Heavenly (17 page)

baby. Leaning against a far wall was Matthias. I tried to pretend he wasn't there, but that was like being in an elevator with the sun and not squinting from the light. His very presence sent my body into a fit of trembling warmth.

"She was in the window," Mom said, her voice shaky. She gave me a what-am-I-going-to-do look.

"Yeah, we saw her." I crossed to Mom and Abria with a smile on my face because Matthias was near and comfort

swept through my system. My gaze was drawn to his like an artist to a Monet.

Mom noticed my giant grin and glanced over her shoulder. "What are you smiling about?"

"I'm just glad she's safe. Aren't you, Luke?"

"Yeah, of course." He seemed jumpy. Mom didn't catch his nervous glance around the bedroom, but I did.

Mom carried Abria out the door. "Can you help me set the table, Zoe?"

"Sure, be right down."

"Luke, I need you to keep an eye on Abria while I throw dinner together. Follow her. I don't want her climbing into

any more windows."

"K. Be there in a sec."

Mom was gone, but I wasn't ready to leave, not yet. "Better go," I told him.

"After you," he said, clearly unwilling to leave me alone in his bedroom.

I tried to send Matthias a silent message to stay put by tilting my head when Luke wasn't looking, but Luke was more

attentive than I'd seen him in months—suspiciously attentive in fact.

Leaving Matthias was hard, knowing that I might not see him again any time soon. I turned and left so Luke would

also leave. He shut the bedroom door when we were both in the hall and went in search of Abria.

In the kitchen, I threw the tablecloth on the table, tossed silverware into place and Frisbeed paper plates in position.

Mom looked over.

“Paper?”

"Thought I'd keep it simple tonight."

"You in a hurry?"

"Um, kinda, yeah." I plopped down green plastic cups that matched the flowered plates. "Be back in a sec." Then I raced upstairs. I stopped at Luke's door, listened for his voice and was pleased when I heard it coming from somewhere

downstairs. He was talking to Abria. We weren't allowed in each others' rooms, but I couldn't
not
go in and see Matthias.

I opened the door, slid in and quietly shut it. Matthias had his back to me, his posture confident and sure as he stared

out the window. He wore eggshell blue slacks in that soft fabric that draped alluringly down his long legs. His shirt was long-sleeved and off-white.

He turned and my heart leapt.

"Zoe." His smile filled the room and poured into my being like I'd just drunk a beam of sunlight. "I take it you were giving me a signal to stay?"

"Yes," I nodded, knees shaky, body quivering. I took a step his direction. "Thanks for being here, for watching over Abria again."

He nodded once, like royalty granting me a majestic confirmation.

"She's determined to get out these windows, isn't she?" I joined him and looked at the driveway below.

He raised a hand and gently ran his palm along the casing." It wasn't the window I was here about, actually." He faced me, expression sober.

"Oh?"

"There's something dangerous in your brother's room. Underneath his bed."

I crossed to the bed and dropped down, peering under the mattress. The sheer backing had been slit in one section and

a small portion hung down, revealing the slats and springs of the box. I reached my hand up along the wood and felt a plastic bag and pulled it out. My stomach sunk. Three prescription bottles of Lortabs.

I swallowed and stood, holding them in my hand, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"If Abria got into that, it could be fatal," he said.

"Yeah." I stuffed the containers into my jeans pocket. "How did you know they were there?"

"Anything that might harm Abria is brought to my attention."

"Good," I said, soothed by unspeakable relief. I thought about Luke's comment earlier when he'd asked me about kids who died. But I was too happy to see Matthias to get into a heavy discussion about life, death and fate at the moment. "That's good. I'd kill him if she ever got hurt because of something he did."

Matthias' demeanor went stony. "Please don't say that. You speak of serious matters when you threaten to kill."

"Well I would." Steaming, I paced the side of Luke's bed. "How could he be so stupid to hide drugs here at the house?

No wonder he was nervous about her being in his room today. Did you see how anxious he was for me to leave?"

"Guilt has a tendency to wrack the bones."

