Letters to Matt (22 page)

“Aubrey, hello. It’s so nice to meet you as well. Kara is such a pleasure. We’re so happy you invited us here today.”

Aubrey smiles and thanks my mom. “Well, it looks like everyone is here. There’s plenty of food in the kitchen, so everyone please help yourself. You ladies can just set the presents over on that table.”

Mom and Connie put the presents down and the rest of us all walk to the kitchen. We form a line and fill our plates with various appetizers and dishes that Aubrey and Destinee made. Once we are all settled in and eating, Aubrey grabs her glass and raises it.

“Forgive me for a moment, but I’m about to become a sappy old lady.” We all laugh and turn our attention to her. “When Kara moved here, I was terrified. I knew it was best for her and the twins, but I worried every night about how she was doing in a strange new place. When she first told me about Cole, I was apprehensive. I didn’t want her to ever experience anything like what she’d gone through with Randy again. But as she talked more about him and more names got added to the list of people she was meeting, particularly you, Jaden, I felt more at ease. Now, I am so glad that she met Cole. Jaden, you took Kara under your wing. You introduced her to your friends and family. You helped make this strange new place home. I will forever be grateful.” Tears well up in her eyes and I feel my own emotions rise. “I know you all haven’t known Kara long, but she is beyond blessed to have you in her life. So, I just want to take this time to thank you all for being here today.

“I know she found a good one with Cole. He’s stepped up and been the man that my daughter and grandbabies need. And I’m so glad that they’ve chosen you amazing women to be a part of their special day. Here’s a toast to Kara and the amazing life that awaits her.”

We all raise our glasses. “To Kara,” we echo before sipping our drinks.

Kara wipes tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Mom,” she says, pulling her into a hug. “And thank you all. My mom said perfectly what I wanted to tell you all. I don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t met Cole and, through him, all of you. You’re amazing and I’m so happy you’re all in my life.”

Mom speaks up next. “We fell in love with Cole when Jaden first started bringing him around,” she begins. “Then, when he met Kara and Jaden told me about her, my heart broke for her and those sweet boys. Losing Matt was the hardest thing Jaden ever did, but she had countless friends and family. I couldn’t imagine her going through that alone. I admire Kara’s strength and the way she held her head high with pride in her tough situation. I made Jaden bring her over at the first opportunity. She probably thought I was a little crazy the way I fawned over her and the boys, but all I could think about is ‘What if this was Jaden?’ And Kara was just as sweet as ever. I’m so sad over everything she endured, but I’m happy it happened because it brought her to us. In a way, I consider her as a second daughter.”

Kara’s eyes shine with tears. “Thank you so much, Lydia. You could never replace my mom, but the fact that you stepped in to fill her shoes while she’s so far away means more than you’ll ever know.”

Pretty much everyone has tears in their eyes at this point. We start grabbing napkins to wipe our faces.

“Okay, okay,” Mandy laughs through a small sob, “enough of this sappiness. This is supposed to be a party.”

Everyone laughs and agrees.

“Let’s open the presents after we eat,” Aubrey suggests, “and then after that, we can do games.”

The rest of the party is filled with endless chatter and laughter. When it’s over and people are starting to leave, I look around to Nadine, Sydney, and Kara.

“Let’s head to the park,” I suggest..

“Okay, sounds good,” they agree.

We pick up a little bit, but leave the big things for later before piling into Kara’s car. Pulling up to the park, we spot the guys with the kids and park the car. We all laugh with sympathy as Syd struggles to get out of the car.

“I remember those days well,” Kara says. “Some days I wondered how I even managed to move.”

“Oh, I know,” I agree. “And you were pregnant with twins. I already felt like a whale with just one.”

Kara and I share a laugh before walking over and helping Nadine pull Syd from the seat. The four of us walk toward the guys and sit next to them. I watch everyone share kisses and hugs and look for the kids. They’re on the playground, chasing each other.

“Well, it looks like they’re in good health and still have all their limbs,” Kara teases.

“Were you worried?” Mitch asks.

“Maybe just a little,” I joke.

“Have you no faith in us?”

“No,” the four of us say at once before laughing.

The kids slowly start to notice that we’ve arrived and run over. I lift Sophie in my arms as she opens her hand to me.

“I picked you a flower, Mommy,” she says, presenting a crushed yellow dandelion.

