Love Survives (21 page)

My life hasn’t been easy the past two years. I’ve seen things that I wish I could wipe out of my memory and just when I think it can’t get any worse, I see something even more devastating. I’ve seen children slaughtered and fathers being shot by their own sons and brothers.

I’m sorry for sharing that. It’s just so hard, living here.

I still miss you every day Kat, so I guess that finally brings me to answer your question.

If you think it’s time to let go, I will understand. Just know that I’ve thought about you every day since you walked out of my life. I’ll never give up on you.

Take care of yourself in whatever you decide.

Love always,

Brooks

When I saw Spence it was hard to contain myself. Right away she knew something was up. “Who are you, and what did you do with Valentine?”

“She wrote me.”

“What?” Seeing the excitement on her face only made it better. She hugged me in front of a ton of people. “Oh my god, that’s awesome. You must be so happy.”

“You could say that.” I pulled the letter out and handed it to her. “Do you want to read it?”

We found a place to sit down, and I watched as she began reading the words Kat had written to me. When she looked up I saw a worried look in her eyes. “Please tell me you wrote her back?”

“Yeah, I mailed it already.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her I was glad to hear from her and if she wanted to move on with her life I would be okay with it.”

She slapped me on the back of the head. “You idiot! Are you crazy? She was reaching out to you. You weren’t supposed to let her go. She wrote that so you’d tell her to hold on.”

“What?” I was immediately concerned.

“When a woman writes this it’s because she needs to see you haven’t given up hope. You just basically told her to go out and find someone else.”

“Oh shit. What do I do? The mail has already gone out.”

I stood up, but she pulled me back down. “Wait. Just see if she writes back. If she doesn’t, send her another letter.”

“I can’t sit here wondering.”

“Then write her back now. Whatever you do, don’t freak out. If she wants to move on there’s nothing you can do anyway. I think she needed to know you still love her. Hopefully that will be enough to keep her from doing something she’ll regret.”

“This sucks. What if I lost her again?”

“Calm down. You have to be patient. Promise me you won’t go all psycho on the girl? You’ve waited all this time. A couple more days won’t hurt you.”

As much as I appreciated having Spence to keep me in check, I feared she’d been wrong. For weeks I anticipated to get something back from her, but nothing came. Since I was about to head to another area for a few weeks, I knew I had to reach out to her beforehand. After twelve days with no response I wrote her another letter.

Dear Kat,

Okay, I lied when I said that it was okay with me if you let go. It’s not okay.

I’m miserable over here and feel like I have nothing to come home for. I don’t want to see my brother and visiting my parents only reminds me of you.

You’re still everywhere I turn.

God, I miss you so much. I miss the way you smell and the way you twirl your hair when you’re nervous. Most of all, I miss my best friend.

Please Kat. Write me back.

Tell me to go to Hell.

Say something.

I have to go away for a few days, but I’ll check the mail when I get back.

All my love, Brooks

While I was away for work purposely my mind was focused on one thing alone.

Katy Michaels

Thankfully, we weren’t ambushed or held at gunpoint while we were out delivering parcels to the needy. Day after day I found a place to sit and write to her. My first letter during that time flowed so easily, almost like we hadn’t skipped a day from seeing each other. Even though it was about missing her, she was close to my heart again, which made every second of life worth living.

Dear Kat,

I can’t even explain how happy it made me to get your letter. Now, it seems like I can’t stop writing you. Every day I sit down and think of all the things that I want to tell you.

If you saw the pile of paper bundled in my trash can, you’d understand.

While this place lacks the feeling of home, I find peace knowing that you’re out there somewhere thinking about me too. I can only hope that one day, when I’m finally done with this tour, I can see you again. Would you be opposed to that? I understand if I’m being too forward. I just feel like we’ve missed so much time together.

Please write me back as getting your letters is the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.

Love, Brooks

When I returned to base I was greeted with mail on my bed. I didn’t waste time opening the envelope and reading her words.

Dear Brooks,

I’m happy too. For so long I felt like you hated me. I’ve kept so much pain bottled up inside of me for what I did. I want you to know that walking away from you that day was still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was harder than losing my parents, because I knew I could have changed it, if I’d just been brave enough.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to accept that there are things I could have done to prevent what happened to us. It all starts with admitting that I should have known Branch had lied to me about your feelings.

About your brother…

I almost don’t want to know when he and Melissa hooked up. It isn’t like I care if it happened the day after I left. I knew I didn’t want him. In fact, if I never see him again it will be too soon. Your brother is the reason that we are worlds apart. He’s the reason that we’ve lived in Hell for two years. I will never forgive him for that.

Looking back now, I can actually see how he was full of shit most of the time. It makes me sick knowing I was that naïve.

I should be the one begging you to write me back because I sure as hell don’t deserve your heart after what I did to you and have still been doing to you.

Getting our friendship back would mean everything to me.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love always,

Katy

I wasn’t surprised to hear that Branch was with her friend. I’d suspected it for a while. A part of me was elated that she could see him for what he was. Finally!

