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Not a single word!

I had allowed myself to be distracted.  Which isn’t all that difficult considering the fact that Cole is freaking amazing in bed.  A little shiver slides through me remembering the delicious way he had played with my body last night.

Throwing an arm over my eyes, I wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to come clean.  The longer I allow this to linger between us, the more difficult it becomes to force out the words.

It has to be soon, I promise myself, it has to be very soon.

Chapter Twenty-Five

“Cassidy, wait up.”

Turning at the sound of my name, my entire body freezes as I watch Luke trot towards me.  Still unable to move, I hitch the brown leather bag higher onto my shoulder as if clutching it for comfort.

Finally reaching my side, he smiles as if we’ve always been friends. “Um, hey.”  I force my stiff lips upward into something that hopefully resembles a smile and not a grimace.  Because a grimace is exactly what it feels like.

“Hi, I’ve been looking for you.”

Gulping nervously, I don’t even want to imagine why he would be trying to find me.  Because only one thing comes to mind.  Shifting restlessly, the entire length of my body tightens.

“You heading this way.”  He nods his head in the direction I’ve been walking in.  I almost want to switch ways just so I don’t have to spend another moment with him.  I’m pretty sure he knows all my deep dark secrets.  And that thought has my stomach plunging to the bottom of my toes.  Not only was he a firsthand witness to that horrible night, but he probably heard all the ugly gossip and rumors that had been floating around Dartmouth.

A hot scalding blush fills my cheeks knowing that this guy has seen me at my absolute worst.  “Umm, yeah.”  Crap.  I’m stuck.  There’s nothing I can do to get out of this.

He nods his head, as if he’s completely oblivious to the stiltedness that has now fallen over us.  “I have political science in ten minutes.”

I force out a response.  “Econ.”  My mind races as I try to figure out a way to escape his company.

Intentionally I hasten my step hoping that if I walk quickly enough, there won’t be too much time for us to talk.  “So how long have you been seeing Cole?”

His unexpected question has me stumbling.  He reaches out, his hand quickly grasping my elbow to steady me. A little shiver slides through me at the contact.  “I’m okay,” I mumble.  It takes a moment or two for his hand to fall away.  Glancing out of the corner of my eye, I keep walking.  At this point, I’m practically jogging.  It won’t be long before I break into a run.  “For about a month or so.”  Even though it’s chilly out, sweat pops out across my brow.

Looking thoughtful, he nods as his eyes slide back to mine.  And like before, I feel them crawling slowly over me.  Nerves prickle along my oversensitive flesh as I wait for him to say something.  Something that will tell me what direction this conversation is going to veer in.

But he doesn’t.

Silently we continue walking side by side as thick tendrils of tension continue building within me.  Until I feel as if I might seriously lose my mind.  Just as I’m contemplating what to do, Luke suddenly reaches out.   He grabs my hand before maneuvering us onto a grassy open space so that we are no longer standing in the swiftly moving foot traffic.  My widened eyes hold his.  My heart continues to pound as I wait.

“My class is in Danners,” he jerks his head to the left, “so I need to head this way.”  He continues holding my hand tightly within his own as if he will never let me go.  My skin prickles with unease at the intent way he watches me.

“Okay,” I say lightly before trying to tug my hand free.  He inches closer until we’re standing no more than a foot apart.  My breath hitches because it’s way too close.  Being this near him makes my heart jackhammer almost painfully in my chest.  I need some space between us so I can breathe.

He tilts his head to the side as his eyes steadily hold mine.  “I realize that you’re seeing Cole, but do you want to grab some coffee later?”

I blink before slowly shaking my head.  No.  Absolutely not.  I can’t imagine sitting down and having coffee together.  My God, what the hell would we talk about?  That thought has my belly hollowing out because I know
exactly
what he wants to discuss.  A slight quiver weaves its way through my thin voice.  “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Just as friends,” he quickly adds as if that will somehow change my mind, “nothing more.”

But still I shake my head.  I need to get away from him.

If we didn’t have last year sitting between us, Luke and I could have very well been friends.  If Cole had never happened, I think he’s someone I could have been interested in.  But last year did happen.  I can’t move past that.  And I can’t get around it.   

I remember seeing him around school last year before… well, before that night.  I remember him from the men’s hockey team.  And I remember thinking that he was really nice looking with his short blond hair and pretty blue gray hazel colored eyes.  He’s solidly built.  Tall.  Just a shade shorter than Cole.  So I would guess he’s around six foot.  The word
strapping
comes to mind.  He’s another defensive player and he looks the part.

But knowing that we both attended Dartmouth last year when everything came crashing down upon my head and that he had a front row seat makes me sick to my stomach. Instead of feeling attracted to him, I feel repelled.  I just want to get away from him as quickly as I can. And I don’t want him telling Cole what he knows or spreading it around campus either.

His voice lowers.  “Just think about it, okay?  I’d really like to get together so we can talk.”

Before I even have time to react, he leans over, brushing a soft kiss across my cheek.  Even as his lips leave my skin, he doesn’t back away.  His body continues to invade my space as his eyes hold mine for a long moment that leaves me feeling breathless.

Thankfully he doesn’t push it any further than that.  Instead, with his hand still holding mine, he gives it a little squeeze before saying goodbye.  And then he’s gone and I’m left standing in the grass next to cement walkway as people continue rushing past me.  It takes a moment or two before I’m able to gather my scattered thoughts and hurry to class.

Later that afternoon, I meet up with Brooklyn for dinner at the union.

We both order taco salads before sliding into an empty both buried deep in a corner.  I haven’t seen her since last night and I’m sure she’ll be brimming with questions.

I’m not wrong.

