What Matters Most (5 page)

“Just a song,” I said.

“She plays guitar,” Wyatt told them. “And she’s pretty good too.”

I saw Dominic’s eyes flash again and knew I’d better jump back in. “So, here’s the favor,” I said quickly. “Will you perform with me for open mike?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I know you’re used to playing in front of people.” I turned to the others now. “He’s really good on guitar and bass. He plays for our youth group.”

They looked at him with fresh interest, and he sort of shrugged.

“And I’m totally inexperienced…” I smiled hopefully at him. “So I thought if you were backing me up, just in case I really blow it, well, it wouldn’t be quite so humiliating, you know?”

His countenance softened just a little. “I guess I could do that.
But we’ll need to practice, and I’ll have to learn your song. When were you planning to do it anyway?”

“Tomorrow.” I smiled sheepishly.

“Tomorrow?”

“I know it’s kind of sudden, but I also know you’re good.”

“Open mike’s on Fridays?” Wyatt seemed truly disappointed.

I nodded. “That’s what the poster at the Paradiso said.”

“We have games on Fridays,” Wyatt pointed out.

“Oh yeah.” I nodded sadly. “Too bad.”

Now everyone at the table actually looked bummed.

“Can’t they change open mike to Saturdays?” suggested Vanessa.

“You’d have to talk to them about it at the Paradiso,” I said, although I hoped she wouldn’t since that would compete with youth group.

“It would’ve been cool to see you perform,” Wyatt said more to me than Dominic.

“And Maya has a good voice,” said Vanessa. “She sits behind me in choir, so I know.”

I thanked her and pretended to be disappointed that they’d miss our performance, but I was hugely relieved. It’s one thing to make a fool of yourself to preserve a friendship. It’s another thing to make a fool of yourself in front of your new friends.

I think Dominic was relieved too. After school we went to the church to practice since his bass was already there. Dominic said
that Josh was totally okay with kids doing music in the youth room. And, he pointed out, it had pretty good acoustics.

So we met over there at four, and as we walked across the parking lot, I apologized again. “I know how it must’ve looked to you on Sunday,” I began, “but honestly, there was nothing going on between Wyatt and me. He popped over unexpectedly. And we are just friends. That’s all.”

“That might be all it is to you, Maya,” he warned me, “but I don’t think you can speak for Wyatt.”

“I know I can’t control his feelings,” I admitted, “any more than I can control yours. But I stand by what I said.
We are just friends.”

“Well, I have to admit that it was kind of cool to see you were able to get Wyatt and Vanessa acting civilly to each other. And I’m impressed that you seem to have won Vanessa over as a friend. That couldn’t have been easy.”

I nodded. “I think God had more to do with it than me. I’ve really been praying for a breakthrough. I mean, it’s probably good practice for me to love my enemies, but having Vanessa as a friend sure sounds a lot better.”

“Even so,” he said, “I wouldn’t completely trust that girl if I were you, Maya. She could be up to something. She could be setting you up.”

So I explained how I was the one to initiate the friendship and how it seemed to have caught her off guard. “It was obvious she wasn’t happy. And I don’t see how hating me was making her feel any better.”

“Some girls seem to thrive on that sort of thing.”

“Maybe on the outside.” I glanced at him. “Don’t you think it’s possible for people to change?”

“Maybe…” He opened the door to the youth room for me. “But watch your back.”

I kind of laughed as I set my guitar case on a chair. “I’m not worried, Dominic. In fact, I want to invite Vanessa and Wyatt and the others to youth group one of these days. Like if there’s some kind of gathering or party or something where things don’t feel too churchy or intimidating.”

“They usually have a party around Halloween. Sometimes, if Chloe and the others are around, Redemption will do live music too. It’s been kind of a cool event for bringing in a crowd.”

“Maybe this year it will include Wyatt, Vanessa, and the others.”

He chuckled. “I suppose that could happen, but it would be pretty amazing.”

“Why?”

“Oh, you know…that crowd…they have their own kind of parties.”

“Well, some of those parties end up in tragedies—like Marissa’s.”

He nodded as he picked up his bass and adjusted the strap. “So, what kind of music are you planning to do tomorrow night?” He gave me a knowing grin. “That is, if you’re really serious about doing open mike.”

“What do you mean?” I tuned a string.

He shrugged. “I don’t know…but I sort of wondered if this wasn’t just your way of forcing me to speak to you.”

“And…what if it was? What if I really have no intention of doing open mike? What if I got you here under false pretenses?”

He laughed. “Then the joke’s on you, Maya.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you and I are going to perform at open mike, whether you like it or not. Do you even
know
a whole song?”

Now that irked me. Of course I know a whole song. I actually know a bunch of whole songs. Not impressive songs. But just then an interesting one came to mind, and I began to sing it—with gusto!

To my surprise Dominic actually knew this funny old song. Soon we were singing it together, except that he knew all the lyrics, and I only knew the first few stanzas. We both ended it by messing up the lyrics and laughing so hard we were practically crying.

“How did you know that song?” he asked.

“My dad had that record. I used to listen to it when I was a kid.”

“My mom taught it to me.”

“Too funny.”

“Maya, please tell me you don’t plan to sing
that
at open mike.”

“No…” I pulled a spiral notebook out of my guitar case and flipped to my latest song. “I had something more serious in mind.”

“Let’s hear it.” He sat back on the stool and waited.

