Letters to Matt (21 page)

I turn to him. “Are you sure? You’ve already done so much.”

“Yeah. All the tables are set up in the back yard, so I really don’t have anything else to do until the party starts.”

I breathe out in relief. “You are an absolute life saver. Thank you so much. The money for it is on the kitchen counter.”

He walks back toward the kitchen.

“Where’s the birthday girl?” Mandy asks.

“She’s taking a nap,” I say. “I don’t need her being cranky at her own birthday party.”

“Oh, come on, it’s her party. She can cry if she wants to,” Mandy jokes.

“Trust me, I listen to it enough. Today is going to be tear-free. C’mon, I’ll show you where to put the presents.”

Cole passes us on our way to the kitchen. “Thank you again,” I say to him.

“My pleasure,” he tells me. He leans over to press a kiss to my forehead before continuing his way to the door.

“So, how are things going with him?” Mandy questions after watching our interaction.

“Great,” I say. And I mean it, mostly. 

“But?” I curse Mandy in that moment. Why does she have to read my mind?

“Cole is amazing. He’s been here helping set up. He’s so sweet. And the sex is great…but I just don’t have feelings for him. With Matt it was like I couldn’t imagine myself being with anyone else. I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw Matt. There aren’t butterflies with Cole. I feel so bad, because he’s been amazing and I just don’t know how to tell him that I don’t see a future with us.”

“That’s gotta be tough,” Destinee says as the three of us walk out the door to the back yard.

“It is. I mean, he hasn’t said anything about wanting to take this further, but I’m worried he’s waiting for me to say something. If he really is into me, I’d hate to break his heart after what he’s been through with Amber.”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to lead him on, either,” Mandy reasons. “You two have been hanging out for five months now. If you know it’s not working, you have to tell him.”

I sigh. “I know. I’ll wait until tomorrow or something. I’d hate to be the bitch who’s like ‘Hey, I know you busted your ass helping me set up my daughter’s birthday party, but this isn’t working between us’.” I glance around at the tables that Cole helped set up. There are
Minnie Mouse
table clothes on each table.

“Yeah,” Destinee agrees, setting the presents down on a table off to the side. “Definitely wait until another day.”

Our conversation is interrupted as a guy comes around the corner. He’s around our age and carrying a clipboard.

“Hey, I’m here with the bounce house. Is there a Jaden Prewitt here?”

“That’s me,” I say, stepping forward.

“Okay,” he tells me, holding out paperwork. “If you could just sign here, I’ll get it unloaded.”

I take the pen and sign the paper. “Thank you so much,” I tell him.

An hour later, the party is in full swing. Everyone is having a blast and Sophie is loving the attention…just as long as no one holds her for too long. I’m standing in the kitchen preparing a plate when Cole walks up behind me. He wraps his arm around me and places a kiss on my forehead.

“Is there anything else you need me to do?”

I turn and hand him the plate. “Just for you to sit down and eat and enjoy yourself.”

“You didn’t have to make me a plate,” he insists with a smile.

“It was the least I could do after everything you’ve done today,” I reply. Guilt gnaws at me, knowing that I’ll have to end this thing between us soon. Mandy is right. Cole is a great guy and he doesn’t deserve to be led on. “Now, go sit. That’s an order.”

He eyes the plate. “No potato salad,” he admires. “Good job.”

“Yeah, I actually listen when you talk to me. It’s weird, huh?”

He laughs before turning with his plate and finding a place to sit outside. I make myself a plate and head to join everyone. Sophie is sitting in her high chair while Mandy pretends to take food off the tray and eat it. Sophie is getting the biggest kick out of it and giggling.

Connie turns to me as I take a seat next to her.

“This is all amazing,” she tells me. “You did an awesome job.”

“I had a lot of help,” I admit. “There’s no way I could have done this all on my own. And it wasn’t without a few hiccups,” I add with a pointed look to Mandy.

“I said I was sorry,” she retorts with a playful glare.

I take a look around at all of my friends and family. I look at Sophie laughing in her chair and can’t help but feel a pang of sadness from knowing that someone very important is missing. Before I can dwell on it too long, I feel Connie’s hand on my leg.

