What Matters Most (3 page)

So I told her I was kind of split. “I mean, this is my first real year in high school. I came so late in the year last year, and I wasn’t really trying to fit in. And so it’s kind of hard to want to give it all up after just one year.”

She nodded. “But on the other hand?”

“Sometimes it all seems so childish.”

Caitlin laughed. “Yes, I know exactly what you mean. That’s kind of how I felt during my senior year too. Like I’d already outgrown high school. But good things came out of that year. My faith got pretty strong, and I made some cool connections with kids.”

“So maybe I should go two years?”

“I can’t tell you what’s best for you. But I will tell you this.”

“What?”

“God will lead you. Keep praying about it, and listen to your heart. And I know whichever way you choose, you’ll be successful.”

I took a sip of my coffee and thought about it. “You know, I think I know the answer to this already.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, it seems like the best relationships I have are with people who are older than me. Like you and my cousin Kim. And even Marissa…before the accident. And Chloe and Allie when
we’ve crossed paths at the hospital. Even Dominic is older. If I feel that high school is childish this year, how will I feel next year?”

She nodded. “Maybe you do know the answer.”

“But I’ll keep praying about it this weekend.”

“Good.” She leaned even closer to me. “Speaking of you and Dominic, I noticed you two at the game last night, and I could be wrong, but it almost seemed like you guys were a couple again.”

I sighed loudly. “Yeah, that was my mistake.”

“Your mistake?”

So I told her about Wyatt and Vanessa and how I wanted to make it look like Dominic and I really were a couple.

Caitlin frowned slightly. “So you were
using
Dominic?”

“That wasn’t how it seemed at the time, but I suppose that’s about right.”

“But you said it was a mistake… What happened?”

Well, I was going there anyway, so I figured,
Why not just get it out in the open?
“I gave Dominic the wrong impression last night.” Then I confessed how I’d been holding his hand and kind of snuggling up to him at the game, all to show Vanessa she had nothing to worry about. “And Dominic assumed we were really going back to our old relationship.”

“Oh…” Caitlin shook her head.

I glanced around the Paradiso Café to be sure no one was within hearing distance. “So after the game and after we’d gotten a bite to eat, Dominic took me home, walked me to the door, and started to kiss me—just like old times.”

“And?”

“And I had to push him away and tell him that he’d gotten the wrong idea.”

“More like you’d given him the wrong idea.”

I nodded. “That’s more accurate.”

“So, what now?”

“Now…I need to apologize to him.”

“That’s a switch, isn’t it?”

“I guess.” I looked over to the counter where Jill (one of the Paradiso owners) was taping a poster near the cash register. It had cool graphics with the image of an old guitar. The Paradiso was planning to have open-mike nights on Fridays again.

“So what are you going to say to him, Maya?”

“Just the truth—that I’m sorry, that I wanted to send a message to Vanessa and Wyatt.”

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to tell Vanessa and Wyatt the truth in the first place?”

“I guess I got caught up in the childish game-playing thing too.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “It’s an easy trap to fall into.”

“But the problem is that I really do want to be friends with Dominic, and it had been going so well.”

“Until you broke the rules.”

I nodded. “I just hope I didn’t ruin our friendship for good.”

“So do you and Dominic have any shared interests, Maya, like some sort of hobby or something you can do together, that would
keep your friendship going without threatening to take off in the wrong direction?”

“Well, we’re both into the green thing, and we talk about that sometimes. Plus we have our faith… That’s a pretty big deal.” I was still staring at the image of the guitar on the poster when something hit me. “And there’s music.”

“Music?” Caitlin looked confused. “I know Dominic plays guitar and bass for youth group, and I know about your dad’s career. But are you musical too?”

I kind of shrugged. “Not that much.”

“But?”

“My dad gave me an old acoustic guitar last year when I toured with him for a while. He probably thought it would keep me out of trouble. Anyway, it’s a pretty cool instrument, and I’ve been playing around with it some.”

“So you
are
musical?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. But I like to write songs and play them just for my own entertainment. And I’m taking choir this year, and Mr. Thompson seems to think I have a decent voice.”

Caitlin pointed to the poster. “Hey, maybe you could interest Dominic in doing open mike with you.”

“With me?” I held up my hands. “I don’t think so.”

“But it would give you and Dominic a reason to be together, you know, something to do other than making out.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously, Maya. You should consider it. I mean, what if it’s a God thing?”

I thought about this. “Yeah, I suppose it would be cool to play together. And Dominic could probably teach me some new chords and picking patterns. I’m kind of limited, and he’s pretty talented.”

Caitlin smiled. “And you’d be setting a good example for other kids in the youth group, Maya, by showing them that it’s possible to hang with a guy and have fun without getting all physically involved.”

“The question is whether or not Dominic is even speaking to me now.”

Caitlin laughed. “Oh, I have a feeling he’ll forgive you.”

So after we said good-bye, I called Dominic, but his phone must’ve been turned off, because it went straight to voice mail.

“Hey, Dominic,” I said quietly, “I just want to say I’m sorry for acting like such a jerk last night. You really deserve better. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me. If you want to talk, I’m working at Jacqueline’s from noon until six, but I can take a break if you stop by. Or else I’ll just see you at youth group tonight.”

Okay, after I hung up, I wondered if my apology would be misunderstood. What if he thought I was apologizing for shoving him away when he wanted to kiss me? And that I wanted to reintroduce the whole romance thing again? I was tempted to call right back, just to clarify, but realized that might end up sounding even worse. Better to have this conversation face to face.

As it turned out, Dominic never came by to see me at work. He never called, and he wasn’t at youth group tonight either. Even Josh wondered where Dominic was hiding out since he usually helps with worship time. Now, I don’t want to be too narcissistic, but I’m afraid it might be my fault.

