What Matters Most (9 page)

But my hopes diminished as I entered the dreary building. As usual, it smelled like overcooked vegetables and Lysol…and other unpleasant things…and death. I always try to smile and look cheerful as I see wrinkled old people slumped in wheelchairs. One nearly bald woman smiled back at me today, and it seemed she wanted to talk. I said hello and asked how she was doing, but she got confused and frustrated when I wasn’t who she thought I was, and then she shut down. I continued on to Marissa’s room with a feeling of deep sadness, laced with anger. I need to get over it, but I still get mad when I think that none of this
had
to happen to Marissa, when I consider all the warnings we gave her—the ones
who loved her. How many times did we say she was risking too much? How many times did we caution her? Maybe we should’ve just locked her up until she turned thirty or until sensibility kicked in. She would be better off with a fully functioning brain in jail than the way she is in this place.

“Hey, Maya.”

I turned to see Chloe coming down the hall behind me. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I know I didn’t sign up for this time slot, but I just happened to be passing by the place and thought I’d pop in and say hi.”

“Cool. It might be fun for Marissa to have more than one visitor for a change.”

“And it’s good timing too.” We went down the hall toward Marissa’s room. “Caitlin told me about the fund-raiser you suggested for Marissa.”

“Oh yeah.”

“She thinks we should do a concert in connection with the harvest party. Are you interested?”

“We, as in me too?”

“Yeah, we’ve been having so much fun jamming. Why don’t we just put something together for the harvest party and see what kind of donations come in?”

“That’s a great idea.”

“And simpler than selling tickets.”

“I like it.”

She paused outside Marissa’s room. “Do you think we should tell Marissa and her dad yet or just let it be a surprise?”

“Maybe a surprise. That way we won’t get their hopes up in case it’s not that lucrative.”

“That’s what I was thinking too.”

“But maybe they’d like to come to the event. It might be fun for Marissa.”

“Fun?” Marissa called from where she was sitting in the wheelchair. “Fun for Marissa?”

Chloe laughed. “Hey, you eavesdropper.”

“Fun?”

I went into her room now. “Yeah, with both Chloe and me here to visit, you’re going to have fun. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah!”

As it turned out, we did have fun. The dynamics with three people (two normal and one trying) are a lot more lively and energetic. And I could tell Marissa was enjoying the double dose of attention too.

“So, Marissa,” said Chloe, “did you hear that Maya is quite the musician?”

Marissa looked confused. “Music? Maya?”

I nodded. “I’ve been jamming with Chloe and Allie lately. Dominic’s been playing too.”

Her brow furrowed like she was trying to make sense of this. “Play music?”

“Yeah.” Chloe did an air guitar and made some
twang-twang
sounds, and then I joined her.

“I play music?” asked Marissa with a hopeful expression.

“Hey, that’s a great idea,” said Chloe. “You should play music too.”

Marissa smiled.

“Do you think there’s an instrument Marissa could play?” I asked.

Chloe got thoughtful. “The first instrument I ever played was a recorder.”

“I used to have a recorder too.”

“Recorder?” Marissa looked confused.

Chloe put her hands up to pantomime a flutelike instrument and made some notes that sounded similar to a real recorder.

“Yes.” Marissa put her hands up like Chloe and tried to make notes, but it didn’t sound quite as good. Still, she was trying.

“Next time I come, I’ll bring you a recorder,” I promised her.

“Speaking of music…” Chloe lowered her voice and tipped her head toward the door. “I have to get going.”

I nodded. “No problem. I’ll stick around awhile longer.”

“Thanks.” Chloe had obviously experienced the tearful farewells too. So she said good-bye, and then I distracted Marissa as Chloe slipped out. We played video games for a while, and thankfully a nurse’s aide came in to check on something, and I got my chance to say a quick good-bye and escape as well. Quicker is usually better.

I was barely out to my car when my phone rang again, and I hoped it wasn’t Shannon. I wasn’t sure I could take another conversation with her today. Fortunately it was Chloe.

“What’s up?” I asked her.

“Our band manager, Bruce Glass, just called me. He’s coming to town next week…” She sounded a little unsure or maybe just hesitant. “Anyway, I told him a little bit about you, and he wondered if it would be possible to hear you play with us.”

“Seriously?”

“Totally.”

“But what does that mean, Chloe?”

“I guess it’s kind of like an audition.”

“But to audition, I’d have to be interested in joining the band.”

Now there was a long pause, and I wondered if I’d just insulted her. “I mean, it’s not that I wouldn’t be honored just to be considered. But it’s not really something I’ve ever thought about. Not seriously.”

“Meaning you’re
not
interested?”

“I guess I don’t really know.”

“Because I wouldn’t want to pressure you. It’s just that I told Bruce you’d been jamming with us and that we need to rehearse for the harvest party fund-raiser anyway. I think Willy had talked to him before me. But if you’re not into this, I can just tell him that—”

So I interrupted her and just dumped the stuff about my dad and how he never wanted me to get into music professionally,
and then I dumped about how I’ve never had a normal life and maybe this would be my only chance.

She laughed. “Take it from me, Maya—
normal
is highly overrated. I lived normal for most of my life. I mean, you’ve seen my parents and their house. You know my brother, Josh. You live in our town. How much more normal does it get?”

“But it’s cool too. Especially for someone who’s missed out on that.”

“Yeah, I can agree
now
that it’s pretty cool. I appreciate our little town more after being gone on tour for a while. Still, for me, there’s nothing quite like doing music, being on the road, performing in front of crowds. I mean, sure, it’s tiring, but it’s pretty cool too. I don’t know if I’m ready to give that up for normal just yet.”

The enthusiasm in her voice felt slightly contagious just then. “Well, is it okay if I pray about this and get back to you?”

