The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (16 page)

tors is
tactic switching
. The kids may try new manipulative strategies

you’ve not seen before, or they may return to others they haven’t used

for years. The most common switches involve going from badgering and

martyrdom (and whining!) to temper. Some kids, quite understandably,

blow up when their attempts to wear you down with repetition or make

you feel guilty fail. Although tactic switching is aggravating, remember

TESTING AND MANIPULATION 85

that switching is almost always a sign that you are doing well at sticking

to your guns. Keep it up!

What do you do when faced with tactic escalation and tactic switch-

ing? Several things are important: (1) Don’t get discouraged; this is

a normal stage children go through while adjusting to
1-2-3 Magic
. (2)

Count when necessary. (3) Keep your mouth shut except for necessary

explanations and the counting itself. Eventual y tactic escalation and tactic

switching will diminish and your youngsters will accept your discipline

without having a major cow every time you have to frustrate them. You

then have won the battle. You are the parent, they are the children and

your home is a more peaceful place.

One final word: Some kids, after cooperating initially, become

“delayed testers” later on. Delayed testing can occur after the novelty

of the new system wears off, when the youngsters begin to realize that

they aren’t getting their way anymore, or if your routine gets disrupted

by travel, visitors, illness, new babies or just plain time.

If you’re unprepared for it, delayed testing can be a bit disillusion-

ing. You think to yourself, “The kids were so good before!” You may feel

like the whole system is falling apart, or that it was too good to be true.

Fortunately, the remedy is not far away. Read
1-2-3 Magic
again, watch

the video, discuss the suggestions with your spouse if possible, then get

back to basics: No Talking, No Emotion, be gentle but aggressive and

when in doubt, count. Things should shape up quickly.

The Six Kinds of Testing and Manipulation

1 Badgering 2 Temper

3 Threat

4 Martyrdom 5 Butter Up

6 Physical Tactics

11

Counting in Action

True tales from the trenches

In this chapter we’ll present some real-life, down-to-earth examples of

the 1-2-3 in action to help give you a feel for when counting can be

used. Our stories and commentaries will also illustrate some of the basic

do’s and don’ts involved with the procedure. When our parents or teach-

ers don’t do so well with their discipline the first time around, sometimes

we’ll give them another chanceto correct their mistakes.

Sibling Rivalry

Nine-year-old John and his seven-year-old sister Brittany are best of

friends and best of enemies. They are playing with Legos on the living

room floor. Dad is watching the football game on TV and so far is amazed

the kids are getting along so well, but the fun is about to end.

“Brittany, I need another wheel for my tank,” says John sweetly.

“No, John, I’ve got it on my wagon,” says Brittany nervously.

(Dad squirms in his chair. It’s fourth-and-goal for the good guys.)

“Lemme just use one wheel now. I’ll give it back to you later,”

suggests brother.

87

88 1-2-3 MAGIC

“No, my wagon needs four wheels,” replies sister.

“Your wagon looks stupid!”

“Dad, John’s gonna take one of my wheels and I had them

first!”

(Dad’s team had to try for a field goal and it was blocked. Dad is

not pleased.)

“Both of you, knock it off!”

“She doesn’t need to hog all the wheels. There aren’t enough

for me to make what I want, and they’re my Legos.”

“But I made this first!”

“OK, kids, that’s 1 for both of you.”

“She’s an idiot.” (John smashes his creation and leaves.)

Comment:
Pretty good discipline job by Dad. Perhaps he should have

counted a little bit sooner instead of growling, “Knock it off!” Should

Dad have counted John for smashing his tank or badmouthing his sister?

Some parents would count these behaviors, but others wouldn’t because

the tank was John’s (and it can be rebuilt). John may also be doing the

right thing by leaving the situation.

Second chance: Let’s give Dad another chance to improve his

technique:

“Brittany, I need another wheel for my tank,” says John sweetly.

“No, John, I’ve got it on my wagon,” says Brittany nervously.

(Dad squirms in his chair. It’s fourth-and-goal for the good guys.)

“Lemme just use one wheel now. I’ll give it back to you later,”

suggests brother.

“No, my wagon needs four wheels,” replies sister.

“Your wagon looks stupid!”

“Kids, that’s 1 for both of you.”

(Dad’s team had to try for a field goal and it was blocked. Dad is

not pleased.)

“She doesn’t need to hog all the wheels. There aren’t enough

for me to make what I want, and they’re my Legos.”

“But I made this first!”

“OK, kids, that’s 2.”

COUNTING IN ACTION 89

Comment:
Dad did much better this time, especially since he was

extra aggravated after his team blew its scoring opportunity. Excellent

self-control and an excellent job of not taking his extra frustration out on

the kids.

Four-Year-Old Speeding

Rita is four-years-old and loves to go shopping at the grocery store with

her Mom. The reason she loves shopping trips is because the store has

little kiddie carts she can push around just like her mother does. Rita’s

Mom, however, does not enjoy shopping with her daughter as much as

vice versa. The reason Mom does not like these shopping trips is because,

sooner or later, Rita always starts running around with the cart. Last

week the little girl ran into the big shopping cart of an older gentleman.

Although the man was nice about it and even laughed, Mom is afraid her

daughter will hurt someone.

Talk about the devil and the deep blue sea! If Mom doesn’t let Rita

have a cart, the girl will throw a raging fit—guaranteed—in front of

everyone in the store. Mom feels her daughter is running the show.

Mom is correct. Here’s how the scene goes when Mom and Rita

enter the store:

“Mom! Can I push a cart?”

“I don’t think so, dear. Not today. Look at the Fuzzy Bear sign!”

“Why can’t I?”

“I just told you, dear. Now please don’t start giving me a hard time.”

“I wanna push my own one!”

“Now stop that! That’s enough! Come on, we’ve got a lot of things

to get.”

“I never get to do anything!” Rita starts crying loudly.