my advice, sweetheart.” Connor refused
to look at her as she passed shamefully
with her belongings overflowing in her
hands.
“Aren’t you worried about her?
Don’t you want to make sure she doesn’t
get hurt?”
His jaw could cut diamonds with
how sharp he held it into place. His
nostrils flared with anger, his breathing
labored. “Why are you here?”
Looking at him with disdain, more
poison kept flowing. “Why do you keep
asking me that? Did you ever think it
was because I wanted to be? It doesn’t
matter. I am leaving, so move.” I pushed
on his iron chest that remained
immobile. “Let me go, Connor!”
With an instant reflex, he grabbed
my wrist tightly. “No! Violet, damn it, a
storm is coming. You need to stay here
until it passes. And don’t leave like this;
it’s not what you think.”
I snorted in disgust; this was
unbelievable.
“How fucking stupid do you really
think I am? I have eyes, you know, and
ears. I am pretty sure I interrupted your
little plans tonight.”
Slamming his free fist against the
wall, the anger caused every vein in his
neck to bulge. Plaster fell from the dent
he made as blood started to pour from
his knuckles. “Frankie asked me to
spend some time with her okay? I wasn’t
going to sleep with her. Seems after she
won, she was gun shy about taking the
job. He thought I could persuade her to
think about it.”
My face went aghast; the truth cut
me deeper than a lie. He became
frightened when he saw the way my
features contorted.
“V, talk to me…” I kept backing up
slowly, my mind reeling from what it
was piecing together.
“Oh my God, I was so stupid. How
did I not know? How the fuck did I not
know?” I felt my body start to tremble
violently. Connor was looking at me as
if I was a ticking time bomb.
“I asked Frankie for a ticket to the
illusion; he asked me to be a part of the
show. I thought he just meant a dance.” I
kept mumbling while heading towards
the flight of stairs. He walked behind me
cautiously.
“Violet, what are you talking
about?”
I stopped briefly to look up at him.
“You were a part of it; none of it was
real, It was just a show…it wasn’t
real…it wasn’t real…it was just…it
was...”
My head moved slowly side to side
in disbelief as the shock started to set in.
Connor started to visibly panic. He
grabbed my shoulders and started to
shake them, “Violet, Violet, baby don’t
do this, don’t go there, come back to me,
fuck, please, please!”
I could tell he was pleading loudly,
but all I heard was the rushing noise of
my heart beating in my head. Hot tears
ran down my cheeks, gliding off my chin
onto my shirt. I used my sleeve to wipe
my eyes before looking back at him.
“I envy you, Connor; you shut it off
so easily.”
As soon as the words left my lips,
the sword of fate came swiftly down
upon the cord that bound us together. A
flash of despair burst in his eyes the
same moment the light left mine. Before I
touched the rail leading down the
stairwell, we both knew I was gone.
Chapter 27 -
Leveled
In less than an hour, over three
inches of snow had covered the ground.
Trucks struggled to plow and salt faster
than the speed it was coming down.
Following closely behind one of them, I
only made it about a mile and a half
away from Connor’s apartment before
sliding into a hotel parking lot.
Fortunately for me, this was the off
season and rooms were plentiful. I had a
change of clothes and my cell phone
charger. The desk attendant provided me
with a chintzy tooth brush and dusty
toothpaste tube.
I was located within walking
distance of a convenience store where I
picked up a few bottles of wine and
packs of crackers, not in the least bit
interested in food. The room was
spacious with a double-sided glass
fireplace and massive soaking tub. The
windows faced the foothills, giving a
panoramic view of the canyon dotted
with pine trees. Thinking for a moment
that Connor would have followed me,
his Jeep never once came across my rear
view mirror. My phone started to vibrate
on the wooden night stand; it was
Alessa.
“Shit!” I had forgotten to call her to
tell her my flight was canceled.
“Hey Lees…” My voice cracked as
though I were sick, I really was thinking
about it.
“It’s a good thing I put your flight
on alert or my very unhappy ass would
be sitting in the lot waiting for you.” She
sounded slightly annoyed until I did not
respond. “Violet, are you there?”
I exhaled deeply attempting to hold
back the tears; I had to get it out before I
completely lost my mind. “I think so…”
With the concern rising in her
voice, she shouted so loudly, I had to
pull my phone away from my ear.
“What’s wrong?”
A few sobs trickled out of my chest
before the scream behind it came driving
out.
“I fucked up! It was an act – all of
it. Connor, the son of a bitch, I’m so
stupid!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Violet, what
are you talking about?”
I was rapidly growing angry as the
scenario replayed in my head. “He had
her there – the fucking girl. He told me
he was doing Frankie a favor and that he
wasn’t going to sleep with her!”
Alessa cut me off in the middle of
the rant.
“Frankie? What girl? Vy, you are
not making any sense. Deep breath,
whoooooo…start from the beginning.”
