Love Survives (24 page)

Chapter 27

By the first
of July I was doing a little better. I happened to enjoy my new job, and for the most part, staying busy. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of Kat, but I was learning to handle it in a positive way. She’d know by now that I was home safe, and I could only hope that she’d reach out to my parents so they’d be able to meet her little girl. I knew something that important would mean the world to them. They’d spoil her to no end, and Kat would finally be able to stop worrying that they were still upset. To be honest, I don’t know if they were ever mad at her. Something told me they knew all along that the marriage to my brother was a huge mistake. It didn’t matter anymore. Kat was married to someone else. They were happy, and I was moving forward with my life.

Because of my injury, and traditions in the town nearest to base, I was signed up to be a part of the Independence Day parade. It was an easy gig. All I had to do was sit on the back of a truck and wave with my good arm. Since I’d recently been working with a therapist, my wrist and arm were killing me. It had gotten so bad in the past couple days that they put it in a splint while I was up during the day. Only at night could I take it out.

After helping out as much as I was able, I climbed down the back and prepared to do my part. To the crowd of people, I was a hero. Little did they know I was just a guy who was desperately trying to find my place in a world that I no longer associated with.

I don’t know why, but the whole time I stared out into the crowd, searching for the sight of Kat. I didn’t care if she was with her husband. I just wanted to see her there, smiling and happy, because somehow that gave me the courage to keep forging forward.

When the parade was over we all hopped off the truck to commence with the people. I was making my way to get a drink when I spotted her in the crowd. It was just for a second, and apparently that’s all it took. Down she fell to the ground, and all I could do was stare. Her husband fell to her side, followed by a crowd of spectators. Before I knew it I was being pushed to the side. I walked in another direction and stood next to a tree to make sure she was okay. The last thing I needed was to make a scene.

Once she sat up and started looking around I knew that was my cue to get out of there. I wasn’t ready to be face to face with her. I still didn’t know if I’d ever be.

I panicked, unable to accept that we’d been that close and not said a single word to each other. Another thing I wondered about was why she’d passed out? Why would that be her reaction to seeing me? I’d told her I was coming home to be with her. She knew I was back in the states, yet she appeared to have seen a ghost, or someone she feared. It made me feel like shit.

Three days later, I was sitting in my office looking over documents for new recruits that would be coming in to train. For the life of me I couldn’t keep my focus on anything. I kept replaying seeing Kat at the parade, and how she’d reacted when our eyes met.

The phone rang, causing me to jump clear out of my seat. I pushed the button to answer it. “Valentine?”

“Sir, this is Matthews at the front gate. I have a woman out here claiming she needs to see you. She’s says it’s an emergency.”

I tried to keep my composure, knowing only one woman knew where to find me. “Did she give a name?”

“Yeah, she said her name is Katy Michaels.”

I rubbed my face with both hands, trying to consider my options. It wasn’t like I had the gull to send her away. More than anything we needed to hash this out. Once and for all I longed to have closure.

“Send her through.”

I’d had years to think about what I’d say if I saw her again, yet in this instant I couldn’t come up with one thing. My heart was thumping so hard that I swore it was going to explode. If that wasn’t bad enough, my throat felt as if it were closing. I took a sip of water before standing up and putting my hat on, hoping I could use it to shield myself from getting lost in those eyes that I loved so much.

It was one-hundred and seventy four steps to the parking lot. I know this because I counted them to keep my mind off what was about to happen. As the patter of her car pulled into a parking spot, I stepped out to greet her.

As impossible as it was to grasp, I could feel a tightening in my throat again, this time because I was fighting back my emotions. It was important to stay strong. She couldn’t know she’d broke me.

Right away I could tell she was refusing to look in my direction. I stood on the curb, clenching my jaw trying to come to grips with the situation. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself opening the passenger side door and climbing in. Right away I could smell her shampoo. It took me a few seconds to look in her direction. She was peering out the window, refusing to turn my way.

“Kat, look at me.” The silence was torture.

It was hard for me to watch her turn to face me in slow motion. Her eyes said it all, even before my name escaped her lips. “Brooks.”

I couldn’t help from touching her, wiping those tears away that were falling from her eyes. “Don’t cry. I can’t handle it.”

She scrunched up her face and cried harder. “I just got your letter. The last one you sent. It must have gotten lost.”

I placed my fingers over her lips. Just for a second I wanted to avoid thinking she could be lying to me. The more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. “Like the letters you wrote to me, telling me you were married with a kid?”

Kat hid her face, placing it against her steering wheel. I’d hit a nerve, and as much as I felt the need to hurt her, I knew I didn’t have it in me.

“I’m so sorry, Brooks. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. I never expected that you’d still love me and when I found out you did, nothing else mattered except for you and me.”

I was in shock. What did all this mean?

“Kat, do you have any idea what I had to do to get stationed near you? It was a pain in the ass and involved a lot of ass kissing. I figured that it didn’t matter as long as I had you. We could get married and live on or off a base somewhere, and maybe even have a couple of kids. Do you have any idea how it felt to pull up at your house and see you with them? At first I couldn’t believe it. I thought maybe you were living with friends. Then when that cop came and told me that you and your husband were concerned, I knew my fears were true.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t understand what happened to me.”

