“It’s getting late, so I guess we’ll see.”
Smiling growing, he watched the TV, instead of me. “I’m sleeping in here next to my weapons and keeping one eye open. You best mess someone else, little girl.”
“I’m not feeling great, so I’ll probably wait to shiv you until I’m up to all the laughing and pointing I’ll want to do after I get the drop on you.”
Judd laughed. “You would mock me afterwards, wouldn’t you?”
“Of course. You’re a big guy. Fast and strong too. If I take you down, I’m totally enjoying the triumph.”
“Good for you,” he said quietly, a smile on his lips and a strange look in his eyes.
Even feeling awkward under his gaze, I didn’t look away. Judd was handsome and I wanted to feel safe with him. Until I was back with Farah, I craved a few moments of safety. Mostly, I feared what I would find in Ellsberg. Now that Farah was safe with Cooper, would she slowly stop loving me now that she found someone better?
“Soup’s here,” Judd finally said after we watched each other for a few minutes.
As I sipped the broth, Judd pretended to ignore me. I knew he wasn’t really watching television. His face was too perfectly stoic like he was working hard to make himself seem cold.
“Do you want the rest?” I asked.
Judd frowned at me. “If I wanted soup, I’d have ordered myself some. I’m not a dog begging for scraps.”
Scowling at his ridiculous anger, I shrugged. “I don’t want to waste the rest. Can we put it in the mini frig and I’ll eat it in the morning?”
Judd’s frown eased. “Fuck it. I’ll eat it.”
“No, it’s mine,” I said, standing up. “I offered and you got grumpy. Now, you can’t have it.”
“I’ll just eat it after you go to sleep.”
“I respect your honesty,” I said, setting the bowl into the little frig next to the expensive treats. “It’s a rare quality in a thief.”
Judd grinned. “Don’t lock the bedroom door. If we have trouble, I don’t want to have to kick that shit down.”
When I stared at him, he stared back. We were both thinking how with it unlocked he could whatever he wanted. Before I might be bothered, I remembered that with his size, strength, and weapons he could do whatever he wanted anyway. Of course, he’d have to deal with Cooper. Either way, I was going to bed and leaving the door unlocked like instructed.
In the dream, I was back at the motel, starving and trapped. The weirdoes had broken through the door and were coming for me. I was trapped in that room and no one was coming to save me. Judd had been a dream and I would die violently just as I always feared.
Even after I knew it was only a dream and Judd had saved me, the weirdoes kept punching me and the blows felt achingly real. By the time I woke up, I was sweaty and in a panic.
Grabbing a blanket, I ran to the living room to see if Judd was real. I found him asleep in a chair with his feet propped up on a table. The TV was still on and it threw off weird lights in the dark room. Watching Judd, I tried to calm myself, but I felt hands on me, tearing away my clothes. It wasn’t real, but Judd didn’t feel real either.
Whimpering behind my hand, I was still too loud and his eyes opened as if he hadn’t been asleep at all. Judd stared at me for a moment then whispered, “Angel.”
Another minute passed as I tried to quiet myself and he stared like I was a ghost. Once he sat up, his frown looked more like the one I’d seen the day before.
“What?”
Unable to explain my fear to a man like Judd, I knew he wouldn’t understand or care about a bad dream.
Judd stood up and switched off the television. Taking me by the back of the neck, he maneuvered me to the bedroom.
“Get in.”
Unwrapping the blanket from around me, I climbed into bed and wondered what would happen next? While Judd had saved me, he looked intimidating in the darkened room. He set a gun on the dresser then pulled off his shirt and jeans. This was the moment when I panicked enough for my breath to catch in my throat.
“Let’s say,” Judd whispered, “that some fuck was to show up here and cause trouble. Let’s say the piece of shit that put those bruises on your face shows up here, do you know what would happen?”
As I shook my head, Judd laid over the covers I rested under.
“I would shoot the fucker. No warning shot. No flesh wound. One shot and it would be over. Do you understand?”
Nodding, I watched as he stretched out on the other side of the bed.
“We’re not fucking, kid. I just want some sleep and you got yourself all worked up over a bad dream. This way, you’ll quiet down and I’ll get rest. We both win and nothing more is going to happen,” he said, closing his eyes.
