What Matters Most (6 page)

Now, I’m sure that anyone who knows much about me assumes I have all this confidence and bravado. I mean, I’ve modeled professionally. I do my “green girl” TV spot as well as the newspaper column. And I suppose I even try to act like I’m not afraid of anything—an act I learned long ago while living with
Shannon. And maybe I am fairly confident…about most things. But not when it comes to music. I’m sure that’s related to my dad. His standards have always been pretty high, and I’ve heard him critiquing others, and I imagine he’d probably do the same to me. Not that he has discouraged me necessarily…but more like he’s been sort of ho-hum about my musical abilities. One time he told me it wasn’t that he thought I lacked talent but that he never wanted me to get into a business where the industry can chew you up and spit you out faster than you can cash your first check. Anyway, as a result I felt pretty insecure as Dominic and I got ourselves set up on the little stage. As I did the final adjustment on my mike, I wondered what on earth I had gotten myself into…and why I didn’t just stand up and make a run for it?

But then Dominic looked directly into my eyes and gave me that gorgeous smile, and I decided to simply pretend that the coffeehouse was still as empty as it had been more than an hour ago. Just Dominic and me. And we began to play. All I thought about was the words and the music, and before I knew it, we were done. Then I remembered where we were and realized that the room was pretty quiet…kind of like we’d just bombed. Then they began to clap, and the next thing I knew they were saying, “Encore.”

“We didn’t really plan any more songs,” I told them. But the crowd kept urging us, and so we played a couple more tunes that we’d practiced some. When they begged for more, I winked at Dominic, then said to the crowd, “I’m pretty sure this song will shut us down for good.” And so we played “Dominique,” and
although some of them laughed, we still got applause before surrendering the stage to a guy who did a slightly amusing, albeit somewhat skanky, stand-up comic routine.

After that, to everyone’s pleased surprise, Chloe and Allie stepped out of what seemed to be nowhere and took the stage. I could tell by Mike’s and Jill’s expressions that this was no surprise to them. Plus it seemed that their instruments were already up there and ready to go, so I’m pretty sure it was planned. Then, with Chloe on guitar and Allie on keyboard, they kept us entertained for about twenty minutes with some really great music. During that time I noticed that Wyatt and Vanessa and some of their friends were part of the crowd, and on my way back from picking up another mocha, I stopped by their table to say hey.

“You and Dominic were really good.” The way Vanessa said this almost sounded as if she was surprised. But to be fair, so was I.

“You really were,” added Becca.

“Seriously,” said Wyatt, “your voice is amazing, Maya. You could go pro if you wanted.”

“Well, that might be a stretch, but thanks anyway.”

“Why don’t you sit with us?” offered Wyatt.

“Thanks.” I tipped my head in the direction of Dominic, sitting near the stage. “But I like that table better.”

“Thanks a lot.” Wyatt pretended to be hurt.

“It’s closer to the music,” I explained.

“Are you going to sing again tonight?” Wyatt looked hopeful.

“No, that was it.”

“Tell Dominic he was good too,” said Becca.

“And
hot
,” added Vanessa with a wicked little smile.

I nodded. “I’ll be sure to tell him you said so.”

And I did, and he just laughed. Then we both focused our attention on Chloe and Allie—two extremely talented young women. After they finished their set, they came over to our table, and Allie asked to sit with us.

“Do you mind?” asked Chloe.

“Are you kidding?” Dominic jumped up, surrendering his seat to Chloe and grabbing an empty chair for Allie before he took off in search of another.

“We heard you and Dominic tonight.” Chloe sat down across from me.

“Really? You guys were here then?”

“Yeah.” Allie grinned. “We snuck in the back earlier, just kind of sat in the shadows until our turn.”

“We didn’t want to intimidate anyone,” Chloe admitted.

“I appreciate that,” I said. “I was pretty nervous already.”

“You seemed totally cool,” Allie said.

“You guys are really good,” Chloe said as Dominic rejoined us.

“Thanks.” He grinned. “Same back at you, only way more so.”

