Dismantled (Girls on Top #2) (16 page)

“Oooh, fuck, Ciara, you feel so fucking good!” As he stretched me, his mouth got busy with mine and his kisses grew intense and hungry to distract me from his final push to the hilt that showed me how good this was about to be.

His mouth moved to my nipple, while his pelvis was doing a dance of its own.  After the first push, he never again entered me on a straight line. He was moving in what felt like a small circle, pulling out while moving from top to bottom and pushing in while moving from bottom to top. These actions were causing his cock to hit my g-spot every time, and as the pleasure was making us climb higher, the friction was promising an unbelievable release.

His mouth moved from my breasts to my neck, his grunting got louder and his drilling got harder. Then he lifted up my ass, never leaving me empty, and twisted me around so I was on my hands and knees. Then, one of his arms crossed in front of my chest pulling me up to a semi-seated position.  His hand was squeezing and massaging my breast holding me in place, the other hand took a fistful of my hair, pulling me hard so that my exposed skin was in front of his mouth. After that, his mouth was on my shoulder, neck and ear – I was so drenched at this point… and his dick was exactly where it needed to be, deep as hell inside of me. With his legs on the outside of mine, he had much better balance and was able to move fast and hard. It was heaven.

I was holding on for dear life to a pillow on one side and one of his arms on the other, loving every second of his grunting next to my ear, as his skilled hips worked me back up into a frenzy and after a few minutes of glorious pounding, with the sound or rawness all around us, he muttered, “I’m coming!” Almost there myself, I’d already started to feel the tightening of my walls, and when he went from licking my neck and ear to biting me on my shoulder, we finally climbed that peak, screaming each other’s names and reaching a high that made us feel like we could float away from reality and leave our problems behind.

I felt needed. I felt cared for. I felt loved.

I wondered how it was for him.

From the apartments’ parking lot, one creeper writes on their notebook the time they started watch and what they have been able to observe.

“Where is he?”

“Not sure. He has not been at the apartment all night. I saw the other guy, the blond one, but not him.”

“You don’t think he’s back at it again, do you?”

Putting the binoculars on its face, the creeper takes another look around.

“He ain’t there, but his truck is here. He’s either in the blonde girls place, or somehow we missed him leaving with someone else.”

“We didn’t miss him. We’ve been looking at everyone coming and going all night and he wasn’t one of them.”

“I believe it’s time.”

The other creeper nods in agreement.

“Let’s go to the house for a few hours and then we’ll come back and go inside. Maybe we can find something to benefit our plan.”

With that said, the creeper on the driver side starts the vehicle, puts the car in gear and drives away for now.

It was the best night of my life. I can’t believe that I finally had her. All those nights I spent jacking myself to images of her, were a drop of water compared to the ocean of the real thing. It felt so fucking good. We played the game of give and take until we were sated and tired as hell. I ended up waking her up twice and she woke me up once in between. If I could have her again, I would, but she’s finally in a deep sleep and the sun is peaking through the blinds, which means my time with her is about to end.

Reality can be a bitch sometimes. I finally found a girl that I can trust. She’s beautiful, sexy and smart. Loyal and the best friend anyone could have. She has been giving everything to try to help me work on my issues. And I’m still scared. I’m scared that I don’t measure up. I’ve always said she’s too good for me. But yet, here we lay in each other’s arms. Exhausted because she felt I
was
good enough. This night…I can’t call it fucking because it meant something to me. It’s a whole lot more than that. It’s so different from all those one night stands I used to have. She has my heart right now. She’s been pulling me together and she has the power to break me apart. Should I take a chance? I can feel my insecurities taking over and I’m disgusted with myself.

Does she know she has my heart?

Is she capable of breaking the one person she claims to care for?

If I cannot give her one hundred and ten percent, then I need to walk away.

Walk away, man. Walk away.

You’ve been doing it your whole life. It shouldn’t be hard.

Don’t let her get more invested.

She will hate me.

She will hate me more if I don’t measure up to her expectations.

What if I never heal?

What if I stay dismantled?

Arrrgh.
The pressure and stress are taking over and I just can’t…I don’t want to deal. I slowly remove myself from her embrace. She stirs around a little but doesn’t wake up.

