“Can you at least text me next time before you turn it all off? Just let me know that you still want me.”
“That little thing really would have made a difference, wouldn’t it?”
Nodding, I caressed his face in desperate need of a shave. “I understand about your job. I can be patient when you’re working, but I need to know you want me.”
“I might not come back from my job one day.”
Shivering at the thought of Judd gone from the world, I cuddled closer. “I know, but it’s what you do.”
Judd turned my face to look at him. “I knew it was a mistake to get involved with you because I’m a cold man. You need a good man who can help you feel good about yourself. I see how fragile you are and how I hurt you without even fucking realizing it and I wish I had stayed away.”
“Are you ending things?” I said, shaking now.
“Fuck no. I’m selfish as shit and I need you. I was too stupid to realize why I couldn’t sleep those nights. Deep inside though, I felt like something was missing. I need my angel to be happy and I’m keeping you. When I heard your message, I thought how can she think I’m not coming back when she’s mine?”
“I am yours,” I whispered as my eyes began to droop. “No one else will do.”
Judd smiled then lifted me off his lap and rested me on my back. “Let’s get some sleep and we’ll spend tomorrow together. It’s your day off, right?”
Nodding, I leaned my cheek against his arm. “I missed you so much, Judd. I’m glad you still want me.”
“I always will, babe,” he whispered, kissing my forehead.
Smiling, I closed my eyes and fell asleep against his warm, sweaty body. He was still mine and I never wanted that to change.
Chapter Twenty One
Waking at two in the morning, I noticed Judd was gone from bed along with Pearl. As I pushed the covers back to find him, he appeared at the doorway with a few cans of soda and a plate of food.
“Hey, babe, I figured you were hungry since we skipped dinner.” Even smiling, I could barely keep my eyes open. “I didn’t have much to choose from since I’ve been out of town,” he said, setting the food on the nightstand and opening a Coke. “A little leftover this and that. Half a meatball sub. Nothing great, but…”
Judd paused when he looked at me. “You’re not even awake, are you?”
“No,” I whispered.
A grinning Judd fed me bites of potato salad and the stale sub sandwich. I chewed what he gave me and drank a little of the soda then collapsed back on the bed and watched him finish the food.
“I missed you so much,” I whispered.
“You can’t know how much I missed you. Hell, I didn’t even know until I knew.”
After setting aside the plate, Judd slid into bed. He kissed me softly, tasting of marinara sauce.
“You’re warm,” he murmured against my neck as his lips teased me.
“I don’t know if I’m awake enough to help.”
“I don’t need help,” he said, grinning at me as he explored my body. “I just need a yes.”
“Yes,” I moaned as he sucked on a nipple. “A million times yes.”
Judd laughed his rich deep laugh. Caressing his hair, I opened my legs for him and he was soon inside me. Even half asleep, I came hard, yet managed to be quiet and avoid disturbing Verna.
Falling asleep later to the warm tingles of pleasure, I wanted every moment of the rest of my life to feel like this one.
Waking later to the sun streaming in through the shades, I was alone in bed again. This time, Judd sat in a corner chair, watching me while stroking himself.
“I was trying to will you awake with my mind,” he said, grinning as he stood. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”
“No,” I said, throwing back the sheets.
“Do you need a drink or something to eat?”
“No,” I whispered as he slid into bed next to me.
“Do you want me, angel?”
“Yes. Always yes.”
Judd gave me a smile I’d never seen before. An easy open smile, as if he was no longer a dark man fighting to hide himself from the world. He was no longer the hurt boy fighting to be a man in a world he didn’t trust. He was just a guy who wanted a girl who wanted him back.
We made love for the next hour. Fucking didn’t express what we shared. The feelings were so intense and beyond anything I’d ever experienced that I alternated between giggling and crying. Judd was so amazing as if somewhere during the night he decided to let go of his worries about us and just savor our every moment together.
By the time we showered and were off to Tequila Jodi for breakfast, I was exhausted, yet happier than I’d ever been. After having me choose between his two Harleys, we left the condo. Judd looked relaxed too until we neared the bar. Quickly, his expression hardened as we walked inside.
