Heavenly (7 page)

him when no one else could. That either meant I was seriously exhausted, a walking zombie dreaming all of this, or I was

imagining him.

"You have questions," he said, his voice soft. "Don't be afraid to ask. I'll answer you."

The way he said.
Don't be afraid..
.was like being tucked in bed at night, warm soft blankets from heart to toes. I took a deep breath. "Am I dreaming?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

I closed my eyes. I already knew the answer, but I kept my eyes shut, embarrassed to meet his gaze and admit the

truth. "My heart tells me that... I'm not dreaming."

"What else?"

I swallowed a knot. "That.. .you're really here, even if no one else can see you."

"Yes."

Whispering into my mind was the idea that he was someone different. Someone special. Someone to believe in. But

common sense waved red flags.
This isn't happening. You're hallucinating. This is the hangover of all hangovers, Zoe.

"What else does your heart tell you?" he urged.

"I—I don't know."

"You do. Your heart is where the voice of truth speaks, Zoe."

My eyes flashed, "How do you know my name?" But even as I asked the

question I knew. This guy understood much more than I did. I felt as though I stood in front of the earth, watching it whirl

and spin, and if I looked close, I would see beyond the surface to the pumping red heart where all my questions would be

answered. The reassurance I experienced was total, complete, submerging.

"Who are you?"

"A friend."

"Friends, by definition, know each other. I've never met you. And if you say you know Abria, I'm going to slug you

because she doesn't have friends. She has autism. She doesn't know what friendship is."

His eyes slit briefly. "You don't know what you're saying."

"Excuse me, but I do. I'm sure you mean well, but I really don't appreciate people who pretend to know what I'm

going through or what my family is going through, and sit all comfy on the sidelines. You can't possibly know what it's like."

My voice had risen, and the silence left in its aftermath crackled with ugliness. I looked away.

"Your wounds are deep." His tone was gentle. "But they won't always be. I promise you that."

I closed off the tears welling in my eyes. "Don't say things you don't know."

"I don't."

I glared at him, but the potent conviction in his countenance warned me to tread carefully.

"You won't let yourself have faith in what you see, that's your problem."

"I thought faith was believing in things you
can't
see."

"You can't see the future."

"Neither can you," I shot. Then, "Can you?"

He tilted his head, his smile teasing. "It's going to be fun, being with you.”

"Being with
me? I've got news for you." I pushed to my feet. "You're not going to
be
with anybody until you answer my questions. I'm not letting you near my little sister."

He stood and in one long step, placed himself close enough for our arms to nearly brush, but they didn't. A craving

wound tight in my gut. I wanted to touch him. See if he was real.

"Tell me how you know my name. And why do you show up whenever Abria's in some kind of danger? It's like

you're waiting—"

"I am," he said matter-of-factly. "Listen to what's inside of you."

I took a deep breath, focused on the serene color of his eyes, shaded by thick, dark lashes. His irises, slashed with

gold and agate, rimmed with ocean blue, lulled my anxious heart into a steady, calm beat. A trembling breath eased from my

chest. I emptied my head of doubts and opened the stiff door of possibility.

One voice in my head hissed that this was unbelievable. Another, stronger voice whispered that what he was saying

was true. He meant Abria no harm. But did I believe him because he was beautiful and convincing? Who wouldn't want a

hottie as their protector? But he wasn't my protector, he was Abria's.

At that moment, my heart and soul were not my own. Whoever he was, he was capable of reaching inside of me and

taking them both. And I was helpless to stop him.

I took a step back hoping distance would clear my head. Again, he brought his body nearly flush with mine, staring

into my eyes.

"I told you not to be afraid." He lifted his hands, as if debating putting them on my shoulders. My insides hummed.

My gaze darted from his hands, now less than an inch from my arms to the tumultuous expression tightening his face.

A knot surfaced in his jaw. He lowered his hands back to his sides. "It's your choice."

