Throwaway (10 page)

“Is this the end of the cave?” Jessie pointed
to what seemed to be a dead-end.

“For most. There’s actually a shelf there
that, if you were willing to crawl on your belly through the bats’
nest, would loop you back around to a waterfall on the other end of
the property.”

“Good to know,” she nodded, not sure what
else to say.

“Look over here… this is the crown jewel of
the cave.”

“What’s that?” she obligingly turned and
followed the direction he was pointing. The inscription was simple,
but it leapt out at her just the same. “Jesse James 1868” was
carved into an overhang. She reached her fingers up warily to touch
it. She knew little of the outlaw’s life, but it was cool to think
he’d once stood exactly where she did now.

“His actual signature is the big carbide one
that sprawls over the entire overhang. A historian scrawled this in
after she’d verified it.”

Jessie stood back a little and shined her
light on the area. The real signature was hard to make out—other
than swirls of black carbide covered by dozens of other
signatures.

“I like this place,” Jessie wrapped her arms
around herself for warmth, surveying the room they now stood in.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Jesse James was always my hero,” Gabe
admitted. “This cave is one of my favorite places in this world.
It’s so… removed from it all.”

“You know Jesse James was a bad guy, right? I
mean, I wasn’t exactly a straight-A student, but I do remember that
much.”

“I prefer to think of him as a victim of
circumstance,” Gabe moved to stand behind her, wrapping her up in
his warmth as he spoke.

“How’s that?” She asked absentmindedly,
sinking back into him as she did.

“He was just a country boy with the
misfortune of living in a border state during the Civil War.”

“So you subscribe to the Robin Hood theory?”
Jessie seemed to recall there was a great debate over whether James
was a hero of his time or just a thug.

“No, he kept the money for himself. But I
don’t think he would have been an outlaw if his family farm hadn’t
been attacked by a Union militia when he was sixteen. They killed
his brother, maimed his mama and beat Jesse. I think something
inside him snapped that day.”

“That’s so young,” Jessie murmured, thinking
of the twists her own life had taken at a tender age.

“I don’t know. I just always thought he was
swept up in something bigger than himself and did the best he could
to survive under the circumstances.”

“I can identify with that,” Jessie curled her
arm around Gabe’s, turning her head against his arm. A lifetime’s
worth of memories danced across her mind. They were layered with
images of a man she didn’t know, ripped from his boyhood into a
life he didn’t choose, spray painting his name on a cave wall so
someone might remember him when he was gone.

Jessie couldn’t say why the need to connect
with another human being overtook her just then. Maybe she needed
to know that her chance wasn’t gone. Maybe she wanted to know what
it felt like to share something as intimate as a kiss with this man
in this moment.

Whatever drove her, she found herself turning
in his embrace. She looked up at him, her eyes trying to read his
in the dim light. She leaned towards him, then away, her mind
unsure of the choice her body seemed to have already made.

“Jessie,” his voice was torn.

The torment in his voice, the expression on
his face, each ragged breath… she knew right then that no one had
ever seen her as clearly as he did. She’d been a nuisance, a burden
on the state, a prize to be had and an object of desire. In this
timeless instant, she was a woman. Nothing more, nothing less.

That was the thought burning on her brain
when she wound her fingers through his hair and hungrily sought his
mouth with her own. He met her kiss hesitantly at first, but she
could feel the exact moment his last reservation was released.

There was nothing frantic in his touch.
Instead, his kisses were deep and thorough, as if he was slowly
drawing her into his soul and robbing her of all her senses. Or
maybe it was a heightening of the senses she was experiencing.
Maybe she was feeling everything so much that there was no buffer
in between the feelings; they were blending together like a finger
painting. Strong strokes of brilliant color overlapped each other,
creating something altogether different and new.

As his mouth drove her slowly insane, his
hands caressed and tormented and fanned the fire that was rapidly
becoming an inferno. Never in her life had she wanted anything as
badly as she now wanted more of him. Only him.

