Letters to Matt (23 page)

White hot anger flashed through me. I scrolled up to read more messages. They were riddled with Misty flirting mercilessly. Matt kept insisting that he was happily taken, but she wouldn’t let up. I was so engrossed in reading that I didn’t hear Matt walk back into the living room.

“What the hell, Jaden?” he asked when he spotted his phone in my hand and what I could imagine was a pissed off expression on my face.

“Who the fuck is Misty?”

“God damn it,” he swore, swiping his hand down his face. “She’s nobody.”

“She doesn’t sound like nobody,” I said, angrily shoving the phone in his face as he sat down next to me. “Girls don’t tell guys that they want to ‘show them a good time’ when they’re nobody.”

“It’s not what it looks like,” he argued. “She’s one of my buddies’ sister. She showed up at the job site the other day to give him some money. I guess she saw me and thought I was cute. She pestered him for my phone number. When I realized her intentions, I immediately shut it down and told her I was happy with you. I even told her that I would stop talking to her if she couldn’t understand that.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like she listened too well,” I said, showing him her last message.

Sadness showed on his face. Matt always hated when he hurt me, intentional or otherwise. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell her we can’t talk anymore. But I can’t control the things she says to me. And I made it perfectly clear to her that we could only be friends.”

“Obviously you weren’t clear enough,” I muttered under my breath.

“Why are you even going through my phone?” he asked. “You’ve never been the type to snoop. Do you not trust me anymore?”

“Of course I trust you,” I insisted. “I just…these fucking hormones are making me crazy. I’m glad I looked, though. Were you ever going to tell me about her?”

He hesitated for a second. “No.” I let out a sigh and threw my hands up. “And this is exactly why,” he said, getting aggravated. “You’re right. Your hormones have made you on edge. I know you can’t help it, but that doesn’t make it any easier. I didn’t tell you about Misty because I knew it would start a fight and you would worry even though there’s nothing to worry about.”

“You still should have told me. It’s better than finding out about it this way. This makes you look guilty!” I shoved the phone at him again, and he snatched it out of my hand.

“Is that what you think? That’d I’d cheat on you?”

In my heart, I knew Matt wouldn’t cheat, but I was too pissed at that moment to be rational. “Well, I never thought that you’d keep it from me when some random girl was flirting with you.”

Anger blazed through Matt’s eyes. “Unfuckingbelievable.” He got up and started to storm from the room.

“Where are you going?”

“To bed,” he stated firmly. “Your hormones are out of control and you’re being unreasonable. So I’m going to bed before my anger gets the better of me and I say something I regret.”

“Fine!” I shouted. “Go to bed. Make sure you tell Misty goodnight.”

He looked at me in disbelief before shaking his head and walking from the room. I sat there stewing in my own anger for a few minutes before rationality washed over me and I started crying for the way I’d treated him. I knew I should get up and apologize, but I was afraid that I would just be a blubbering mess. Plus, he’d looked pretty pissed. He needed time to cool off. Half an hour later when I’d gathered my wits, I walked back to the bedroom.

Matt was fast asleep. Tears formed in my eyes. He had to be up early and I didn’t want to wake him and risk another fight. Instead, I crawled into bed next to him and pulled the covers up to my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I said to the darkness.

Matt shifted next to me. “It’s fine.”

I glanced over to see him turned toward me and his eyes opened slightly. “It’s not fine. My hormones…”

“Shhh,” he said, pulling me to him. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He planted a kiss on my forehead. “I love you, Jaden.”

“I love you, too,” I said, curling into him before sleep quickly found me.

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. I panicked slightly, thinking Matt was still pissed and he’d went to sleep on the couch before I looked at the time and realized it was past eight and he’d already left for work.

I rolled over to try and possibly get a couple more hours of sleep when I heard a rustling under my head. I lifted up and found a note on the pillow. I unfolded the paper and my eyes quickly scanned it.

Jaden,

I’m so sorry about last night. I know I should have told you about Misty, but it’s truly nothing. I text her last night and told her we couldn’t talk anymore since she couldn’t respect my relationship with you.

I love you more than anything in this world and I would never intentionally hurt you. You’re the light of my life. I want to marry you. I want to raise lots of babies with you. I want to grow old with you. I could never look at another woman and feel any sort of desire. You’re the only thing I need in my life to be complete.