“Thank you,” I whispered, lying down too.
“With that said, you’d be smart to keep on your side of the bed. If you start fondling me in the dark, I might forget where I am and who I’m with and I won’t stop. Get it?”
Staring at him, I sighed. “I shared a bed with my sister for years and never fondled her. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Judd smiled in the dark. “Good to hear. Now, go to sleep.”
Maybe ten minutes passed before I suspected Judd was asleep. I heard the way his breathing softened and slowed. Yet, even with the gun nearby and a big scary guy to protect me, I was afraid.
My mind returned to the sound of Tommy’s face slamming into the car. How his blood splattered across the windshield and he flopped to the ground like a ragdoll. Once I remembered the way Judd intimidated those perverts, I fell asleep smiling.
Chapter Three
The first time I woke up, a sleeping Judd had his back to me. I stared at the tanned muscles before focusing on a large pirate ship tattoo. The design was so detailed I felt like a real man stared back at me from the deck. My fingers went to trace the lines until I remembered what Judd said about fondling him. Pulling my hand back, I stared at the tattoo until dozing off again.
The second time I woke up, the room was brighter and Judd was facing me. With an arm propped under his chin, he studied my face for nearly a minute after I opened my eyes. He didn’t seem to notice I was awake, but it was probably that he didn’t care. His strong fingers reached out and brushed hair away from my face. Trying not to shiver from his touch, I failed.
Judd showed no reaction to my reaction. He just watched me for another moment or two then pulled his hand away and sat up.
“It’s after nine,” he announced. “You need to get cleaned up, so we can grab breakfast downstairs before they stop serving it at ten. I want to get on the road soon, since your sister pulled rank and we’re driving.”
Sitting up, I watched him pull his tee over his head. There was something entirely too tempting about his strong shoulders down to his lean waist. Overwhelmed with lust, I was afraid to make eye contact with Judd. Yet, he knew what I was thinking. When I finally looked at Judd, I found him smirking.
“Never going to happen,” he said, walking out of the room.
Judd sounded as if he meant the words, but his hungry expression earlier made me think he wasn’t convinced.
Soon, I was showered, dressed, packed, and we were headed downstairs for the hotel’s continental breakfast. I’d never stayed in a hotel that served breakfast and it was better than I expected. I bagged up extras because Judd muttered something about having me pee in a bottle, so we could drive the whole day.
Once in the SUV, Judd turned on a CD and ignored me for the first hour. Using his phone, I texted Farah. When I asked about our mother, Farah only said she was gone. Long after I set the phone aside, I thought about what “gone” meant.
Amy Jones Smith was a lifelong loser. Con woman, addict, coward, she was our mother though. Farah likely wanted something from Amy when she moved in with her in Ellsberg. My sister always dreamed of a normal family and life. I suspected she hoped Amy was sober enough to be a different person. Instead, our mother stole Farah’s nest egg, much like she stole our innocence when she left us with those bikers.
Since the silence bored me and I didn’t like the music we were listening to, I decided to talk until he told me to shut up.
“My mom might be dead,” I said, staring out the window. “Or she might just be hiding.”
“Do you care which way it turns out?” When I shook my head, Judd nodded. “My dad disappeared years ago. Some people say he’s living in Mexico. Most think he’s dead. I prefer the last one. No harm in hoping for the death of people who have it coming.”
“She wasn’t a good person.”
“No doubt.”
“She stole my sister’s money. Farah worked hard for that money, but my mom didn’t care. She also attacked Farah. My mom was a bad person.”
Judd glanced at me and nodded again. “But you wished she was dead long ago.”
“She didn’t love me,” I whispered.
“Don’t feel bad. Some people have no hearts. You can’t expect defective fucks to be able to love. Nothing you did or didn’t do can change a person like that.”
“My dad is a bad person too. I come from bad people.”
“You and me both.”
“Is your mom bad?”
“No,” he said, his voice softening. “She’s weak though. Not really cowardly, but broken down and never able to heal her wounds. Mom’s a good woman, but good won’t keep a person safe. Just like love can’t fix fucked up losers like your parents. You can only cut the evil fucks loose and protect those you love. Otherwise, life just does the rest and we have no say in it.”
