150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (44 page)

PRODUCERS
Mark Bladis, Melissa Lawes, and James Riffel

WRITER
James Riffel

DIRECTOR
James Riffel

STARS
Mark Zobian (
Ron
), Naomi Kooker (
Linda
), Douglas Gibson (
Mark/
Old Lady
), James Griffin (
Ricky
), Sarah Newhouse (
Jamie
), Victor Verhaeghe (
Bob
), and Pam Lewis (
voice of the Old Lady
)

A group of twenty-something friends set out to restore a decaying mansion that one of them has bought for an amazingly low price. When one of them maliciously breaks a tombstone in the backyard, he awakens the malevolent spirits that inhabit the house. In the night of terror that follows, our protagonists are stalked and killed. But they don't stay dead for long ….

Why It Sucks

Dead Dudes in the House
could have been a decent cross between a slasher flick and a haunted house movie … if the writers had put some thought into why the ghosts do what they do. It's also rare to find such a collection of annoying noncharacters in a film. (On the other hand, flat characters and ghosts behaving inexplicably is a hallmark of the Japanese horror flicks that have gained popularity in recent years, so maybe James Riffel was a genius ahead of his time.)

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Cross-Dresser Award goes to …
Douglas Gibson in his role as the Old Lady. You won't find a less convincing old lady outside a school play at a British all-boy boarding school.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
James Riffel for staging the film's setup by giving the characters a couple of toolboxes. Hate to break it to you, guy, but renovating a house is going to take a bit more than a hammer.

They Really Said It!

Bob
: The main three parts of a carpenter's tools are his hammer, nails, and beer.

Betcha Didn't Know

In his book
Everything I Need to Know About Filmmaking I
Learned from the Toxic Avenger
, Lloyd Kaufman claims Troma Entertainment fans view this movie as an “unsung masterpiece.”

According to Troma Entertainment's publicity material, the title of the film was supposed to evoke an air of hip hop coolness — which is odd because there is no hip hop or coolness in the film.

Trivia Quiz

Which of the following movies has a ghost in it?

A:
The Amazing Mr. X
(1948)

B:
The Invisible Ghost
(1941)

C:
Hatchet for the Honeymoon
(1970)

D:
The Phantom Creeps
(1939)

Answer: C. Not, as you'd think,
The Invisible Ghost
, but rather
Hatchet for the Honeymoon.

PRODUCERS
Barbara J. Rebane (executive producer) and Bill Rebane (producer)

WRITERS
William Arthur (script) and Alan Ross (additional dialogue)

DIRECTOR
Bill Rebane

STARS
Paul von Hausen (
Preacher
), Stephanie Cushna (
Debra
), Carol Perry (
Ann Schulz),
Michael Accardo (
Andy
), C. Dave Davis (
Mayor
), and Angailica (
Ludlow's daughter
)

A curse that's haunted a small New England town since its founding 200 years ago is brought to horrible life when a piece of its secret history — an upright piano that's described as a harmonium but sounds like a harpsichord (or is that a harpsichord that looks like an upright piano but is called a harmonium?) — resurfaces. Will the town preacher (von Hausen) and a pair of young journalists (Accardo and Cushna) stop the curse, or will they fall victim to it?

Why It Sucks

The ending is so abrupt that it feels as if the real ending got snipped off in the cutting room. I'm
still
trying to figure out if the journalists end up cursed or not. Up to the nonending ending, the film was on track to be one of Bill Rebane's best efforts, but it is all undone in the final few minutes.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Research Award goes to …
Bill Rebane for not being able to tell the difference between a piano, a harmonium, and a harpsichord.

And the Worst Script Award goes to …
William Arthur and Alan Ross for coming up with dialogue that varies from tinny to nonsensical.

They Really Said It!

Debra
: He'll be unstoppable, unless we stop him.

Betcha Didn't Know

Bill Rebane kept at arm's length from the established film industry for his entire career, and he did the vast majority of his film work in Wisconsin, even establishing a film studio there, the Shooting Ranch.

Singer Tiny Tim starred as a creepy clown in the Rebanedirected
Marvelous Mervo
.

Trivia Quiz

What Bill Rebane movie out-performed Robert Redford's
Three Days of the Condor
in some U.S. markets?

A:
The Game
(aka
“The Cold”
) (1984)

B:
The Demons of Ludlow
(1983)

C:
Blood Harvest
(1987)

D:
The Giant Spider Invasion
(1975)

Answer: D. Bolstered by a great poster,
The Giant Spider Invasion
, which cost $250,000 to make, reaped close to $3 million during its theatrical run.

PRODUCER
Terry Levene

WRITERS
Ron Harvey (script), Ron Harvey and Matthew Mallinson (story)

DIRECTOR
Matthew Mallinson

STARS
Adolph Caesar (
himself
), Fred Williamson (
the Hammer
), Bill Louie (
Kato 2
), Aaron Banks (
the Promoter
), and Ron Van Clief (
himself
)

When a martial arts competition is held to determine the “successor to Bruce Lee,” reporter Adolph Caesar (Caesar) is there to cover the events and relay unknown facts about Lee's life and conspiracy theories about his death.

Why It Sucks