The Face In The Mirror (33 page)

“Thank you, for all of this. I had no idea what to expect when you invited
me. It’s been lovely and I feel your mother’s presence. I feel her spirit.”
I pushed my plate aside and asked, “What do you mean?”
Mitchell looked at me and smiled, speaking before the Captain did. “Renie
sees her in the mirror.”
“I see the resemblance,” he replied.
“No, it’s not that,” I said. “I think that’s a part of it, but I see
her
, not my
reflection. Mitchell thinks it’s because I
want
to see her. As we’ve read through
her journals she’s been here, encouraging me to go on. I find myself running to
the mirror at times, hoping she will be there. I miss her terribly.”
“Captain, you started to say something earlier and stopped. May I ask you
to continue your thought?” It made him uncomfortable; I could see it, but I
needed to know.
“Wwwhat did I say?” he stammered.
“You started to say that you never had a chance to…”
“I stopped because I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I was going to
say that I never had a chance to really love her. I felt myself falling in love with
her almost from the instant we shared that first dance.” He put his head down
and I knew he was crying. I rose and moved to the chair beside him, put my
arm around him, and cried with him.
“She had very strong convictions and she took her vows seriously, in spite
of my father. She struggled, Sir, and as Mitchell and I read her words we
cheered her on. But her convictions won every time. There was a moment,
when I thought she wanted to give in to you, but you stopped her.” I paused.
“Based on the timing of your messages, I believe she wanted to tell you she
was ready to explore a relationship with you,” I continued, “but she had
demons that none of us were aware of. Demons that pulled her this way and
that, until she could no longer handle it.”
“Suicide?” he asked.
“We really don’t think it was intentional,” Mitchell said.
“I believe if she meant to do it, she would have left something for me to let
me know. The last words in her journal were the day she died; that evening I
suspect. She wrote that she was sad and lonely. We think it was accidental, just
a bad combination of alcohol and prescription drugs,” I said sadly.
“I didn’t want to finish reading the journals. I knew that once we finished,
she would truly be gone. But Mitchell has reminded me that I can go back and
read them any time I want, or need to feel her close.”
“I find that I am selfish in my sadness because I wanted to know her. Isn’t
it funny how a chance encounter can turn your whole world upside down?
Your father…” Robert began.
“Is a stranger to me,” I replied before he finished the question. “I’m not in
a place in my head yet to talk about my father. I’m still angry, and hurt. My
mother’s words opened a whole new world to me, and sadly, I’m not sure
there’s a place in my life for him any longer.”
The doorbell rang. Mitchell rose to get it with a curious look. I shook my
head to let him know that I wasn’t expecting anyone.
“Well hey, stranger!” Midgey said in a happy voice. “Where have y’all been?
You know I never just pop in, but one of my friends just moved in…” And
then she saw him.
“Midgey, have a seat. I believe you know Captain Robert Murphy,” I said.
“I do, but I can’t think of one scenario why he would be here, at your
table,” she said.
We hadn’t shared the journals or finding the phone with Midge. We were
waiting until we knew what the ending might be, but it seemed that now I had
to tell her. Midge didn’t know of their kinship. I grabbed a plate for her and we
spent another hour explaining to her what we’d discovered.
“I suspected there was some kind of spark, but I truly had no idea. Robert,
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you found him, Renee,” Midge said. We talked a
while longer and it was late when Midge left.
“I should go, it’s getting late,” Robert said.
“Are you staying close by? I’ll fix breakfast tomorrow if you’ll join us,” I
said, still wanting to talk to him.
“Stuffed French toast?” Mitchell piped in.
“That sounds wonderful!” I replied. “And I just happen to have everything
to make it!”
“Imagine my shock,” Mitchell laughed.
“I’d like that,” Robert said.
“Well then, Captain, if your bag is in the car and you haven’t checked in
somewhere else already, get your things and stay with us this evening.” I was
surprisingly happy at Mitchell’s invitation.
“What a splendid idea!” I said. “Please say yes.”
“I wouldn’t want to intrude or impose…”
“You’d be doing neither. I wouldn’t have asked,” Mitchell replied.
“Well then, I’d like not being alone after this revelation.”

He and Mitchell went to get his bag and I prepared the guest room for him.
When they returned, Mitchell went to our room while I made the Captain
comfortable.