Allie pointed at me now. “You have a really great voice, Maya.”

“Thanks.”

“And you’re not bad either,” Chloe told Dominic.

“Oh, I was just backup,” he said.

“I was thinking we should jam together sometime,” Chloe suggested. “If you want, that is.”

“Bring it,” teased Dominic.

“Hey, why not?” Allie stood up and waved her arms like she was trying to get attention. “All right, you guys!” she yelled out to the crowd. “Ya wanna hear some jamming tonight?” The response was loud and enthusiastic, and the next thing I knew the four of us were fumbling around for our instruments and back on the stage.

“My guitar’s just an acoustic,” I told Chloe.

“It’s okay,” she assured me, placing one of the mikes by my guitar and one by my mouth. Allie was already adjusting the sound. And suddenly we were playing. Okay, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep up with them, but to my surprise I didn’t do too badly. And it was fun. Really fun!

Finally, it was past eleven, and we knew it was time to quit. Mike and Jill had already cleaned out the coffee machines and looked ready to call it a night. And although the crowd had thinned down some, they sounded disappointed when Chloe announced it would be our last number.

“Thanks for letting me jam with you guys,” I told Chloe and Allie as we were putting our instruments away. “That was really incredible.”

“We should do it again.” Chloe closed her guitar case.

“For sure,” I said. “How long will you guys be around before you start touring again?”

Allie frowned. “That’s a good question.”

“We’re sort of on a hiatus,” admitted Chloe.

“When Laura left for school, we became a
two-girl
band.” Allie made a face. “Kind of small, doncha think?”

“But it’s okay since we don’t have any new recording contracts and we finished our concert tour.” Chloe turned off some sound equipment. “Our manager had some ideas about replacing Laura, but we decided to take this opportunity to think and pray about where we need to be with our music. We all needed a break.”

“I don’t know.” Allie pulled on her jacket. “I’m already getting antsy.”

“You’re always antsy,” Chloe teased. “I’m enjoying this downtime. It’s been a pretty wild ride these past couple of years.”

“Not for me.” Allie shook her head. “A few days off and I’m ready to rock and roll again.”

We were all packed up now. “Well, anytime you want someone to jam with you,” I assured them, “just call me, and I’ll be there.”

“Same goes for me.” Dominic gave Chloe a cheesy smile. “Unless you’re into the all-girl thing. In that case I could wear a dress and heels.”

Chloe laughed. “We’re gender neutral when it comes to jamming.”

Then we all thanked Mike and Jill as we waited for them to unlock the door to let us out.

“Thank
you!”
called out Jill. “Thanks to you four, open-mike night was a hit.”

“That’s right.” Mike patted me on the back. “You guys are welcome to play here any old time you like.”

And so I’d have to say that all in all, tonight was a success. Oh, I don’t have any false illusions that I’ve just launched my musical career. Not! But it was fun, and I didn’t make a total fool of myself.

As usual, I checked my phone for messages during lunch break, and I was surprised to see that Chloe had called. And even more surprised that she was inviting me to come jam with them after school tomorrow. I called right back and told her “absolutely.”

“Cool.” She gave me directions to her house.

“Uh, what about Dominic?”

“Sure, bring him along too if you want.”

“Okay.” But as I hung up, I wondered about that. She hadn’t sounded as enthusiastic about Dominic as I would’ve expected, but I knew I couldn’t leave him out either. And of course, when I told him a few minutes later, he was totally jazzed.

“Very cool,” he said as we sat down at the lunch table. “I get to jam with the chicks.”

“The Dixie Chicks?” teased Becca.

So I explained that it was Chloe and Allie and decided to use the opportunity to bring up the subject of faith—or at least try. “So have you guys all heard their band play before, I mean, when they were still together?”

“Oh, sure,” Becca said. “Everyone in town has heard Redemption by now.”

“Whether or not they wanted to,” added Vanessa in a slightly snooty tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I tried not to sound too defensive.

