Never Without Hope (Sacred Vows Book 1) (14 page)

If she followed me. Oh, Lord, what if she came to my house?

Minutes later my cell phone rang. Tony’s ring.

I exhaled, wondering why he called so soon.
“Hello?”

“
Tell me the truth. I’ll believe you, but I won’t believe a word he says. Are you sleeping with my husband?”

If my bladder had been full
, it would’ve emptied right on the seat. I’d never been so terrified in my life as I pulled into my driveway and parked. I decided to play dumb. Technically I wasn’t sleeping with him anymore. “Why are you calling me?”

“
Just tell me the truth, or he’s never seeing his son again!” She yelled so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

If I
’d been in contact with God lately I might have prayed and asked for some counsel, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for help, so I tried to decide what was best on my own, knowing that no matter what I did someone would get hurt.

“
I have nothing to say to you.” I sucked in my breath and hung up.

For a minute I sat there reflecting on what had just happened. Before I had a chance to power off the phone
, it rang again. Tony’s ring. How could I know if it was Tony or his wife unless I answered? So I debated as it rang two more times and decided to answer. “Hello?”

“
Is me, Tony. Please listen. My wife, she throw phone at me and is driving back to house. I have no more chance to talk. Please do not tell her anything. Is very important. She not see us kiss so I tell her we are only friends. I tell her I know she would be jealous so I not tell her before. She scare and threaten, but she not do anything. I promise.”

“
Okay, if you’re sure.” I closed my eyes, wanting to believe him, but doubting she would be that gullible to believe such an obvious lie. But I’d try to keep things under wraps. I had to, so Tony wouldn’t lose his son.

“
Thank you. I am so sorry this happen. I miss you, but we must not talk again.” Then he hung up without waiting for my response.

I held the phone and stared at it, willing for it to ring. To have Tony call back and say it was all a misunderstanding and that he would talk to me again. But then I knew how disastrous it would be to hold on to my feelings for him.

However, getting rid of such strong emotion—to have it just fade away didn’t seem possible. My heart was breaking, and I couldn’t make the pain go away. I wanted to die, it hurt that much. I wondered if Tony felt the same way. If nothing else, then I wouldn’t be suffering alone.

Somehow I had to get back on track and live my life without him. I had a son to raise and a husband to love; but for how much longer, I didn
’t know.

And that hurt most of all.

Chapter 14

T
hat afternoon I crawled in bed before James arrived home from work. In fact, I was out cold before Jimmy even came home from school. I’d scribbled a note for my son to just grab a sandwich for dinner, took some Tylenol PM, and hit my pillow hard. I still can’t believe I did something so pathetic and lazy.

I stirred as I heard Jimmy getting ready for bed, but pretended to sleep. I was too depressed to get up. Eventually I
’d have to get out of bed and face my life, but the longer I slept, the more I could put off the inevitable confrontation that I dreaded. Suffocating in my own vomit would be more pleasant that telling my husband the truth. With that thought rolling around in my brain, I tossed and turned for hours.

My restless sleep was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing in the middle of the night. Tony
’s special ring. I grabbed the phone and scampered into the bathroom. With caution I closed the door, hoping James hadn’t been awakened by the noise as I turned the volume down on the ringer.

I glanced at the clock and groaned at the late hour. It was well after midnight.

Flipping my phone open, I answered. “Hello?”

The sound of a hysterical woman
’s voice on the other end pierced my heart. It wasn’t Tony calling me, but his wife. The woman whose life I’d destroyed.

She answered my greeting with a strangled hiss.
“You slut! I need the truth. Don’t tell me you don’t know why I’m calling. I just need to hear the truth from you myself. Did you sleep with my husband?”

My throat tightened. Words of denial were stuck inside, and even following that insult, I couldn
’t force them out. They simply refused to come. I knew I should just hang up, but couldn’t bring myself to do even that much.

“
Tell me, bitch. I saw the wrappers on the floor the other day. I can’t believe my idiot husband thought I wouldn’t notice.” She snorted. “Now I know why my husband couldn’t keep it up. So just admit the truth, or he’s never going to see his son again. Do you want to be responsible for wrecking our lives even more?”

Huh? Like I was the only one involved in the affair? Was Tony playing innocent to save his own skin? My affection for him waned as my defenses rose, but I took a calming breath so I wouldn
’t lose my cool. “I don’t need to tell you anything.”

