“I’m not sure I want kids,” I said as we neared the bar. “I don’t think I’d be a good mother and I worry about having babies coming out of me down there. Like they’d be tainted or something.”
Judd never even glanced at me. “You can get a c-section and you’d be a great mom.”
Something about his tone told me that he didn’t want to talk about kids. Dinner freaked him out enough. From no commitment to baby talk was too much for the loner. I didn’t blame him. Kids freaked me out too.
“You have your mom’s eyes.”
Judd gave me a little smile. “She likes you. I mean, I knew she would, but she really warmed up to you fast. Sometimes, she can’t do that with people. The woman needs her space, but she liked you a lot. Made dinner easier.”
“I like her too. She’s nothing like my mom.”
Judd shifted in his seat and nodded. Based on his body language, he needed his space. Quiet worked for me too. Honestly, I thought people talked too damn much most days.
Proving as much, Bailey descended upon me when we arrived and told me every minute detail of her day. I couldn’t help laughing though because she was so excited to see me. I think she wanted to know about dinner, but she was getting better about not pushing unless info was offered.
Judd walked over to Vaughn and said nothing. Vaughn said nothing to him either. They just stood next to each other while Tucker sat nearby with Maddy on his lap. Cooper was sway dancing with Farah. They were mostly making out, but she pulled away when I arrived. Cooper looked uncomfortable in his jeans, making Farah laugh. He just rolled his eyes then glanced at the door.
“Hint,” he said.
“Not yet,” Farah told him, patting his chest and causing his expression to shift into an even needier one. “I want to dance with Tawny.”
Cooper sighed and found a seat next to Tucker who caressed Maddy’s expanding bump. Farah took my hand and started dancing.
“Did dinner go well?”
“Yes. She’s really nice.”
“Maybe she’ll be your new mom like Jodi’s mine?”
“Maybe,” I said, glancing at Judd who had his walls up high and wasn’t planning on letting anyone past them. Vaughn looked cranky as he watched Tucker and Maddy coo at each other. “I think Judd needs space. Like our relationship is moving too fast for him.”
Farah slowed our dancing to the new song by Billy Joe Shaver. “Did he say anything?”
“Judd isn’t the kind of man to talk about shit. Well, he’ll talk if he is helping me with something. When he’s the one in a bad place, he shuts down. He’s shutting down now.”
“Cooper makes Judd sound like he isn’t the kind of man to commit at all, but he’s really into you. I think if Cooper wasn’t used to getting everything he wanted, he wouldn’t have known what to do with me or would have freaked out about how fast everything happened. Judd isn’t Coop, so he’ll need a little time. As long as you end up in the same place, it doesn’t matter how you get there, right?”
Smiling, I realized the slow song had shifted into something faster. As Farah and I danced faster, bumping our hips together, Bailey joined us. I could see she was feeling left out. Everyone had a guy or wasn’t interested in talking. She even tried to strike up a conversation with Vaughn who acted like he couldn’t hear her over the noise.
An excepted fact was that the Smith girls couldn’t dance. We could bounce and jump around, but rhythm wasn’t our friend. Bailey mostly shook her hips like she was doing the twist. Seeing her dance, I laughed and Farah followed suit. Bailey didn’t know why we were laughing, so she laughed too.
For the next few minutes, the three of us laughed and danced like idiots. The bar was overheated and I wanted a beer, but Judd was by the bar and I didn’t want to talk to him when he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. So I danced and pretended like I hadn’t a care in the world.
Apparently, our dancing sent him over the edge because Cooper appeared and gave Farah his horny red alert look. Laughing, she hugged me and Bailey then walked quickly with Cooper out of the bar.
Bailey and I returned to dancing like fools. She might have the weirdest moves, but her enthusiasm was unmatched. We slow danced for one song then jumped around for another. Finally, Bailey leaned forward and made a confession.
“I drank ten beers before you got here and now I’ve got to pee. I’ll be back.”
“Should I come with you?”
“I’m peeing, not puking, so no hair holding is necessary,” she said, winking. “Get us beers, since I’m about to piss out the ones I’ve drunk.”
Watching her go, I walked to the bar away from Judd who watched me without looking at me. Yet, I knew he was watching because his jaw twitched whenever a man focused too long on Bailey and me dancing. Now, he stared into space as if in his own world. Next to him, Vaughn looked like he was having a staring match with the overhead fan. Studying the two of them, I realized men who became enforcers were a special breed of weird.