“I know, sweetie. I wish he could be here, too,” she says, giving me a sad look. “But look how lucky you and Sophie are. You couldn’t have asked for a better turn out.”

Everyone we know is here. Susie is chasing around her little boy while her husband looks on. Marty is chatting with Doug. Even Sandy is here, talking with Dad about how the
History Channel
has gone to shit after it all became reality shows. Mitch, Adam, Nadine, and Sydney are sitting together, laughing. Mack and Madison are sitting on the other side of Connie, eating their food. Too many family members for me to count are here. I know I’m truly lucky to still have so many wonderful people in my life.

After everyone eats, Mom puts a chair where everyone can see us and prompts Sophie and me to sit in it.

“It’s time for presents!” she announces.

“Ooh, I want to hand them out!” Mandy volunteers. She hands Destinee her phone. “Baby, will you take pictures for me?”

I get Sophie and myself situated as Mandy brings up the first present. It’s quite eventful. Sophie decides each new toy is her favorite and refuses to let it go until she sees the next present. The cycle continues through every gift, except clothes. She throws those on the ground. I finally got to the point where I would quickly pull them out of the bag and put them right back before Sophie could get her hands on them.

After the gifts are open, Mom brings out the cake. We all sing while Sophie laughs and tries to grab at the flame. I blow the candle out for her after she tries to eat it. Mom sets a small cupcake in front of her.

I see him a mere second before it’s too late. Mitch sneaks up and grabs the cupcake, smashing Sophie’s face in it.

Everyone laughs while Mom scolds him.

“Oh, like Matt wouldn’t have been the first person to jump at that chance. I was merely being a poor fill in.”

I laugh and pull him to me in a hug before tending to my now frosted daughter.

The rest of the party is a hit. Mandy, Destinee, Cole, Mitch, Adam, and I stay outside long after everyone else has left and Mom and Dad have gone inside to put Sophie down for bed. It feels weird, all of us being here together without Matt. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the first time we have all been together just us, plus Cole, since Matt passed. An eerie silence settles around the table and I know everyone is thinking the same thing as me.

Cole shifts next to me slightly. I feel him getting up and look up at him.

“I’m gonna go see if your parents need help cleaning up the kitchen.”

“Thank you,” I mouth to him, feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

Once Cole is gone, Adam scoots down and wraps his arm around me. I let out a sob and he hugs me tighter.

“I miss him so much,” Mitch speaks the words that are in my heart.

He’s across from me and places his hand on the middle of the table. I join my hand in his before putting my other hand up. Destinee grabs it. This continues until we are all holding hands in the middle of the table. I bow my head and everyone else follows suit. No one says a word and I hear a few sniffles. We stay like this for at least a minute.

I’m the one that breaks the silence. “I love you all. Thank you for being here with me.”

None of them have to say anything. I know they love me, too, and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. We start to untangle our hands.

“Destinee and I have to get going,” Mandy says. “We both have work in the morning.”

Everyone else starts to agree. We all share hugs and goodbyes and I love yous. After everyone is gone, I head inside. Cole and my mom are standing at the sink. They’ve got the kitchen spotless, and Mom lets out a yawn.

“Well, I’m beat. Your father is already in bed. He’s such an old man.” She laughs. She pulls me to her in a hug. “I think today was a success.”

“I’d say so,” I agree. “Thank you for everything.”

“Anytime.” She kisses me on the cheek and leaves the room.

I turn to Cole. “And thank you. You were so amazing today.” I wrap my arms around him.

“Can we sit down and talk?” he asks.

“Of course,” I say, gesturing to the table. He joins me and draws in a deep breath.

“First off, I just want you to know that you and Sophie mean the world to me. I would do anything for you. With that said, I kind of feel like a dick for doing this today, but I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to wait any longer.”

He pauses, and I wait, letting him get his words together.

“You’re great, Jaden. You are so beautiful. You inspire me. You’re a great mother, a hard worker, and I know you’ll do amazing now that you’ve started nursing school. You’re going to do great things with your life, and I hope you’ll still let me be around for it all…but, as a friend.”

I try my best not to look relieved.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s just…the spark isn’t there. I know I can’t let this go on any longer. You’ve been through so much already, and the last thing I would ever want to do is cause you more pain. You deserve someone who’s over the moon in love with you. Like Matt was. I’m so sorry. I was really rooting for us.”

