Heavenly (11 page)

"But it's an addictive substance."

He opened his eyes. "So is alcohol."

"This isn't a contest of who's more screwed up, Luke."

"Just stop casting stones, that's all I'm saying."

He was right. This wasn't about me getting my own, or Luke getting his. I was only worried about him messing up his

life. I suppose he could have been worried about me messing up mine, but I found that idea doubtful. He was a guy. Guys

don't think that deep at sixteen.

Matthias seemed deep. Had he always been that way? How old was he, anyway?

Thinking of Matthias caused me to search for calm, so I could pop the bubbles of anger percolating in my system and

continue to talk to Luke without totally blowing apart. "Maybe it sounds like I'm casting stones. I don't mean it to. Just be careful."

He rammed his hands through his hair. "Look," he blew out a sigh. "I think you'd better leave now."

"I want to help."

"This isn't helping."

"What will?"

"I don't know. But talking about it won't."

"You can't ignore it. It won't go away on its own."

"Yeah, I know that, but I don't care."

"You really mean that?"

"Right now? Yeah."

"There are safer ways to relax, Luke."

"Here we go again. I could say the same thing to you."

"I don't drink to relax."

"Then why?" He sat up, glaring at me. "And don't tell me for social reasons. All your friends are already popular."

"I... to escape."

"Escape, relax, they're the same." He shrugged and fell back on the bed and closed his eyes again.

I wondered if we were both trying to escape the same things. I wished he'd open up to me and tell me how he felt,

why he did what he did. I wanted him to trust me.

"How about we both stop?" I suggested. The idea was a long shot. I expected a sneer.

He covered his eyes with crossed forearms. "I'm not ready," he said.

I let out a quiet sigh. If he'd asked me to stop drinking, I wondered if I would. If I was ready. "You'll have to face the reasons why you use someday. Better to face it with someone's support than alone. But maybe that's just me."

"Yeah, that's just you."

Sarcasm had slithered into the conversation, so I went out the door before I threw one of his shoes at him. How could

he not see what was so obvious? He was traveling downhill in a runaway car. Why didn't he have the sense to open the door

and jump out?

I needed to vent, so I headed to the office intent on losing my frustration by surfing the net. Halfway down the stairs, I

realized how quiet it was. I stopped.

"Abria?"

Of course she didn't respond. But I thought at the very least I would hear her moving around somewhere. I didn't. I

took the stairs back up to the second floor two at a time, racing to her bedroom. I threw open the door.

There, in the open window, Abria teetered.

Next to her, stood Matthias. He gently wrapped his arms around her and set her on her feet. He peered out the window

then slid the glass closed. "You like heights, don't you little miss?" he said, then turned and saw me. "Zoe. Ducky seeing you again."

"H-how long has she been standing there?" I sputtered.

"A second, no more. She really does like to stand on high places, doesn't she?"

"You actually let her climb up there?" Heart still thrumming, I stepped into the room and shut the door.

"I interfere when itś dangerous, Zoe."

"And her opening a second story window, climbing up into the
unscreened
opening isn't dangerous?" I scooped Abria into my arms, holding her tight. The rangy scent of outdoors had latched onto her clothing and skin, and snuck into my

senses.

He cocked his head back. "Are you telling me how to do my job?" he smirked.

"Um, last I checked, falls like this one usually mean certain death."

His lip lifted. "Sassy bearcat. I apologize if you thought my actions negligent."

"Not negligent," I said, taking a deep breath, at last calming. "I'm just protective, that's all."

"As am I."

"I know. Thank you... for being here."

He nodded. "My pleasure."

"So... you really don't have anything... better to do?"

"I'm here for her. That's the best thing I can do."

Abria squealed and wriggled, so I let her slip out of my arms and to the floor. She promptly climbed back up to the

window and reached the latch, ready to slide it open. "No, no, Abria."

"She's a persistent little sheba, isn't she?" Matthias and I both reached for Abria at the same time, and he yanked his hands back, as if he'd been burned. For a moment, we stared at each other.