I take it from her hand. “That is beautiful. Thank you, baby.”

“Did the boys eat their lunch?” I hear Kara ask Cole as I set Sophie back down.

“Yeah, they ate most of their chicken nuggets and a few fries,” he answers. “Sophie did really well, too, Jaden.”

“Cole said if I eated my lunch like a big girl, I could play. So I eated lots of it,” Sophie announced, proud of herself.

“Good job!” I said, high fiving her.

“Mommy, I can sing a new song!” Sophie says as the twins take off running to the playground.

A grin grows on my face. I always love when my daughter finds a new song she loves. “Let’s hear it!” I encourage.

As soon as she starts singing, I immediately recognize the song, but something sounds a little off.

“Is she saying twankle twankle?” Mitch asks with a laugh.

“She is!” Kara says, laughing along with him, and soon the rest of us are joining.

“That’s awesome, sweetie!” I say, clapping. “Let’s all sing it with her!”

A grin a mile wide splits Sophie’s face as we all start singing “Twankle twankle little star” with her. After the song is over, we sing it again just because it’s so funny. But then Sophie grows bored of her new song.

“Mommy, can I go play some more?”

“Yeah, sweetie, for a little while longer. We gotta get home. Tonight’s bath night.”

“Yuck!”

I laugh. “Yuck is exactly what you’re going to be if you don’t get a bath, especially after running around all day.”

Sophie always acts like she dreads baths, but as soon as she’s in, she has a blast playing and doesn’t want to get back out.

She goes to join the twins as I take a seat next to the others.

“Twankle twankle little star is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard!” Mitch says, wiping tears from his eyes.

“My daughter is a genius.” I laugh.

We joke about it a little longer before the conversation takes a turn. I glance up to see Sophie on the swings while Terrell pushes her. As I watch her swing, a memory comes to mind.

I stared out the window as Matt and I drove home. We passed the park and I smiled.

“I can’t wait until she’s big enough to play at the park,” I said, rubbing my belly.

“I remember the park I played at when I was a kid,” Matt said. “Mom used to have to drag me away from the slides. I’d throw the biggest fit because I didn’t want to leave.”

“The swings were my favorite,” I said. “I would swing so high it felt like I was flying. That’s one thing I miss about being a kid.”

Suddenly Matt pulled into someone’s driveway.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re going to the park,” he said simply, putting the car in reverse. “I want to see you fly on those swings.”

I laughed. “Matt, I’m five months pregnant. I can’t be running around a playground.”

“Nonsense,” Matt said as the car pulled  into the park. “A little swinging won’t hurt the baby. Besides, you’re never too old to enjoy a playground.”

“This is so silly.”

“C’mon,” he prompted, getting out of the car. “Let’s go fly.”

I laughed and climbed out, meeting him at the hood of the car. He took my hand in his. Once on the swings, we joined hands again and swung slowly at first. Then he let go and started going higher.

“Show me what you got,” he challenged. “Loser has to buy the other ice cream.”

“Chocolate with rainbow sprinkles?” I asked, my eyes lighting up.

“Sure. But you have to beat me first.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re on,” I accepted the challenge before swinging my feet.

Another two years later…

I watch as Sophie bounces in her seat and talks animatedly. A smile graces my lips at the sight of my beautiful daughter.

“Sophie, dear, I know you’re excited, but you really need to eat your breakfast. Nana is going to be here with the girls soon, and Grandma Lydia just called to say she’s on her way. They’ll want to spend time with you before you get on the bus and they can’t do that if you’re still sitting here eating.”

“I can’t eat, Mommy,” she tells me. “I’m too excited about my first day of Kindergarten. It’s going to be so much fun. Mrs. Winters is so nice and she has a bunny in her room. I can’t wait to pet it. I bet it’ll be really soft.”

I laugh and shake my head right as the doorbell rings. “That’s Nana and the girls. Take five more bites while I go let them in. And don’t just eat the bacon. You have to have some eggs, too. When you’re done, you can come in the living room. Okay?”

“Otay, Mommy.”

“Five bites,” I remind her as I walk from the kitchen.

I open the door to see Connie standing talking to Madison and Mack. Madison is reiterating her schedule. This year, they’re going to have a couple classes outside of the main room to prepare them for middle school. Mack has her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. I hold back my shocked look as I notice she has entirely too much make-up on. I can’t believe how big they are. Madison is going into the fifth grade and Mack is a sophomore in high school. It seems like just yesterday we were getting Madison ready to get on the school bus for the first time.

