The Face In The Mirror (30 page)

“Mona, you look beautiful,” he said when I got out of the car. He stepped
toward me and I braced myself for the kiss on the cheek that I expected, but he
pulled me into his arms and I felt myself melt as his hand caressed my back.
He leaned back and looked into my eyes. His hazel eyes, so alluring and
penetrating, seemed to look into my soul. He tipped my chin up to kiss me. It
started as a light touch of his lips on mine, sweet and soft. His lips against
mine were warm, and the kiss deepened; I never wanted it to end.

We stepped into the restaurant and I struggled to catch my breath. I’m 63
years old and I felt like a girl. We met at a restaurant on the beach and it was
beautiful, a place I’d never been. He’d reserved a cozy booth in the corner for us
and we slid in. He was so close…

We ordered and chatted while we waited for our meal. I discovered that
talking with him put me at ease. We’d been able to share a few phone
conversations since our last meeting, and his voice was always soothing and
calmed my nerves. I tried not to let him affect me as he did, I tried to be calm,
but Renee, the man made my heart race out of control.

I told him I was thinking about a cruise for early November, and that
Midge would probably be joining me. I can’t imagine your father not
questioning my going alone.

“Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll help make it special,” he told me.
There was no disappointment in his voice. I suspect that he knew if I came
again I would bring Midge, but I also felt excitement as he said the word
‘special’.

As we ate, we continued the conversation and it was pleasant, all of it – his
words, his company…
“Mona,” he said in a soft voice, and I don’t know why, but hearing him say
my name as he did, the way he did, I felt tears trickle from my eyes. Somehow
I knew what he was going to say.
“Did you come alone?”
The way he posed the question made me laugh. I knew what he meant and
suddenly, in my mind and in my heart, I let caution go, and replied.
“Robert, I did.”

Mitchell stopped reading and we both lay there in silence. I felt Mitchell’s
arm around me squeeze a little tighter. “Do you want to stop?” he asked finally.
I looked at the clock and it was after ten. “I’m afraid if we don’t we’ll be up
all night,” I told him. “Plus, I think I need to let this think in a while.”
“Think in?” he snickered and kissed the top of my head.
“I didn’t say it wrong, I need to think about this and ‘think in’ sounded
better to me than ‘sink’,” I laughed in reply.

The next day was busy at work. Cassie had done a fine job in my absence,
once again reassuring me that I could step away from it every once in a while.
After breakfast, I sent her home early. “Go do something nice for yourself,” I
told her and pulled a fifty-dollar bill from my wallet.

“No, Renee…”
“Yes, Cassie!” I laughed. “I appreciate the day yesterday. I believe we’ve
reached a pivotal moment in my mom’s journals. I made Mitchell stop so I
could process it all.” I’d finally shared some of our journey with Mom with her.
She’d become a good friend and partner and she was easy to talk to. If I shared
this experience with Ashley, she’d have had a million questions. Cassie just
listened.
“Being busy will take my mind to another place,” I continued. “I’ll print off
orders and the girls will help with prep. Now go! I want you to enjoy the rest of
the day on me.”
Mitchell came at four and we headed home. “How ‘bout a pizza and a
movie tonight?” I asked as he drove.
“What, what?” he asked with a laugh, and I looked at him in question.
“What, no crockpot filled with deliciousness tonight?”
“Nope. I sent Cassie home and I was busy with orders. What’s the other
‘what’?”
“You don’t want to read?”
“Nope, still processing.”

A busy week followed, and on Friday morning I was ready for my dad’s
breakfast reservation. I’d made banana-pineapple muffins, because I knew what
he liked, and I’d made two quiches. I don't know why, but I was excited that he
was coming, thinking maybe I could wrap my head around what I’d been
taught all my life – forgiveness.

He came in the door with Roxy, Derek, and Janelle. I looked at him in
wonder, and then Mitchell came around the corner. I glanced his way and
relaxed a little, but my insides were jumping all over the place.