I carried two beers to a table, but I didn’t sit down. Mostly, I wanted to keep an eye on Judd like he was keeping an eye on me. Remaining casual, I wanted to know he was nearby so I wouldn’t freak out about the large number of male bikers in the place. Kirk’s place was like a way station for a lot of bikers passing through the area and they all seemed to be there that night.
“I remember you,” a voice said from just behind me. “You still have a thing for bikers, I see.”
Cold sweat broke out along my neck and back. Even as I told myself the voice could belong to anyone, my body reacted with fear. Turning around, I found one of the older bikers from that week. His weathered face hadn’t changed much, but I thought he seemed smaller. I guess I’d just grown up. While I thought his name might be Saul, he was merely one of the gang.
“Look who went and got uppity,” he said, scratching at his beard. “Nothing worse than a bitch who shows you her cunt then acts like she’s too good to fuck again.”
Glancing around, I wasn’t sure what to do. I could walk away or ask for help. Those sounded right, but I was afraid no one would believe me. This man was like the men around me. He was part of their culture. What if they blamed me for what happened? What if Judd decided I was too embarrassing to date anymore? A little part of me even wondered if I might get passed around. Saul was thinking the same thing.
“You looking for someone to double team you, baby?” he asked, grinning. “If I remember right, you could even take three at a time.”
Staring into his eyes, I wanted to run away and hide. Instead, I spit out the word.
“Pervert.”
Grabbing my forearm, he glared at me. “What did you fucking call me, whore?”
His voice was raised just enough to catch the attention of people around us, though the rest of the bar went about its business.
“Rapist pervert freak,” I said louder, even though my voice sounded too high pitched and odd to be mine. “You filthy raping pervert!”
“Cunt!” he roared, noticing the eyes on him. “Slutty bitch!”
Watching his hand rise to strike me, I knew I couldn’t stop it. He was older than I remembered, but he was still bigger and stronger. His hand never came down on me though. The rapist and I both looked at where his hand was held in place by Vaughn.
“This cocksucker loved every minute of it,” Saul told Vaughn as if they would agree and share me now.
A fist exploded against Saul’s face and I was startled to find Judd next to me. I hadn’t noticed him move from the bar. Yet, once I realized he was close, I breathed easier.
Saul fell to his knees, coughing up blood and teeth. As Judd and Vaughn stood over him, I noticed the rest of the bar had come to a halt. Someone even turned off the music and the silence was eerie.
“He’s one of them?” Judd asked, never taking his eyes off Saul, even as he caressed the back of my hair.
My voice gone now, I only nodded.
“What’s this about?” Kirk asked, appearing next to Vaughn.
“He and his gang violated my woman,” Judd said in a low tone. “Cooper’s woman too. This fucker’s gotta die.”
“Fuck that,” Saul said. “Those girls loved it.”
Judd’s fist came down hard against the guy’s face again and more teeth were soon on the floor.
“When was this?” Kirk asked casually.
“Almost six years ago,” I whispered, trying not to think of everyone staring at me.
“He’s gotta die, Kirk,” Judd growled, his gaze hard on the injured man.
With a look of indifference, Kirk shook his head. “No. We take him to the barn first. Have Cooper meet us there, so we can find out about these others. Jodi, baby, can you take Tawny to see Farah?”
Jodi and Bailey appeared next to me. While her mother looked calm, Bailey was a ball of emotions and I’d never seen her eyes so huge.
“Judd,” I whispered.
Finally, he really looked at me and smiled tightly. “We’re going to finish this, okay? You go be with your sister.”
Nodding, I didn’t want to leave him. Some part of me thought Saul would say or do something to make Judd stop wanting me. It was stupid to think Judd would listen to such a freak, but I feared he would never hold me again.
Yet, I left because the room was full of agitated bikers while Kirk was exuding the hostility he used to keep people in check. Saul was going to disappear and no one would mention ever seeing him. If someone did mention what happened, that person would disappear next.
Kirk didn’t have to say those words. Not after years in the business, first for the Memphis mob then with his own motorcycle club. People understood a reckoning was coming and they needed to get the fuck out of the way.