“Hey, come in,” I say, and the three of them step inside. Connie pulls me to her in a hug. I hear her sniffle slightly and hold back my laugh.

“Please excuse me,” Connie says. “I can’t believe my sweet baby girl is so grown up.”

“Don’t worry,” I tell her. “I’ve already played it out in my head ten times how I would hole her up in the closet and not let her go to school today.”

Connie laughs. “I tried to convince Mack that she didn’t really want to go to school on her first day.”

I smile and shake my head. Connie turns to her daughters. “Why don’t you two go see Sophie? I need to talk to Jaden for a moment.”

The girls nod their okay. “Make sure she’s eating,” I add. “I told her she had to eat five more bites of breakfast before she can get up.”

Once the girls are out of earshot, Connie looks to me panicked. “Did you see?”

I immediately recognize that she’s talking about Mack’s unique make over. “Yeah. What’s the story with that?”

Connie pinches the bridge of her nose. “I thought I had a while before I even had to worry about make-up. Mack has always been such a tomboy I thought it would be Madison who was obsessed. I tried telling her it doesn’t look as good as she thinks, but she just told me I didn’t know the style.”

“Yikes,” I say. “Well, I don’t think that will ever be the style. Do you want me to talk to her?”

“Please,” Connie begs.

I laugh slightly and we walk toward the kitchen. Connie walks over and kisses Sophie on the forehead. I turn to Mack.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?” She nods her head and I lead her to my bathroom. “That’s quite a look,” I say.

“Yeah,” she replies, looking proud. “It’s how all the girls in my class wear their make-up. Mom just doesn’t understand that.”

I grimace slightly. “Well, to be honest, I don’t understand it, either. See, the thing with make-up is less is always more. So, let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll see if we can’t make it look better. Is that okay?”

Mack’s face drops. “I guess.”

I get out my make-up remover and start wiping her face. Fifteen minutes later, I’ve shown her how to apply make-up properly and she looks like the gorgeous young lady I knew was hiding under that horror show she’d painted on her face.

“There,” I say, applying some lip gloss. “Take a look.”

She stands and looks in front of the mirror. Her lips form into an ‘o’ shape. “I look so pretty,” she gushes.

“You’ve always been pretty,” I tell her. “That’s what make-up is supposed to do, enhance your natural beauty. Not conceal what you really look like.”

She gives a nod. “Thank you so much, Jaden,” she says, pulling me to her in a hug.

“Anytime,” I tell her. “Let’s get back out there. I don’t want you girls to miss the bus, and I’m pretty sure I heard my mom.”

We make our way to the living room and find everyone sitting on the couches. All eyes turn on Mack, and there’s a collective gasp around the room.

“Oh, my baby looks so grown up,” Connie says, standing first. As she pulls Mack to her in a hug, she mouths ‘Thank you’ to me. I merely nod my head.

As the conversation about how great Mack looks dies down, Mom grabs her camera.

“Okay, let’s get the girls in front of the door for some pictures.”

Madison and Mack grumble while Sophie jumps up and down with excitement. Mom goes a little picture crazy. She makes each girl take a picture by themselves, each girl get one with Sophie, Mack and Madison together. Me with the girls together, and as a group. The same with Connie. Then she hands the camera off to Connie so she can take the pictures of her with the girls. It goes on for nearly twenty minutes.

By the time we hear the bus honk outside, our cheeks hurt and we’re tired of taking pictures. An overwhelming sense of dread falls over me as I realize this is it. It’s time to put my baby girl on the bus for her first day of school. I will the tears back. Seeing me cry will only upset Sophie, and I don’t want her excitement to wane.

There’s a wave of conversation as we walk with the girls out the door. We each give them a kiss and a hug and tell them we love them. I call to Sophie to tell her to have a good day while, Mom tells her to stop at the bus and turn for a final picture. I let out a half laugh, half sob at my Mom. The past couple minutes were a blur, but as soon as the bus door closes and starts to pull off, I let myself break.

Tears stream down my face faster than I can stop them. Mom and Connie are at my side in an instant, wrapping their arms around me.

“I’m so proud of her,” I howl. “I know she’s just going to school for a few hours, but I didn’t know it would hit me this bad. How is it possible that you can love someone so much that being away from them for eight hours breaks your heart?”

