last bit.”

I
kissed him once in response.  

Then
he said if he was going to live, we better say goodnight. I told him that was a
good idea. He walked me to my door and quickly kissed me, just in case. “I love
you,” he said.

 I
repeated the sentiment, and it felt so right. I noticed as soon as he was in
the house, the backyard magically went dark. I had to laugh to myself.

I
went to bed that night, knowing who would be at the top of my blessings list.
It was the first night in weeks I felt completely at peace. I slept like a baby
all the way through the night. It was blissful and long overdue. I woke up to
the sound of rain, which wasn’t a good sound. At least not when the next day a
couple of hundred people were coming over and you still had outdoor preparations
that needed to be done.

I
got up quickly, got ready, and ran to the main house. My parents were up and at
the table. My usually calm and graceful momma looked a little fretful as she
looked outside at the weather. My daddy was looking at his tablet and the weather
trying to tell her it would be ok, it was just going to be a quick passing
shower.

They
both turned their attention to me when I sat down at the table.  “Good morning,
how was your date last night, darlin’?” my daddy asked.

I
smiled. “Perfect, thank you for the light show.”

My
parents grinned knowingly.

“Is
Scott up yet?”

“I
think so,” my momma replied.

I
headed for the stairs. “Where do you think you’re going?” my parents said in
stereo.

“To
see Scott.” Wasn’t that obvious?

“You
can wait until he comes downstairs,” my daddy said.

I
walked over to my daddy and put my arms around him. “Daddy, I love you.”

He
hugged me tight. “I know you do, that’s why you’ll stay downstairs.”

“If
it will make you feel better,” I said. Then I sat down.

He
looked at me and then at my momma. “I feel better already.”

My
momma and I both laughed at him.

Not
too much later, Scott came down. He came up to me first and kissed my cheek. “Good
morning,” he said. But I noticed he glanced at my daddy first as if to see if
it was ok to proceed. I had to smile.

My
daddy looked up from his tablet. “Good morning, Scott. Are you ready for some
more painstakingly hard work?”

“Looking
forward to it, sir.”

He
really was a kiss up, but in the very best kind of way.

“Daddy,
let me at least make him something to eat first.”

My
daddy just winked. But of course my momma insisted that he eat.

I
hopped down from the elevated chair. Scott followed me into the kitchen. My
parents could still see us as the floor plan was open and the eating area
opened up to the kitchen. So there would definitely be no kissing in the
kitchen.

“Is
an omelet ok?”

“Sounds
great,” he replied. “Hey, my mom called this morning and she got an early
Christmas present.”

“That’s
fun, what is it?”

“Deanna’s
pregnant.”

I
looked at him from the refrigerator. “Really? That’s wonderful. When is she
due?”

“July.
My mom said she’ll call you later to get your recommendation. She wants the
best doctor and hospital for her grandbaby.”

“Of
course. I can’t wait to talk to her. I’m sure she’s just thrilled.”

I
walked to the stovetop with ingredients in hand. When I set them down, Scott
came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me. “One day it will be you and
me.” Before he let go, he kissed my cheek.

“I
don’t see a lot of cooking going on in there,” my daddy yelled out.

 Scott
backed away quickly, but still stood semi-close. I smiled over to him and
winked. I smiled to myself, thinking about having a baby with Scott. I knew my momma
would be ecstatic to have a grandbaby. That baby would want for nothing. It
made me smile to know that Scott thought that’s where we would end up.

My
momma joined us in the kitchen, and she handed Scott his stocking. She must
have made it last night. I swear I don’t know where she finds the energy or the
time. Scott was so touched, he even hugged my momma. I think that surprised
her. I know I was surprised. I don’t think Peter had ever made such a gesture.

After
he let go, she looked a little flustered. “Well, I’ll just take it and hang it
on the mantle next to Ava Mae’s.”

She
walked into the sunken family room off of the eating area. Now there were five
matching stockings made of burlap and lace hanging up this year. They matched
the burlap and white tree in that room. Even the gifts were all wrapped to
match in craft paper (well, all but the ones Scott brought) and different
varieties of white ribbon. I swear my momma could be in Southern Living’s
Christmas edition. She really was amazing. I’ve tried to emulate her, but have
come nowhere near her level of fabulousness. I don’t even know if Martha
Stewart could compete.

Scott
and I ate together while my parents watched on. They had already eaten, and
apparently it was interesting to watch Scott and I eat and interact with each
other. As soon as Scott was done, my daddy jumped up and said it was time to
get to work. Thankfully, the rain had passed. My momma was visibly more relaxed
as the sun began to peek out from behind the clouds. Scott jumped up too. I
think my daddy enjoyed having a personal slave staying at our house. Scott
bravely kissed me, once, gently on the lips. “See you later, beautiful.”

I
think I may have sighed, which garnered more attention from my parents. I just
smiled at them. Scott took that as his cue to exit. He and my daddy were headed
off to get extra tables and chairs for the party tomorrow night. My momma and I
would be in the kitchen all day again. We wasted no time getting to work. On
tap for today were sides that would be premade and then baked tomorrow along
with several turkeys and hams. Tomorrow every oven, smoker and grill on the
property would be in operation. My momma and I also would be setting up the
food tables, decorating those, and staging the placement of trays and tiers.

As
we worked, my momma briefly came over and nudged me. “So..?”

“So
what?” I knew what she wanted, but she was going to have to work for it.

“Ava
Mae.”

“Yes,
Momma?” I started to laugh.

She
gave me her look before she went back to the stove.

So
I spilled my guts. “We’re taking things slow, but we’re together.”

“Are
you moving back to Chicago?” She sounded sad and worried.

“We
didn’t discuss it, but I don’t plan on going back anytime soon.”

“So
you would go back?”

I
shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I think so. I know he wants to eventually
get married, and he loves his job there.”

“Ava,
do you really think it’s a good idea to move back up there for another man?”

“Momma,
he wouldn’t be just another man, he would be my husband and I thought I got the
feeling you wanted us to get back together.”

“Ava,
I’m just worried. I don’t want to see you go through what you went through with
Peter.”

“Believe
me, Momma, I don’t either. You were right; I should have lived more real life
around Peter. With Scott it’s different. We’ve lived real life together and his
family loves me and has been a great support to me. And Momma, I love him. I
feel whole with him.”