“Well, I don’t know if it’s any good, but—”

“Save the disclaimers for later.”

“No, it’s not a disclaimer. It’s just that I’m not sure.”

“What new musician is ever sure?”

“Well, it’s about my mom.”

He nodded with a serious expression. “Why don’t you just play it? You know that you’re safe with me.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s called ‘Ode to Shannon,’ but I suppose it could be ‘Ode to My Mother.’ Not that I think of her as a mother so much.” And then, instead of rambling on like I wanted to do, I began to play the song I had written a few weeks ago, the song that got me playing my dad’s guitar again.

I stopped playing, and the room was quiet. Too quiet. I suspected he didn’t like it. “I told you it wasn’t very good,” I said quickly. “I’m not ready for—”

“No,” he cut me off. “It is good. It’s really good, Maya. And the tune is catchy. I think I know what to do. Why don’t you play it again, and I’ll join in.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” He nodded eagerly. “Go for it.”

And so I played it again, and this time he played bass and even hummed along during the chorus. We played it several times, until I was sure he must be sick of it. “Want to try something else?” I asked.

“Sure. Just for a break. Then we can come back to it.”

Finally it was after six o’clock, and Dominic told me he had to get home. “My mom makes us sit down to dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he explained. “Be there or be on KP for the whole week.”

“Yikes, you better run.”

“But this was great,” he told me as we headed out. “If you want, we can go through it a couple more times before open mike, but I think you’re ready.”

“We can figure that out tomorrow.” Okay, everything in me wanted to hug him just then. It took all my self-control not to. But I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea in light of my “just friends” position.

As we got into our separate but strikingly similar hybrid cars, I thought about how much we have in common and about how much I like this guy. Okay, this is my diary, and I can be honest. I love this guy. I love him on so many levels. I love his heart. I love his musical ability. I love that he’s green. And it would be dishonest not to say I love his looks. And hey, I am only human—I have loved it when he’s kissed me too. But that is probably the danger signal…the red flag.

Yet as I drive home, knowing that my uncle is probably working late and that I’ll fix my own dinner like I usually do, I feel really lonely. I imagine Dominic going home and sitting at a table with his family, and I think about other families in this small town. Oh, I know not everyone sits down to eat together. But at least they have each other. And as much as I love my uncle and appreciate him allowing me to stay with him, it’s not quite the same as having my own real family. It’s times like this when I still feel like a misfit in this world. It’s times like this when I really want to grab on to Dominic and just cling to him like Saran Wrap. I want
to make him my family, and I want to go home with him and sit at his table and laugh with his family. I want to take him home with me and play gin rummy with Uncle Allen. I want to belong to him, and I want him to belong to me.

And yet I know that’s just really lame and pathetic. I always wince to see girls like that at school—the ones who can’t let go of their boyfriends’ hands even to carry their lunch trays. Or I think about the way Vanessa has acted toward Wyatt, like she thinks they really were married or like she wishes they were now. It’s times like this when I question my commitment not to date Dominic. I ask myself, really, what would be wrong with that? But at the same time, I know the answer. It would ruin everything.

But seriously, if I didn’t think that dating would totally mess up our relationship, I would be so into it. And I’m sure a lot of girls my age would say, why not go for it? And yet I know why not. I’ve seen
why not
in action, and it’s not pretty. So I’m going to do what it takes to stick to my guns on this. I am not going to risk my friendship with Dominic by letting a physical relationship take over and destroy everything. God help me, I am not!

D
ominic and I spent a couple more hours practicing music this afternoon. Then shortly before eight we entered the Paradiso only to discover less than a dozen people there. And most of them had come to perform. Mike and Jill (the owners) seemed pleased that we’d come and were happy to put us on the open-mike list, but they apologized for the disappointing turnout.

“We really expected a bigger crowd,” Jill admitted as I handed her back the clipboard. “But we forgot about football.”

“We’re hoping it’ll pick up some after the game,” Mike added.

“Yeah, I bet it will.” I smiled like I hoped that would be the case, but to be honest, I was relieved. At least I wouldn’t be making a fool of myself in front of a huge audience tonight. Then Dominic and I sat down with coffees and watched as three guys set up their sound system. It seemed to take forever before they finally began to play. By then a few more people had trickled in, but it was obvious they hadn’t come for the music since they ordered their coffees to go and got out of there quickly. Can’t say that I blame them because the music wasn’t just too loud, but also not so great. Not that I consider myself some great music
critic, but Dominic wasn’t liking it much either, and we were actually considering taking our names off the list and just leaving, but I didn’t want to hurt Jill’s feelings. She had seemed genuinely glad that we had signed up. And so we endured.

The next performer turned out to be a poet. My guess is that he was college age, and he was actually pretty good although his antiwar poem was incredibly long. Just the same, my ears enjoyed having a break from the music. After that was a flute solo by a girl who also seemed to be college age. At least I don’t recall having seen her around school.

And then a surprising thing happened—the coffeehouse began to fill up. Apparently the football game had ended earlier than usual, the result of our team having been creamed. And so spirits were lagging as the flutist finished up her last piece—a melancholy number that seemed the perfect soundtrack to the gloomy crowd. But Dominic and I clapped with enthusiasm, probably because we’d be up there soon and desperately hoped that someone would clap for us. And then Jill announced that it was time for Dominic and me to perform. To say I was nervous is an understatement. My knees were actually shaking as I reached for my guitar.