I gathered Abria against me. "No window," I said firmly, my gaze on Matthias.

He examined the latch. "This might have to be locked closed."

"But that's against the law. What if there was a fire?" He glanced over his shoulder at me and raised an eyebrow. "You mean to tell me you'll
always
be around?"

"For the time being, yes." He secured the latch, then faced me, wiping his hands back and forth. The idea that he was going to be here had thrill racing with my pulse.

"So, I could walk out this door right now, the house on fire, and you'd save Abria?" I taunted.

The left corner of his lip lifted in a grin. "Ab-so-lute-ly."

"Well, that's cool," I smiled. "The rest of us would burn to char, but Abria would be just fine. Hey, why don't we all have bodyguards like she does?"

"I'm not a bodyguard. Guardians come to each man, woman and child singularly or severally, as needed, provided the

charge is open-hearted for angelic hosts—or, in Abria's case, is an innocent."

I looked around. "Seriously? Then where is mine?" And why hadn't I seen any around Luke. He was in just as much

danger as Abria, to my way of thinking.

Matthias stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his soft slacks. "A person must be open-hearted for heavenly

assistance, or they won't respond. And guardians aren't always hanging around, Zoe.. .like some cricket on your shoulder."

"That's my conscience—at least according to Walt Disney."

He smiled. "I would respectfully suggest that, for Abria's sake and your peace of mind, you consider locking this

window at least until she understands the danger."

I let out a snort. "As if that will ever happen."

"You don't believe Abria will ever understand danger?"

"Maybe in a thousand years."

"She's progressing, isn't she?"

"Of course she's progressing. But at the rate she's going, I'll be married and living in Zimbabwe before she gets it."

He studied me for a moment. "You have too little faith in her."

"I don't want to expect too much. I've done that. Believe me, it's highly overrated and excruciatingly disappointing.

Besides, if she understood danger, that'd let you off the hook, wouldn't it?" I grinned.

His face broke into a glorious smile. "Your wit is dandy."

"Thanks."

"Who you talking to?"

The sound of Luke's voice made me whirl around. He stood in the doorway. My throat closed and I swallowed, trying

to find the right words. I glanced at Matthias who hadn't moved. "What do you mean?"

"I've been standing here listening, Z. You're not talking to Abria. You've been carrying on a one-sided convo for the

last five minutes."

My eyes widened. I looked back at Matthias. The issue of his invisibility again? What was wrong with everyone? He

was standing right there—in his pale magnificence.

"Sounds to me like you've taken to 'shrooms," Luke snickered, before leaving.

Stunned, I couldn't move. My breath went still in my chest. I stared at the door through which Luke had just left.

Matthias. Luke hadn't seen him. "This... can't be." I crossed to the door and shut it, pressing my back against the wood. "Why can't he see you? Why can't anyone see you?"

"Abria sees me."

I shook my head, put my hands over my ears. "No. You're playing some kind of trick on me. Maybe I'm still asleep.

This is all a dream. I've had dreams like this that have gone on for days. I'm just not waking up. Wake up, wake up."

"Zoe, I thought you understood why I was here."

"Yes, yes, I thought I did. But... Luke is my brother. He was standing five feet away. He didn't see you. That has to

mean you aren't really here."

"But I am."

"How can you be if he didn't see you?"

"I told you, visions come to souls particularly sensitive to things Divine."I... I'm not sensitive. I'm not special. I swear sometimes. I've cheated and lied. I—"

"No mortal is perfect. Your heart only has to be in the right place." My heart rang like a bell, reverberating truth, warm and soothing through my system. I crossed the floor to him. Around me, the air seemed to fill with the sound of a thousand

beating hearts. I covered mine with the palms of my hands. Surging inside of my chest, waves of emotion rose and ebbed

with each of my breaths. I closed my eyes, fighting tears. A delicious joy filled every space inside until all traces of doubt were satisfied, as if my hungry soul had at last eaten.

When I opened my eyes again, I looked into the clear blue of Matthias's.