I promise to make it up to you. When I get home, I’ll cook us a nice meal and we’ll focus all of our attention on each other. We’ll turn our phones off and forget there’s an outside world. Because you’re it. You’re my world. Try to have a nice day and don’t worry about this fight. It’s over now and we can just move on from it.

I love you.

Love, Matt

Tears formed in my eyes as I read the letter through three times. I grabbed my phone and texted him a quick thank you for the note and told him I loved him before rolling over and letting sleep claim me once again.

The memory washes over me as I fold the letter. It’s time to write my final letter to Matt.

Dear Matt,

I know I haven’t written in a while and I probably won’t write again after this, but I just had to tell you I love you one final time. Today was Sophie’s first day of school. I wish you could have been here to hear the excitement in her voice. I wish you could have been here to wrap your arms around me as I cried like a baby after getting her on the bus.

I just want to say thank you again for our little miracle. I know you’re gone, but I couldn’t imagine what my life would be without Sophie. Watching her face light up when she’s excited about something reminds me so much of you. She has your laugh and your sense of humor. She’s the greatest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I hate that we didn’t get our happy ending, that we didn’t get our whole life together like we planned, but I love that you left behind this beautiful girl with me. I love and miss you so much, but I feel like I’m finally at peace with what happened to you. God had other plans for me. And those plans were raising our child and molding her into the best possible person she can be.

I had some help, though. She’s half of you, and you’re the most amazing person

I’ve ever met. As much as it breaks my heart that you can’t be here, I still know I’m lucky.

I’m going to end this with saying thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you               for Sophie. Thank you for all the amazing memories I will always hold dear to my heart. I hope we’ll be together again someday in Heaven. Until then, I’ll keep living my life to the fullest and fulfilling the legacy you left behind.

Love, Jaden

I read the letter over and over again until there are tear stains on it. Then, I fold it up and put it with the rest. I put the old shoebox back in the closet, knowing I probably won’t get it out again for a long time. Lying in bed, I let a smile grace my lips as I think of all the memories Matt and I shared and the memories I will make in the future with our daughter.

Thirteen years in the future…

Stopping at the mirror in the hallway to put on my earrings, I take in my appearance. Some days, I look and I still see that eighteen-year-old fresh out of high school and beginning her life. Other days, it hits me just how much I have aged. My hair is a little lighter and thinner, my face has aged from the years of life. I’m starting to get crow’s feet around my eye, but my smile still shines just as bright. Life has been good to me, overall.

I call for my daughter. “Sophie, hurry up; we’re going to be late!”

“I’m hurrying, Mom,” she calls back. “I can’t get this stupid necklace to clasp.”

“Bring it out here and I’ll do it.”

I hear her huff as she walks out of her bedroom. I know I see her every day, but I am still amazed at the beautiful young lady my daughter has turned into. She looks like the perfect mixture of Matt and me at her age. She’s elegant and grown up in a light blue, floor-length dress. Her dark brown hair falls past her shoulders in a small wave. I finish with my earrings and take the necklace from her.

“Turn around,” I instruct. I drape the necklace over her front and move her dark hair out of the way.

“I don’t know why Jasmine and I decided to get fake nails for our graduation. I feel like I can’t do anything with them. I’m seriously ready to just chew them off.”

I smile at her frustration. “That’d be painful and a waste of money.”

“Yeah, but I’d feel like I can use my hands again.”

“You’ll get used to them,” I assure her. “And I like the purple color you chose.” I get the necklace clasped. “Okay, are we ready?”

“I just have to put on my shoes. I was going to wear my sandals, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get them on so I’m sticking to flip flops.”

“Okay, well get them on quick. Nana called and said she’s there at the restaurant with Papa and the girls. I don’t know who else is there yet.”

Just then, my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket and see it’s Mom calling me. As I answer it, Sophie tells me she’s going to get on her shoes. I nod at her before saying “Hello,” into the phone.

“Hello,” Mom says. “Are you guys at the restaurant yet?”

“We’re getting ready to leave. Sophie is just grabbing her shoes. I would say we’re already late, because Connie and them are there, but she’s notoriously early for everything.”

Mom lets out a laugh. “Yeah, she is. Okay, well, your father and I are about to walk out the door. I just wanted to know where you were. Want to meet outside the restaurant?”

