Dismantled (Girls on Top #2) (14 page)

I have everything I need ready and I’m so nervous. I look outside to the parking lot from the balcony and find his truck without problems.
He’s home
. Before I can talk myself out of it, I turn around and race walk to the front door, I don’t bother locking my door because I’m hoping we will be right back here.

As I start up the stairs, I see someone is coming down. Instinctively, I move to the right side but I hear an unmistaken voice say my name.

“Ciara, hey! I was just coming to see you.”

“Oh? Wow, this is a coincidence, because I was just coming to get you.” There is something different in his eyes tonight. Something happy?

“Cool! What are you up to?” His smile is making his gruff face look irresistible. I make my hand stay in place when what I really want is to reach out and touch him.

“I’ve been baking. There is a bake sale going on at work to benefit Meals on Wheels and I have baked two different types of brownies and I was hoping you could come for a taste test.” I smile coyly.

“I can’t think of anything better than chocolate and great company. Let’s go.” He uses his hand to point the way to my place and I go ahead of him. I need to stop with the nervousness, because I will say something completely stupid. Taking a deep breath, we walk inside my place.

“Hmmm, it smells heavenly over here!” Traxx rubs his stomach, which makes me wonder…

“Have you eaten? I can make us some snacks while we wait for the brownies to cool off some.”

“I was going to call in for pizza, but if you have something more appealing I will take it.”

I smile and go to the kitchen. Opening the freezer, I pull out a box of loaded potato skins and another of fried green beans. “I think these will work.”

“Heck, yeah! Perfect!” Traxx sits on the other side of the bar, while I pre-heat the oven and take out some flat baking pans, getting everything situated.

“What do you feel like doing in the meantime?” He asks me. If he only knew. Could I jump to the part where I get to touch all of him? I’ve never felt so devious in my entire life. God, it feels great!

“Well, I was thinking we could start with taking a shot of tequila? I have some cold Tres Agaves Anejo.” I move towards the freezer to get the bottle out.

“Nice!” He gives me a questioning look. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. It hasn’t been this good in a long time.” I place the two shot glasses on the counter between us and pour the cold courage serum in each. This is not cheap tequila and there is no need to cover up the taste with lime and salt. We each reach out for our glasses and do a quick toast.

“To us.” He says looking at me right into my eyes. I frown slightly because I start to wonder if he knows what I’m up to.

“To us.” I repeat, we clink and throwback the warm liquid.

The oven beeps indicating it’s preheated and I put our snacks in, setting up the timer so I don’t forget to take them out or overcook them.

“I had a tough day.” He offers. I immediately give him my full attention.

“What happened?”

I was reflecting on my past, present and future. I’m so ready to make some positive changes.”

This is good.

“What changes would you like to make?” I put both of my fists under my chin and listen intently.

“Well, that’s part of my problem. I’m not sure yet. I know I don’t want to be selfish and take the important people in my life for granted.”

Really?
I nod and wait.

“Yes. I’ve decided that you are right and I need to live in the moment and without fear.”

Oh, my!

“That’s great news, Traxx. There is nothing worse than going through life, going through the motions, without living every day as if it is your last while enjoying all the experiences that life has to offer.”

“So, are you willing to help me figure out the next step? I mean, I know that’s not your job, but I must confess that when we hang out and create new experiences together, I’m able to put some distance from what happened with Marcy. I don’t find myself thinking about it – about her - all day and most importantly having nightmares about her every night. I don’t think about me, either. I find myself thinking about a person who’s a hell of a lot more important to me than anyone else has ever been.”

His eyes zero in on mine, and I’m trapped under his stare. I feel my insides melting and all that wetness is currently taking residence between my thighs. This man! He has such control of my body and doesn’t even know it. My phone starts to chime – it’s my message alert. I move to answer it, and Traxx grabs my hand to get my attention. I twist my shoulders to reach for the phone.

“I’m not finished. There are other things I want to say.”

Nodding once to show my agreement, it pains me to pull my hand from under his, but I move towards the phone because emergencies happen all day, every day. I have an emergency right now. I’m burning from the inside out into invisible ashes because Traxx’s smoldering gaze is proving to be more than I can handle.

Keagan: Hey! What are you doing?

Ciara: I was baking for work. Traxx’s here. He’s going to do a taste test.

Keagan: Is he now? ;) Oh, I wonder how that will end… Anywho, I was checking to see if you want to go to dinner with dad. He misses you.