“Good morning!” I said in a fake chipper voice. I motioned them to the
table as Mitchell grabbed cups and coffee.
“Good morning, Wayne, Derek, ladies,” he said, and set the cups and
carafe on the table.
“She’s got you waiting tables?” my dad said sarcastically.
“Actually I have a meeting here myself in a bit, so when I saw you come in
I decided to help out.”
“Are you expecting someone else?” I asked, looking toward the empty
chair.
“You’ll be joining us,” my dad replied.
“I kind of have a business to run,” I started, but he cut me off.
“That’s why you hire others to do the grunt work,” he said.
The statement caused the hair on my arms to stand, and I felt my back go
straight, standing taller, over them, as they took their seats at the table.
“I don’t consider any of this ‘grunt work’,” I replied, and forced a smile.
“You will join us for breakfast,” he said in a commanding voice.
“I got this, Renee,” Cassie said from the counter. “Enjoy your family.” I
was sure I detected sweet-sarcasm in in her words.
Mitchell grabbed two more coffee cups, another carafe of coffee, and
pulled a spare chair from the corner.
“This will be a family meeting,” my dad said, directing the words toward
Mitchell.
Before I could say anything, in a very calm voice, Mitchell replied. “Renie
is
my family. Now what’s all this about?”
“I want to talk to my daughter about family matters,” he replied in a snarky
tone.
“Well, seems to me you brought your entourage along, so I’ll be right here
with Renie. If you have any objections we can speak outside.”
Wow
, I thought. I did a quick glance around the room; it was kind of after
the morning rush, and I was glad that the place wasn’t busy. A quick look
Cassie’s way gave me reassurance that she really did have things under control.
She’d ushered the other girls to the kitchen to help with prep work, but she
remained close enough to take care of anyone who might come in.
“What would you like?” I asked showing them the specials.
“Bring an assortment of muffins and several pieces of the quiches so that
we can all sample your handiwork,” Dad replied, and he seemed proud as he
said it. I turned and saw Cassie was already headed to the kitchen.

Pleasant - at least it seemed - chitchat about the food, the decor, babies and
life in general took place all around the table while we waited. Cassie returned a
short time later with a plate of muffins, the quiche, plates and silverware,
loaded on a beautiful teacart that she’d picked up the other day at a thrift store