"I believe you," I murmured. "I believe you. But...! still don't understand how I can see—"

"You have faith in me."

That same rush I'd just experienced surged again through my being. My knees buckled. I reached for the window

ledge to steady myself and took deep breath. Abria played quietly on the floor at our feet, engrossed in spinning a top, and I watched her in awe of the simple miracle.

Matthias. Here. With me.
The vein alongside his neck pulsed with life. And yet... I didn't try my brain with the

logistics, too exhausted from the previous effort to intellectually understand and make sense of him.

My gaze traveled over the youthful skin on his cheeks in spite of the fact that a man his age should have stubble. The

contours of his neck. The hollow at the base of his throat. His chest, what I saw peering through the opening of his pale pink shirt, was smooth and unblemished. My gaze continued traveling the well-toned body beneath smooth, caressing fabric

draping over torso and legs.

At last my eyes met his. Something flashed in the depth of his irises. I blinked to make sure I wasn't imagining

anything, and it was gone. All that remained was a teasing sparkle over his magnificent grin. "Are you finished?" he asked.

"You're quite sure I'm real now, aren't you?"

Whatever he was didn't matter to me at that moment, overcome as I was with the desire to kiss him. I stepped closer.

His eyes widened just enough to signal to me that if I'd had the guts to reach out and place my hand over his heart, I'd feel it pounding.

"I'm not sure." Slowly, I raised my arm to perform the test. My pulse quickened. His wide blue eyes locked on my hand as if I held a dagger. More than anything I wanted to touch him. Yet the sheer alarm on his face stopped my hand a mere inch

from his rising and falling chest. The heat from his body pressed upwards against my palm, as if luring my flesh to his. Not

once did he take his eyes from mine.

"Why can't I touch you?" I whispered.

Beneath my hand, his chest rose and fell erratically, taunting me. So easily I could press my hand there, so intensely I

yearned to. I knew I should not follow through with my wish to touch him. Just as fleetingly luscious as the idea started, it ended in black confusion.

I withdrew my hand, fighting an inner demon that still wanted to satisfy my craving to feel him for myself. I had the

sense come over me that I was very close to something off limits. Not unlike that whisper of warning I often had when I was

close to danger or harm, only I knew Matthias meant me no harm and he was not associated with anything dangerous. The

whispering was more about something beyond my knowledge that I couldn't understand, but was pertinent to who he was and

why he was there, and my touching him might interfere with that.

I stepped back. A look of relief lit his eyes, replaced by concern. "You've done nothing wrong, Zoe."

"I don't feel that way."

"Yet you don't feel guilty. Do you?"

"How do you know what I feel?" I pressed my hand over my heart as if to shield it from him. "You seem to know

everything."

"Spirits aren't confined to communicating with their lips."

"But you're human."

"In a manner of speaking."

"So you mean... you can read my thoughts?"

"In another manner of speaking, yes."

Holy crap.
Just seconds ago I'd thought about kissing him.
No. Some thoughts had to be off limits, right!
"You mean... you've read every thought I have? Every one? I have no control over what you can hear and what you can't?'

He laughed. "Actually, I can't read your thoughts, though that, I'm sure, would be most enlightening. I'm able to hear

the thoughts of the person I am sent to watch over."

"Like Abria?"

He nodded. "Once someone is assigned to me, I am able to communicate with them in spirit. If the situation requires,

I can also listen to the thoughts of those not under my care."

"For a minute there you had me freaking out."

His eyes narrowed in curiosity. "Freaking out? Now why would my peering into your thoughts cause you to... freak

out?"

"No way am I explaining
that
to you. I want you to tell me what's going on in Abria's head. What does she think? Do you hear anything at all that makes sense?"

He chuckled. "Yes, I do hear her mortal thoughts. But her spirit, Zoe, is not handicapped."

How could he be sure? I stared into his calm blue gaze. He was certain. Convinced. I longed for that conviction. What

a relief it would be. For the time being, I borrowed belief from the assurance in his countenance, pleased to hear what I'd