I breathe out. “Oh, Cole, thank you so much. You aren’t the only one who hasn’t been feeling a spark. You’re amazing and I’m so lucky to have you in my life, but it’s not the same as finding someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Oh, thank God,” he says, visibly relieved.  “I was so worried about upsetting you. I guess when it’s not there you just know, huh?”

“Yeah,” I say. “And about that friend part, well, if you even think about trying to leave my life, I’ll sic Mandy on you.”

He laughs and pulls me to him in a hug. “I wouldn’t dream of it. I meant everything I said. And if you or Sophie ever need me, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Same to you,” I agree. “I’m here if you need anything. Ever.”

“Well, I should get going. I have an early morning,” he says, standing. “I’ll text you tomorrow. Or, I mean, if you don’t want me to…”

I can’t help but smile at the uncertain look on his face. “I would love if you texted me tomorrow.”

I walk him to the door and thank him one more time for everything he did today. As soon as I close and lock the door, I realize just how tired I really am. It’s been a long day. I’m ready to curl up in bed. Mom and I had agreed earlier that Sophie and I would just crash here when it was past her bedtime.

I make my way upstairs. Once in my room, I get in the closet and dig out a shoe box. I find my old journal and a pen. Settling on the bed, I start writing.

Dear Matt,

Today was Sophie’s first birthday, and while I’m so sad you weren’t here, I know just how blessed I am to have so many amazing people still in my life. Sophie had the best day ever. Things are over between Cole and me now. I just don’t love him like I love you. It kind of sucks that it didn’t work out, but I know I have my whole life to find love again. Instead, I’m going to focus on Sophie and my studies..

I know this is the shortest letter I’ve written, but I just wanted to say hi really quick.

Love and miss you,

                            Jaden

Two years later…

“Ouch, Mommy, that hurts,” Sophie cries.

“You have to stay still, baby,” I say to my now three year old. I honestly don’t know where the time went.

Just then, two little boys with dark-colored skin come running into the living room. Naked. I gasp and cover Sophie’s eyes. But it’s already too late. The damage is done.

“I saw their winky.” Sophie giggles behind my hand.

I smile and shake my head. A pretty woman whose skin is a mere shade lighter than the two young boys comes chasing after them. Her eyes widen when she sees me and Sophie sitting there.

“Oh, shit, Jaden, I’m so sorry,” she says.

I let out a laugh. “It’s no big deal, Kara,” I insist. “Sophie was bound to see one or two in her life time.”

Kara shakes her head before turning her attention back to the young boys who are now wrestling around. “Dominic Wesley, Terrell Anthony, you both have two seconds to get your naked butts upstairs or you can’t go to the park. I’ll make you stay here and be everyone’s personal slaves for the party!”

The boys take one look at each other, yell “Nooo”, and take off in the direction from which they came. I laugh out loud as Kara winks at me.

“Are we sure this is a good idea? Letting Cole, Mitch, and Adam take the kids?”

“Well, there’s three kids and three of them. They should be fine, right?”

Just then, there is a crash upstairs. “I’m not so confident.”

I laugh as Kara runs from the room.

I turn back to my task of fighting with my daughter’s hair when the door opens. I turn to see five people walk in.

“Uncle Mitch!” Sophie squeals, taking off, her hair still half up.

I let out a sigh and stand from the floor. Mitch now has Sophie in his arms. I pull the ponytail holder out of her hair and hand it to Mitch. “Here, you finish her hair.” I hand him the band. “You’ll need the practice,” I add, rubbing Syd’s protruding belly.

“What are you talking about?” Mitch asks. “I make boys, because I’m a real man,” he says cockily. .

“Yeah, but the next one might be a girl. Trust me, you want to be prepared. I’m gonna go see if Kara needs help.”

“Where is my beautiful bride-to-be?” Cole asks.

“Upstairs trying to wrangle the boys. They had a little streaking session earlier and Sophie got an eyeful.”

“Oh no.” Nadine laughs.

“I sawed ‘Nic and ‘Rells winky,” Sophie says with a giggle.

“Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later,” Adam says.

“I don’t have a winky,” Sophie adds, and the rest of us erupt in laughter.

“You guys sure you can handle the kids for a few hours?” I ask.

“We got this,” Mitch assures me, which does little to ease my mind.

Just then, we hear “Dominic Wesley!” from upstairs.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” I say with a laugh as I leave the room.

I head up to the boys’ room to see both twins in their underwear. Kara and Dominic are squatted down, picking up toys that I assume Dominic dumped out of his toy box. Terrell is sitting on his bed, pulling on his pants.

“Hey,” I greet. “I came up to see if you needed any help.”

“Yeah, would you mind helping me pick these up so Dom can get dressed?”

“Not at all,” I say, walking over and joining her on the floor as Dominic walks off.

“And that means get dressed,” Kara says sternly. “No playing around. We’re running late.”

“The guys are downstairs waiting. I put Mitch on hair duty since Sophie wouldn’t stay still for me.”

“That should be interesting.” Kara laughs.

“Yeah. I’m a little apprehensive to see the end result. Though, I doubt Syd will even let him do it. He’ll probably fail miserably and she’ll take over.”

“Probably.”

“What time is your Mom getting here?”

“I talked to her just before I put the boys in the bath. She was about half an hour away then, so she should be here soon.”

“And no one else from back home is coming?”

Kara shakes her head, but doesn’t say anything else. I admire the hell out of Kara. About six months after Cole and I ended our little arrangement, Kara arrived in town. She had gotten herself out of an abusive relationship with the boys’ father. She knew if she stayed close by, he would find her, so she’d packed up the boys and moved three hours away from her hometown and everyone she’d ever known. Randy, the boys’ father, was very well-known and liked in the town. Kara was ostracized, and the only person who believed her story of abuse was her mother.

She’d gotten to town with no job and without knowing anyone. She couldn’t get a job, because she didn’t have anyone to watch the boys. She’d been saving money for years and her mother helped her out a lot with money. They were staying at a rundown motel, but they were safe. Cole saw them at the diner one morning and was instantly drawn to Kara. A week later, they were there again. Cole struck up a conversation and they hit it off immediately. Six months after they were together, Cole bought this house. He wanted Kara and the boys to move in with him, but was worried about being cramped in his small house.  Six months after that, he proposed. That was about three months ago and the wedding is in two.

I know losing Matt was hard on me, but I had so much help. I couldn’t imagine leaving everyone I knew and raising a kid on my own, let alone two. Kara was a true hero in my mind. And she was an awesome person in general.

“So are you getting nervous for the wedding?” I ask.

“I wasn’t, but having my bridal shower today is making it seem so much more real. I’m just ready for it to be over. I’m sick of planning and stressing over it. I’m so afraid everything will go wrong. That’s just how my life works.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I assure her.

She nods her head, and just then we hear Dominic making airplane noises.

“That doesn’t sound like getting dressed,” Kara scolds.

I peek over my shoulder to see Dominic with a toy airplane.

“Sorry, Mom,” he says, putting the toy down and going back to his task of putting his shirt on.

“I’m all dressed,” Terrell announces proudly. “I even put my shoes on!”

Kara glances over her shoulder at her oldest twin. “Great job, buddy.”

We finish picking up the last of the toys, and then Kara helps Dominic get his shoes on. The four of us head downstairs.

Mitch and Sydney are sitting on the couch reading to Sophie while Cole, Adam, and Nadine standing talking to Kara’s mom, Aubrey. Kara and the boys immediately run to Aubrey, engulfing her in hugs. I feel bad for Kara and the boys. I couldn’t imagine Sophie and myself living far from mine and Matt’s family. Sophie can only go a couple days without seeing any of her grandparents before she’s asking for them again.

Cole, Nadine, and Adam step away to give the four of them some time together. I stop my watching and walk over to my daughter and friends. I notice Sophie’s hair is now in a fantastically done French braid.

“Wow, baby, your hair looks great.”

“Thanks, Mommy.”

“I did it all by myself,” Mitch states proudly.

“Sure you did,” I say with a wink to Sydney.

Mitch’s face drops, looking dejected. “I really did.”

I look at him in surprise. “Where did you learn to French braid?”