Watching Judd, I liked how he didn’t judge me for hating my mom. Farah had wanted so badly to love our shit mother, as if love alone could make Amy into someone better.
For me, Mom was dead the moment she ran away and left us to become sex toys for a gang of violent bikers. Even if she’d returned and hugged away all the misery, she was still the one who sentenced me to listen to my sister scream, cry, and beg. I still heard Farah begging in my nightmares and that pain was on my parents. They were both evil. I just had to pretend more with Dad because he was the one in charge of feeding us all these years.
“Your dad did that to your face,” Judd said, his voice hard now.
“He owes a lot of money to some guys and he thought he could get the money from some dealers who owed him. They didn’t give him anything and he got angry because I didn’t make him any money.”
“Make him money how?” Judd asked, glancing at me with those cold eyes.
“I dropped out of school when I was sixteen, so my dad had me work two jobs usually. Waitressing mostly, but I was also a maid sometimes. I worked as a store clerk before, but Dad liked the other jobs better. Waitressing brings tips and I could steal as a maid.”
“He ever do anything else?”
Staring at Judd, I knew what he was asking. In our family, we didn’t discuss our dirty secrets. We hid from the truth and let pain fester. I had spent my whole life having people tell me to keep my mouth shut. I was never to tell anyone anything and I should trust no one. My mom was probably dead though. My dad was off somewhere, maybe dead too. I didn’t have to do what they said anymore.
I could say what I wanted. Eat what I wanted too, like when Judd said nothing about me having two muffins for breakfast. My dad would have told me to stop being a pig. When I was a kid, my mom always told me I was fat because he didn’t like spending money on food.
Judd didn’t care though. As long as I didn’t cry, talk too much, or puke, he didn’t mind me eating. Farah wouldn’t care either. She said Cooper was always feeding her and apparently the Johanssons ate constantly. Eating was no big deal there. Maybe secrets weren’t either.
“He never touched me like you mean,” I said then added quickly, “He said if he came back without the money he needed that I would have to earn it for him. He didn’t mean waitressing.”
Judd showed no reaction. “Did he know about those fuckers at the motel?”
“I think he planned to have them pay.” Even ashamed to say the words, I was also excited to admit ugly things out loud. “I think he told them if they waited he would give me to them. I think that’s why they didn’t break through the window. I also think that’s why the lady at the convenience store wouldn’t help me. I think they knew what I was there for and they didn’t want me to leave. That’s what I think anyway.”
Face devoid of emotion, Judd nodded. “Your dad knows about Ellsberg?”
“Yes.”
“Think he’ll come?”
“If he needs money and thinks he can get it from us, yes.”
“I hope he comes and Cooper gives me the job to deal with him. You know what I’ll do to your old man?”
Watching him, I shook my head as Judd glanced at me.
“Break his arms and legs then I’d just leave him. Let him get hungry. Cooper has a bunch of these vicious dogs. Nasty fuckers that’ll tear a man apart. I’d leave those dogs just outside while your dad starved and I’d let him know they were waiting for him. After he starved enough and went long enough without sleep, I’d make sure he died begging. That’s what I’ll do if your dad shows up and Cooper gives me the chance.”
Watching him for another minute, I admired how a man so beautiful could also be so comfortable with violence. Finally, I asked, “Do you think my mom is dead?”
“She screwed with Cooper’s woman, so I’d say you were motherless, kid.”
“Do you think she died fast?”
“Probably. The organization frowns upon torturing women unless they have info.”
“Too bad.”
Glancing at me, Judd grinned. “Tough little broad.”
“I hated my mom.”
“I have no doubt.”
“She ruined me,” I muttered, staring back out the window.
“You mean your life.”
“No, I meant what I said.”
“You don’t look ruined. Scrawny, sure. Hey, gotcha a nickname now. Scrawny Tawny. Catchy.” When I glared hard at him, he only grinned. “I gotta admit you’re pretty fucking sexy when you give me your stink eye. Not at all intimidating, but hot as hell.”
“Farah calls your boss Coop the Poop.”
“Does she now?” he said, still grinning as he slowed the SUV because of midday traffic.
“Judd rhymes with crud.”
“Yes, it does. Also rhymes with stud.”
Now, I was grinning. “Men are always saying they’re studs. They can’t all be studs or else the word wouldn’t mean anything.”