She ripped his t-shirt off, eager to feel
more of his skin against her own. Her shirt landed beside his on
the floor of gravel and clay. And then they were back in each
others’ arms, their bodies moving to a shared rhythm as they
explored the expanse of newly discovered skin.

If rational thought tried to rear its ugly
head, Jessie shoved it ruthlessly aside. She wanted no part of
anything save this delicious vortex of feeling. Beads of sweat
dotted their skin despite the cool air that enveloped them.

They shifted positions and Jessie found
herself with her back to the cave wall, her legs wrapped around
Gabe’s waist and her arms wrapped around his neck, as if she could
completely surround him with her love.

She wanted this to last forever. She didn’t
think she could survive one more moment of the sweet torment. She
couldn’t explain the tears that flowed freely.

When it was over, he covered her neck with
kisses as he murmured her name again and again. And still she
cried.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, wiping her eyes
as she tried to sort out her clothes.

“I hope they’re good tears,” he kissed her
temple before plucking his shirt up to study it with dismay.

“You know, there are a few technical
difficulties with this whole cave thing,” she acknowledged. Her own
clothes were filthy. “And there’s no shower, is there?”

“Nope. But never fear… we have something even
better.”

“I find it very difficult that there is
anything better than a shower at the moment.”

“Come on, I’ll show you,” he reached his hand
out to take hers. She followed, her mind a jumble as she tried to
sort out what just happened and take in the cave on their way
out.

“Hey, wait a second,” she dug her heels in
when something caught her eye in a corridor near the entrance.
“Look—it’s my initials. JJ 1885.”

“Some people say that Jesse James engraved
that too. Only he supposedly died in 1882.”

“You say that like you don’t believe he
did.”

“I have it on pretty good authority that
there might be some validity to the claims that he staged his
death.”

“What authority is that?”

“Can we talk about it while we’re getting
cleaned up?”

“Good point,” Jessie relented and followed
him out of the cave. As they stepped out of the shadow of their
otherworld, the sun and the humidity instantly greeted them. It had
cooled a little while they were underground, but it was still
markedly warmer than their bodies were used to at the moment.

The heat made the clay drying on their bodies
and clothes feel that much more miserable. They stopped by the
cabin for Gabe to snag a couple of robes, whose presence made
Jessie think he had put quite a bit of thought into this week.

As she followed him down the path from the
cabin, she took in the beauty of her surroundings. The hostas were
amazing—fitting nicely into the woods around them. Stone pathways
and waterfalls and a gazebo dotted the way, adding to the
Eden-esque quality of this place.

They came to a stop in front of a pool unlike
any Jessie had ever seen. Surrounded by stone, it was two large
circles with a wooden bridge crossing the point where the circles
intersected. The patio around it was a breathtaking garden in its
own right. The water had an opaque quality that somehow enhanced
the beauty of it all. It beckoned her to sink down into its warmth,
washing the grime of the cave away.

“Are you sure it’s okay for us to be doing
this?”

“Absolutely,” he flashed his dimple at her in
a way that made her think the answer should really have been
“Absolutely not.”

Truth be told, she didn’t care if she should
be skinny dipping in this pool in the middle of the woods with him
or not. All that really mattered was the fact that she was. It was
glorious and she was free and there was no one watching the door of
the cabin to be sure she returned by curfew.

With a wicked grin, she splashed him before
diving under the water so he couldn’t retaliate. He chuckled and
dove after her. They played and splashed as the sun sank in the
horizon.

“That’s amazing,” she paused to admire the
sky. It was like none she’d ever seen before. The colors were
brighter, the expanse bigger.

“You forget how beautiful it is when you’re
away. Then you come back and think ‘how did I ever leave a sky like
that?’”

“I’m not going to ruin the moment by asking
you about your past,” she pulled him to her, loving the feel of his
slick wet skin against hers. “But I do still want to hear about
Jesse James. You promised me.”