“Yeah,” I say. “You’ll probably be there a couple minutes before us. I don’t know if Connie went in or if they’re waiting outside. Guess we’ll find out when we get there.”

“Okay. See you soon. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” I say before hanging up. Sophie walks back out of her room. “That was Grandma. They’re leaving for the restaurant right now and will meet us outside.”

“Sounds good. I’m ready now.”

“Okay, let’s go, then. Everyone should be arriving soon.”

We grab our purses and pile into the car. The ride is quiet. Sophie is very much an over-thinker. I can practically hear the wheels spinning in her head, but leave her alone to her thoughts. I know if it’s something she wants to talk about, she will.

I spot Mom and Dad’s car in the parking lot and pull up next to them. They’re standing in front of the car by the time we get out. Mom is the first to pull Sophie to her in a tight hug. Dad and I stand in silence and watch them. I hear Mom sniffle and Sophie say, “Oh, Grandma, please don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.”

Mom lets out a half laugh, half sob. “I’m sorry, sweetie. I just don’t know where the time went. I can’t believe you’re a beautiful young lady graduating high school.”

Tears well up in my own eyes. Like Sophie, Mom crying is my weakness. Mom pulls back and puts her hands on Sophie’s face.

“I am so proud of you,” she says.

Sophie sniffles and smiles. “Thanks, Grandma.” 

Mom attacks me next, throwing her arms around me and squeezing tight. “My baby girl is the mother of a high school graduate,” she howls.

I want to laugh, but my own tears stream down my face.

“I couldn’t have done it without your help,” I admit.

“Yes, you could have. You’ve got such a beautiful soul, Jaden.”

“Thank you, Mom,” I say, pulling away from her. “We should probably get inside before Connie sends out a search party.”

Everyone laughs, and we all head inside. I approach the hostess. “We’re here with the Prewitt party.”

The pretty hostess nods her head. “We have you back in the party room.” She lets out a laugh. “I have to tell you, my server took the order and when she heard you had almost thirty people, she nearly fell over.”

I laugh with her. “It’s my daughter’s graduation tomorrow.” I nod toward Sophie. “Everyone wanted to get together and have a dinner for her. And of course we couldn’t leave anyone out.”

“I understand. You’re a lucky young lady,” the hostess tells Sophie.

“Thank you,” she says with a smile.

“Okay,” the hostess begins, “the party room is back that way to the right. And I’ll send the rest of your army back that way as they get here. “

I smile and thank her before the four of us head back. We walk into the party room to see Connie, Doug, Mack, and Madison sitting at a table talking. They spot us immediately and Connie gets up. She engulfs Sophie in a hug. We hear a sniffle. “Damn it.” Connie pulls away slightly. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry tonight.”

Sophie laughs. “It’s okay. Grandma already beat you to it, anyway.”

“Not possible,” Mack states. “Mom has been crying all day. I swear, you’d think it was a like we were sending you off to war or something. She had three kids who graduated—well, four if you count Jaden. You’d think she’d be used to it by now.”

“Oh hush, you,” Connie scolds.

I sit down next to Madison and Mack. “How’s Cali?” I ask. Mack moved out there to go to college, and Madison joined her after she graduated high school a few years back.

“It’s so beautiful,” Mack gushes. “I’m so glad school is over. I love my job. It’s kind of heart breaking, though, but it’s warming at the same time. You really see the strength people have in them after they lose everything.”

Mack became a grief counselor. Losing Matt so young inspired her to help others going through the same thing. She works with people of all ages, but her favorites are the kids. She knows what grief can do to a person and wants to feel like she helped make someone’s life better and that a loss didn’t harden them.

“I’m so proud of the work you’re doing,” I tell her. “I know I had a lot of people to help me after Matt passed, but some people don’t get that. I’m sure they feel a million times better knowing they have you in their corner.” I turn to Madison. “And how is that sweet baby boy doing? He’s a month old now, right?”

Madison nods her head. “Yeah. He’s so precious. I didn’t know I could love anyone so much. And I’m so lucky to have Josh. He’s amazing. I thought he was going to look at me like I had three heads when I told him I wanted to name the baby Matt, but he was all for it. And I couldn’t thank him enough for letting me come on this trip. I really needed time with my family, and I wanted to be here for Sophie. But it was so hard leaving Josh and Matt.”