“The smell will wake me, and I will again look forward to sharing this time
with you. May I call you, Renie?”
“Yes, sir,” I smiled.
“Thank you, Renie.”
“No, sir. Thank you. I love that you’re here with us. Sleep well.” And for
reasons I can’t explain, I hugged him and started to cry. “You are a piece of my
mom’s past and I feel such a connection to you.”
“And, I to you.”
“Wait,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
I ran to the bedroom and grabbed the journal we had just finished, and
Mitchell smiled. I took it to the Captain.
“If you’d care to, I’d like for you to read this. Good night, sir.”
“Good night, my dear. I will find great pleasure in seeing your smiling face
in the morning.”

“Renie Ella,” Mitchell said as he pulled me close when I joined him in the
bed. “Your strength amazes me.”
“Mitchell Patrick Donovan,
you
are my kryptonite. I can’t imagine where I
would be in this life without you.”
“Don’t think about it,” he laughed. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Forever would be good,” I said.

I rose early, showered, and was headed to the kitchen to start the coffee.
As I walked by, Mitchell put his leg out from under the covers to stop me from
passing by.

Laughing, he reached for me. “I just wanted to tell you how much I love
you.”
I sat on the side of the bed and he pulled me close. Wrapping his arms
around me, he rolled me on top of him.
“How much?” I asked, looking down at him.
“More than any love song can express, more than any thought you can
imagine or think. I love you more than every next breath I breathe…”
“Oh my God, Mitchell, you’re killing me with these beautiful words.”
“You’re my girl, Renie. Always have been, always will be.”

Coffee was brewing, and my kitchen chaos was in progress when I heard
the Captain.
“Good morning,” I said, pouring him coffee and motioning him to a chair.
“Midgey called late last night wanting ‘details’,” I began.
“Midgey…”
“…And my mom were best friends since freshman year in college, and
they stayed close all those years. She’s been a sanity-check in a crazy life,” I
laughed. “In most of my memories growing up, Midgey was there. She invited
herself to breakfast this morning. She can’t bear to miss anything!”
“Renie…”
“Captain, please don’t say anything to make me cry. I’ve cried buckets of
tears these last few months and I can’t imagine there are many left.”
“Thank you for sharing her last journal with me. What a treasure for you
and what a gift for me. If only we could have talked…”
“But fate saw differently,” I told him. “I hope you felt what I felt when you
read it. She
wanted
to love you.” He nodded wordlessly and I noticed the
glistening of the tears in his eyes.
Mitchell walked toward the kitchen just as there was a knock at the door.
He went to answer it and Midgey bounded in gleefully. “Good morning! I
brought champagne and orange juice! Mimosas, Mona’s favorite, so we’ll
celebrate her this morning!”
I finished putting the stuffed French toast in the oven and returned to the
group. “See, Captain? My sanity check!” I laughed and Mitchell hugged me.
“Life is to be celebrated!” Midge said. “And we will celebrate! Mitchell, my
dear, pour!”
I got a pitcher and Mitchell mixed the juice and champagne as I got the
glasses. After Mitchell poured, Midge raised a glass.
“A toast and a gift. To the life of my dearest, ‘bestest’ friend, Mona. She’s
at peace, finally, and we will go on remembering her as the special little
butterfly she was. We will remember her - the good, and the not so good. What
a gem she was in my life.”
“Here, here,” Mitchell said, and added, “her passing returned my greatest
gift to me. She brought the woman I love back into my life and blessed us all
with a new friend. Captain,” he said and raised his glass.
I didn’t know what to say. I struggled with the same lump in my throat that
I saw the Captain struggling with.
“To gifts,” the Captain said, finally.
“My mom loved the Beatles. George was her crush she always said, and
this song is running through my thoughts, ‘Mama, You’ve Been on my Mind’.”
Mitchell put his arm around my shoulder and squeezed as the oven timer
on the oven went off.
“Wait,” Midge said. “One more thing and I’ll come help you in the
kitchen.”
I can’t say what in the hell set me off, but her words made me laugh out
loud. I don’t know if it was the vision of her in the kitchen, the nerves of these
moments remembering my mom, seeing the Captain struggle with his
emotions, or what, but I started laughing so hard that I was crying.
Finally, I put my head down on the table, trying to contain my laughter, but
I couldn’t, and then the tears came, in a flood.
I know they all must have thought I’d gone dip-shit-crazy right then and
there, but I couldn’t stop. I just cried and cried. Finally, Mitchell rose and came
to me, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. He kissed the top of my head,
and as he held me, his hands caressed my back. His body was so close to mine
that I felt every beat of his heart. He stroked my hair, shushing me, gently
rocking me in his arms, and suddenly I felt peace.
“I’m OK now,” I told him as Midge handed me a tissue.
“I don’t want to let you go,” Mitchell said, softly.
“We have guests,” I laughed, nervously.
Midge went to the kitchen and turned the oven off. “This will be OK here
for a few minutes. Get yourself together, Renee,” she said.
“I’m so sorry. It was just the vision of you in the kitchen. I remembered a
Thanksgiving when Mom cooked and you were in there, ‘helping’. Your cute
little ruffled apron, freshly pressed, and there was not a spec of ‘help’ on the
damn thing! I just remembered her laughing at you, saying, “Midgey, you can’t
boil water!”
“I did help!” she said, laughing as she remembered. “I was right there over
Mona’s shoulder supervising and keeping her drink fresh!”
And at that, we were all laughing.
“I guess thinking about that, and then everything else,” I continued, “it just
escalated, and I lost my mind. Before I had my little trip to crazy-town, you had
said “one more thing, Midge.”
She pulled a small package from her bag and handed it to the Captain. “I
had this and decided I wanted to give it to you.”
He pulled a frame from the box and found a picture of him and my mom.
I’d never seen it and Midge saw the question on my face.
“I took it on the cruise and I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to have
it, so I had it in my album.” As the Captain looked at it, I saw him smile. He
looked at it a minute and then rose to give Midge a hug. “A beautiful memory.
Many, many thanks.”
I looked at the picture. My mom looked so happy.

