Happy Chaos (32 page)

Make a list of the special moments that you most treasure from your time as a parent. Use that for your inspiration and revisit it often. Now make a little sign and put it anywhere that you spend time—the mirror, the fridge, the pantry, the car—that says, “Never forget to pause for the moments in between,” and let it remind you even in the midst of chaos (our own happy chaos) to take the time to savor a moment and create a memory that will live on long after our dash.

Here's a moment of us running on the beach that my brother captured. It's in times like this that I really feel like pressing pause.

I am so truly grateful for all of the love and support that I have received throughout this process. There are so many people who have helped me make the dream of sharing my Happy Chaos a reality, and I am eternally thankful for the time and love put into this process.

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone who contributed by sending in their stories and sharing their moments with me. To all of the moms, dads, friends, and grandparents who made me feel not so alone as a messy parent doing her best to find the balance in life, you inspire me everyday. To my family who fills my world with love and support each and everyday, I love you.

My incredible editor, Carrie Thornton, you believed in this book since the very beginning; you have been a true champion for me, my vision, and have supported me throughout this process. I am so grateful to you for diving into this incredible adventure and for your honesty and encouragement throughout. I am so lucky to have you as an editor and friend. You are amazing and really understand this beautiful and often messy adventure in parenting.

To my husband who gives me so much love and support, who read page after page, and who always encouraged me to share our Happy Chaos. You are the most incredible husband, teammate, father, and best friend, and this journey of life is one that I am forever thankful to be sharing with you.

Poet and Jagger, you are my inspiration, my little goddesses, my loves, my life. Mama loves you with every part of her heart and soul. I learn more from you than you could ever learn from me. You are the greatest teachers and children a mom could ever dream of, and I love you for eternity.

Mom, you are the roots of my heart and soul. You gave me endless love growing up and taught me to be a dreamer. You supported every creative bone in my body and showed me that even when I fell, I could find my feet again. You filled our home with all of the love and inspiration imaginable for your kids and made our home a safe haven for all. I am forever thankful for you showing me the way, while allowing me to be my own person. You taught me all about mothering by being the best mother. The dancing in the rain, the sleeping outside under the stars, the stories you would tell—you imprinted all of the best memories into my heart, mind, and soul. I love you. Shawn, thank you for being another dad to us all and for your continued love. You are truly a big teddy bear and a wonderful grandfather, and I am forever grateful to have you in our lives.

Meeno and Ilse, you bring such adventure and love to our lives. You are pillars of strength and wisdom and make us laugh throughout our days. You keep the cycle of life constantly abundant with riches of art, images of love, and constant beauty. Meeno, you capture it all with your lens the way only you know how with that magic eye, and I am so proud to be your little sis and to have the opportunity to work with you and your genius. You brought this cover to life!

Bindi and Mette, you are the little ladies who continue to inspire your auntie in all of your brilliant ways. You keep our house full of joy and bring music to our lives. I love you so very much.

Mema, my godmother and my amazing friend, thank you for every late-night talk and for every time you have been there on the other line ready to share stories. I turn to you always as I know that I am safe, heard, and understood in your embrace.

Bapu: I miss you now, I miss you yesterday, I miss you tomorrow, I miss you always, but I know you are watching and, just like you inspired in me, “I am enjoying the ride.”

Daddy, whatever world your mind wonders in, I know you would be proud and I will forever carry on the legacy of your memory. I love you, Papa.

Tori, my best friend since age two. What can I say? Throughout every chapter of writing this book, I would have a flashback to you, to us, to our years growing up. There is no length of time during my life or a period in which there wasn't you. You have been there for me through and through. I love you beyond words.

Andy, I am so happy that you picked up the phone on that day. I will never forget when you said to me in your sweet New York accent, “Just write me a letter of the book you want to write.” You made me feel so very comfortable from the very first moment we spoke. You have been such an incredible support. You have never swayed me away from being a hundred percent myself. From the moment I sent you my scrapbook-looking pitch and you totally got it, to keeping me sane throughout the process, even when I would call you on the verge of tears, your calm and guidance has been a true anchor for me. You are not only outstanding at what you do, you are my friend and I am so happy to have shared this journey with you. To the rest of WME, thank you for the support. To Brooke, Justin, and Tahira, you rock!