Mom and Connie don’t say anything, but I can feel their sympathy.

“She’s grown up to be such a beautiful little girl,” Connie tells me. “You’ve done a great job, Jaden. I’ve never been more proud of you two than I am in this moment.”

I nod my thanks, because I can’t find the words to explain my gratitude to her without breaking down again.

“You know what helped me when I sent you on that bus for the first time?” Mom asked.

I shake my head. “No, what?”

“Wine,” she says simply.

I laugh. “I’ve got the good stuff in my fridge. Kara got it for me. She said I might need it.”

Mom and Connie laugh beside me. “That Kara is one wise woman.”

We’d invited them over for today, but Kara and Cole wanted us to have this special moment as a family. Everyone else agreed. Mandy would have been stubborn and come, anyway, but she was stuck at work this morning.

“C’mon,” Connie says. “Let’s get a good buzz and forget that our babies are growing up.”

The three of us walk inside together. I grab the wine from the fridge and three glasses from the cabinet. We sit around laughing and talking until late afternoon when they head out so I can have time with Sophie when she gets home and Connie can be home when the girls get off the bus.

I sit on the porch forty-five minutes before the bus is meant to arrive. I want to be there the very second it pulls up. I can’t wait to see Sophie and hear all about her day. My heart leaps with joy when the bus pulls up and she comes down the steps a few moments later. I walk down the sidewalk to meet her and she runs to me, pink backpack bouncing on her back.

I scoop her up in my arms and we wave to the driver together. Once the bus pulls off, I plant lots of kisses on her face.

“I missed you so much, baby girl,” I say. “Did you have a good day?”

“I had a great day!” she starts gushing about Carrots the rabbit and all the new friends she made and how nice Mrs. Winters was as I carry her inside.

The rest of the night is nice as I make us dinner and listen to her prattle on about how awesome school was and how she can’t wait to go back tomorrow. I silently hope to myself that tomorrow will be better, but knowing that she loves it helps a sense of calm wash over me.

Later that night, after tucking her into bed and telling her I love her, I head to my own bedroom. I have to tell Matt about this day. It hurts my heart knowing he wasn’t here for it, but I feel so damn lucky that I am still around to experience this wonderful life. I don’t know where I would be without Sophie.

I grab the old shoebox out of the closet before gathering up my pen and notepad and sitting on the bed. I know in my heart this will be my last letter to Matt. It’s been five years and I have a whole stack of them. My life is finally where I want it. I have my beautiful daughter. I made it through the four exhausting years of nursing school and have high hopes that I’ll find a good job soon I have my friends that have stuck by me this whole time, and new ones that I’m grateful to have as well. And I have our families.

Matt was an amazing chapter in my life, but I feel like it’s time to close that book. I will always love him and I will always cherish the memories we had. My hand trembles as I reach for a loose piece of paper. I have reread all of his letters more times than I care to admit, but this one I could never bring myself to read. It’s the last letter he ever wrote me. It’s the letter that I woke up to the morning of the crash.

Matt and I sat curled up on the couch, watching TV. It’s our nightly ritual. After he got home from work, we ate dinner and then cuddled up on the couch to watch TV and just spend time together. After graduation, Matt started working during the week. He also worked longer hours. He was busting his ass and was always tired and ready for bed early. So that was our “us” time. Or at least it was supposed to be. Matt had been on his phone texting that particular night.

My hormone riddled body got more and more agitated every time his phone dinged and he picked it up. Who could he possibly be texting so much? I hated these hormones. I had never been the type to be jealous or get angry when he wanted to spend time with his friends. We’d always had a very casual relationship with neither of us being overly possessive. That was the biggest downfall of my pregnancy. It turned me into a bitch, and I hated it but didn’t know how to stop my feelings.

A few minutes later, Matt stood to go to the bathroom. He left his phone on the couch next to me. I wasn’t planning on going through it. I was never the type to snoop, but it dinged again and my annoyance got the better of me.

I glanced around to see if he was coming back before picking it up. I swiped to unlock it and the conversation popped up. I glanced up at the name. Misty. I didn’t know a Misty. I’d never heard him mention her before. That got my heart speeding up again. Matt didn’t keep secrets from me. My eyes dropped to the last message she’d sent.

I wish you weren’t engaged. I’d do things to your body that you didn’t even know were possible
.