Once in the backseat of Jodi’s SUV, Bailey lit into a round of obscenities. She was so loud next to me that I flinched away from her. Finally, when Jodi reached a light, she turned around and told Bailey to calm down. Mother and daughter exchanged frowns then Jodi motioned to me as if reminding Bailey why she was upset in the first place.
Turning towards me, Bailey sighed hard like she was still revving up for more cussing.
“That fucker needs to die.”
“It’ll be taken care of,” Jodi said.
“The motherfucker will scream. He’s going to piss himself in pain. He’ll beg to die.”
“Bailey, calm down,” Jodi warned again.
This time, she listened to her mother and the car felt too quiet without Bailey raging. Minutes passed as we neared the house. Next to me, Bailey trembled and I finally looked at her. Her wet eyes were huge again.
“What’s the right way to handle this?” she asked, her voice breaking.
“You’re doing fine, Bay.”
Nodding, she started bawling while rocking me against her. “I wish he was dead a million times.”
“Me too.”
“He’ll be dead soon,” Jodi promised from the front seat.
“I wish he was dead before he ever met you,” Bailey whimpered. “I wish they all were.”
“It’ll be okay,” I soothed, calming us both.
“You must have been so scared. You were just a little girl.”
“I’m not a little girl anymore.”
Wiping her eyes, Bailey hugged me tighter. We stayed like that until reaching the house where Cooper stood on the porch. Based on his body language, he was desperate to reach his target. While Farah wasn’t with him, he kept looking back into the house through the open front door. As soon as we approached, his gaze fell on me.
“This ends,” he said as if making a promise.
“Thank you.”
Cooper nodded then he stalked to his Harley and sped off. Jodi walked into the house and was hugging Farah when Bailey and I entered. The moment my sister’s gaze locked on me, we were kids again.
The expression on Farah’s face was the same one as when we arrived back at the motorcycle club’s headquarters. Travis and his VP Tadd would get us first, but there was some discussion about the order of the next guys. Up until that moment, I think Farah hoped we wouldn’t be hurt. When Travis said he was fucking her first, Farah’s expression shifted into bright frozen panic. Tonight, her face was frozen with that look again.
When I rushed into her arms, she consoled me even though she was the one crying.
“You’re safe,” she said as I stroked her hair. “He can’t hurt you.”
“Judd and Cooper will take care of him.”
Farah looked at me with those big horrified eyes and asked the question only she would truly understand to ask.
“Do you need a shower?”
“Yes,” I said, tears biting at my eyes. “He touched my arm.”
Nodding, Farah looked at Bailey and Jodi. “We’re going upstairs, so she can shower.”
“We’ll stay until the boys get back,” Jodi said, heading to the kitchen. “You clean up and we’ll make popcorn. Drink some beer and watch TV.”
As I walked with Farah up the stairs, Bailey watched us go. She looked shell shocked as if nothing made sense anymore.
Farah took me to her shower because it was bigger. After finding me clothes, she sat on the toilet while I showered.
Expecting to cry, I didn’t. Instead, I felt hollowed out and chilled even under the hot water. Scrubbing at my forearm where he touched me, I still felt his dirty fingers. Finally, I gave up and left the shower, smelling of Cooper’s body wash. The minute the scent hit Farah, she smiled a little.
“I hope they’re okay,” she said, sounding tired.
“There’s a group of them and only one fucker. I wouldn’t worry.”
“I can’t believe he came to our town. Ellsberg is ours and I never thought one of them would come here.”
“It’s fate.”
Nodding, Farah helped dry my hair. When she was tense, she needed to take care of me. I always let her because I liked having her close. Even with Farah at my side, I needed Judd to return and help me feel beautiful again. I needed that more than anything, but he was busy making a rapist bleed.
Downstairs, I sat on the couch with Bailey on one side and Farah on the other. Jodi sat in a chair nearby as we watched Duck Dynasty and drank beers. Bailey stared at the television, but clearly wasn’t watching it. Next to me, Farah broke into shaking spells and I’d cuddle with her. She immediately consoled me like I knew she would. Comforting me took her mind off her own fear.
As hours passed, the exhaustion of the day hung heavily on me. I had been nervous about dinner with Zaria and spent most of the day stressed. Even after that went well, the day turned to shit and I was desperate for sleep. Closing my eyes and seeing Saul’s face wasn’t an option though. Not when I still felt him on my arm and his stinky breath on my neck.