The ground was falling out beneath
my feet. Breath in, breath out, breath in,
breath out… “Lees, there’s a lot you
don’t know about me. I will tell you
everything, but you have to swear to me
that it never goes beyond this call.
Swear to me.”
“Violet, how long have you known
me? When have I ever broken your
trust?”
She was right; the five years we
had worked together, not once had she
ever let me down. I realized how lucky I
was to have someone like her.
“You better sit down; this is going
to take a little while.”
***
serious. Holy shit, you are! I knew you
were a freak; I wouldn’t like you as
much as I do if you weren’t. I will pay
you lots of money to take off your
clothes again. Hell, I’ll put a dollar in
your garter with my teeth if you want.”
Two hours into the conversation,
she was finally able to get me to laugh. I
was working on my second bottle,
feeling my nerves unravel enough to sit
down and not pace back and forth.
“Violet,
you
will
be
here
tomorrow. I will pick you up; you’re
staying with me, alright? I think we need
to make an appointment for you to see
someone, though. Don’t tell them about
the club and stuff, but you might need a
little something to get you through this.
As much as I love drinking, I can’t let
you go down that road; it’s bad for your
skin.”
Giggling at the last comment
through the tears, I knew how self-
destructive I could be. “Thanks Lees,
you’re the best.”
Her voice was quieter now,
confident I would be stable enough to get
back on a plane in a few hours. “Get
some sleep; it looks like there is an
afternoon flight. It will get you back in
before eight. Okay?”
“Yeah, see ya.”
Ending the call, I started to yawn;
sleep sounded good right now. I turned
on the gas fireplace and crawled
underneath the thick down comforter.
Hugging a pillow close to my body, my
eyes followed the dancing flames. The
fan above it kicked on, blowing the
warmth across my skin. Turning my head
to look out the window, I saw that the
snow had stopped; the storm was
passing as quickly as it came through. I
got up and placed my palm on the cold
window, blowing on the glass to create
an opaque surface. My index finger
slowly traced the words my heart felt.
“Good-bye.”
Within moments, the heat in the
room evaporated the temporary message,
clearing my view back out into sleeping
world. I could only hope it would be that
swift and easy. My phone started to
vibrate again; it was past midnight, yet
with the time change, it could be been
anyone. Thinking it might be my dad, I
walked over to answer it. I touched the
screen to see a number I did not
recognize. It was local, but I still did not
answer it, allowing it go to voicemail.
My heart started to race; could it be
Connor? If it is, why was he waiting
until now to call me? Feeling myself
beginning to wind up again, I listened to
the message. He sounded rough,
“Violet, please, this is Connor.
Pick up, I need to know you’re alive. I
don’t know where you are and I am
afraid something’s happened. I don’t
know what to do. I just want to know
you’re okay.”
My phone felt like a lead weight in
my hand. Alessa just spent over two
hours talking me down, and a thirty
second message snapped me right back
to the edge. I couldn’t wrap my head
around someone being so incredibly
cold hearted. The fragment within that
still believed he was the same Connor
who danced with me under the stars was
crumbling to pieces. I picked up the
phone and stared at the number, debating
on whether or not to even respond.
Granted, his actions were inexcusable. I
couldn’t fathom thinking something I did
caused someone else to put themselves
in harm’s way.
I replied in a text, “I’m not in a
ditch; you can go back to your life now.”
A few seconds later buzzed another
text.
“Where are you?”
“I’m safe.”
“Not what I asked.”
“Well, it’s all you’re getting.”
“Please pick up!”
“No, there’s nothing to talk about.
I’m okay – now leave me alone, good-
bye.”
His number flashed on my screen
again. I knew this was going to go on all
night. I hit decline, then turned off my
phone. Curling up on the bed, I felt like a
knife was slicing through my gut,
bleeding out the very life within me. The
last time I felt this awful, I was
bandaged up in a hospital, knowing I
was about to abandon Shepard. A new
wave of agony ripped through my being.
This was why I don’t let anyone in. I
called down to the reception desk and
canceled my early wake-up call and
requested a late check-out.
Unable to relax again, I poured a
bath and submerged myself in the
steaming water. I tilted my head back,
placing my ears just under the surface.
The familiar beat thrummed loudly in my
head, reminding me I was still alive. My
heart might be broken, but it continued to
fight. I closed my eyes, feeling utterly
leveled to the ground, crying out to God,
and pleading for mercy. I wept to the
point of exhaustion; sufficiently emptied,
I got out of the water, washing the last of
my tears down the drain.
The next morning, I wanted to
avoid the mirror at all cost, knowing the
moment I gazed at my reflection, I could
not deny what had become of me. Surely
enough, sallow eyes and parched skin
gave covering to this ghost of a girl.
Burgundy stained the sticky coating
along my gum line and parts of dried lip
flakes. I recognized this creature. It
would often visit me at the bottom of the
pit, which meant only one thing: this