I was someone else, but I just didn’t know who yet.
***
Downstairs, Cooper waited for us with a nearly childlike expression as if thinking Farah might never play with him again. Proving his concerns were unfounded, my sister attached herself to him the moment she hit the last step.
“You saved my sister,” she murmured, grinning up at him. “My sexy hero.”
“Hell yeah,” he said, clearly relieved by the look on her face. “You guys want to eat or something?”
I shook my head, but Farah ordered pizza. Sitting on the couch, I looked around the two-story living room while accepting how I lived in this beautiful house now. While Farah looked like she belonged in such luxury, I felt awkward like a dirty stray they allowed into the house.
“Look at what I kept for you,” Farah said, leaning over the back of the couch and smiling against my cheek.
In her hand were a pile of advertisements from the mail. Shiny colored pictures of fast food deals and sales on furniture, the stack of junk mail beckoned to me.
“Thanks,” I said, grinning as I took them.
Cooper frowned at the ads. “I don’t get it.”
“Tawny likes to collect ads,” Farah told him.
“Why?”
“Because,” Farah replied then kissed him before he might ask more questions.
As they messed around behind me, I worked my way through the stack of junk mail. Some ads weren’t that interesting, but I found several for restaurants I wanted to visit. I also liked an ad for angel figurines at an art supply store. While I didn’t plan to buy the figurines, I kept the ad to look at later.
The pizza arrived while Farah and Cooper were goofing around upstairs. Fortunately, he left cash for the delivery guy. I’d never paid for pizza before and wasn’t sure about the tip. Growing flustered at the correct amount, I just gave the guy the rest of the money and hoped Cooper wouldn’t complain.
By the time Cooper and Farah appeared, he didn’t look like he would complain about anything for a while. Clearly, Farah had worked past her fear of sex because she was grinning and glowing when she dished out the pizza. I watched them and tried not to think about Judd. Yet, I was so sure he was my Cooper.
We watched TV for the next few hours. Farah sat between us on the couch like she was a shiny toy we both wanted for ourselves, but had to share. My mind wasn’t interested in TV. Everything reminded me of Judd. From the SUV in a commercial to Cooper’s tattoos to the blue eyes of a woman in the show we watched. Replaying the last few days in my head, I wondered if I had kept my ugly secrets to myself if Judd might have remained interested. If I hadn’t shown him the real me, I might have kept him and I really wanted to keep him.
Later, Farah tucked me into bed like I was a scared kid and she was my mom. I knew Farah needed to comfort me especially when she was nervous. I wasn’t going to interfere with her coping mechanism. Besides, I needed comforting between Judd’s rejection and the weirdness of this new life I should be embracing.
After Farah joined Cooper in their room down the hall, I cried over losing my knight. Tomorrow, I planned to be strong and get over him. For that night though, I allowed myself one good cry over the man I thought would be mine.
Chapter Seven
The next few days, we fell into an easy routine. The weekend was spent showing me around Ellsberg. I saw the college where Farah was working towards her dream of becoming a teacher. It was bigger than I imagined. Prettier too as autumn arrived, turning everything vibrant oranges, yellows, and reds. I also ate at the Italian restaurant from their first real date. Farah wanted to show me everything. She even pointed out the apartment she lived in with our mother.
The best part was going to the movies where Farah and I kept giggling. I figured Cooper would think we were idiots, but he only smiled at Farah’s happiness. During the movie, I held Farah’s hand while she leaned her head against Cooper’s shoulder. With our free hands, we ate buttery popcorn and slurped oversized sodas. This was how rich people lived.
When the school week started up, I enjoyed breakfast with Farah and Cooper who were usually relaxed from all of the morning loving. I had learned days earlier not to leave my room without peeking out first and making sure the lovebirds weren’t going at it in the living room, kitchen, hallways, etc.
After they left for school, I cleaned up the kitchen and did laundry while watching reruns of old TV shows like
Supernatural
,
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
, and
Angel
. TNT had become my new best friend. By ten, I ended up on the couch watching
Charmed
as Cooper’s four giant dogs conked out around me after their morning in the yard. We all dozed off until noon when I’d feed us.