Mack lets out a laugh. “We had to shove her out the door. And she checks her phone every five minutes and calls Josh every hour.”

I smile. “I understand that. I would be the same way if I was away from Sophie that long. I know she’s going away to school and she’ll probably get sick of me calling her three times a day.”

“You better not.” Sophie laughs, sitting next to me.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I say with a wink to Mack, who just smiles.

“I just spoke to Mel on the phone,” Mom says, walking over. “They’re on their way. She had to wait for Chase to get home from work.” My sister and her husband moved back home about ten years ago when they found out she was pregnant. They loved Arizona. but Mel said she couldn’t imagine raising a kid anywhere but her home town.

“Okay,” I answer right as my phone dings. I glance at it quickly. “That’s Mandy. They’re outside. I’m gonna go meet them.” 

I walk outside to see a few new cars next to mine. The first person I spot is Jasmine. She heads over to me with a smile.

“Hey, Jaden,” she says.

“Hi, Jasmine.” I pull her to me in a hug. “Sophie is already inside. I came back out to meet some friends. You can head in if you want. We’re in the party room in the back.”

“Okay. See you in there.”

Jasmine is a sweet girl. She and Sophie have been best friends since fifth grade.

I see Mandy and head over. She’s standing with Destinee and their daughter, Miranda. I also see Adam, Nadine, and their five-year-old, Marcus, heading over. Mandy wraps her arms around me when I reach them.

“Have you cried yet?” she asks with a laugh.

“Only when Mom was crying earlier. I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet. I’m sure I’ll be a blubbering mess tomorrow.”

“I’ll bring tissues.”

I laugh before saying hi to Destinee and Miranda. Adam and his family reach us and we exchange hugs and hellos. I look up to see Mitch’s car pull up. We watch as he gets out and helps Syd unload the kids from the car. The four of them join our group. There are even more hugs and even more hellos while the kids wander a safe distance from us and talk amongst themselves.

I take in our little group. We’ve all been friends since high school. We’re still friends and now have families of our own. I glance over at the kids and see Mitch follow my gaze. He wraps his arm around Syd.

“When did we all get so old? Wasn’t it just yesterday we were graduating high school ourselves?” he asks.

“Actually, I was just wondering how we all got so lucky,” I voice.

Mandy wraps her arm around my shoulder. “Let’s head inside.”

“C’mon, kids,” Nadine calls.

Our little army heads inside. Everyone is saying hello when I look up and see Cole and Kara walking into the party room with their three kids. They had another boy ten years ago. Kara has her hands full raising three boys, but she loves it.

“Sorry we’re late,” Kara says. “Dominic and Terrell were arguing over the bathroom.”

“Had to make sure my hair looked good,” the boys say at the same time and I smile.

“Yeah, me too,” states her youngest, Roy.

At that, a lot of people in the room laugh.

“You all look very handsome,” I tell the boys. “And you’re fine. We’re still waiting on a couple of people.”

“You try having a daughter who takes twenty years to pick out something to wear.” I glance up to see my sister standing with her husband and daughter.

I let out a laugh. “There’s no way she could have possibly gotten that from her mother,” I joke, pulling my sister to me in a hug. I know that we were never that close, but with her being home, our relationship has flourished in the past ten years.

“Me? Take forever to get ready? Never,” she laughs while the twins join Sophie and Jasmine, and the younger kids run to the others. 

“Now we’re just waiting on Susie, Carlos, and Marty. Susie’s husband couldn’t make it.”

Sandy had passed away a few years back. It was hard saying goodbye to him, but the service had been beautiful. It was amazing seeing all the people who’d loved him. Sandy was a quiet soul, but his love spoke volumes.

“We’re here,” I hear Marty say and look up to see the three of them standing there.

I run over to hug them.

“I’m so glad you guys could join us today.”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Marty says.

“Yeah, you’re family. Even if you did ditch us to be a nurse,” Susie teases.

I say hello to Carlos before he walks off to talk to Sophie.

“Well, it looks like everyone is here,” I say. “If everyone wants to get seated, I’ll go tell the waitress we’re ready to order.”

Everyone breaks up by age group. The younger kids take up one table, the older ones, well, I guess they’re all technically young adults now, sit at another while us adults are at the final table.