Happy Chaos (31 page)

 

When we did the
Andy Williams Christmas Special
in Finland in the eighties, Alphonso Ribeiro and Malcolm-Jamal Warner played this song over and over and over again. It's still completely hilarious to me that my lasting musical memory of a trip with Andy Williams is a hip-hop song.

 

This song reminds me so much of my cross-country trip with my dad, when we listened to it every day. It moves me so much.

 

I picked just one song, but honestly Liz Phair's
Exile in Guyville
got me through my teenage years. I think we all have an album like that.

 

This song reminds me so much of my godfather, Joseph. I love and miss him every day.

 

Ever since I was really little, my brother would play this song on his guitar for me when I couldn't fall asleep. Even when I was a teenager and visiting him at college, he'd pull out his guitar and play it for me. That's love.

 

Imagine me and Joey Lawrence dancing to this song at Disneyland, both of us about nine years old. So funny.

 

I put this song on the video I made for Jason's and my tenth wedding anniversary, intercut with so many memories from our life together. I could watch it over and over.

 

This is one of my favorite Madonna songs. It was one of the first cassette tapes I ever owned, and I wore it out. Now my girls love it, too. What's not to love?

 

When I was eight, I had this very sophisticated friend who looked just like a young Madonna. She introduced me to Blondie's music, and this song still makes me remember those days when you couldn't get cooler than Debbie Harry.

 

Aw, that scene in
Sixteen Candles
. Oh how it melts my heart even still. Jake leaning in for the kiss over the cake. This has since become a song I love to share with my husband.

 

Simply one of my all-time favorite songs to sing with my girls. It always takes me back to my childhood.

 

This reminds me of my husband, when we fell in love, and every moment in between.

 

This music brings back to me my time living in New York, Justin Pierce, Harold, my amazing friend firefighter Pete—one of the greatest guys I know—and being young and crazy, running around town with skateboarders and artists.

 

His album
Grace
really got me through some crazy times. When I finished my documentary about my dad,
Sonny Boy
, I had the incredible chance to share it with Jeff 's mother. We sat in her apartment and watched it side by side, and it was a truly moving experience.

 

My awesome roommate Matt and I would listen to
Little Earthquakes
over and over in our one-bedroom apartment in New York City in the 1990s. I loved those days.

 

I must have listened to
Come Away with Me
a thousand times, and every song strikes a chord. I'll never forget when Jason and I saw her in concert in New York City with Demi and Ashton. Norah and I had a bonding experience backstage.

 

Jenny was one of my childhood friends. We traveled together and we would sing songs as little kids. She always had an amazing voice. She is now one of the most talented, unbelievable female singers around.

 

This always brings me back to Alfie's Soda Pop Club, all of the faces, and all of the dancing, laughter, and fun.

 

One of the greatest albums ever made. My brother and I have seen Lenny in concert about ten times.

 

His voice is the background music for so much of my adult life. One of the greatest!

 

Her music really reminds me of finishing the documentary about my father. Her music inspired me.

 

I was around eleven when this album came out, and I listened to it over and over again. I would write in my journal for hours late at night, reflecting on life, love, and all of the questions you have at that age.

 

I've listened to this song a thousand times, and I love every lyric. Simply one of the greatest songs ever.

Write down your favorite songs and take a little time to remember each one. Ah, the nostalgia. Then make that mix for a friend, a spouse, or a partner, and share it with them. Do the same for your kids and tell them stories about why you love each and every song.

Question of the day: How do you try to savor the special moments with your kids?

“I'm a picture fiend. I take pictures all the time. I also write . . . I've got tons of journals filled with crazy stuff they do. They are my inspiration to write.”

—AnaLiesa

“With teary eyes, lots of pictures, and the knowledge that they are only getting better with age.”

—Allen

“By fully realizing that they grow up way too fast and you'll miss these moments when they're gone. Don't get too busy that you miss the little moments, too. I think of those moments when I am stressed and tired. It helps me to put things in perspective.”

