150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (58 page)

McCreedy
: All my work! Thirty years I have tried to prevent this from happening!

Betcha Didn't Know

Since the turn of the century, two different DVD editions of
Hobgoblins
have been issued, one of them a twentieth anniversary special edition of the film.

Rick Sloane's sequel to this film was released in 2009. He once again wrote, produced, and directed and demonstrated that his filmmaking skills haven't improved in twenty years.

Trivia Quiz

What prolific B movie director/producer has made tiny
terrors a signature element of his movies?

A: Roger Corman

B: Charles Band

C: Val Lewton

D: William Castle

Answer: B. If you've been reading this book carefully, you know it's Charles Band. Starting with
Dolls
, he's made dozens of movies featuring small creatures creating big mayhem

PRODUCERS
Juan Ibáñez and Henry Verg

WRITER
Jack Hill

DIRECTORS
Juan Ibáñez and Jack Hill

STARS
Ralph Bertrand (
Capt. Pierre Labesch
), Charles East (
Lt. Andrew Wilhelm
), Boris Karloff (
Carl van Molder
), Julissa (
Anabella Vandenberg
), Santanón (
Dwarf
), and Tongolele (
Kalea
)

When a new police captain (Bertrand) arrives on a small Caribbean island, he vows to break up the local voodoo cult. Can one honest cop hope to defeat a cult specializing in zombie sluts and led by a crazed, top-hat-wearing dwarf (Santanón), a voodoo priestess who looks like an exotic dancer (Tongolele), and a mysterious masked man who can't
possibly
be the eccentric plantation owner, Van Molder (Karloff)?

Why It Sucks

Even the great Boris Karloff — who ended a long career on this embarrassing note — can't make this movie work. The scantily clad belly-dancer voodoo priestess might have helped if she had acted with a bag over her head, because it would have hidden her vacant, burned-out sex-worker expression. But none of that saves any scene, even the most frightening, from fizzling. No one involved with the production seems to have known how to properly
end
a scene.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Picture Award goes to …
Producers Juan Ibáñez and Henry Verg. If they'd trimmed the film by about twenty-five minutes and titled it
Night of the Flesh-Eating Zombie Sluts
, they might have had a hit on their hands.

And the Worst Actress Award goes to …
Tongolele for infusing her portrayal of a voodoo priestess with a vacant “I've been in this business too long and it's sucked out my soul” stripper/sex industry worker attitude.

They Really Said It!

Anabella
: Modern science has shown that alcohol is responsible for ninety-nine point two percent of all the world's sins.

Betcha Didn't Know

Although filmed primarily in Mexico, all of Boris Karloff's scenes were shot on sets in Los Angeles.

Jack Hill, director of the scenes filmed in America, worked on several pictures directed by Roger Corman.

Trivia Quiz

What celebrated actor did Jack Hill label as “terrible” after working with him on a film?

A: William Powell

B: Jack Nicholson

C: Boris Karloff

D: Cary Grant

Answer: B. Hill has stated that he was underwhelmed by Nicholson's performance in Roger Corman's
The Terror
. He later re-evaluated his opinion.

PRODUCER
Charles Band (executive producer) and Richard Chasen (producer)

WRITERS
Benjamin Carr, Rolf Kanefsky, and Matthew Jason Walsh

DIRECTOR
Richard Chasen

STARS
Jonathan Norman (
Dr. Jordan Grady
), Jacqueline Lovell (
Rita Grady
), Costas Koromilas (
Morton
), Blake Bailey (
Creepy Bill
), Dave Oren Ward (
Tom
), and Nanette Bianchi (
Jane
)

Dr. Grady (Norman) has discovered a way to look into the Eighth Dimension using eye drops and a special inter-dimensional microscope. Unfortunately, a creature from that nightmarish realm has crossed into our world, possessed the eyeball of a male prostitute, and grown it to gigantic size … and it is now roaming Dr. Grady's building, seeking women to hypnotize and fondle with its tentacles (and what, you may ask, is a giant eyeball doing with tentacles? You've got me).

Why It Sucks

Well, the cameraman kept each shot in focus. I suppose that's one positive thing about the movie. For the rest, it's an unsexy softcore porn flick, an unscary horror film, and an unfunny comedy. Nothing works in this picture, from the poorly structured story to the sparsely decorated sets. Even the actors suck in comparison to performances they gave in
Head of the Family
and
Hideous!

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Richard Chasen. Why film nude scenes if you're going to be a prude about it?