150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (20 page)

When renegade CIA operatives target a government agent (Washburn) and his teenaged son (Bogart) for death, they find their brutality is exceeded only by that of the Vietnam veterans who rally to defend their old comrade.

Why It Sucks

Hangmen
is a turkey on every level. Bad photography (marked by
waaay
too many extreme close-ups and dull long shots); lame action scenes that overuse slow motion and lots of blood-spurting squibs; a script so nonsensical that even the filmmakers couldn't keep track of what was supposed to be going on; and dialogue that is exceeded in its horribleness only by the acting of those delivering it.

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The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
J. Christian Ingvordson for making a movie with a story less interesting than a stamp collection, and so free of internal consistency that you wonder if anyone bothered to read it before shooting.

And the Worst Acting Award goes to …
Sandra Bullock for overdoing a Brooklyn accent to a degree that would lead viewers to conclude that she's from Flatbush by way of Waycross, Georgia.

They Really Said It!

Moe:
Beat it, cheese dick.

Betcha Didn't Know

This is Sandra Bullock's first film appearance. The really amazing thing is that she had a career after this movie.

This was J. Christian Ingvordson's second film, and he has written, directed and produced over twenty movies since.

Trivia Quiz

What attempted 1980s revival of a 1970s sci-fi television franchise was Sandra Bullock part of?

A:
The Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman

B:
Space: 1999

C:
Battlestar Galactica

D:
Kolchak: The Night Stalker

Answer: A.
The Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman
. Bullock appeared as a bionically enhanced sidekick to Jamie Sommers and Steve Austin. The television series never got off the ground.

PRODUCERS
Maureen O'Brien and William Ripka

WRITERS
Michael Gabrieli and Peter Ily Huemer

DIRECTOR
Peter Ily Huemer

STARS
Uma Thurman (
Laura
), Paul Dillon (
Sid
), Paul Richards (
William
), and Steve Buscemi (
Johnny
)

Laura (Thurman) is a teenaged model who augments her meager earnings by picking up wealthy men, drugging them, and then stealing and selling valuable art objects from their homes. It's a nice living until she becomes the love object of a crazy old man (Richards) who will stop at nothing to make her his.

Why It Sucks

What a mind-numbingly dull film with which to introduce Uma Thurman! While the characters and acting are appropriate for a film-noir movie, the glacial pace and unfocused story aren't. Throughout, Sid wanders around the city in a pointless subplot. Halfway through the movie, the director decides the audience might like a little suspense. But that's over quickly, and we're back to Sid's efforts to start a new rock band.

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The Crappies

The Worst Actress Award goes to …
Uma Thurman. It seems a bit harsh, but she's completely unsuitable for the role.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Peter Ily Huemer. Are we
really
interested in Sid's band? Of course not! So stop for wasting so much time on pointless subplots!

They Really Said It!

William:
That's
Dr. Zhivago
, a pretentious little gem that was all the rage while we were living in Italy.

Betcha Didn't Know

This was the first film role for eighteen-year-old Uma Thurman, and her audition was reportedly the first one she had ever been on.

The film is the second of the only two English-language films directed by Austrian-born Peter Ily Huemer.

Trivia Quiz

For what film did Uma Thurman win an Academy Award nomination?

A:
Kiss Daddy Goodnight
(1987)

B:
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
(1988)

C:
Pulp Fiction
(1994)

D:
Batman & Robin
(1997)

Answer: C. Pulp Fiction not only netted Thurman a Best Supporting Actress nomination but it revived her slumping career.

PRODUCERS
Greg H. Sims (executive producer) and Mark Lisson (producer)

WRITERS
Bill Froehlich, Dana Escalante, Mark Lisson, and Greg H. Sims

DIRECTOR
Bill Froehlich

STARS
Lori Lethin (
Callie Cassidy/Sarah Walker/Susan
), Brendan Hughes (
Steven Blake
), Richard Brestoff (
Arthur Lyman Kastleman
), Maureen McCormick (
Officer Tyler
), Pepper Martin (
Chief Deyner
), Alex Rocco (
Harry Sleerik
), Scott Jacoby (
Josh Forbes
), Al Fann (
Amos
), Andy Romano (
Principal Kastleman
), and George Clooney (
Oliver
)

The cast and crew of a low-budget slasher film being shot at the high school where a series of real mutilation murders took place years ago are brutally murdered one by one when the killer returns and infiltrates the production.

Why It Sucks

The narrative threads of this low-budget spoof of slasher films are more tangled than the cocaine-fueled fever dreams of Quentin Tarantino. As the end credits start to roll, we sit and wonder if this was a movie about real killings or a movie within a movie based on real-life killers. Or … well, you get the idea.

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