Ciara: Awww, tell him I will catch up with him next time.

Keagan: I might stay at home tonight. There’s no telling what kind of shenanigans will be going on at my apartment. LOL

Ciara: Stop it!

Keagan: I want a full report tomorrow!

Ciara: OK!

Well that was that. I guess I’m now all by myself in resisting temptation. The things that I get stuck with! I turn towards Traxx and smile. I move deliberately towards him. My fingers are crossed behind my back.

“Who was that?” He asks me.

“That was Keagan. She was asking me out to dinner with her dad.” Traxx looks disappointed.

“Uh, okay, I guess I will see you later?”

I shook my head lightly from side to side. “No, you don’t have to leave. I don’t want to go to dinner.”

“Why not? You know my uncle will be going to a fancy place and he pays for everything.”

“Well, I hate to throw food away and we are already cooking a bunch of stuff.” I said nonchalantly.

Traxx smiles deviously. “I can stay here until everything’s ready and I will pack it up and put it away for you.” He gives me a suspicious look.

“N-Nah, it’s okay. I can catch up with them another time.”

“Ciara, why does it feel like you are not being honest with me?”

I bring my hands around and since I have no pockets, I end up crossing my arms in front of my chest. How do I expect Traxx to be honest with me if I’m not honest with him?

“Well, that’s only part of it.” I take a couple more steps to be closer to him. “Would it be so bad if I say I’m enjoying myself right here, with you?” This takes him by surprise and I’m not sure that he knows what to do with the information.

“That wouldn’t be bad at all. It would actually be really awesome for me.”

“Okay, then.” Nodding, I turn to walk towards the coffee table and pick up the pack of cards I had set there earlier.

Traxx comes to me with another shot and hands it over. “I think we both need one more of this ‘truth serum’ extraordinaire.”

I grab the offering and lift my hand for a toast. This time, I’m the first one that says it. “To us.” And a warm smile spreads on my face.

“To
us
.” We clink and drink up.

After handing him my empty shot glass, I show him the pack of cards and ask the question. “How would you like to play Uno?”

He laughs. “It’s been years since I played that game. Are you out of regular cards or what?”

“Oh, dear Traxx, where is your sense of adventure? Besides I can guarantee you that you will love this version of the game.”

“Which version?”

I smile and wink at him when I answer his question, “We are playing
strip
Uno.”

He gives me a double take. “What do you mean strip Uno?”

“It’s just like strip poker, but we will use Uno cards instead. There’s really not that much to it.” I was trying to keep calm. This is the moment to sink or swim. If he says no, then I will know for sure that it’s time to move on, because I’m obviously wrong about his feelings for me. And if he says yes… well… I know what I’m hoping for.

He’s awfully quiet, and he’s pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger. It’s a sure sign that he’s nervous. I keep quiet because I don’t want to influence his choice, but I’m dying! I do know that I don’t need to resort to these games. I could talk to him and find out what’s on his mind, but where is the fun in that? Besides, there’s a method to my madness, a reason for all of this. I need to make an impact because he needs to understand that some decisions need to be made in trust, and this is one of them.

“Okay, BUT…” His voice lowers to a whisper, “strip to underwear only. I’m not responsible of the things that may happen if we go further than that.” He gives me a smile and a wink and just like that, Step 3 of the “Bring Traxx Back” plan is on!

The buzz of the oven gets my attention and I hand him the pack of cards. “Shuffle these, please? I will get the food.”

When I come back with our snacks and a couple of beers, he has the game setup. I place the tray on the other side of the coffee table, and sit across from him.

“Are you ready to lose your clothes and be my bitch?” I ask him trying to keep it fun.

“Bring it!”

The game is on.

This ought to be interesting… What is Ciara up to? I’d be a fool not to take the bait. She’s so adorable… Strip Uno, for real.

“You know, I could go get regular cards and we can play strip poker.” I give her a wink just to see the pink color move up her sexy neck until it reaches her cheeks.

“Red reverse. My turn again. Red skip. Uno! Are you scared that you may lose? I’d rather keep playing this game.”

“I don’t have a red card.”

“Dude, help yourself and grab a card from the pack until you get a red one or a skip.” She’s so proud of herself that I’m sitting here barefoot, no tie, no shirt, no belt. Only have my pants and undershirt left. She has on her tank top and yoga pants. We’re pretty even so far.

I grab a card from the deck. “Draw four!”