He answered with a mischievous smile and a
kiss. It was there, beneath the first stars of the evening with the
woods thriving with life around them and the gentle warm water
lapping at their skin, Jessie made love to a man for the second
time in her life.

Memories of pain and degradation might have
crept back into the corners of her mind if she had let them, but
she guarded fiercely against anything other than Gabe and this
place filling her senses. Nothing else existed. Not tonight.

“So much for the no sex thing, eh?” Jessie
observed as they devoured their microwaved dinner.

“Sorry about that,” he stopped eating to look
sheepish.

“Don’t be. I was just teasing. I’m sorry,”
she quickly reassured him.

“No, I am. I don’t want you to think I’m just
talk. I really meant what I said… There’s just something about you
that makes me forget my best intentions.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It is.”

“It’s not like I thought it would be.”

“How so?” He seemed mildly concerned.

“It’s better. Not like… never mind.”

“Aw, now, you can’t do that to a man. Not
like what?”

“Work,” she finally finished weakly, afraid
to meet his eye.

“That’s a relief,” there was a smile in his
voice as he tipped her chin up with his finger. “Don’t crawl back
in your shell now. I can’t say I want to dwell on your past, but we
can’t have much of a relationship if you’re afraid to remind me who
you really are.”

“Is this a relationship?”

“An odd one, but yes… why, don’t you think it
is?”

“Harmony had to tell me I was attracted to
you and not having a stroke. I’m not the person to ask in this
situation.”

“You thought you were having a stroke?” he
chuckled. “I’ve never had that kind of effect on a woman.”

Jessie blushed in response and concentrated
on her food.

“Wasn’t there someone before… well, before,”
he finished awkwardly.

“No fair. You know way more about me than I
know about you. You tell me something first.”

“What is this, truth or dare?”

“If that’s what it takes to pry some
information out of you.”

“That could be fun.”

“Shut up and talk,” Jessie snapped.

“That might be difficult.”

“I hate you, Gabe Adams. You know that?”

“I love you too, Jessie girl,” he said the
words jokingly, but the moment they were out silence fell like an
anvil. The only movement in the room was blinking for a full sixty
seconds.

Jessie opened her mouth to say something in
return, but had no clue what that should be, so she closed her
mouth again.

“So you want to know something about me?”
Gabe was the first to recover. “Let’s see… I used to be in the
army. I have no idea how I’ve managed to not be called up again in
the past seven years. I’m guessing my Captain has pulled some
strings because of the case we’re working on.”

“Army, huh?” Jessie could see that. She bet
he was cute in his uniform.

“Yep.”

“Ever been married?”

“Once.”

“What happened?”

“She was a lot prettier on the outside than
she was on the in. She and Riley Brunner are friends,
actually.”

“Ah. Ajax-girl… should I be worried? I’ve
been so careful not to turn into a walking disease…”

“No,” he chuckled ruefully. “You don’t need
to be worried.”

“Sorry. Go on.”

“I’m not sure if I want to go on.”

“Don’t pout,” she admonished, moving to
gather their dishes as she spoke.

“I’m not pouting.”

“Don’t worry—it’s a very masculine pout. But
it’s still a pout.”

“You’re kind of a pain in the ass, you know
that?”

“If you tell me her name, I’ll find her and
beat her up for you. Someone probably should if she’s dumb enough
to let you go. Other than that, I don’t know what to say. I don’t
like the thought of you belonging to someone else before me,” she
admitted.

He choked on his water.

“Don’t be like that. That’s different.”

“How so?”

“I didn’t choose to belong to anyone.”

“Then how did you wind up in Spence’s
clutches?”

Jessie wasn’t sure she wanted to delve into
her sordid past. It would ruin their lovely night. She shrugged,
trying to decide what best to say. “The state gives you the boot on
your eighteenth birthday. I didn’t have anywhere to go but the Eads
Bridge. I ran into Spence outside a soup kitchen down on
Washington. He offered me a place to stay. He was a good looking
guy and seemed nice enough….”