The Mousetrap and Other Plays (49 page)

MIDGE
. (
Rising and turning to
LADY
ANGKATELL
) Edward and I are going to be married.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Dumbfounded
) Married? You and Edward? But, Midge, I never dre . . . (
She recovers herself, moves to
MIDGE
,
kisses her, then holds out her hand to
EDWARD
.) Oh, darling, I'm so happy. (
She shakes
EDWARD
's hand and her face lights up.
) I am so delighted. You'll stay on here and give up that horrid shop. You can be married from here—Henry can give you away.

MIDGE
. Darling Lucy, I'd love to be married from here.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Sitting on the sofa at the Right end of it.
) Off-white satin, and an ivory prayer book—no bouquet. Bridesmaids?

MIDGE
. Oh no, I don't want any fuss.

EDWARD
. Just a very quiet wedding, Lucy.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes, I know exactly what you mean, darling. Unless one carefully chooses them, bridesmaids never match properly—there's nearly always one plain one who ruins the whole effect—usually the bridegroom's sister. And children—children are the worst of all. They step on the train, they howl for Nannie. I never feel a bride can go up the aisle in a proper frame of mind while she's so uncertain what's happening behind her.

MIDGE
. I don't need to have anything behind me, not even a train. I can be married in a coat and skirt.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Rising and crossing Left Centre
) Oh no, Midge—that's too much like a widow. Off-white satin, and I shall take you to Mireille.

MIDGE
. I can't possibly afford Mireille.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Darling, Henry and I will give you your trousseau.

MIDGE
. (
Crossing to
LADY
ANGKATELL
and kissing her
) Darling. (
She turns, crosses to
EDWARD
and holds his hands.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Dear Midge, dear Edward! I do hope that band on Henry's trousers won't be too tight. I'd like him to enjoy himself. As for me, I shall wear . . . (
She closes her eyes.
)

MIDGE
. Yes, Lucy?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Hydrangea blue—and silver fox. That's settled. What a pity John Cristow's dead. Really quite unnecessary after all. But what an exciting weekend. (
She moves to Left of
MIDGE
and
EDWARD
.) First a murder, then a marriage, then this, then that.

(
The
INSPECTOR
and the
SERGEANT
enter Left.
)

(
She turns.
) Come in—come in. These young people have just got engaged to be married.

INSPECTOR
. (
Easing Left Centre.
) Indeed. My congratulations.

EDWARD
. Thank you very much.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Crossing to the door Left
) I suppose I ought to get ready for the inquest. I am
so
looking forward to it. I've never been to an inquest before.

(
She exits Left. The
SERGEANT
closes the door.
EDWARD
and
MIDGE
cross and exit Right.
)

SERGEANT
. (
Crossing to Right
) You may say what you like, she's a queer one. (
He nods towards the window Right.
) And what about those two? So it was
her
he was keen on, and not the other one.

INSPECTOR
. So it seems now.

SERGEANT
. Well, that about washes him out. Who have we got left?

INSPECTOR
. We've only got Gudgeon's word for it that the gun in Lady Angkatell's basket is what he says it was. It's still wide open. You know, we've forgotten one thing, Penny—the holster.

SERGEANT
. Holster?

INSPECTOR
. Sir Henry told us that the gun was originally in a brown leather holster. Where's the holster?

(
SIR
HENRY
enters Left.
)

SIR
HENRY
. I suppose we ought to be starting—(
He crosses to the windows Right.
) but everyone seems to have disappeared for some extraordinary reason. (
He looks out of the window and calls.
) Edward. Midge.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
enters Left. She wears her hat and coat. She carries a prayer book and one white glove and one grey glove.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Moving Left Centre
) How do I look? Is this the sort of thing one wears?

SIR
HENRY
. (
Turning and moving to Right of the sofa
) You don't need a prayer book, my dear.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. But I thought one swore things.

INSPECTOR
. Evidence isn't usually taken on oath in a Coroner's court, Lady Angkatell. In any case, the proceedings will be purely formal today. (
He crosses to the door Left.
)

(
The
SERGEANT
crosses to the door Left.
)

Well, if you'll excuse me, we'll both be getting on our way.

(
He exits Left. The
SERGEANT
follows him off.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Easing to the fireplace
) You and I and Gerda can go in the Daimler, and Edward can take Midge and Henrietta.

SIR
HENRY
. (
Moving Centre
) Where's Gerda?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Henrietta is with her.

(
EDWARD
and
MIDGE
enter Right.
MIDGE
picks up her bag and gloves from the writing table, and moves below the sofa.
EDWARD
crosses above the sofa to Right
of
SIR
HENRY
.)

SIR
HENRY
. Well, what's this I hear about you two? (
He shakes hands with
EDWARD
.) Isn't this wonderful news? (
He crosses to Left of
MIDGE
and kisses her.
)

EDWARD
. Thank you, Henry.

MIDGE
. Thank you, Cousin Henry.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Looking at her gloves
) Now what made me take one white glove and one grey glove? How very odd.