This time I was the one looking away. I refused to let her see me upset. “How long have you been married, Kat?”

“Two years,” she replied in a whisper.

I twisted my body to face hers, unable to come to grips with the fact that she’d been with this person for two whole years. I felt like an idiot. “Jesus Christ. Did you even mean the things you said to me, or were they all just bullshit?”

“Everything I said was the truth and you know it!” She defended.

I gazed out the passenger window again. I had to keep hiding my face. She knew me too well. “I wish I could believe that.”

It shocked me when I felt her hand grazing mine. I looked in her direction immediately, catching her eyes with mine. It was important to change the subject before I did or said something I’d regret later. “I can feel your touch. It’s gotten worse. The feeling comes and goes. If it keeps up I’m going to fail my next PT-test and then I’ll be up shit’s creek.” Focusing on my injury was the best I could come up with.

Kat wasn’t going to let it go. She ignored my comment. “You’re the only man that I’ve ever truly loved, Brooks. Look at me and tell me that I’m lying.”

She gave me that look; the one I couldn’t refuse. “It changes nothing. I won’t be a home wrecker. You never really belonged to Branch, but the man you’re married to doesn’t deserve to get his heart ripped out. If he loves you half as much as I do, that’s what will happen. I can’t live with myself for doing that. As much as it hurts me to say this, I’ve got to walk away from you, for good this time.”

Kat sat there crying, and I did nothing to stop her. If she only knew how many nights I’d cried myself to sleep, how many months I’d prayed to be with her again. If she could only be in my shoes for a day she’d know why this was impossible for me to handle.

With a car full of silence there was only one thing left to do. Before I lost it in front of her, I had to walk away. Before I managed to step out, I could feel the burning in my eyes. I turned back one more time, displaying years of pent up anguish all over my face. It was so hard to push the words out of my mouth, but I did my best. “Take care of yourself, Kat. Be a good mother and wife. Give them the love that we have and you’ll be happy. I know you will.”

I heard her getting out of the car and coming at me. She didn’t give me time to turn around before she had a hold of my uniform. “Don’t you dare walk away from me. I won’t let you say goodbye this time.”

Since I didn’t want to make a scene, I pulled her inside until we were standing in my office. From there I paced around the room, waiting for whatever else she thought she had to say to me.

Finally I sat down at my desk and watched her. She grabbed a few tissues and started wiping her face. “Please don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” She was sobbing so bad. “I can’t live without you. I don’t even want to.”

I leaned over my desk, making sure she was hearing me clearly. “Listen to yourself. You have a child. How can you say that without me you don’t want to live? Do you know what I would give to have a wife and a child? After everything I’ve seen, all I want is to care for the people I love.”

“You don’t understand.” She shook her head, seeming confused.

I stood, but didn’t leave from behind the desk. I was angry, so freaking angry. “Then tell me. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t watch you drive home to your family and never look back.”

“I can’t. You’ll never forgive me. I’ve ruined everything. I’m so sorry, Brooks. Please don’t say goodbye. Don’t give up on us.”

I had to put my head down. It was too much for me. “Kat, I can’t do this with you. I’m already going to hear shit for you coming here. This is a serious place and I have a damn job to do. This isn’t high school anymore. I can’t deal with the drama and I won’t be involved with a married woman. Please if you have nothing else to say then you have to go.”

“What about our love?” Her question struck a nerve, probably the last one I had.

“Our love has never been our problem.”

Just when I thought there was nothing left to say, Kat’s next words sent me to my knees.

“She’s yours, Brooks.”

“What?” Was this some joke? Was she willing to say anything to keep me from making her leave?

“My daughter. My husband isn’t the father, Brooks, you are.”

Chapter 28

No. This wasn’t
possible. Her words echoed off the walls, causing me to hear them more than once. I couldn’t be the father. There was no way. Unable to accept her confession as the truth, I wanted more of an explanation. “Come again?”

Kat was bawling in her hands. I recognized this type of expression from her. It was genuine, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she was telling me a deep secret, or feeling horrible about it. “She’s yours.”

“Why would you say that to me? We spent one night together in a hotel room.” It made no sense. If she was anyone’s child it would have been my brother’s. For her to pin this on me made me want to send her out the door.

She cleaned her face with a tissue while answering me. “Because I hadn’t been with Branch since before I had my last cycle. My doctor, who gave me the exact date of conception, also verified it. She’s yours, Brooks.”

She dug into her purse, pulling out a phone. At first I wondered if she was breaking out a calendar to show me more proof, but what she showed instead said it all. “See for yourself.”

I jerked the phone from her grasp and began looking down at the photo. The resemblance was uncanny. This child was my blood. I couldn’t deny it. In that moment I knew she was telling me the truth. Had it been Branch’s child she would have gone home. She kept this a secret for one reason alone.