She laughed really loud this time. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Thanks,” I told her. “And honestly, I really am honored that you’d even consider me for this. And I’m slightly stunned too.”

“Well, just so you don’t get your hopes up, Bruce sounded rather skeptical. Despite Willy’s two-thumbs-up, Bruce didn’t think it was possible that we would find a replacement for Laura in our own hometown. And he’s already got a couple of other girls in mind.”

“Right…I understand.”

“Cool.”

And I do understand. I mean, seriously, what are the chances that a professional band would want someone like me to join them? And even if they did, would I want to? Beyond the flattery, I know what a professional musician’s life is really like. I’ve been on the road with my dad. I’ve lived out of a suitcase before. I’ve woken in strange towns and wondered where I was. It’s not for everyone. And yet…it was kind of fun too.

I’ve told only three people about my “audition” next week—Kim and Uncle Allen, and just this morning I told Caitlin as well.

“I’m not surprised at all,” she said with enthusiasm. She and Josh had popped into Chloe’s (also Josh’s parents’) house last week when we were jamming. They sat and listened to us for about fifteen minutes, then proclaimed us “Redemption Reinvented.” Chloe also pointed out that Redemption was still a girl band and, as much as they’ve enjoyed Dominic, short of a sex-change operation (kidding), he wasn’t going to make the cut. “Are you excited about it?” she asked.

“I’m just not sure,” I admitted. “And it probably doesn’t even matter, because I’m guessing their manager isn’t going to like me.”

“Don’t be too sure.”

“Both Kim and my uncle were really supportive of the idea.” I was still trying to wrap my head around that one. I had imagined
that Kim (the academic) would say stay in school. I guess I assumed the same about Uncle Allen too. But both said it could be a huge opportunity.

“Did that surprise you?”

“A little. But then I got to thinking maybe it would be a way to get me out of their hair.”

“Out of their hair?” Caitlin frowned. “They both love you, Maya.”

“Oh, I know they do. But Uncle Allen didn’t really want to raise another teenage girl.”

“You’re so independent, Maya. I’m sure he’s not overly concerned.”

“Maybe not…but you never know. Like I know he’s got a woman friend. What if he wants to bring her home but not around his teenage niece?”

“He has a woman friend?”

I giggled. “Yes. Her name is Trina. I only met her once. She seems nice.”

“Does Kim know?”

“I’m not sure. But I don’t think it’s any of my business.”

Caitlin nodded. “You’re right. So let’s get back to your business. What are you going to do if your audition is a success and the next thing you know they’re handing you a contract?”

“Good question.”

“What do you
want
to do?”

I shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I mean, on one hand it does sound exciting. But then I weigh it against living the normal life that I’d always wanted.”

“I hate to burst your bubble, Maya, but your life isn’t exactly normal.”

“I know.” Then I told her about Shannon’s last call. “I’m actually getting worried that she might try to come out here. I think I should go speak to a judge about my emancipation, just in case.”

“Would joining Redemption help with that?”

I considered this. “Yeah, it might. But I think I’m making enough money now with my newspaper column, TV spot, and the few hours I get at Jacqueline’s to convince a judge that I’m self-supporting.”

“Have you talked to your dad about this?”

“Emancipation?”

“No, I meant the audition, but while we’re on it, have you discussed emancipation with him?”

I nodded. “He’s supportive. He said he’d do anything he could to help. But no, I haven’t told him about the audition. I mean, chances are they won’t want me, and that’ll be the end of it. Why worry him?”

“So it would worry him?”

I explained his concerns over the music world at large.

“But at least you’d be in the Christian music business.”

“I guess.” I sighed. “Tell me what you think, Caitlin. If by some tiny chance they do invite me…what would you suggest?”

“Same as always, Maya.”

“The rules of discernment?”

She nodded. “As well as to really listen to your heart. What do you really want?”

“I don’t even know.”

“Well, I know that God will show you. When the time is right. And not that my opinion matters, but I think it could be wonderful for you to be part of Redemption. Chloe and the others have grown so much as Christians. I know that for a fact because I was their chaperon for a while when Allie’s mom needed a break. It’s really an awesome opportunity. But only if it’s the right thing for you.”

Okay, I was actually starting to get excited. But then I realized I could be getting my hopes up for nothing. I told Caitlin I’d be praying and reading the Bible and all that. And I asked her to pray too.

“Count on it, Maya. And Josh will be praying too. And you can be certain that Chloe and Allie are.”

And so that’s what I’m doing. Chloe told me the audition will be on Thursday evening—and it’ll also be a practice session for the fund-raiser the following week. We’ll do it at the church in front of a small audience. Now all I need to do (besides figuring out what I really want to do) is tell Dominic. I think he deserves to know since he’s been such a good friend, plus he’s been having such a great time jamming with us. I hope he won’t feel too left out.

It almost makes me wish he were a girl. Okay, not really. I pretty much like Dominic as a guy—as long as he keeps his distance, which he does a fairly good job of except for moments when I think we both are ready to toss away caution and commitment. Although I don’t want to do that. I really don’t want to go there. My commitment to God means more than anything to me. More than being with Dominic. More than being green. More than being in Chloe’s band.

Seriously, when I think about Dominic and the ways we could go wrong, it almost seems like one more reason to consider joining the band. (I mean,
if
they even want me, which seems highly unlikely.) But if they did, and if I joined, it would put some space between Dominic and me. I’d want to stay in touch with him via e-mail and phone. But being on the road with Redemption might have some perks I haven’t even considered. Still, I’d have to give up my TV news spot and working for Jacqueline. Although Uncle Allen said I could write my column on the road if I wanted. So much to consider…and pray about.