Sitting at his normal table, Judd wasn’t the guy who awaited me when I woke up. Gaze hard and a tight set to his jaw, the man across from me now was an enforcer. Yet, he gave me a grin.
“After my meeting, let’s go nap again.”
“It’s not healthy to nap all the time.”
“I heard napping is good for your skin.”
“We’re not really talking about napping, are we?” I asked, grinning.
“No, angel, we’re not.”
Laughing, I was startled when Cooper stormed towards us.
“What the fuck, man?” he yelled at Judd.
“Problem, boss?” Judd asked, even though he clearly knew the problem.
“You know those fuckers are coming here for that meeting. Why would you bring Tawny to the bar?”
Judd rubbed at his eyes then yawned. “Let’s talk in private.”
While I thought the men would leave me behind, Judd gestured for me to come along. Our food was delivered to a backroom where Cooper fumed.
“What the fuck?” he said again.
“Tawny’s gotta gift at reading people. You have a mole you need to smoke out. Why not use an asset at your disposal?”
“No fucking way.”
Judd gulped his orange juice. “You wanted Tawny out of that shitty apartment and her crap job. Well, give her a damn job.”
“I would, but…”
“A real job,” Judd interrupted. “She could work as your assistant as far as everyone else knows, but she’s great at reading people. She’s good at organizing shit too. Put her to work, give her a nice salary, and smoke out your mole.”
“I just bring my girl’s sister to a meeting with another motorcycle club and no one’s gonna think anything weird about that?”
“Who cares what they think? Besides, they’re coming here to fuck with you, so you’ll hand over Vaughn. Your pop wants you to handle shit. Tawny can help. Problem fucking solved.”
Tucker entered the room and sighed. “Maddy’s a hormonal mess. Can’t wait until she pops the kid out and we’re done with that moody shit.”
“I think chicks are still moody after they pop them out,” Cooper said, studying me. “Judd thinks Tawny can figure out our mole.”
“Is she psychic?”
Glancing at Tucker, I smiled. “You haven’t gotten laid in days. You know you did something wrong, but you don’t know what and Maddy won’t tell you. Instead of just asking, you decided she’s hormonal. Maybe you outta ask and end the suspense, Tuck?”
Tucker grinned. “Bring her so we can kill the mole and clean this shit up before Pop decides our balls ain’t big enough to take over.”
Cooper sighed. “What about Farah?”
Judd chewed on a piece of bacon and glanced at me. “Tell her Tawny is your assistant. Farah knows her sister can read people. If you don’t find the mole soon, it’s going to affect her too.”
Leaning back against a desk, Cooper crossed his muscular arms and stared at me. “What did you tell her?” he asked Judd, even though his eyes remained on me.
“Nothing.”
“Fuck,” Cooper muttered. “Fine, but if there’s trouble, we get her out of the way.”
Judd rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on using my woman as a shield, boss. I’d let them shoot you before I let anything happen to her.”
Cooper smirked. “I’m glad I never got all stupid and whipped like you are now.”
Laughing so hard at his brother’s bullshit, Tucker both farted and burped. Soon, everyone was laughing. The mood was so fake happy that I nearly convinced myself that I wasn’t walking into trouble. While Cooper and Tucker moved to the hallway and whispered about stuff I wasn’t interested in, I focused on Judd.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had this planned?” I asked quietly.
“Never occurred to me that you’d mind,” he said, eating his breakfast casually.
“I don’t like bikers.”
“I know, babe.”
“You should have asked me if I was okay with it.”
“Are you okay with it?”
“I guess, but I couldn’t really say no with Cooper standing there, now could I?”
When Judd stared into my eyes, I saw something around the edges of his indifference.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said in a hard tone.
Suddenly, it was clear why he never mentioned his plan beforehand. I moved closer to Judd and smiled slightly.
“If you told me ahead of time, you might have chickened out, right?”
Judd caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “I need you to do this, but that doesn’t mean I want you to do this. Get it?”
“Yes.”
“These fuckers are messing with the Johansson’s business. They’re threatening the family and club. Going to war would be messy and I don’t think the Devils want war. They have someone inside though. Someone telling them where our assets are located and when best to hit them. The head of the Devils is a fucker named Lloyd, but he’s sending his VP Caleb to talk with Cooper. It’s a sign of disrespect that he won’t come himself.”
“Why do they want Vaughn?”
“He was a Devil. Now, he’s not. How that change came about is of great importance to Lloyd. For Kirk, none of that shit matters. All he cares about is that Lloyd is unhappy. They’ve hated each other for years, but Lloyd behaved because Kirk has Memphis behind him. Now, with talk about Cooper taking over, no more behaving.”
“What happens if they get Vaughn?” I asked like an idiot, but I hoped the answer wasn’t the one I was imagining.
“Don’t worry about Vaughn or about the Devils. You just watch our guys. There are a dozen possible members who might be the mole. Those guys will be at the meeting and I need you to figure out which one is working with the Devils. We’ve checked them all out and nothing comes up. Someone is squealing though because there’s no way those assets get hit without inside info. Of course, the Devils pretend they’re not behind it. They just say they know who is and will handle it if they get Vaughn.”
“So Cooper is just having this meeting to flush out the mole?”
“Yeah, mainly. The Devils have been starting shit for months, but Kirk’s handing the issue over to Cooper. It’s his first big test and he needs to pass.”
“I’ll watch the guys, but I’m not psychic.”
“You notice shit though. Also, you don’t have any preconceived notions about the guys. I look at them and think of past shit. I know who I like and don’t like. You don’t care about that. You’ll just see their reactions and that’s all you need to worry about. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. Not that the Devils would start shit on Johansson territory. It’d be a massacre and Cooper’s dogs would end up well fed.”
Even nervous, I forced myself to eat. Hunger pains wouldn’t be helpful when faced with scary bikers in the midst of a pissing match. Judd leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“My life is about the job,” he whispered. “I can’t have a suburban fantasy like the Johansson boys. I didn’t grow up that way and I can’t fake it. My job is bloody and I need you to understand that because I want my life to be about you too.”
Smiling, I brushed my lips against his. “I don’t need a picket fence. I’d feel wrong with one anyway.”
“That’s why we work, babe.”
The rest of the breakfast was quiet, but Judd and I were comfortable with silence. This comfort made it easier to prepare for the prospect of facing the kind of men who ruined me years earlier.
While joining Judd, Cooper, Tucker, and Kirk’s top guys in the now empty bar, I put on my blank expression and faked calm. As a kid, I used my blank face when Dad’s friends would hang around and I’d worry about getting raped. I would sit very quietly and wait for them to leave. When they moved towards me, I never reacted. I think they wanted me to react, so I refused. I planned to refuse the urge to react at this meeting too.
Caleb was big and young like Cooper, but he had a hard face like a fist collided with it too many times. His hair was shaved short and I noticed a bullet hole tattoo on the side of his head.
Keeping my eyes on the ground, I only peeked up at the men. Not at the Devils, but our guys who might be working with the enemy.
“Who’s the broad?” Caleb asked, scratching at his dark beard.
“She’s the sister of my girl,” Cooper said, putting a lot of heat into his words.
Caleb shrugged. “What’s she gonna do? Take notes of the meeting.”
The six guys who came with him laughed, even though it wasn’t funny. Cooper just stared in that hard mean way of his. Standing just behind me, Judd had on his cold expression. Tucker looked pissed off while the rest of the Johansson guys glared at the newcomers.
“I’m not handing over Vaughn,” Cooper said.
“Why call the meeting, if you had nothing to offer?”
“To tell you face to face. Also, to force you to pay for the gas to travel here, so I could tell you face to face.”
“You’re the one losing money, Johansson,” Caleb muttered, glancing around the bar. “I’d think you’d be worried about paying salaries soon.”
Cooper grinned. “These people messing with my shit aren’t hurting me. They’re hurting my shit. My bills get paid and those people you’re protecting are signing their death warrants.”
“Speaking of death warrants,” Caleb said, still glancing around as if bored, “all this could go away if you handed over Vaughn. What do you want with a traitor like him around?”
“He betrayed your club, not mine.”
Nostrils flaring, Caleb faked a smile. “We’re going to get him one day. When that happens, we’ll quarter him then give his skull to Player’s old lady. Justice will be served. If you made that happen for us now, you would save yourself a lot of shit.”