"It'd more than wrack his bones if she ever got a hold of those Lortabs. He'd go to jail for about ninety years."

He studied me a moment, his head tilted. "In your heart of hearts you don't want to see that happen."

"No. But sometimes I wish he'd learn a lesson and shape up."

"Sometimes that's all it takes. But sometimes the road is much longer. Zoe, you have to be patient. Have faith."

"How can I have faith in him when he's not trying?"

"Do you know he's not trying?"

"He's not changing, is he?"

"Zoe." He stepped closer and though he didn't touch me, his nearness swiped away my anger. "Change isn't as easy as snapping your finger."

"It's easy if you just decide to do something. Come on Matthias, everybody's got their turning point, their rock bottom

or whatever you want to call it."

"And for everyone it's different. If we all learned the lesson the first time around the track, there'd be no need for a stadium, for coaches, for cheerleaders, for those people who maintain the field so we can pick ourselves up and try again."

"Hey, that was pretty good," I grinned. "You sure you don't moonlight on the side as a writer?"

His cheeks flushed. "Very sure. But feel free to use anything I say in your work. Give Luke your faith, Zoe. Can you

look into his heart?"

"No. Only you can do that, right?"

He smiled. "Everyone can look into another's heart. People just don't usually take the time to do it."

"Don't I have to have special vision or something?" I blew out, plopping on the foot of Luke's bed. Matthias sat at the head.

"No special vision needed," he chuckled, "just the pure desire for truth."

I took a deep breath. A thought struck me. "Then I should be able to look into your heart," I teased.

A grin spread his lips wide. "Yes. You can."

I brought my legs up on the bed and settled in. "This will be interesting," I said, wrapping my arms around my knees, locking my gaze on the clear depth of his blue eyes. He positioned himself a little closer, so he faced me straight on, close enough that I caught the scent of him—crisp, clean, with a bite of citrus.

As if a mere look could put me in a trance, my body and senses lulled into a relaxed, cozy state of total comfort, yet

each nerve was alert and open, ready to be stimulated and nurtured.

"What do you see, Zoe?"

The most beautiful man ever. The kindest soul I've ever met.
Real. Honest. True. "Your eyes... how do you do that?"

"I'm not doing anything but looking at you."

"But when you look at me, I..." I couldn't tell him that I wanted to put my arms around him and simply hold him. Feel him. The desire I had to touch him came from my heart, not from the female inside who'd wanted boys to scratch an itch. I

wanted what he had, what he was: honest, real, full of love.

"There's so much love inside of you," I heard myself say. My eyes shot wide at the honest admission. I'd never

spoken that frankly to a guy before for the risk of being too honest and facing rejection. But Matthias' aura lined the room

with protection and safety.

He lowered his head a moment, as if humbled by what I'd said.

I continued, awed, "No games, no false humility for a swift pat on your own back. Just real."

He laughed. "You're the bees knees."

There was a compliment in that endearing phrase, I was sure of it. "You said you worked for your dad in a family

business?"

"The
term family business
being very loosely applied here. My father ran a speakeasy in the basement of a church."

"In a church? Wow. That was... gutsy."

"Sacrilegious to say the least..." His blue eyes looked away, as if in painful thought. I was dying to know more. Had he seen his father since he'd died? Where was the man?

In spite of the old regret that flashed over him, he held serenity in his countenance, a feeling I yearned for but

understood I couldn't have completely—not right now anyway. Whatever tranquility possessed him, possessed him because

of who he now was. I had the fleeting wish that I was dead. Then I could really be at peace.

Another wish that would remain a wish from a fantasy genie who didn't exist. Matthias rose and smiled down at me.

"All is well here for the time being."

I shot to my feet, bringing our bodies close. "Don't go."

"When my work is done, I go on. Nothing is wasted. Especially not time.”

"Am I a waste of time?"

"No, I didn't mean that. But I'm here for a certain purpose."

"And I'm not it, I get it." I looked away; afraid he'd see the disappointment I felt.