“
Just tell me how many times. I want to know if your story matches his.” She swore at Tony. I could hear a baby crying in the background. Poor thing must’ve been woken by his mother yelling at me. I felt bad for the baby, for he was truly innocent in all of this.

“
I said I don’t
need
to tell you anything.” I whispered loudly as I squeezed my eyes shut and sat on the toilet lid, which was thankfully down.

“
Why are you protecting him? He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you. He just used you. So you might as well tell me the truth. I’m divorcing him no matter what you say, so just confess. I want to hear how much of a liar my husband really is. Tell me. How many times?”

I sighed. She obviously wasn
’t giving up no matter what I said. But before I could open my mouth to answer her I heard Tony’s voice. Apparently she’d shoved the phone at him. Tears flooded my eyes at the familiar husky sound of his heavily accented English. “Hope, I have a child. Please tell my wife truth so I not lose my son. Please.”

The sound of his pleading really tore at my heart. I understood his pain, so I
’d do what he asked even though everything in me rebelled against the idea.

“
Are you sure?” I swallowed hard.

“
Yes.” His voice sounded hesitant, yet also a bit desperate. What have I done to this man because I wanted him so much? Sin has so many consequences that I hadn’t even considered at the time. I just knew I wanted to do it. Nothing else mattered.

There are always regrets. Always.

So why don’t I learn?

“
I’m so sorry, Tony. I’m sorry…” I choked on a sob.

His wife yelled in the background.
“Go ahead and tell her she’s a whore! Tell her, Tony, I want her to hear it from you.”

A low groan of dread emitted from him. Then his robotic-sounding voice repeated,
“You are a whore.” 

“
I know you don’t mean it, Tony. I forgive you for what you have to do.” Though I sucked back tears, I managed to get that much out.

“
Say it again. Tell her she’s also a slut. I mean it!” Her shrill voice made me wince.

“
You are a slut and a whore.” The agony in his voice made me pause. 

The fact that Tony repeated the phrase with no real conviction told me I was right. He didn
’t mean what he said, but was obviously desperate if he’d resort to calling me names at her command. I couldn’t help but feel disgusted that he didn’t even try to defend himself or me. He just bent over and let her nail him.

“
Say it like you mean it! I’m not playing games, Tony! Say it again!”

Pity for his situation overshadowed my own feelings. How could I help him at this point other than by absorbing all the blame?

A tinge of anger invaded his prior tone. “You are a whore. I
never
want to see you.”

My heart ached at his repeated insults. I couldn
’t take much more name calling and seriously considered hanging up when his wife came back on the phone.

“
Stop protecting him. You heard that he doesn’t care about you. He just used you, so stop caring what he thinks. Just tell me how many times you did it in our truck.”

She knew about the truck encounters? Oh boy. That meant he must
’ve told her a few details about our meetings. So I conceded. “Twice.”

“
Say that again? Did I hear you correctly? You’re saying you screwed
my
husband in the back of
our
truck like a common whore? Really? Only twice, huh? Well I don’t believe you. Tony said it was more often than that.”

“
He did?” I paused. I could tell her about how many times we had sex but just not mention that we were in their home for the majority of the encounters.

“
Yep. Tony knows I mean business. I’m divorcing him and nothing he or you say will change my mind. I’m just thinking of my son now. I want to know what kind of lying SOB he is. I know you met more than two times. Just tell me the truth.”

I estimated in my head and came up with a handful, at least.
“Um, I think we met maybe six times, seven at the most.”

“
Whoa hoa! Big confession there. So now I know why my husband has such a limp dick! You’re saying you screwed my husband in our truck six or seven times. Ha! I wonder what all of those publishers will think when I tell them what you’ve been doing with my husband on the side. And you call yourself a Christian? That’s sick. How can you do such a thing? If that’s what your faith is like, I don’t want any part of it!”

Her words sounded more choked than angry at the end of her diatribe. I wondered how she knew I was Christian, then realized she must’ve read my story. Oh, the shame I’d brought to Christ’s name because of my sin.

I felt lower than ever
—lower than the worst sinner in the Bible—at that moment. I didn’t care nearly as much that she’d tell the publisher interested in my series, but her hating my faith really bothered me. “Don’t be mad at God for something I did. Tony and I met because my husband hadn’t been—”

“
I know why you screwed my husband!” Her snide tone made me cringe. “He told me all about how you came on to him at the airport and how you gave him your card and asked him to meet you later because you reminded him of a boyfriend you had in high school. I know you wrote a romance novel about him. I even read some of it.”

