150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (40 page)

The Crappies

The Worst Writing Award goes to …
Stephen Chow, Xin Huo, Chan Man Keung, and Kan-Cheung Tsang for writing a story as unfocused and aimless as those featured in the 1970s kung fu films it echoes.

And the Strangest Use of a Musical Number Award goes to …
Director Stephen Chow for including a large-scale dance production number performed by the psychotic leader of the Axe Gang and his minions.

They Really Said It!

Landlady
: You may know kung fu, but you're still a fairy.

Betcha Didn't Know

Many of the films characters and martial arts styles are based on or inspired by elements and characters from novels by popular Chinese pulp fiction writer Louis Cha.

Stephen Chow draws on his own impoverished childhood and youth for many of the characters and story elements featured in his films.

Trivia Quiz

What leisure activity/sport has not yet been used as a backdrop for a Stephen Chow film?

A: Soccer

B: Cooking

C: Fly-fishing

D: Judo

Answer: C. Fly-fishing. Soccer was the center of
Shaolin Soccer
(2001), cooking was the focus of
God of Cookery
(1996), and judo featured prominently in
Love on Delivery
(1994).

PRODUCERS
Betty Chan and Joseph Lai

WRITER
Godfrey Ho

DIRECTOR
Godfrey Ho
Stars
Nancy Chang (
Rose
), Bruce Baron (
Donald, the Good Ninja
), Jack Lam (
George
), Richard Harrison (
Richard
), and Pierre Tremblay (
Maurice, the Evil Ninja
)

A rape victim, Rose (Chang), infiltrates a diamond-smuggling ring so she can more effectively stalk and kill the three men who raped her (as well as uncover who ordered them to do it). Mean-while, the Good Ninja (Baron), an Interpol agent, is attacking and killing the followers of the Evil Ninja (Tremblay) because … um … well, just because.

Why It Sucks

The movie was cobbled together using bits of unfinished films and footage of actors running around, being goofy in ninja costumes. The resulting “storyline” makes little sense, but the ninja stuff is so stupid that it doesn't make any sense at all. And that's even after the Evil Ninja (who is named Maurice; that alone might have made him turn to wickedness) explains his plot to the Good Ninja.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The My Body is a Weapon Award goes to …
Nancy Chang as Rose for performing an assassination with her poisoned nipples.

And the Worst Auteur Award goes to …
Godfrey Ho for making an ill-assembled patchwork picture featuring ninjas named Maurice and Donald.

They Really Said It!

Donald
: What's the use of those photos you sent me? It's only Maurice and his three assholes.

Betcha Didn't Know

According to both Richard Harrison and Godfrey Ho, the footage of Harrison in this film was actually shot for other pictures, most likely
Diamond Ninja Force
, one of Ho's nonpatchwork projects.

One of Richard Harrison's final film appearances before retiring from the movie business was as a zombie in
Nudist Colony
of the Dead
(discussed in Chapter 12).

Trivia Quiz

Which of these actors has played a ninja onscreen?

A: Peter Cushing

B: John Candy

C: George Zucco

D: Chris Farley

Answer: D. Chris Farley. He portrayed a most unconventional ninja in the comedy
Beverly Hills Ninja.

PRODUCERS
Betty Chan and Joseph Lai

WRITER
Godfrey Ho

DIRECTOR
Godfrey Ho

STARS
Richard Harrison (
Jason Hart
), Warren Chan (
Warren
), and David Bowles (
Bruce, Master of Evil Ninjas
)

Interpol officer Jason Hart (Harrison), who is secretly a Ninja Master, brings all his wits, Ninja Magic, and dimwitted fellow Interpol officers to bear against a counterfeiting ring and modeling school that is being operated by a cult of Evil Ninjas and their leader, Bruce (Bowles)!

Why It Sucks

Bruce the Evil Ninja Master uses a modeling school as a front for his counterfeiting ring, which is in turn a front for his Evil Ninja Cult. The film is so full of nonsensical ninja high jinks (such as ninjas jousting on motorcycles) that it plays more like a spoof than a serious movie. Finally, it's another Godfrey Ho patchwork cinematic disaster in which the pieces and plot threads don't fit together because they were taken from other movies.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Stunt Award goes to …
The Good Ninja and Bruce, the Evil Ninja, jousting while riding motorcycles.

And the Al Gore Special Recognition Award for Exceptional
Acheivement in Recycling goes to …
Godfrey Ho for showing that any unfinished film can be turned into a ninja epic.