My life was spent waiting for Farah to return home to play with me. Unfortunately, Cooper wanted to play with her too. As soon as they returned home, they played for a while in the shower and bedroom. Hours might pass before they appeared downstairs. Then, we’d either order in or go out, but Farah and Cooper usually had to work on schoolwork when the meal was done.
“I’m bored,” I told Farah one day.
Her solution was to invite over Cooper’s mom, sisters, and Skye for lunch that Saturday. Cooper and Tucker decided the estrogen level would be too cringe-inducing, so the muscular blonds left for a mysterious errand.
Tiny Barbie doll Skye Goldstein was the first to arrive and I immediately felt like she didn’t want to be there. Farah barely paid attention to her because she was so busy goofing around with me. After mumbling a hello, Skye began texting and didn’t stop until Bailey arrived.
As blonde as Skye, Maddy walked in before Bailey and smiled at me in a weird way. Sensing she was wary of new people, I didn’t blame her since I didn’t enjoy meets and greets either. Farah immediately put her at ease though by asking about the baby. Maddy’s expression lit up as she talked about her little girl and showed off ultrasound pictures from her six month checkup.
“More lame pictures,” Bailey said as she entered the house wearing a frown. “They’re not even cute.”
Bailey looked me over before dismissing me with an eye roll. Beautiful, blonde, and bitchy, Bailey was just the way others described her. The minute she walked into the house, everyone’s moods shifted. Well, not the equally blonde Jodi and Sawyer who followed her into the house and ignored her loud behavior while sitting around and making chitchat.
Surrounded by beautiful blondes, I avoided Bailey and focused on the other women. Yet, Skye showed no interest in me while Maddy hid in her head as soon as Bailey mouthed off. In the kitchen, six year old Sawyer only had eyes for Farah as they baked cookies. Back in the living room, Jodi asked me a few questions about if I liked Ellsberg. Once I smiled and nodded, she was done with me, instead lighting a cigarette while playing with Cooper’s dogs.
Helping Farah in the kitchen, I really wished everyone would leave. This desire only grew when the time arrived to order pizzas.
Maddy suddenly awoke from her dream state and smiled. “I’d like mushrooms,” she said, rubbing her belly. “I really crave mushrooms lately.”
Bailey snorted. “Mushrooms suck and anyone who likes them has shit taste.”
“It’s the hormones.”
“Maybe your baby is the one with bad taste then?”
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, irritated.
Bailey turned her grumpy blue-eyed gaze on me. “No, bitch, I’m not.”
“I like mushrooms. Lots of people do. Just because you don’t like mushrooms doesn’t make them suck.”
“Fuck you. I have good taste.”
“Everyone thinks they have good taste.”
Stepping closer, Bailey glared at me. “Are you saying I’m lying?”
Staring right into Bailey’s challenging expression, I said, “I’m saying you have an opinion, but that doesn’t make you right. In my opinion, you’re wrong about mushrooms.”
“And you think we’re equals, do you, bitch?”
“Stop calling me a bitch.”
“Did you just fucking tell me what to do, bitch? Be careful with your answer because I’ve hit people for less than what you’ve said.”
Everyone around us looked ready to freak including a terrified Farah. I just stood up and glared right back at Bailey.
“You can hit me, but it won’t make you right. It’ll just make you a thug.”
“A thug?” she hissed.
“You aren’t always right, Bailey. I don’t care who your family is. You’re still just a person like me.”
“I’m better than you.”
“Based on the way you’re acting now, you’re not better than most people.”
As Bailey balled her hands into fists, I waited for the blow, but refused to back down. I didn’t know why she irritated me so much, but I wanted someone to tell her to shut up. Apparently, I would have to be that person.
“Fuck you, bitch,” Bailey muttered, storming out of the house.
Jodi grinned. “I think she likes you,” she said, lighting another cigarette. “Anyone else and she’d have knocked you on your ass.”
When Farah stepped closer to me, I realized I was shaking. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. She just pissed me off.”
“She pisses everyone off, but we don’t say anything,” Skye said, again texting. “My face is my best quality next to my tits, so I don’t go around trying to get it punched in.”
“I’m proud of you,” Farah whispered.
Maddy smiled. “We should get extra mushrooms to celebrate.”