She snorted again, even louder this time.
“The whole thing is poorly written and full of disgusting drivel.”

Just like I
’d figured. How humiliating. Now I felt even more naked—even more emotionally exposed—knowing she’d read my stuff. She must’ve found my book in their house. Somehow I knew I’d never get it back, and that bothered me, too. What was I going to do? Might as well kiss my writing career goodbye.

“
I’m sorry. I never meant—” I couldn’t finish my sentence, shamed that I still didn’t know her name. My vision blurred and my ears started ringing.

“
You know darned right your ass is sorry. Tell you what. How about I come over to your place and you can apologize to my face…right before I tell your husband myself how sleazy and loose his wife is! Or you can come to my house and deal with this like a real woman, face to face.”

Now she was making no sense at all and ranting with a semi-hysterical pitch. Like I would be stupid enough to do that.
“Are you nuts? Why would I want to meet with an angry woman on her own turf? There’s no way I’m doing that. I don’t want to get violent over this.”

I expelled a heavy breath and choked back a sob.
“And you know what? I think we’ve talked long enough.”

“
Not by a long shot. I’m coming over to tell him myself.” She cursed. “Right now!”

I flinched, hating myself so much at the moment I might
’ve even handed her a gun and begged her to put me out of my misery.

Before I hung up I heard her screaming like a psycho woman and I could swear she was beating on Tony. I wondered if he defended himself from her blows as she released an eerie witch-like cackle
—making me question not only her sanity, but my family’s safety. She sounded like she had zero control right now.

Obviously Tony hadn
’t been exaggerating when he’d said she acted crazy when she got angry. I wondered if she meant that threat, if she’d actually come over. The moment I hung up I realized I didn’t doubt her word for a second. If she knew I gave Tony my business card, then she also knew my address.

My hands shook and I was in the middle of debating whether or not to call the sheriff
’s department when my husband entered the bathroom, his eyes sleepy and his hair mussed. He paused when he saw me seated on the toiled with the lid down, and me fully clothed in my PJs.

With tears streaming down my cheeks to top it all off.

His questioning gaze told me he hadn’t a clue what was going on, but he knew something was wrong. He glanced at the cell phone I clutched in my shaking hand and touched my shoulder. “You okay?”

My mouth opened but nothing came out, so I shook my head. A pitiful wail
—a groan like a woman keening over the grave of a loved one in ancient times—escaped my lips.

I was anything but okay.

“I know it’s late, but if you want to talk about it I’ll listen for a little while.” He squatted so he spoke at my level, then kissed my forehead, which, of course, made me sob harder. I buried my face in my hands, but stood up when he grabbed my arm. I let him guide me into our bedroom.

I sat next to him at the foot of the bed and groaned at the idea of telling him about the affair. But for all I knew Tony
’s wife—whose first name I still didn’t know—might show up at any minute.  So I had to tell him first.

Everything in my gut told me it was a bad idea to spill something so painful this late at night, but I felt cornered by the threats and my fear. I knew I should wait until my sister arrived in a few days, but I didn
’t think I had that luxury.

If my husband had meant what he
’d said when he told me there was nothing I could do that would make him stop loving me, then maybe I had a chance. So I decided to take that chance.

Tonight.

He waited patiently. I could see by his drooping lids that he was very tired. When my throat finally cooperated I squeaked out, “Remember when you said there was nothing I could do that would make you stop loving me?”

James slowly nodded, alarm now appearing in his eyes
—perking him up—as if he’d heard this all before. But I pressed on. I had to let him know tonight. There would never be a good time to confess.

“
I did something awful, James. Remember when I said every man in town was starting to look good to me? Well, I have this, uh, friend. He’s um, a guy, and…I…I slept with him.”

James sprang up, now wide awake, and began pacing.
“No! This isn’t happening to me! Not again!”

I shook, terrified, as I watched him fretting over my news, and I wondered about my fate. I knew what the adulterous woman must
’ve felt like when she was cast before the angry crowd clutching stones, aiming them at her. “I’m sorry, James. I’m so sorry.”

He halted, then turned and raised his fist like he wanted to knock me out. But he caught himself. Instead he growled out his frustration and swore, then walked away and slammed the door so hard the wall shook.