Throwaway (24 page)

“If word gets out that you’re alive,
Aleksander will find you.”

“If it doesn’t, Vance is going to wind up in
prison for the rest of his life and it’ll be my fault.”

“Jessie, if he did this, it’s already too
late. I can’t let him just walk away.”

“But he did it for me,” she was so frustrated
she wanted to stamp her foot.

“Let’s walk away from the paddock, we’re
upsetting the horse.”

“So?” Jessie demanded, not particularly
caring about the horse at the moment. “You would arrest Vance?
Really?”

“I don’t want to spook a wild horse, Jess.
They have memories like elephants. And if Vance committed murder,
then yes—I would arrest him.”

“Do you know how to get a hold of him?”
Jessie followed Gabe away from the fence, wrapping her arms around
herself for warmth as they walked.

“What makes you think I would tell you if I
did?”

“Because it’s my decision to make.”

“The baby is half mine. If you’re going to
get yourself killed, at least wait until the baby is born.”

“Nice. Look, all I want to do is get word to
Vance that I’m okay. He’s my friend, Gabe. He protected me; I owe
the same to him.”

“I don’t know how to reach him,” Gabe held
his hands up in surrender.

Jessie let the subject drop and the pair
walked back to the house in silence. He was probably wishing he’d
stayed single. She was figuring out how she could get all the way
to St. Louis without him following her.

If the distance between them was noticed,
everyone was polite enough to not mention it. Her enjoyment of the
evening was significantly dampened with so much weighing on her
mind, and for the first time, she used the pregnancy as an excuse
to head home early.

She expected Gabe to head to his father’s
house after dropping her off. Instead, he stretched out on her
bed.

“To what do I owe the honor?” she couldn’t
keep the sarcasm from creeping into her voice.

“I don’t trust you to stay put.”

“So I’m under house arrest?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. But you do have a
constant companion for the foreseeable future.”

Jessie stood rooted to her spot, seething
with rage and unsure what to do with it. She grabbed the closest
thing to her hand and hurled it at him.

“Have you lost your mind?” he flew out of the
bed after the snowman figurine bounced off his thigh. She answered
by pinging a ball of socks off his forehead.

“You jerk. Maybe I don’t want to be
protected. Maybe I like danger. You can’t just show up and say ‘Oh,
I’m alive’ and make yourself my ruler. It doesn’t work that way.”
She threw a shoe at him to emphasize her point.

“Damn it Jessie, stop throwing things at me,”
he caught the shoe and hurled it to the ground.

“Maybe I like throwing things,” she chucked
another shoe at him.

“You drive me completely insane,” he batted
the shoe away like a fly, closing the distance between them.

“I’m tired of being bossed around. I’m sick
to death of being babysat. I got along just fine without you so why
don’t you go?”

“Are you forgetting how you got here… who
made sure you had a car and money and clothes?”

“You owed me that much. You got me into this
mess,” she glared at him, her face inches from his.

“Oh I got you in to this? Really? Is that the
story these days?”

“I never would have agreed to be an informant
if I hadn’t wanted to please you. I wouldn’t have seen what was
happening. I’d be in my apartment with my friend completely
oblivious to all of this.”

“You’d be happier knowing Coleman still had
those girls locked in his basement?”

“That’s not fair,” she felt the fight
draining out of her.

“But it’s the truth.”

“Yeah, well. The truth sucks… and it doesn’t
give you the right to become my new lord and master,” she shook him
off and stormed from the room. She couldn’t quite tell if she was
mad at him or the situation, but he was an easier target. Besides,
being angry with him would make it easier to do what was necessary
to slip away.

Nothing he’d said changed the fact that she
had to find Vance; she had to try to convince him to leave St.
Louis and never look back.

It was another two weeks before Jessie’s
chance came. Gabe delivered her to work then headed to Ethan’s to
start training his horse. The diner was busy, so she waited until
after the breakfast rush to feign a dizzy spell. Milo insisted on
driving her home before the lunch rush hit.