His cheeks redden with embarrassment. Sydney laughs next to him. “Don’t be ashamed, babe.”

“I’ve been practicing on Syd,” he mutters.

I nearly laugh, but don’t out of respect for my friend.

“He’s really sweet. Some days I just want to relax and have someone play with my hair. He got bored of just brushing it so he looked up
YouTube
videos to learn how to do different braids.”

“That’s really cool,” I say. “Matt used to play with my hair. He never learned anything more complicated than separating it into two strands and twisting them together, though.”

Mitch perks up at my statement triumphantly. Before anyone could say anything else, Cole walks back over to Kara and her family.

“We’re gonna head out,” he informs them. “I know you said you had some stuff in the car that needed to go in the oven, Aubrey. I’ll have Mitch and Adam load up the kids while I get it for you.”

“Thanks, hon,” Kara says.

Cole kisses her on the forehead, and I find myself smiling. Cole is an amazing guy and I’m so glad he found someone like Kara. They are so cute together. And he’s great with the boys. I know he considers them his own children.

Mitch stands up. “Okay, kiddos, who’s ready to go to the park?”

The three kids jump up and down while shouting with excitement. Mitch and Adam kiss their respective partners before herding the three kids out the door after many hugs and kisses.

“Have fun!” Kara and I call to the kids at the same time.

“Be good!” Nadine and Sydney shout to their boyfriends.

The four of us laugh while Aubrey shakes her head with a smile.

After Cole brings in the food and about ten bags, he leaves to join the guys and the kids. The five of us head to the kitchen to start setting everything up. Nadine and I immediately start rifling through the bags to see what goodies Aubrey has brought. She had insisted on planning the whole party. Since I’m the maid of honor, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone, but she insisted on buying everything and bringing it with her. I love Aubrey. She’s so smart and kind. I can see why her daughter turned into the amazing woman she is.

Syd pulls out the bride sash and crown and places them on Kara, who laughs in protest.

“You have to wear them,” Aubrey insists, and Kara lets herself be decorated.

I move over to the gift bags. “Ooh, what are these?”

“Those are the prizes for the game,” Aubrey says. “No peeking!”

I laugh and move to pulling out the paper plates decorated with wedding rings. I pull the plates out of their plastic wrapping and set them up on the island. Syd grabs the cups and starts doing the same thing.

We spend the next couple of hours running around like chickens with our heads cut off, getting everything prepared. We let Kara do as little as possible since it’s her big day. The doorbell rings just as Nadine and I are hanging up the last of the streamers.

“Can I get the door? Or is that too much?” Kara asks sarcastically.

“I suppose,” Aubrey says, “just don’t strain yourself.”

We all laugh as Kara walks to the door. As she opens it, I glance over to see Destinee, Mandy, and Susie standing with gift bags and a dish of food.

“Hey, ladies,” Kara welcomes them. “Come on in.”

They step inside, and Destinee announces, “I made a chicken buffalo dip.”

“I helped!” Mandy adds proudly.

“Sneaking bites of it barely constitutes as helping.”

“Hey, taste testing is a very important part of the process!”

I smile at my best friend. We’re just waiting on Mom and Connie to get here. Cole became a permanent fixture in my life. When he met Kara, I felt bad for her being so alone, so I made sure he brought her along to all of our gatherings. Everyone quickly accepted her as part of our extended family.

“It looks delicious,” Kara compliments. “The food can go in the kitchen and the gift table is over there.” Kara points to the corner of the living room. The girls disperse to the appropriate areas.

Kara goes to shut the door when she takes a final look outside. “Oh, Jaden, I think your mom and Connie are here.”

I finish hanging up my last streamer and jump down from the step stool. Kara looks around the living room.

“This looks amazing. Thank you so much, everyone, for helping me.”

“It’s no problem,” I say.

I take my step stool back to the kitchen, and by the time I make it to the living room, Mom and Connie are walking in the door. Connie is the first to pull Kara to her in a hug.

“Love the tiara,” Mom compliments.

“Mom made me wear it,” Kara admits. 

“It suits you.”

Aubrey comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. “Hello, Connie and Lydia. Kara and Jaden have told me so much about you all. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”