Marcy is back in my ear. “You are back to your old antics, Traxx. I knew it wouldn’t last.”

“Shut up!” I blink and realize I’ve spoken out loud.

“Huh?”

I curse silently and notice that Ciara’s wiping her face with her hands. She’s waking up. I panic and start to put on my pants. I can carry everything else in my hands.

“Traxx?”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you going?”

Her question is less of a question and more like concern. My lack of an answer makes her more aware of the situation and she sits up on the bed, covering with the sheets.

“I see. Were you going to leave me without saying goodbye?”

I can’t even look at her when I nod my head to let her know she is correct.

“Why?”

I take a deep breath. “I can’t answer your questions right now. I’m suffocating at the moment and I need to leave.”

“Traxx,” she says calmly, “this is in no way a threat, but if you leave right now without telling me what’s going on, I’m going to assume that everything that has happened between us was a mistake and… if you leave right now, I’m going to believe that you are giving up on us. I will move on. I can’t keep waiting for you to be ready. It hurts too much.”

My heart’s racing fast and I’m afraid I’m going to have a breakdown in front of her. I can’t have her see me like that again. I need to leave and get my shit together and talk to her when I figure it all out. “I can’t Ciara, I just can’t deal with all of this right now. I’m so sorry.”

All the prevention I was trying to put in place for protection fails me, because the moment I see a tear running down her cheek, the few parts of my heart that we worked so hard to put together fall completely apart, pain and shame fill the hollows inside my chest and even then, I still turn around towards the door and walk away, leaving behind the only person that has ever truly wanted me.

Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I can’t believe that I thought if I showed him what true love was, that he would realize it was the one thing missing from his life.

Wiping the tears running down my face, I grab a tissue from my nightstand to take care of my runny nose. I can’t continue to wait for him. He needs to figure out what he wants, what he needs. Oh God please let it be me!

I take a minute to think clearly. What the fuck am I doing? I have
never
cried over a man, and I’m really not about to continue doing this. It’s been a couple of hours since he walked out of this apartment and away from me and I’m done crying my eyes out. It doesn’t mean that I will not miss him, because I most definitely will, but I can’t live my life like this.

I made a promise to myself: To live in the moment, without fear or regret. I wanted last night to happen. I enjoyed it immensely and now that it’s over, I will move on. No more crying. If he doesn’t think that I’m worth it to sit down and talk to like grown-ups, then fuck him. He doesn’t get to have one more minute of my time. I just wish I didn’t feel like my heart just shattered in a hundred million pieces.

When I was a little girl, my mom always taught me that when we feel sad, or down, I need to make sure I wear something that makes me feel beautiful, do my hair and makeup as if I was going to a pageant, because if I look good, I will feel good. It’s not a remedy, but a temporary solution to be able to put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.

I hear my phone ring. It’s Notso. Taking a deep breath, I mentally prepare myself to not break down while talking to him. We’re really close friends. He knows me really well. I slide the green button and answer.

“Hey Notso, what’s up?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

Shit.

“I’m not sure what are you talking about.”

“I’m talking about Traxx, Ciara. Please don’t play dumb with me.”

“What happened?”

“He came in half naked talking on the phone with Wyatt, and next thing I know, he’s getting a bag ready because he’s flying to Texas to help his brother pack and drive down here. Traxx and Wyatt have never been close like that. Why now? Last I heard, he was going to stop by your place last night. By the looks of him this morning, he not only stopped, but he spent the night with you, although he would not tell me. Did he hurt you? ‘Cause I’d kill him! I would go to the airport and bash his pretty face right in. Just say so, sug, and I will do it.”

My eyes produce yet more tears that threaten to spill. Notso is so sweet. He’s always been like my big brother and he has looked after me for years. Even though I want to bash Traxx’s face myself, I’m not going to sell him out. I knew what I was getting into.

“It’s all good, Notso. No worries.”

He laughs sarcastically on the phone. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure… Notso, let’s keep this between us for now, please?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want, but please, call me if you need anything or if you just want to talk. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I hang up and get back with the plan – pick nice clothes, hair and makeup. Oh, and awesome shoes – how did I ever forget that? Also, I need to make an amendment to my mom’s teaching: Getting drunk.

Alcohol is calling me. I must get drunk tonight, then I will have the liquid courage to finally let go.