Jessie felt a little guilty for lying to him,
and for leaving him shorthanded during the afternoon. But she
didn’t have much time to lose before Gabe discovered her missing,
and she needed enough of a head start to find Vance, Harmony or Dan
before Gabe dragged her kicking and screaming back to the
Ozarks.

She jotted a quick note that said simply “I’m
okay” and tacked it to the refrigerator door before snagging the
spare key to the Plymouth. Thankfully, she’d had the presence of
mind to hide it in her makeup bag after his declaration that he
would stop her from returning to St. Louis by any means
necessary.

Leaving the note probably cost her some of
her lead time; if she hadn’t he might have wasted an hour or so
looking for her. But she couldn’t bring herself to be that cruel to
him, no matter how maddening he was.

She dressed in jeans and one of Gabe’s
flannel shirts. It was large enough on her she looked formless
rather than pregnant. The added layer of a winter coat further
disguised her current condition. If she did run across the wrong
person, she didn’t want the pregnancy to be used against her or
Gabe.

The drive felt like it would never
end—partially because she had to stop every hour to pee, partially
because she was making herself crazy with second guesses and what
ifs.

Unsure of where else to start, Jessie began
her search at the Washington University campus. If Harmony hadn’t
gone home, Jessie didn’t want to startle her parents. Finding
Harmony at school seemed her safest bet. While she had little hope
of seeing Harmony there in the evening, Jessie wanted to get a feel
for the campus layout. That, and the safest place to track Dan down
would be at Nick’s after nine o’clock so she had some time to
kill.

After a fruitless tour of the Wash U parking
lot, Jessie made a pass through Little Bosnia. It seemed the most
likely place to find Vance and she was fairly certain no one there
would recognize the Plymouth. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if she
found Vance since showing her face on those streets would be too
dangerous even by her standards.

It was a moot point anyway and she found
herself eating a late dinner at the Denny’s on Hampton while she
waited to go to Nick’s. She’d purchased a Go phone for the sole
purpose of having a number to give Dan should he say he had a way
of contacting Vance. It was the second cell phone she’d ever owned
and she hoped it fared better than her first.

She tried deep breathing to sooth her jumbled
nerves on the short drive from Denny’s to the Irish pub. It didn’t
surprise her to see Gabe standing outside the bar, chatting easily
to the uniformed officer at the door. Still, her stomach tightened
just a bit.

He recognized his car instantly. She parked
in the lot across the street and watched him wrap up his
conversation. She didn’t budge as he crossed the road or even after
he leaned against the car and folded his arms across his chest.
They stayed like that for a moment, regarding each other silently
and deciding what to say next.

Jessie finally took a deep breath and slid
out of the car, leaning against the door in a pose similar to his.
They still didn’t speak, but it was progress.

“You really are determined to do this, aren’t
you?” There was reluctant resignation on his face.

“If you won’t let me go talk to Dan, I’ll
grab a late dinner in Little Bosnia.”

“You’re determined to kill me, aren’t
you?”

“Can we go inside now? I’m cold.”

“Stay close to me, okay?”

“Anyone we know inside?”

“No, but this is a pretty popular spot. I
don’t want to take any chances. Hey Jessie…”

“Yeah?”

He kissed her thoroughly, sparking a new kind
of fire in her veins.

“It’s been way too long since I’ve done
that,” his breath still mingled with hers. “Are you sure you want
to do this?”

“I have to.”

“Then let’s get it over with,” he took her
hand in his and they crossed the street together.

The hockey game was still on, so Dan hadn’t
started playing yet. He was standing at the bar chatting with the
bartender while he waited. Jessie grabbed them a table while Gabe
went to get Dan’s attention. Jessie watched the two men greet each
other warmly. Gabe seemed to be telling Dan something as they
walked towards her. Jessie assumed from the look on Dan’s face he
was being prepped to see a ghost.

“Jessie-girl, as I live and breathe. You’re a
sight for sore eyes, darlin’.”

“I’ve missed you, Danny,” nostalgia washed
over her at the sight of her old friend.

“Are you doing okay? How’s life treating you
these days?”