“So, how did it go?  You told him, right?”  Quickly she glances around, double checking to make sure our private conversation remains private.  There’s some indie rock music playing in the background as well as the babble of hundreds of voices surrounding us.

Silently I shake my head before shoving a forkful of lettuce and taco seasoned ground beef into my mouth.  And just like last night, my appetite pulls another vanishing act leaving only queasiness in its place.  At the rate I’m going, I’ll lose all the weight I gained over the last year from not working out.

Brooklyn purses her lips as she leans towards me.  I know exactly what she’s going to say and I can’t help but wince as she harshly whispers the words. “Cassidy, you absolutely have to tell him before Luke does!”

“I know,” Sighing unhappily, my eyes drop to the less than appealing dinner sitting before me.  I can’t help but wonder how Cole and I got so off track last night.  Alright… I know
exactly
how we got off track last night…

And you know what?

I just can’t bring myself to regret what happened between us.  I love being with him like that.

Dragging my fork halfheartedly through my salad, I say, “I’ll try talking to him tonight.  I promise.”

Brooklyn levels me with a hard stare.  “Cassidy, you have to do it.  It’ll be so much worse if Luke says something to him first.  Then it’ll seem like you were lying to him.”  She pauses looking suddenly uncomfortable.  “It might even look like you and Luke have some kind of secret relationship going on.”

My eyes widen.  “Why would you say that?”  Cole couldn’t possibly think that.  There is absolutely nothing going on between Luke and me.  I can barely stand being around him.

She jerks her shoulders into a quick shrug.  “Well, you both attended the same school last year, he’s the one who found and took care of you that night, you were dancing together at the party when some unknown person snapped a picture last Saturday, and then he confronted you at the restaurant.”  Her eyes look apologetic as she continues.  “It’s almost like he wants Cole to find out that you two know each other.”

As I turn her words slowly over in my head, I feel a fresh wave of nerves ripple across my skin.  Is Brooklyn right?  Does it now appear like I’m hiding a relationship with Luke from Cole?  Then I remember my phone which still has his name and number programmed into the contacts list.

Could this all be misconstrued?

Biting down almost painfully on my lower lip, I lean forward before whispering, “Want to hear something that makes this even worse?” Her words keep circling through my head as I think about the walk to econ this afternoon.

One of her brows slides up.  “No, I don’t think I do.  It’s already bad enough.”  Then she makes a gesture with her hand telling me to continue.  “Okay, lay it on me.”

“Luke walked with me to econ today.”  I’m still reeling from that whole situation.  It was just so uncomfortable and… weird.

Her brows nearly hit the ceiling as she shoves another forkful of salad into her mouth.  Her look turns contemplative.  “I think he has a thing for you.”

Even though I don’t necessarily want to believe what she’s suggesting, I admit, “He asked me to get coffee with him so we could talk.”

Holding a speared tomato on her fork, her eyes take on a knowing glint.  “See? Told you.  He’s definitely got a thing for you.  My best guess is that he’s trying to cause trouble between you and Cole.”

“I don’t think that’s the case.”  Mostly because I don’t want it to be.  Holding her eyes, my mind continues to spin.

“Okay, let’s just say that you’re right and I’m totally off base here.  The only way you’re going to know for sure is if you sit down and talk to him.  Figure out what he wants.”  But the look she’s giving me says that she doesn’t think she’s wrong.  And I really hate that she could be right.

Nervously I shake my head.  “I’m not interested in anything he has to say.  I came to Western for a fresh start and now it feels like everything from last year is going to be dredged up again.”  The thought of that happening makes me want to cry.  And it must show on my face because Brooklyn quickly reaches across the table for my hand before giving it a squeeze.

“I know.  We’ll get through this, Cassidy.  We’re in this together.  Right?”  Pausing for just a moment, she adds, “But you absolutely have to tell Cole what happened.  Once you do that, then you can deal with Luke.”

Yes.  That’s a good plan.  I have to tell Cole the truth and then I can deal with Luke.  “Thanks, Brook.  It really helps to talk with you about all this.”  I give her a slight smile as everything continues to swim around in my head.  “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”  Needing to focus my thoughts on something else, I ask, “Anything new on the Austin front?”

“He,” setting her fork down, she says with exaggerated air quotes, “
claims
that Mandi was all over him and just wanted to whisper something in his ear but ended up kissing him instead.”  Her lips flatten.  “Which is when I, rather conveniently, walked in.”

Trying to keep my face neutral, I hesitantly ask, “Do you believe him?”

Obviously still upset about the situation, she jerks her shoulders into a slight shrug.  “I don’t know.  He swore up and down that he’s not interested in Mandi and that he had no intention of kissing her.  I’m just not sure if I can trust him.  The last thing I want to worry about is that he’ll mess around behind my back.”

I certainly understand where she’s coming from.  No one wants to feel like a paranoid jealous bitch.  Nothing ruins a relationship faster than distrust.

Well… maybe lying and holding back information does…  Although I really hope not.

“I wish I had an answer for you, Brook.  I still have a hard time believing he would throw your relationship away by messing around with another girl.  Especially out in the open where it would more than likely get back to you.”

Quiet for a moment, she looks as if she’s considering the merit of my words.  “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“Do you think you’re going to end up giving him another chance?”

I hope she will.  I like Austin and I like them together.

“I haven’t decided yet.”  She sighs heavily.  “I told him that I needed some more time to think about it.”

I nod.  “You should take as much time as you need to sort out your feelings.”

She shrugs as a small smile tilts her lips upward.  “Yeah… I’m just not sure how much longer I can hold out. Sex with Austin is seriously hot.”  Her eyes actually start to sparkle as she warms to the subject. “Have I told you about the amazing thing he does with his tongue?”