“You know…not everyone’s into religion.” She shrugged. “But I’ll admit that their music, if you take away the God stuff, is okay.”

“So you want to take away the God stuff?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s not my cup of tea.”

“I like Redemption,” Becca admitted. “I mean, sure, their songs are about God, but it’s not like they’re real preachy, you know? Not like you think you’re at church or something.”

Dominic nodded. “Their music seems to be more about life and things that matter.”

“Right,” I agreed, “and if you happen to believe that God’s a part of life, what’s the big deal?”

“Let me guess,” Vanessa said. “Now you’re going to invite us to come to your church or Bible study or something?”

“No,” I said quickly. “But would that offend you?”

“It wouldn’t offend me,” said Wyatt.

Okay, the whole table got pretty quiet then.

“Why should it?” he continued. “I believe in God. And sometimes I get worried that I might not be living my life, well, you know, like the Holy Book says to.”

This made several of them laugh.

“You can say that again,” Vanessa sniped.

“Hey, I never said I was an angel,” he shot back at her. “I’m saying, yeah, maybe I do need a little bit more God in my life.”

“Then consider yourself invited to our youth group,” Dominic said.

Wyatt turned to me now. “Is that invitation from you too?”

“Of course.”

Wyatt nodded. “Well, who knows, maybe I’ll take you up on it.”

“Seriously?” Vanessa looked skeptical.

“Absolutely.” He pointed his fork at her. “It wouldn’t hurt you to go either.”

Now she made a sugary smile. “Sure, I’ll go…if you want to take me.”

Wyatt seemed to be considering this, but before he could answer, someone dropped a tray right behind him, making a huge crash. We all jumped at the sound and then, realizing what it was, just laughed it off. Soon they were teasing the poor guy who’d fumbled the tray and making jokes about the noise that could’ve been a gunshot, saying how they’d all be dead and standing before those locked pearly gates and wishing they’d gone to church a little more. But it was mostly a joke to them. I doubt that any of them took that whole pearly gate thing seriously. Still, maybe I would follow up the previous conversation with Wyatt…privately.

I
almost canceled jamming with Chloe and Allie today. By the time I drove to Chloe’s house this afternoon, I was totally bummed. Now, most people would be glad to hear that their mother has been released from prison. But I’m not most people. Neither is Shannon.

School is over, and I’ve just gotten into my car, focusing on an afternoon of music and fun. The truth is, I’ve completely blocked what day this is and what’s been going on in Los Angeles. But when I see the pay phone number on my caller ID, I have a strong suspicion who’s on the other end. I almost don’t answer.

“Hey, baby,” she says in a smooth voice.

“Shannon,” I say somberly. “What’s up?”

“Good news, baby. I’m free!” Her voice has that little-girl sound to it. In the past it’s always been a bad sign—a signal that she wants something from me or that she’s done something wrong.

“That’s great, Shannon.” I feign enthusiasm and nearly ask her what she’s going to do now, but thankfully I stop myself. I have no intention of getting pulled into her plans. No way. No how. “You must be really happy.”

“I am totally happy, ecstatically happy. But then I realized that our house is gone, baby. The bank took it away from us. Can you believe that?”

I want to say, “Of course I believe it. You maxed out all your credit cards, you never paid your bills, the house was mortgaged beyond its worth. Crud, you even stole money from me. Why shouldn’t the bank take it?” But I don’t. I don’t say anything. But I do pray. I ask God for self-control and to keep me from telling her what I really think.

“What are we going to do, baby? We don’t have a house now. Where will we live?”

I’m still praying. I don’t want to open my mouth. Don’t want to say something ugly and horrible and something that, once it’s out there, cannot be erased, rewound, or taken back. I bite into my lip so hard that I think I can taste blood.

“I miss you, baby. I need to see your beautiful face.”

It feels as if my temperature has cooled by ten degrees. Okay, I realize that’s highly unlikely since that would probably mean I was dead, but it’s how I feel. Although it’s sunny outside, I turn on my car’s engine and crank up the heat.