“I’m good. How about you?”

“Same as ever,” he looked from Jessie to Gabe
and back again. “So you two ran off together? I didn’t believe it
when the rumors started flowing about you and Spence.”

“There are a couple of different stories out
there,” Jessie told him. “Some people think I’m with Spence and
others think I’m dead. It’s best that everyone believes whatever
story is already in their head, you know?”

“He got you in a big old mess, didn’t
he?”

“Yeah, well, things are okay now.”

“Good, good. But I’m guessing you didn’t just
come to reminisce,” Danny pinned her with his gaze.

Gabe smiled, but let Jessie do the
talking.

“I need to get word to Vance. Last I heard he
was working for the Bosnians. It’s kind of important. I can’t just
stroll past Bevo Mill calling his name… I was hoping you would know
how to get in touch with him.”

“I haven’t seen Vance but once or twice since
you left and he doesn’t stop to visit with anyone from Cherokee
anymore.”

“Is there anyone who could get a message to
him? Do you know where Harmony is?”

“Harmony moved on, too. I heard she’s still
in school. Some people say she’s living at home, others say she’s
on campus. Others say she left St. Louis altogether.”

“If I give you my number, can you get it to
Vance if you see him?”

“Sure,” he promised, accepting the slip of
paper she handed him. “Are you guys sticking around for the
set?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” she smiled, leaning over
the table to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

As always, Danny’s music wrapped itself
around Jessie, completely saturating her senses. Gabe pulled her to
him and she gladly curled against his side. With a grin and a
twinkle in his eyes, Danny played their song for them and for a
moment, all the world felt right.

When Jessie could hardly keep her eyes open,
they waved goodbye to Dan. It took some convincing for Gabe to let
her drive the Plymouth; he was certain she’d fall asleep at the
wheel. Eventually he caved and she followed him to a Drury Inn
outside of the city limits. Jessie wasted no time before crawling
under the covers once they were checked in.

Gabe showered then stretched out on the bed
beside her to watch television. It seemed so natural to use his
chest as a pillow, one arm and one leg thrown over him as she
slept. He was so incredibly solid. Did taking comfort in that make
her weak, or simply human?

Jessie wasn’t sure what woke her, but the
moonlight streaming through the window assured her it was still the
middle of the night. The television was off and Gabe’s breathing
was even. She raised her head to find him awake and watching
her.

“Can’t sleep?” she propped herself up on an
elbow.

“I like watching you sleep.”

Jessie didn’t know what to say to that. It
unnerved her how completely he exposed his feelings to her.

“What?”

“You,” she smiled, kissing his stomach before
looking back up at him. “You seemed so dark and mysterious when we
first met. Turns out you’re just a big softy.”

“That sounds manly.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you ever going to stop running from
us?”

“I’m here now aren’t I?” She rested her cheek
on his chest, unwilling to look at him.

“Only because I caught you,” he reminded her.
“You’ll find some reason to slip out of my grasp again
tomorrow.”

“I love you Gabe. I really do,” she promised.
“I’m just not ready to belong to anyone right now.”

“How am I supposed to take that?” the pain
was raw in his voice.

“I belonged to the state; then I belonged to
Spence. I’ve never just been Jessie. Hell, I don’t even know who
she is. If I marry you, then I don’t get to figure that out before
I become your wife and that’s who I am. I don’t want to be a
frustrated soccer mom wishing her life away.”

“And that’s the only future you see with
me?”

“That’s what marriage to anybody means to me.
I’ve yet to see anything to convince me otherwise.”

“Good to know,” his chuckle was derisive.

“Why don’t we talk about this when we get
home? Let’s concentrate on finding Harmony or Vance for now.”

“And here I thought you’d be willing to go
home tomorrow,” he teased, intentionally lightening the mood.

“Fat chance,” she laughed. “We are going back
to school in the morning.”

“You think she knows where to find him?”

“I’d be really surprised if not. Looking
back, those two were always together. I think there was something
going on with them and I was so wrapped up in you I just didn’t
notice.”