Later, Midge and the Captain exchanged contact information and he told
her he hoped to see her again, soon.
I excused myself to freshen up a bit. When I turned to leave the bathroom,
I looked and there she was. She wore the same smile I’d seen in the picture
with the Captain, and it made me happy.
“She was in the mirror,” I said when I returned. “Captain, I swear I’m not
crazy!” I laughed. “I think she guides me when I need her. She led me to you. I
pray she never stops coming to me because it gives me peace.”
“Renie, where is she buried?” the Captain asked, hesitantly. “I’d like to
visit, take flowers…”
“Actually, Sir, her wishes were to be cremated. I haven’t decided what to
do with the ashes yet.”
Out of the blue, he changed course and asked, “Have the two of you had a
honeymoon?”
“We’re the kind of people who don’t follow the rules,” Mitchell laughed.
“We honeymooned first, and then eloped.”
I watched the Captain and suddenly, I saw where this new course led and I
knew the answer to one last question.
“I’d like to treat you to a cruise. It’s a luxury that I can take advantage of
occasionally. The two of you and Midge.”
“Yes, Captain! Yes,” I said without waiting for Mitchell to reply. “We’ll
spread her ashes at sea, and with every wave that washes ashore here in the
beautiful home she left to me, I will find peace.”
“I’ll check availability and give you some options.”
Christmas, 2013

The past year and a half has been a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes
when I think back on all of it - the anniversary of my mom’s passing, Mitchell
coming back into my life and all of the revelations that we stumbled upon as
we sifted through her things - I’m overwhelmed.

We celebrated our first anniversary in September. I loved sharing my life
with Mitchell Donovan. Each morning when I wake up and look at the man
beside me and I think about mulligans. I still have regret over our past, but
Mitchell reminds me to ‘look forward’.

Donovan’s keeps Mitchell busy. Convenient Cuisine and Breakfast Café at
Granny Ella’s is still booming. We would celebrate the one-year anniversary of
the business in March with a Friday night wine and cheese social. I made sure
everyone knew this was a onetime event. We would not be considering later
hours – breakfast and the carry out were enough for now. Mitchell had been
right – it was pretty equal on the revenue between the grab and go and
breakfast receipts. He tried not to gloat over the success of breakfast, and I
tried not to be pissed when he did. I felt grateful beyond measure. Even banter
with him, was a gift I’d missed out on for far too long.