“Ugh! I don’t know how you do it! You are the luckiest Uno player I’ve ever seen!” We laugh.

“I know! Here, look blue reverse, wild card, Uno! I call yellow.” She puts down a yellow nine and looks at me expectantly.

“Boom! I win!” I jump up and do a happy dance.

“Crap, crap, crap!” She is laughing hard. “Okay, there goes my tank top.” I swallow hard. Frozen in place, I’m hypnotized by what’s happening as Ciara gets up from the chair and starts to shimmy out of the tank by grabbing the bottom seam and working it up slowly over her head while dancing to the music and moving her hips rhythmically. The girl has some enticing curves. I swallow dry and try to pay attention – I don’t want to miss a thing. I have seen her in a bikini before, but there’s this unspoken intimacy about seeing someone in their underwear. The delicate fabric is enticing in addition to the beauty of what it’s hiding. Will it spill its secrets for you to admire?

With the tank top now gone, Ciara spins it with her finger, throwing it straight to my chest, breaking the spell I was under.

“You like what you see? Huh?” With her hands on her hip, she’s spinning slowly from side to side.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in a bikini. I forgot about your tattoos.” I come closer and take a chance by lightly touching her skin. I know I’m playing with fire here, and boy do I feel it – right on contact. The heat and sensation that happened the moment we connected, is something I’ve never felt before. It’s scorching and unexpected. I put my fingers on her right ribcage and trace the nautical star with wings. “For your grandmother, right?” Her grandmother passed away when she was still a little girl, due to cancer. It was a hard time for her and her family as they were very close.

A nod. She inhales sharply through her teeth. Opening her eyes, I watch her face while my hand moves to her side and I look to see the next tattoo’s writing is in Latin. It is a vertical line covering her right side.

“What does it say?”

“It says: ‘Every breath I take is a memory of how much you were loved.’ Also in honor of my grandmother.”

It was my turn to nod and take a deep breath. I was forgetting to breathe because her wholesome beauty took my breath away. I was getting lost looking at her perfectly laid out freckles, waiting for me to trace them and reveal a hidden message. I find myself only a step away from covering her body with mine, and I’ll be dammed but I refuse to walk back. This here is warm, feels comfortable… easy… feels like something I’ve been missing.

Raising my hand, I move her hair away from the left side of her neck, and she bends her head slightly to give me the access that I seek. Her hands are no longer on her sides - she has moved them to either side of my waist. My lips get as close as possible to her ear without touching her. I’m afraid if I get to feel her soft skin on my lips, it will be my undoing.

“I thought I remembered this one.” I whisper next to her ear. “It’s a beautiful cross hidden behind your ear.” I blow on it and I feel Ciara shiver. That’s when I realize that I want to wrap her in my arms without letting go.

Why do I feel so emotional? This isn’t me – or is it? I have hidden away my feelings for so many years I don’t know what’s going on with me anymore, but it feels… it feels really good, and it scares me. The fear of the unknown acts like a bucket of cold water that has been thrown at me. What the fuck am I doing? I can’t go there with Ciara unless I’m absolutely sure that it’s what she wants and what I want. I let go of her hair and take a step back. As I put some distance between us, I lose the warmth and security that I felt just mere moments ago.

“I thought this may happen.” She states matter of fact as she straightens herself and fixes her hair. “You are wrong from wanting to run away from it. This is your
Step 3 – Live your life with no regrets.

I’m dumbfounded. Ciara moves towards the side table I was sitting next to, grabs my phone and hands it to me.

“Wait for it.” It’s all she says.

As she walks away, I let myself fall into a chair holding my head with both of my hands. The things that are happening around my head and my heart are foreign to me, but when I let go, they feel so good. It’s an internal satisfaction that I’ve never experience. Not long after, I hear the familiar beep of my phone indicating I have a message. Only this time it’s a video. A video that Ciara sent me just now.

I look around, stretching my neck, trying to get a glimpse of Ciara. Nothing. She must be in the bedroom.

I stare at the video screen. My heart’s racing and I feel very nervous. What if she’s tired of my inability to make a decision about her? Maybe she’s decided I’m not worth saving, after all. Maybe she’s tired of trying to put me back together. Can I make it without her?
No!
I don’t want to. I need to know what’s on this video and I’m scared as hell to press “Play.”

I force my thumb to slide over the fateful triangle on the center of the screen. Ciara is smiling. She has a stack of paper in front of her. She grabs the piece on top and shows it to the camera: