Heavenly (16 page)

to charity.

"He must not be hot, then," Britt decided. We stopped outside other first period class.

"Oh, he's hot. Trust me."

"Then why won't you hook up with him?"

Because he's dead, I wanted to say with a laugh. But she'd just think it was a joke. And Matthias wasn't really dead.

He had a wonderful body of flesh and bone. Pristine. Perfect. Beautiful.

I just couldn't touch it.

"He's what you might say
off limits.
It's a job-related thing." I started down the hall to class. "See you in Brinkerhoffs."

"Yeah." Her puzzled expression was priceless, and I carried it with me the rest of the morning.

- - -

The hours between first period and lunch dragged tortuously on. I took each class fifty minutes at a time, forcing

myself to concentrate on what the teacher was saying.

I'd liked boys before, but that was nothing compared to the complete submersion of Matthias. Every door that opened

caused my head to jerk upright, hoping it was him walking into the classroom, even though I knew he never would. Every

toffee-colored head of hair caught my eye. I could have sworn I caught his breeze-in-the-clouds scent as I walked behind a

group of guys on their way out of the building to lunch.

The obsession kept a grin on my face.

I met Britt at her car, where she and Weston were leaning against it, wrapped in a kissing session. His friends

clustered around the back of her white convertible Mustang, trying to pretend they didn't see the lovely couple eating each

other's faces. Normally, I'd let out a teasing whoop when I found her making out in public, earning myself a laugh from Britt.

Today, her PDA looked so typically teenagerish, I rolled my eyes and greeted the guys standing at the back other car, one of

whom was forgot-my-name Brady.
Oh, brother.
I swallowed a lump of discomfort lodged in my throat.

"Maybe if we make enough noise, they'll come up for air," I told the guys with a good-natured snicker. They laughed.

Brady smiled.

Britt must have heard my purposefully-loud comment, for she broke her sucker-fish kiss with Weston and looked

over. "Okay, okay." They kissed one more time and then Weston opened the car door for her. She handed him her keys.

He's driving her car already?
Britt usually insisted at least two months go by before she handed any guy her keys.

Weston came around the back of the car. "Meet us at McDonald's," he told the guys. They scattered to their vehicles.

Weston sent me a glittering grin. "Hey, Zoe. You're riding with us, right?"

"Um, sure."

He opened the driver's side door and held back the front seat for me. I crawled in.

Britt's eyes sparkled, following Weston's every move. He got in, kissed her again, and started the engine.

Something wild poured out of the speakers. I'd never heard this CD before, and I looked at Britt, waiting for her to tell

me who it was, but she only had eyes for Weston. She had hands and fingers for him too. She laced hers in his hair, twisting

little waves of his curls around and around.

"That drives me crazy," Weston said, his low voice charged with what I knew was teenaged-boy lust.

"I know," Britt lulled, "that's why I do it."

I swallowed a snort. There was about as much love in their eyes as there was honesty. I cringed thinking about the

countless times I'd talked to nameless guys that very same way.

"So, Britt tells me you've got a teacher you're trying to hook up with." Weston's gaze met mine through the rear view mirror. "Cool. You like older men?”

I fought rolling my eyes at him, and pasted a smile on my face. "Not older men, no." It wasn't any of his business who I liked. What was Britt doing sharing my personal life with Weston? Had she done that with every guy she'd liked all these

years?

"You said he was a teacher," Britt said.

"He's not a teacher," I bit out. "He's... the closest thing I can describe him as is an aide. I told you that."

"I must have forgotten." Britt shrugged and she and Weston shared a look I only caught from the side but was clearly punched with 'whatever.'

I wanted to get out of the car but that was impossible. What made it worse was that I was stuck eating lunch with

these actors and the scene was bound to get cheesier at McDonald's.

Finally, we pulled into the parking lot of the fast food restaurant. Weston's friends parked their cars next to us and we

all piled out. I didn't have to let this annoy me. If Matthias had been here, I had the feeling he would make the best of it. I could try doing that.

Britt looked at me, gauging my mood. I smiled. The relief on her face made me feel better. Even if she was caught in

this superficial play, I was still her friend and I cared about her. I'd played along countless times before. I could now.

She hooked her arm in Weston's and the two of them started toward the building, leaving the rest of us to trail behind.

"Hey," I said to Brady walking next to me.

"Hey, Zoe."

"Ah, you know my name," I teased.

His face turned red. "Yeah, I try to learn from my mistakes."

"That's a good thing," I said, impressed with his honesty. Brady hung beside me as the group of us ordered and when we sat, he asked if he could sit next to me. McDonalds buzzed with chatter. Soon, Weston's friends were talking and joking.

Weston and Britt nuzzled and fed each other fries while Brady struggled to carry on a conversation with me.

"We've never had a class together," he said.

"No, I don't think we have." I bit into my cheeseburger and hid the smile blooming on my face. He was trying so hard.

"I know your brother. Luke, right?"

A pit opened in my stomach. "Uh, yeah." When people told me they knew Luke I was never sure what to expect. "So how do you know him?"

"He was in metal shop with me last year."

Phew.
At least it wasn't drug-related. "Oh. Cool. Yeah, he's pretty handy."

"Seems like it."

We both chewed for a moment.

"You're not really like him," Brady said after a while. "You party, I've seen you party, but he... well..."

My stomach rolled over.
Here it comes.
"He and I party differently," I said.

He nodded. "My brother, Kevin, parties like Luke. That's another reason I know him. I just didn't want to say, in case

you didn't know."

"Oh, thanks, but I know."

His expression, a flash of sadness masked by a cool shrug told me he knew the depth of my worries and that he felt

the same way for his brother.

"It's hard isn't it?" I said.

"Yeah."

"Do you ever feel helpless?"

"All the time."

"I wish I knew what I could do. I wish telling him to stop was enough."

"It's not that easy, though."

I scanned him in search of the meaning behind his comment. Had he been caught up in an addiction of his own?

Britt's laugh drew my attention. She and Weston were sharing sips of a shake. Weston's other buddies were trying not

to watch her full lips wrap around the straw.

"Yeah, it's not that easy," I repeated, wondering if Brady would open up. One thing Lukeś addiction had taught me

was that I might feel helpless to do anything for my brother, but that didn't mean I couldn't do something for somebody else.

In the second it took him to tip back the last of his drink, his expression shifted from brotherly concern to a growing

interest in me. His eyes lusted over a smile. "So, how about if I call you some time? Or do you have a boyfriend?"

"I wouldn't have been in your bedroom last weekend if I had a boyfriend, would I?"

He lifted his shoulders. "To some girls that wouldn't matter."

"Not this girl."

His brows drew together in confusion. "That surprises me, I guess."

"What, you heard I was a skank?" Shame flushed my skin and prickled my defenses.

"Well, kinda, yeah."

I set an elbow on the table. "Is that why you wanted to hook up the other night? I was an easy score?"

His wide eyes darted around the table to see if anyone was listening. I didn't bother checking to see whose attention

we had, I couldn't care less.

"What?" I pressed. "Can't take the truth when it's broad daylight?"

"No, that's not it." His gaze averted just like it had the other night when he hadn't known my name.

Knowing my name hadn't really changed anything.

I stared him down until he wouldn't look at me anymore.
Forget what you might have heard about me, I'm no skank

and I'm not somebody you can walk all over with your hot bod and it-guy charms.
"Look," I said matter-of-factly, "call me if you want to do something other than hook up." His gaze brightened as if he'd just pulled his head out of an invisible barrel of social garbage. "Okay. Sure." He whipped out his cell phone and I recited my number while he entered it into his sim card.

"We good to go?" Weston asked, standing over me and Brady I hadn't noticed he was there and wondered how long

he'd been tuned into our conversation.

"Yeah, we are," I said.

After school, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. My cell phone vibrated on the passenger's seat of my

car. Chase. I plucked up the phone and read his text:

how r u? any time you want 2 talk about... stuff... we can.

I texted back:
yeah starbucks at 7?
really? ok. cool.
My phone rang. Luke.

"Hi," I said.

"My piece of hud car won't start," Luke grumbled. "Can I get a ride?"

"Yeah, where are you?"

"Near Lambert Street."

He must have skipped his last class. Lambert Street was on the lower west side of town. Trailer parks, crumbling

houses. Dead trees, scrungy cars and even scrungier people. I had to figure one of his drug pals lived there.

"I'll start walking to city center," he grumbled.

Because you don't want me to see where you are.
"Fine, I'll see you in a few."

I headed west to the crusty part of town. Overhead, skies began to blacken with bulging clouds. I shuddered and

cranked up the heater. Would seeing someone like Matthias do anything at all to Luke? If he knew there were guardians, that

life continued after this life, would he be the same narrow-focused boy or would the knowledge broaden his mind? Change

his choices?

When I finally saw him, head hanging as he walked shoulders hunched in his grey flannel coat, sympathy tugged at

my heart. I put aside my frustration. At least he'd called me for a ride and hadn't bummed one from someone who could

endanger his life driving under the influence.

I pulled over and he got in.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey."

The air he carried in to the car with him didn't smell like smoke, thank heavens.

"Are you going to have it towed?"

"Probably, yeah." He whipped out his cell phone, read text messages, answered them, then he dialed a number. I

listened as he arranged for a tow. After the call, he stuffed his phone away in the pocket of his coat.

"Do you believe in guardian angels?"

"What the?" His face twisted.

"I'm just curious."

"How should I know? I've never thought about it."

"You've never once thought there might be guardians out there, watching over us?"

"Nope." He stared out the window, his face angled so I couldn't see it any longer.

"I have," I admitted, to see where it got me. He didn't respond. "I've thought about it for Abria. I mean, isn't it possible there's someone special watching over her so she's safe?"

"Yeah,
us.
Every hour of every day."

"I'm talking about heavenly beings."

“I guess.”

"Haven't you wondered why we find her when she runs away?" "Because we look?" A pinch of sarcasm lined his tone.

"Yeah, we look. But we
always
find her. And what about all the times she's put something in her mouth and never

swallowed it? Or the times she stood on the stair railing and we found her just in time? How do you explain that?"

"Luck, I guess."

"I don't believe its luck. I think there's someone assigned to her."

"Assigned?" He looked at me for a minute, then out at the road ahead. "Then what about all those kids who get hit by a car? Or kidnapped and killed? Or the ones who drown? Who's watching them? I don't know, it sounds like a flawed idea."

"Maybe it was their time to go," I said, half irritated he wasn't at least giving my suggestion some credence.

"You're saying God is flawed then, that's what you're saying."

"No, I'm not I saying that." His answer made me realize he'd indeed given this some thought or he wouldn't have

attached God to it. Nor would he have listed all those kids, the ones you hear about in the news and your heart tears when you read about them. I also realized I didn't have all the answers. "What do you think?"

He turned his face out the window again. I couldn't see him. "I don't know."

A thick pause filled the small space of the car. We were almost home. I wished we weren't. Even though we hadn't

agreed, we'd talked, and I felt the broken overpass between us starting to come together.

I pulled into the driveway and parked. My eye caught Lukeś bedroom window over the garage. It was closed, but

standing inside the glassed frame was Abria, laughing. And in the shadows behind her stood Matthias. My heart jumped.

"Oh, no." I pointed to Abria. Luke froze. For a second, I wondered if he saw Matthias too.

We both got out. He whipped out his cell phone. "I'm calling Mom," he said, running past me and to the front door.

I smiled up at Matthias and sent him a tilt of my head. He grinned back.

By the time I got upstairs. Mom and Luke were in Luke's room. Mom clutched Abria to her chest like a newborn