Jane, I love you so very much. Oh, how you believed in me and saw this way before anyone else did. Jane would call me on the phone every few months and say, “Soleil, when are you going to write a book?” I would say, “Soon, I know, I know. I need to do it.” She would then say, “You need to meet my friend and agent, Andy.” I would say, “Okay, sure.” Then we would talk about other things, and about a month later she would call me and say, “Soleil, when are you going to write a book?” This went on for about a year, the very same conversation until finally one day I spoke to her incredible friend Andy and the rest was history. Jane, I would not be here today without your guidance, insight, and inspiration. You are so much more than a friend. You know how to foresee the future with that crystal ball of yours, and you encourage people to believe that they can accomplish anything. You make us all feel bigger and stronger just by having you in our lives, and I am forever grateful for those calls, and for you sitting on the line when I would get exhausted and say, “How am I going to finish this?” I loved that you simply said, “I'm sorry, now keep moving forward.”

Lisa Rowe, you have been such an incredible friend to me. I have turned to you so many times throughout this process, and you listened to my endless calls at night, you gave me advice, and you were there for me each and every day. One of my favorite memories throughout the whole process was me and you sitting and looking through all of my photo albums to pick which pictures to include in the book. We laughed for hours. I love you from the bottom of my heart, and to your beautiful boys, Brad and Hopper, we are so grateful to have you as our extended family. Love you always.

Hillary: I am so grateful to you for so many things. From all of our moments before Poet's birth to yes, finding my placenta (I hope it was mine) to sitting by my side and listening to me read paragraphs out loud. The constant two A.M. e-mails I would send you with chapters asking for notes or help with the kids while I was writing. You have stepped up in every way imaginable. You are more than a friend. You are like a sister to me and I love you like crazy.

Peternelle van Arsdale, thank you so very much for listening to my stories and for being such a huge support throughout this process. I am thankful for the way in which you put up with all of my incomplete sentences and wacky ideas. I know it was an adventure, and I am very happy to have been on it with you. You helped me to bring our crazy chaotic world to life.

Jessica Horvath, thank you for your kindness and support. You have been so great to work with and I love your passion for this project. You have had such grace every step of the way. Your encouragement meant so much to me.

Brian Tart, thank you for believing in me and my Happy Chaos. I am so excited to be on this incredible adventure with you and your team.

Christine Ball, you are so fantastic and have had an incredible vision for this book. Thank you for being the voice on the other line that listened to my excitement and matched it with equal enthusiasm.

Thank you to Stephanie Hitchcock, Carrie Swetonic, and Ava Kavyani, for your time and commitment to this book, and to Julia Gilroy, Alissa Amell, and Monica Benalcazar—each and every one of you in the Dutton and Penguin family have made my dreams a reality.

Demi and Ashton, your love and inspiration mean the world to me. You build people up to be the best that they can possibly be and are two of the most giving, generous, and loving people I know. From birthing team, to advice, to just providing a good laugh or being the person I can to turn to, you are always there for me. I love you so much, and to your beautiful girls, Tallulah, Rumer, and Scout, thank you for showing us all of the joy and happy chaos we had to look forward to before we ever had our own kids. You are each a brilliant, beautiful, and insightful woman who I feel so lucky to get to watch grow.

Margie, Clyde, Larry, and Marilyn, thank you for raising such a terrific son. I love him with every bit of my heart and soul. You are wonderful grandparents and we are truly grateful to have your love and support in our lives. To Sean and Ashley, thanks for being such a great auntie and uncle. We love you.

Gina Bianchini, you have been a guiding force of light to me throughout the past few years. Your friendship and inspiration mean the world to me. You inspire me to want to help change the world to be a better place. You are not only one of the most brilliant minds I know, but you also don't mind sitting on the floor to map out the future, while being an amazing friend and leader. I love you so very much.

Maggie and Greg, I adore you. Maggie, your friendship has been one of the closest of my life and you always encouraged me to believe in myself! You have been there for me throughout my many stages and I love you guys from the bottom of my heart.

Rebecca and Eric: You are two of the most incredible people we know and I am forever grateful for your friendship.

Ariana and Petro, I feel so blessed to have you both in our lives. You are true friends and we love you so much.

To Paige Tolmach and Matt Tolmach, thank you for everything. I am so happy that we have been on this journey together and am grateful that we were able to bring our little seed to life.

Firefighter Pete—my brother, my friend—I love you and all of our years in NYC. You continue to be a force in my life and you inspire me to believe in all of the magic. You remind me of who I am and who I will always be, and to Jaclyn, you always keep it real! Much love.

To Kimo and family, thank you for being both a big brother and extended family. I am grateful for the mountain of memories that we share together.