(
She exits Left.
)

EDWARD
. (
Moving up Centre
) I'll get my car round.

(
He exits up Centre to Left.
)

MIDGE
. (
Sitting on the sofa
) Are you really pleased?

SIR
HENRY
. It's the best news I've heard for a long time. You don't know what it'll mean to Lucy. She's got Ainswick on the brain, as you know.

MIDGE
. She wanted Edward to marry Henrietta. (
Troubled
) Will she mind that it's me?

SIR
HENRY
. Of course not. She only wanted Edward to marry. If you want my opinion, you'll make him a far better wife than Henrietta.

MIDGE
. It's always been Henrietta with Edward.

SIR
HENRY
. (
Crossing to the fireplace
) Well, don't you let those police fellows hear you say so. (
He fills his cigarette case from the box on the mantelpiece.
) Best thing in the world from that point of view that he's got engaged to you. Takes suspicion right off him.

MIDGE
. (
Rising
) Suspicion? Off Edward?

SIR
HENRY
. (
Turning
) Counting Gerda out of it, I should say he was suspect number one. To put it bluntly, he loathed John Cristow's guts.

MIDGE
. (
Crossing to Centre then moving up Left
) I remember—the evening after the murder—so that's why . . . (
Her face grows desperately unhappy.
)

(
HENRIETTA
enters Left.
)

HENRIETTA
. Oh, Henry, I'm taking Gerda with me. (
She crosses to the drinks table and picks up her gloves and bag.
) She is in rather a nervous state—and I think that one of Lucy's conversations would just about finish her. We're starting now.

SIR
HENRY
. (
Moving to the door Left
) Yes, we ought to be starting too.

(
He exits Left, leaving the door open.
)

(
Off; calling.
) Are you ready, Lucy?

HENRIETTA
. (
Putting on her gloves
) Congratulations, Midge. Did you stand on a table and shout at him?

MIDGE
. (
Solemnly
) I rather think I did.

HENRIETTA
. I told you that was what Edward needed.

MIDGE
. (
Moving to the radio
) I don't think Edward will ever
really
love anyone but you.

HENRIETTA
. Oh, don't be absurd, Midge.

MIDGE
. I'm not absurd. It's the sort of thing one—knows.

HENRIETTA
. Edward wouldn't ask you to marry him unless he wanted to.

MIDGE
. (
Switching on the radio
) He may have thought it—wise.

HENRIETTA
. What do you mean?

GERDA
. (
Off Left; calling
) Henrietta.

HENRIETTA
. (
Crossing to the door Left.
) I'm coming, Gerda.

(
She exits Left. The radio warms up and music is heard. The tune is “La Fille aux Cheveux de Lin.”
MIDGE
moves to the fireplace, puts her gloves on the mantelpiece and looks in the mirror.
EDWARD
enters up Centre from Left.
)

EDWARD
. (
Moving Left Centre.
) The car's outside.

MIDGE
. (
Turning
) If you don't mind, I'll go with Lucy.

EDWARD
. But why . . . ?

MIDGE
. She loses things—and flutters—I'll be useful. (
She moves down Left.
)

EDWARD
. (
Hurt
) Midge, is anything the matter? What is it?

MIDGE
. (
Crossing to Right
) Never mind now. We must get to the inquest.

EDWARD
. Something is the matter.

MIDGE
. Don't—don't bother me.

EDWARD
. Midge, have you changed your mind? Did I—rush you into things just now? (
He moves below the sofa.
) You don't want to marry me after all?

MIDGE
. No, no—we must keep on with it now. Until all this is over.

EDWARD
. What do you mean?

MIDGE
. As things are—it's better you should be engaged to me. Later, we can break it off. (
She turns her back to him.
)

(
EDWARD
looks stunned for a moment, then controls himself and speaks in a monotone.
)

EDWARD
. I see—even for Ainswick—you can't go through with it.

MIDGE
. (
Turning
) It wouldn't work, Edward.

EDWARD
. No, I suppose you are right. (
He turns and faces up Left.
) You'd better go. The others will be waiting.

MIDGE
. Aren't you . . . ?

EDWARD
. I'll be along. I'm used to driving alone.

(
MIDGE
exits up Centre to Left.
EDWARD
crosses and exits Left. After a few moments, he reenters. He carries a revolver. He closes the door, crosses to the radio and switches it off, moves to the fireplace, picks up
MIDGE
's gloves from the mantelpiece and puts them in his pocket. He then moves Left Centre and opens the revolver to see if it is loaded. As he snaps the revolver shut,
MIDGE
enters up Centre from Left.
)

MIDGE
. Edward—are you still here?

EDWARD
. (
Striving to appear natural
) Why, Midge, you startled me.

MIDGE
. (
Moving above the sofa
) I came back for my gloves. (
She leans over the back of the sofa and looks under the cushions.
) I left them somewhere. (
She looks towards the mantelpiece and sees the revolver in
EDWARD
's hand.
) Edward, what are you doing with that revolver?

EDWARD
. I thought I might have a shot or two down at the targets.

MIDGE
. At the targets? But there's the inquest.