None of that mattered to me anymore though. I had one goal, and that was to have Kat in my arms again. Even though I still had plenty of time overseas, I could now see a future for myself for when I returned.

Kat’s letters explained all about her new life in South Carolina. She seemed like she struggled at first, but had made good friends who’d helped her along the way. Her letters were cheerful and kept me positive while being in the midst of chaos.

I wrote her every single day, sometimes even twice if I had extra time. When responses would come in from her I’d stop what I was doing to read them. It was as if we were dating, but from afar.

I’d been reluctant to call her for a lot of reasons. Mostly it was because I couldn’t hear her voice and not want more. The letters were a good start. They were enough to make the pain go away. For me that was all I could give her, not because I didn’t want to hear her voice telling me she missed me. It was obvious I did. It was more to the point of wanting something special to have to look forward to.

By March I had a whole bag full of her letters; each one of them giving me hope that we were finally going to have our happily ever after. I was optimistic, so much that Spence and Anderson made fun of me.

Then, out of nowhere, I was told that my unit was moving to another location. I can’t say that I was sad about losing my friends. Aside from the occasional sex, I’d grown close to Spence especially. She took the news as hard as I did.

The night before I was set out to leave we met in our secret spot. She cuddled her body up against mine and held it there. “I’m going to miss you, Valentine.”

“Yeah, I’m going to miss you too.”

“I need you to do me a favor.”

“Anything.” She couldn’t know how grateful I was to have had her when I lost Mullins.

“Don’t you dare give up on getting home to Katy. Once you have her, don’t ever let her go.”

“I promise.”

She kissed me on the cheek. “Seize the day, my friend. Godspeed to you.”

Those were the last words that Spence ever said to me.

For a while we were going to be without a way to send mail home. As much as I hated the idea, I knew when I returned there would be letters for me waiting.

Chapter 24

What happened in
the next couple days would change my life drastically. This would prove to be the hardest mission as a ranger that I’d ever performed. My job was to kill, and I was mentally and physically prepared to do it, because I knew it would get me back to safety, and a day closer to going home.

My mindset was in order, and as direct orders were being delivered to us I stared down at my weapon, making sure it was loaded and I had enough supply of ammo on me to reload accordingly. My heart was racing, fueled by adrenaline and fear. I wasn’t scared of what I had to do. I was scared the aftermath would haunt me forever.

We waited until nightfall to enter into the small city. The quiet of the night was only a camouflage to what awaited us. One by one we crept through the streets, guarded and alert.

The first shots came from the high end of a western point. We all turned around unloaded a few rounds as we ducked for cover. Separated by the situation, I took in my surroundings, located a building to set up and scope out where the enemy was.

The building was clearly vacant since only half of it was still remaining. Once I’d cleared an area near a window I knelt down and set my weapon for better aim. The only way to tell where the shots were coming from was to listen and watch the sky light up.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone running across a street, dressed in white. I knew it wasn’t one of our guys. A second was all it took for me to aim at the moving target and take him down. His body flailed for the few minutes it took for him to die. I reset my weapon and took a few deep breaths before the next target came in sight. From where I was positioned I could see the rest of my unit ducked down in an adjacent building. They signaled me with a flashlight, and I did the same back, giving them confirmation that it was just me. They then used Morse code to let me know that there was a group to my left. I no sooner turned to look to that side of the building when I heard someone running nearby. I turned off my flashlight and hid behind some debris until I could figure out where they were. Shots ricocheted off the stone walls around me and I knew that if I wanted to get out alive I was going to have to face this person head on.

Without regard for his proximity, I turned and started firing a full clip. When my gun was empty I looked around the room, turning my light on to reveal the man was very dead.

I could hear a few more speaking in their language. I crept closer to that area, peering out the window where they couldn’t see. One was on the roof, aiming his gun near the location of my unit. I took him out easily with my gun, but only to signal to his companions where I was squatting.

Then ran after me, chasing me into another building. At the same time I heard more shots fired as my group was trying to cover for me.

By the time I made it inside of another building and secured the door, the shots had ended. I clicked on my light to make sure I hadn’t just ran inside of a building full of the enemy. In the far corner I spotted a man who was clearly dead. A small girl. She was crying softly. I ran to her side. “It’s going to be okay.” She couldn’t understand what I was saying. I held out my hand for her. “Come, please.”

Slowly she squirmed out from behind the man and took my hand. I held her close as we made our way to the exit of the building.

I could see my unit in the clear. They thought they’d gotten everyone. Then I heard the sound of the grenade. I tried to shine my light to find it, but there was too much on the ground, and I was running out of time. I pulled the child along, counting the seconds until I knew there was no time left. I threw my body over that little girl, shielding her from what was about to come.

Nothing could ever compare to the feeling of hot metal shrapnel digging into the skin. I couldn’t hear, and everything seemed to be spinning. While it was all happening I clung to that little girl, praying she’d be safe. If this was my last few moments on this earth I wanted to die knowing I’d saved her.