"You're capable of understanding this, I know you are." His voice was tender. I met his caring gaze. Calm quietly

crept in and settled around my yearning, soothing the bruised edges. "Until we meet again. Take care, Zoe."

This time, I would watch him go. My eyes locked on his. So tight, so intensely, the powerful vibe between us seemed

to jerk my whole being into a fist. I refused to blink for fear he'd go and I'd not see him disappear. Gradually, light glowed from his every pore, shooting out in blinding, penetrating beams I felt like heat. The room filled with his radiance, so white and piercing I had to close my eyes, shield my face from the sheer power behind the force. My breath rang in and out. My

heart sped. Then the light was gone.

I opened my eyes to an empty room.

Tears came. I blinked. My heart, still racing beneath my ribs, ached with longing. The void left behind by his absence

was chilled by a deep silence that quickly moved into my vulnerable, exposed soul.

I lowered to the foot of Luke's bed and sat, staring at the empty place where just seconds before Matthias had stood.

How long I sat there, I wasn't sure. My eyes remained fixed on empty air, undeviating, as if in a daze—dulled by the lack I

now felt inside.

"What are you doing in here?" Luke's voice broke into my trance. I turned, saw him standing in the open door.

"I was thinking," I muttered.

"Well, think somewhere else." He stepped toward the bed, his suspicious gaze flicking to the bottom. "It's time for dinner, anyway," he said.

I stood, pulled the bag of Lortabs from my pocket and held it out in the palm of my hand. His eyes widened. "These

can't be in here, Luke. Abria might find them."

"You searched my room?"

"Sort of. Not really."

He grabbed for the bag but I swiped my hand behind my back. His face flushed with fury. "Give me those."

"Like I'd really hand an addictive substance over to an addict," I snapped.

"They're mine!"

I stuffed the bag of bottles into the front pocket of my jeans.

He stepped back, and scraped his hands down his face, leaving red stripes. "You have to give me those."

"No way. And I don't want you bringing anything else into the house that could harm Abria. Use your head, Luke!

She doesn't know the difference between candy and pills, food and marijuana! She just puts it in her mouth!"

"She would never have found that. How did you find it?"

"A little bird told me."

"One of my friends?"

I rolled my eyes. "Like I ever talk to any of your friends."

"I need to know who ratted me out."

"No one ratted on you, I just found them, okay?"

He crammed both hands into his hair. "I need those, Zoe. I can't sleep at night and those help."

"So you have your friends give you the leftovers of their parents' prescriptions? How much did you pay for these? Or

are these friends of yours trading you Lortabs for weed? You're so deep into it it's scary. Take a good look at yourself and see where you really are."

He fell back against the wall, agitated, emotions bubbling near the surface. He'd been a zombie for so long, this

display of feelings mesmerized me. "You don't understand," he wailed.

I shut the bedroom door so his voice wouldn't travel. "Listen to you. You sound like.
.."an addict,
I thought. He
was
an addict. For the first time, I realized how desperate his situation really was. Frightening. Huge. A black hole ready to engulf him.

I debated giving him back the bag just to ease the taut anguish on his face, but something inside of me whispered I

shouldn't give in. I needed to help him and helping him did not entail adding trees to an already out of control brush fire.

He was lost in his head, his cravings eating him from the inside out, scoring his face with torment. My heart ripped in two.

What should I do? Matthias? Can anyone help him?

"Just give me the bag," his voice scraped out.

A calming patience came over me. For a flash, I saw Luke as a little boy, blue eyes wide and happy, cherubic face

shining in a contagious smile. Inside of that mixed up teenager, lived that little boy. I believed the child was calling out for help whether the teenager heard him, acknowledged him, or not.

"I can't," I said softly.

He let out a moan, scrubbing his face with his hands. "You know what, fine. Fine." He yanked open the bedroom door

and stormed out.

"Where are you going?" I trailed him. We skipped like tattle-tails down the stairs.

In the kitchen. Mom glanced at Luke. He stormed by, snatching Mom's car keys on his way out the front door but

with Abria to keep an eye on, Mom didn't follow us.