I
started to get seriously worried when Dominic wasn’t at church this morning. I had a hard time focusing on the sermon because I felt so certain he was skipping out on both youth group and the worship service just to avoid me. It turns out I was wrong. And now that kind of steams me…like I wasted a perfectly good sermon obsessing over whether or not I’d hurt Dominic’s feelings.

As it turned out, he’d gone with his parents to a cousin’s wedding. Sure, he could’ve called me, but I’m pretty sure he was punishing me. And now he’ll probably punish me even more. The truth is, I’m so ticked at him right now that I almost don’t care. Here’s what happened.

I come home from church, and I’m feeling pretty worried and guilty about Dominic. So much so that I call again. This time his phone rings a few times, and I imagine him looking at it, seeing that it’s me, and just ignoring it. When it goes to voice mail, I leave another message, saying that I missed him last night and this morning and that I hope everything’s okay and that I’ll be
hanging around the home front today if he wants to stop by and talk. Sweet and simple, right?

So I change clothes and get my guitar, and since it’s one of those gorgeous September afternoons and my uncle is gone, I decide to just hang on the porch and play my guitar. Okay, I was hoping that Dominic would drive up and see me out there and we’d talk and I’d tell him about wanting to play guitar with him and all would be well again. But to my shock, a car pulls up, and out steps Wyatt Cooper!

“Hey, Maya,” he calls as he comes up the walk. “That’s sounding pretty good.”

I stop playing and just stare at him. “What are you doing here?”

He puts his hand on his chest as if he’s taken offense. “Are you saying I’m not welcome here?”

Now I feel guilty and force a weak smile. “No, I’m just surprised.”

He smiles. “A good surprise?”

“Just surprised. I mean, how did you even know I live here?”

He nods to the house next door. “My older brother used to date Natalie a couple years ago. I remember being over here with him and that Kim Peterson lived next door.”

“And?”

“And I heard that you’re Kim’s cousin and that you live here.” He grins like he’s so clever.

“So…what are you? Some kind of a detective?”

“Yeah, maybe so.” He stands over me just looking down and making me feel more uncomfortable than ever. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Make yourself at home.” I look down at my guitar with what I hope appears to be genuine disinterest in his presence. And for a couple of minutes I almost forget about him as I work on a tricky picking pattern my dad taught me last year.

“Hey, you really are good,” he says.

I look up and blink. “Oh? Thanks.”

“So why do you hate me so much, Maya Stark? Is it because you think you’re so much better than me?”

“No,” I say quickly, “not at all.”

“What is it then? Not your type?”

“I don’t have a type.”

“What about Dominic?”

“What about him?”

“Well, I heard you guys are kind of a couple. Or that you were.”

“We’re friends.” I frown now. “Or we were.”

Wyatt smiles like I’ve just given him some kind of green light. “So what’s the problem then, Maya? Why are you freezing me out?”

Now I look directly at him, remembering Caitlin’s challenge to just be honest. “The truth is, I don’t like being caught in the middle between you and Vanessa.”

He frowns now. “Hey, that’s so over with.”

“Maybe for you. But she’s not over it.”

“So what am I supposed to do about it?”

I just shrug and go back to picking.

“Is it my fault if she’s still into me?”

I look back up now. “I don’t know. Is it?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t see why. We broke up almost two months ago. She actually seemed to take it okay at the time. But then school starts, and she’s acting like I’m this great big jerk. Is that fair?”

“I don’t know.” I continue to play.

“Seriously, Maya,” he persists. “What am I supposed to do? I’m not into Vanessa anymore. It’s like I’ve outgrown her.”

I look back at him again, and I think he’s actually being fairly sincere, but I’m also thinking,
Why is this my problem?
Still, I know it would be rude to say that. “Maybe it’ll just take some time.”

He nods. “I guess so. I mean, we did go together for a long time. Almost two years.”

“Some marriages don’t even last that long.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“So why don’t you just cut her some slack? Give her some more time to get over it,” I say in what I hope is a sympathetic tone. “Why jump into dating someone else already?”

“I guess I thought it might help Vanessa to move on.”

Now this makes me laugh. “So very thoughtful of you.”

“I know it sounds phony, but it’s true. Even though I’m not in love with her, I still care about her. I wish she’d start dating someone else.”

“Have you tried telling her that?”

“Yeah.” He slowly shakes his head. “That went over real well.”

“Sorry.” I sigh and wish there was a way to give him a gentle but firm hint. “I’m really not that experienced with relationships, you know. You should probably talk to someone with more expertise.”

Now for some reason this seems to please him. And he reaches over and strokes my hair with his hand. “That’s one of the things I really like about you, Maya. You’re honest and straightforward and—”

But that’s when I stand up because I notice that Dominic’s car has pulled up behind Wyatt’s, and he’s sitting there staring at us like he’s just caught us in the act of, well, whatever. And although I wave at him and start to walk toward his car, he just takes off. Without even saying a word, he drives away.

“What’s his problem?” Wyatt asks as he comes over to join me on the sidewalk.

I turn and narrow my eyes at Wyatt now. “You.”

He looks surprised. “Why me?”

“Okay,” I admit, “and me too.”

“I’m sorry, Maya.” His expression actually looks sorry. “I shouldn’t have come over here like this.”

Now, what is it about a guy apologizing that makes a girl feel like she’s to blame?

“No, I’m sorry, Wyatt. I haven’t been very nice to you. And it’s not like this thing with Dominic is your fault.”

He nods. “Well, I’m going to get out of your hair.” Then he sticks out his hand like he wants to shake. “Still friends?”