As Farah ordered the pizzas, I wondered if Bailey had gone. Instead, I found her on the front porch, glaring at a passing woman pushing a stroller.
“Power walking is for losers,” she muttered.
“So you say.”
Bailey glanced at me. “Did you come out here to be a bitch again?”
“You started it.”
“You think I’m shit.”
“I think you’re rude. I’ve heard you’re funny too. I wish you’d just be funny.”
“So people can laugh at me?”
“Laugh with you,” I said, sitting next to her on the porch swing.
Bailey frowned. “You think your shit doesn’t stink.”
“I think I’m a loser, but that doesn’t mean you should treat people the way you do.”
“Coop and Tuck act like assholes and everyone thinks they’re fucking great. I act the same way and get shit on.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t like when Coop and Tuck act like assholes either.”
Bailey gave me a tiny grin. “You think I’m a bitch.”
“I think you’re insecure and you think being really loud and rude will hide this fact. It doesn’t.”
“Why do you think you’re a loser?”
“I’m not good at anything and people tend to forget I exist.”
“Forget?”
“Like when I was in second grade, I played a lot with this girl at school. She was the only friend I ever had besides Farah. Her name was Peggy and we played every day. We were best friends, but then I moved to another school. When I came back the next year, I was excited to see her, but she didn’t even remember my name. It was like knowing me meant nothing to her.”
“That’s just one idiot bitch.”
“My grandmother calls me Tanya.”
“Your grandmother is an idiot bitch too.”
“How do you know?”
“She can’t remember your name. That makes her an idiot bitch.”
Grinning, I scooted closer. “Do you want people to like you or do you like having them scared of you?”
“I don’t know. Can’t I have both?”
“Probably, but you scare away the people you want to like you. Maybe you could be like Coop who is nice to his friends, yet scary to everyone else? That way, you could have people like and fear you.”
“I don’t know how to be any different. I’ve always been loud and rude. I like being that way most of the time, but I never seem to keep friends or boyfriends. I guess changing might help, but I don’t know when I’m being rude. It’s just how I am.”
“I could help you.”
“Like a pity case?”
“I don’t pity you, Bailey. You’re beautiful and rich. You have shit handed to you, so I’m not feeling sorry for you. I just think you might be a fun friend, if you could stop screaming in my face.”
Bailey smiled brightly. “You thought I would hit you.” When I nodded, her smile grew. “I was going to hit you too, but you looked pretty badass standing up to me and I didn’t want to ruin that moment for you.”
“See? You’re nice, but you hide it.”
“Nice means weak.”
“Maybe with guys, but we’re not guys. Pretending we are doesn’t work. We should be our best. I want to improve myself too. Get stronger and accomplish stuff, so I’m not just mooching off Farah and Cooper.”
“So you want to be my friend then?”
“Only if you promise to stop threatening me over mushrooms.”
“You started that.” Squinted at her, I frowned and Bailey laughed. “You look funny when you give me your pissed face. You should work on that.”
“I will, if you work on your big mouth.”
“Okay, but Maddy gets too much attention with her stupid baby bump.”
“Maybe Maddy’s not used to getting attention though? Besides, she’s cooking up your niece. Aren’t you excited about the chance to be the cool aunt?”
Bailey grinned again. “Yeah, but won’t Farah be the cool aunt?”
“She’ll be the nice aunt who kisses their ouchies and plays games with them. You’ll be the aunt that feeds them candy and lets them stay up late.”
“Cool is better than nice.”
“They’re both nice qualities.”
Bailey sighed. “Yes, I can see that. Or at least, I can lie and pretend I agree.”
“Sometimes, lying is the only nice way to handle a situation.”
“I have no problem lying. So less big mouth and more lying. Sounds like a plan.”
“Do you want to come back inside? Farah ordered your meat pizza.”
Bailey stood up and stretched. “I have shitty friends. They always run away or just laugh like everything I say is great. I want someone who can be honest, but likes me. Can you be like that?”
“I can try.”
Bailey took my hand. “I can be a good friend. I’m loyal and will hold your hair when you puke.”
“I don’t plan to puke much, but that’s good to know. I’ll hold your hair too.”