—Jennifer

“I am a sentimental memento crazy person! I take pictures and videos like crazy, I also save special projects my kids do and give to me. I keep a journal by my bed, and every night before I go to sleep, I write a little bit in it about their day and cool things they did or funny stories that happened or accomplishments or new things they learned that day. Helps me to reminisce.”

—Whitney

 

N
ot that long ago I brought home a copy of one of my favorite books, Shel Silverstein's
The Giving Tree,
for my girls. I couldn't wait to read it to them, because I loved that book so much when I was a kid. Maybe I'd forgotten how sad it was, or maybe I was reading it through new eyes, but it knocked me out. I cried, and cried, and cried the first time I read it to Poet and Jagger. Then, just at the moment I finished the last page, I had this amazing memory from preschool. I remembered how my teacher told us that there was a secret design hidden inside an apple, and she had us guess what it was. Then she showed us how, if you cut the apple a certain way, you would find a beautiful star inside.

So I wiped my tears, I closed
The Giving Tree,
and I said, “Hey girls, do you want to see something really exciting?” Then, just as my teacher had done, I had the girls guess what the hidden design inside an apple would be. A heart? No . . . A triangle? No . . . Then finally, I cut the apple that special way, and there was the star inside. It was so beautiful, and their eyes opened up in awe. It was a good mommy moment.

If I've learned anything as a mom, it's that our lives are made up of special moments. And if there is one piece of advice that I'd give any parent, no matter how young or old their children are, it would be to take more pauses and appreciate all those little moments. Each one is such a gift. Because we can't possibly give one hundred percent all the time—but we can give one hundred percent to a moment. And we can feel really good about that.

In the last year, I've been focused on taking more pauses just to savor those little moments—when the girls are dancing with their dad, or we're all driving in the car singing. Not every hour of our lives together is going to be great, and at the end of any given day I might feel guilty for all the ways I was imperfect. But I also know that if I've taken those pauses, then hopefully I've also filled my girls with the kind of colorful, rich moments that create lifelong memories.

Just recently I listened to a talk by the dean of a grammar school who also happens to be a philosopher. He said that at his school, they have a “generation day” every year, and each year he notices the same thing—the parents are rushing their kids, moving them on to the next activity. Faster, faster, go, go. All the while the grandparents are telling their grandchildren to slow down and enjoy the moment.

The really amazing thing is that if we could actually hit the pause button once in a while and see the world through our kids' eyes, we'd find that we have just as much to learn from them as they have to learn from us. As parents we never stop learning—from our own parents, our friends, and yes, our children. I'm still learning patience and how to communicate with my kids, and I'm still making mistakes all the time. It's not as if just because we're grown-ups and responsible, now all of a sudden we have all the answers. I know I don't.

So when I'm confused, unsure, and wondering if I have this parenting thing down at all, I close my eyes and I remember the little girl inside me—the girl who couldn't stop asking why. Sometimes I raise my hand and ask for advice, and other times I do my own soul searching. On the days that I fall down or have those not-so-perfect parenting moments, I tell myself that it is all going to be okay and I will do better tomorrow. It is in the times when we feel most broken that we can discover how to be better parents, and it is in the pauses and dashes in between when we are able to fill life with all of the delicious discoveries, images, and snapshots that we will carry with us throughout our lifetimes.

Here's how to cut an apple and find the secret star inside: Take your apple and set it on the table. Instead of cutting it up and down like you would usually do, lay it on its side and cut it though the center. It should be cut into two circles. Now open it, and there it is, that magical little star.

Just as I was writing the last pages of this book, my girls were running around the house and I went to ask my mom a question. At that moment, I heard a loud crash and ran into the living room to find my two-year-old lying behind the couch with shattered glass all around. I picked her up and blood was running down the back of her neck. My heart was pounding, I was so scared. Poet stood by me as I rushed to call 911. My little baby had a two-and-a-half-inch open gash in the back of her head. I called that very same doctor who had taken care of Poet and found myself in the doctor's office pacing with my child in my arms, a total wreck, just like all of the other mothers in the world who have gone through these moments before me. My deadline would have to wait. Everything would have to wait, because all that mattered was being present for my babies. So again we must remember to take the pauses, because if we don't do it for ourselves, then someone bigger will do it for us.