"You never told me how you know my and Abria's name."

"Because you went off on a tangent."

"So I'm off the tangent. How?"

His eyes tit with amusement. "My..
. boss...
tells me everything I need to know to do my job."

"
You're getting paid for this?"

"In a matter of speaking, yes."

"Wow." My heart took a hit. "Well, that kinda takes the whole charity element and shoves it out the window now doesn't it?" I made sure my tone was laced with plenty of disappointment and disdain. Here I was, trying to buy the fantasy that he was some guardian angel and he was lining his pockets with my deflated dreams.

I headed for my car.

I'd walked away from plenty of uncomfortable situations: home and Abria, lame guys, witchy girls. A voice inside

whispered,
walking is weak. Face him, head on. Get to the bottom of this or you won't know for sure.

I stopped, and did an about face. Matthias stood where I'd left him, and he was watching me. I marched back.

His hands moved in the depths of his front pockets. His lips lifted into a wider grin. "I was hoping you weren't done

with me."

A thread sizzled through my body. Whoever he was, he had spunk. I liked that. I stopped inches away from him and

looked up into his smiling face. A soft breeze lifted his toffee-colored waves, showing off flawless, smooth skin, except for a light scar above his left brow which I hadn't noticed before.

"I'm definitely not done with you," I said, planting my feet. "How did you get that scar?"

He touched the line on his face. "Long story."

"I'm already late for school. Tell me."

"Another time. Shouldn't you be on your way?"

"You said you'd answer my questions."

"And I will. Any question but that one. For now, anyway."

"Hmmm." The mystery would nag at me until I knew. "So if you're Abria's special friend, why aren't you in there watching her?"

His gaze shot over my shoulder to the school. "Because she's in good hands here."

"How do you know all this, anyway? Your boss must have done some serious investigating." It starded me that someone could know so much about us without us noticing we were being watched.

"You could say he's the chief of all chief investigators."

I was awed. "I'm still deciding whether or not I like the idea that 'big brother' is keeping tabs on my family."

"It's not like that. You've still got privacy."

"I should hope." A cold shudder slid down my spine. Had any of my impatience with Abria or my lies to my parents,

times I'd gotten drunk— anything I was ashamed of—gotten caught on tape?

"So, is there like a film crew or something?" I glanced around.

His warm laugh filled the air. "Zoe, you've got a healthy imagination. You'll have all of your questions answered to

your satisfaction in time."

"Is that your way of saying, bug off?"

"Not at all. Layer upon layer. How do you explain romantic love to a child?" His gaze penetrated my heart, sending a warm flush through my system.

"You can't, it's impossible."

"But a teenager, that's a different story."

"They're still too young to understand romantic love."

His gaze skimmed over my face, pausing at my mouth before lifting to my eyes. "Someday, I want you to tell me

about Zoe Dodd and romantic love," he said.

Wow.
My whole body heated. I liked that he talked to me without any condescension. I liked that I felt safe and secure in his presence. I liked that he listened to me, saw who I was, and didn't look at me with judgment in his eyes. "As long as I get to hear about Matthias and romantic love."

"Deal."

I stuck out my hand to shake on it. His eyes shot to my extended hand, his jaw in a tense knot. He didn't move. "We

don't need to shake on it to be a covenant."

I blinked. "A covenant?" I let out a light laugh. "Gee, I can't remember the last covenant I made. Just a shake, Matthias."

"You have my word," he said hands in his front pockets.

"I guess your word will have to do then." I withdrew my hand. "You'd better not go back on it, or this—whatever is going on here—is over."

He gave me a quick salute and grinned. "Your wish is my command."

"It would be totally cool if that was true."

"You'd like a genie, wouldn't you?"

"Three wishes for anything in the world I want? Absolutely."

"What would you wish for?"

This time, my brain was so full I couldn't sift through my dreams fast enough. "I'd want Mom and Dad to be happy.

They're happy, but... they deserve more freedom." My gaze shifted to Abria's school. "I'd wish that Abria was... normal. And I'd wish for Luke, my brother, to stop using. I hate that he uses. He doesn't know how dangerous it is. Not just for him, but for everyone."

Compassion glistened in Matthias' eyes. He nodded, looked over at the school, then back at me. "Those are good

wishes. Life isn't meant to be easy," he said.

"Yeah, I'm figuring that out," I sighed. "But what's with the people who float through life like it's an endless party?

Why didn't I get an invite?" I'd done my share of immersing in the fun house in hopes that the distorted mirrors would reflect an image of myself I could embrace. That I could forget my troubles with enough laughter, and pointless games, deafen

reality with loud musk.

"Believe me when I say, the party isn't what it appears to be," he murmured.

Did he have troubles of his own? Where did he come from? How did he grow up? "Spoken like someone who

knows."

He lowered his head. The mood around us shifted, becoming fragile.

"Did I say something wrong? You looked like... like you were remembering something awful."

I hoped he was going to share something of himself with me. My curiosity grew—a hunger that churned deep inside.

After a moment, his shoulders went erect. "That is neither here nor there."

"Then where the eff is it?" I blew out. The corner of his lip lifted and his eyes twinkled. I continued, "I can unload but you can't? That's not going to work for me."

"Demanding. Feisty. And I'll add sassy to the growing list."

I grinned. "What happened to bearcat?"

He laughed, and pushed his hands through his hair. Suddenly, his gaze locked on the school. His hands came out of his

mussed hair and slowly fell to his sides. "It's time for me to go," he said, an anxious expression tightening his features.

"Is everything all right?" I followed his gaze. He started toward the school and I trailed after him. "Everything's fine."

"Should I be worried?" He walked backwards, urgency in his steps. "What does your heart tell you?”

My heart told me not to worry. I glanced around the empty parking lot, hoping no one had witnessed my "discussion"

with him. The buses had since gone on their way and the lot was vacant except for the faculty cars.

Who was he really?

My heart beat steady and calm in my chest, and I turned, intent on asking him again, but he was gone.


SIX


I'm not sure how long I sat in my car waiting for Matthias to come out of the school, show up, or something. I

couldn't get him out of my head. I still had questions. As though someone had moved inside of me and was pushing me his

direction. Beyond curious. Bordering on obsession. My cell phone buzzed over and over but I ignored it, too fixated on the

school—watching every movement, every person who entered and left the place.

Was this what it was like for the people watching us? The voyeuristic quality was kind of cool. I'd never followed

anybody before. Certainly, I'd never watched anyone this intently except for Abria, and she was predictably unpredictable.

When my stomach growled, I glanced at my cell phone to see what time it was. Noon. I gasped.
I'd sat here for three

hours?
Missed most of my classes, not to mention texts and phone calls.

"You're seriously losing it," I muttered, turning the key in the ignition. Matthias was no where in sight, so I headed to school.

Disappointed, I read my texts as I drove. Britt.

where r u???

Britt still hadn't told me what had happened between her and Weston Saturday night. I was pretty sure they'd hooked

up. Britt had wanted Weston for a long time, and she always got what she wanted.

Luke:
got any money?

Yeah right, like I'd support your habit. Just what I didn't need: to worry about Luke out there on the prowl for the next high—

an alley cat scouring the gutters for a dead mouse. I shoved the thought away, and readied to answer Britt, waiting until I

came to a red light.

sorry late where r u & what happened Sat?

When the light changed, I continued in the direction of school.

order me a salad, k?

I drove to the Purple Turtle, a burger place close to school where half the student body congregated for lunch. The

purple and stone bungalow was the current place to be seen by Pleasant Grove's population of teenagers.

Busy as a beehive, cars zoomed in and out of the parking lot, teens hanging out car windows, laughing, shouting to