As I listened to her describe what she was serving, and I could feel myself
beaming with proud accomplishment.
This
was my baby!
“Now,” my dad said, dismissing Cassie, and quickly removing the smile
from my face, “let’s get down to business.”
I felt Mitchell’s leg brush mine and I was glad that he’d made plans to stay
after all.
“Renee, we’re here because we want to discuss your absence from the
family.”
I could feel myself tense, and wrapped my hands around my coffee cup to
steady my nerves.
“It seems as though you are avoiding us, and it’s hurtful,” he continued.
Hurtful.
The word rang like a loud bell in my head, but I remained quiet and
still.
“We’d like to get to the bottom of whatever is troubling you so that we can
move past it.”
We. Troubling. Move past it.
“Are you hearing me?” His voice took on the air of a father speaking to a
child, scolding.
“Yes, I hear you.”
“And?”
I thought about my mom, and all the months since she’d passed. I thought
about the blessing of Mitchell returning to my life. And I thought of the peace
I’d found in her words from the journals. Suddenly, a sense of strength flooded
me, and I felt myself sit taller in my chair.
“And, I haven’t had much time for all of you. I’ve been wrapped up in my
business and
my mother’s
affairs,” I said stressing ‘my mother’.
“Too busy for your family? That’s a sad state of affairs, Renee,” I heard
him reply, and suddenly I was out of my chair.
“I find it a ‘sad state’ myself, but I’m not really sure what ‘family’ is any
more. You see, I’ve had a lot of self-discovery these last months, and I’ve
discovered some things about ‘family’ in the process.”
My father started to speak, but I raised my hand to stop him. “You opened
this door, Wayne Ridgeway, and I will damn sure finish my thoughts before you
interrupt me. Janelle, I’m sorry that they felt the need to include you, because it
really doesn’t involve you.”
I felt a power surge and continued. “Father,” I said, sternly, and then
paused, thinking a moment about that word. “I’m ashamed of the things I’ve
learned.
My
mother kept journals from the day I was born until her death, and
she revealed so much to me, because they were her words, written to me. We
discovered them as we were going through her things. She has given me a
whole new perspective about family –
this
family.”
“Renee Ella!” my father dad interrupted in a sharp voice.
“Shut up, Wayne,” I heard Mitchell say.
“You are my father because you made me, but you are not my dad. Any
man can be a ‘father’; it’s the result of a seed and nothing more. A ‘dad’ is
someone who takes that seed and nourishes it, but I realize now that I never
received that from you. My mother nurtured and helped me become the person
I am. Derek was the one who got that nourishment from you, and I hope that
he grows into a better man than his father. I know about Derek’s mother.”
As I said the words aloud, silence fell across the table. I saw Derek’s eyes
widen, and I heard Janelle let out a light gasp. “She is not the same woman who
gave birth to me. My mother shared the dirty-laundry with me.”
“RENEE!” My father roared as he rose from his seat.
“Sit down. I’m not done,” I told him. “My mother wrote in great detail
about how you disgraced her in the first year of your marriage, and I learned on
my own how you did the same in the last year. I’m ashamed to be related to a
man who can’t be loyal.”
I was on a roll and I didn’t think anyone could stop me, hell, I didn’t think
they could even slow me down! I saw Roxanne glaring at me.
I heard the bell on the door as someone came in and heard Cassie explain
in a soft voice that she could accommodate a to-go order but that the dining
room was closed for a private function.
“What do you mean?” Roxanne barked.
“I mean that I learned that my father had an affair in the early months of
their marriage and planted his seed in someone other than my mother, but she
had the grace and dignity to raise Derek as her own. Roxanne, can you imagine
how hard that must have been for her? And then he did the same with you,
disgracing her once again.”
Cassie took care of the customer, and I saw her make a sign for the door
directing people to the kitchen door.
Roxanne turned to my dad. “Is this true?”
He said nothing, but suddenly Derek announced in a loud voice, “It is. He
did. My mother didn’t want me and
my mom
, Mona, raised me like her own
child.”
Derek started to cry and I was dumbfounded. Janelle was petting him,
showing love, while Roxanne remained paralyzed, sitting there with her mouth
hanging open. I looked around the room in disbelief and noted Cassie keeping
the girls busy in the back.
“Wayne, is this true?” Roxanne asked again. “I want to hear it from you,”
she commanded, but my dad said nothing.
“You think you were the only one? All those years and you think he didn’t
stray from my mom before you?” Derek asked sarcastically. “And don’t think
you’ll be the last one.”
“Renee, I’m sorry. I love you and I should have come to you when I found
out myself, but you were younger; I was younger, and I didn’t know what to do
with what I’d learned,” Derek continued. “I loved our mother and I didn’t do
right by her. I should have been a better, stronger man. I should have been
there for her, and helped her, as she did me. She loved me unconditionally, and
I didn’t do the same.”
I looked at my brother, and then glance at Mitchell out of the corner of my
eye.
Wow
, I thought, and decided to let it play out.
“Stop this! All of you!” my dad shouted.
“You started it, Wayne,” Janelle said. “You brought us all together on the
pretense of bringing Renee back into ‘the fold’ as you called it, but it appears
that the ‘fold’ of this family is damaged,” she said, and started to cry.
The bickering continued until finally, Roxanne stormed out with my dad
hot on her heels. At last, there was quiet as Mitchell and I, along with Janelle
and Derek, sat stunned. No one said a word. Cassie ushered the girls out, put
the ‘closed’ sign on the door, and locked up.
She came to me and whispered in my ear. “Orders are ready, and in the
freezer. I made sure we have everything we need for breakfast Monday
morning. I’ll be in early. You should go home and clear your head.”
“Cassie Palmer, I love you,” I told her, and the events of the last hour
suddenly overwhelmed me and I began to cry. She wrapped me in her arms and
I felt such peace in her embrace. She hugged Mitchell and left us.
“Renee, I’m sorry about all of this,” Derek said. He scooted his chair closer
to mine and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. “I should have done
so many things differently, and as I think about it now, Janelle and Jared are the
best things to come from any of this in my own personal life. I’m sorry about
Mom. I’m sorry…”
“Derek, stop. We just need to move past all of it. I’m trying, but I’m not
sure I want Wayne Ridgeway to be part of my life and I am struggling with that.
I want to forgive him, but every time I learn one more thing, it just makes it
harder.”
“I’m glad Mona left those books for you,” Janelle said.
“Me too, because they’re a part of her heart. I miss her so badly.”
“I’m proud of you,” Derek said.
Mitchell eased closer and gently stroked my hair.
“For standing up to the old man?” I asked.
“Well, there’s that, but this,” he said with a sweep of his hand. “This is
awesome. I’ve seen articles in the paper and a piece on the morning news. You
seem happy, finally doing what you love. I remember you in this kitchen with
Granny and you have that glow that says life is finally on the right track. I could
never imagine you doing contract law…” He paused, and as I looked at him, it
seemed as though he had more to say.
“What else?” I asked.
“I’m proud and happy for your reunion with Mitchell. That’s another of
my ‘should haves’,” he said. “I should have told you to fight for him before,
because I knew how much you two loved each other.”
“But it’s been good for us, finding each other and relearning love, Derek.
It’s made us stronger, and I don’t know if we would be the same people we are
now if we hadn’t gone through that trial,” Mitchell said. “Real love only gets
stronger with time.”
Derek and Janelle let for home with hugs, goodbyes, love, and a promise to
move forward with a better understanding of ‘now’, and to work on our future.