The Mousetrap and Other Plays (52 page)

MOLLIE
. (
Calling
) Mrs. Barlow! Mrs. Barlow! (
Receiving no reply, she crosses to the armchair Centre, picks up her handbag and one glove, and then goes out through the arch up Right. She removes her overcoat and then returns.
) Brr! It's cold. (
She goes to the wall switch above the door down Right and switches on the wall brackets over the fireplace. She moves up to the window, feels the radiator and draws the curtains. Then she moves down to the sofa table and switches on the table lamp. She looks round and notices the large signboard lying on its side on the stairs. She picks it up and places it against the wall Left of the window alcove. She steps back, nodding her head
) It really does look nice—oh! (
She notices that there is no “S” on the sign
) How stupid of Giles. (
She looks at her watch then at the clock.
) Gosh!

(
MOLLIE
hurries off up the stairs Left.
GILES
enters from the front door Right. He is a rather arrogant but attractive young man in his twenties. He stamps his feet to shake off the snow, opens the oak chest and puts inside a big paper carrier he has been carrying. He takes off his overcoat, hat and scarf, moves down and throws them on the armchair Centre. Then he goes to the fire and warms his hands.
)

GILES
. (
Calling
) Mollie? Mollie? Mollie? Where are you?

(
MOLLIE
enters from the arch Left.
)

MOLLIE
. (
Cheerfully
) Doing all the work, you brute. (
She crosses to Giles.
)

GILES
. Oh, there you are—leave it all to me. Shall I stoke the Aga?

MOLLIE
. Done.

GILES
. (
Kissing her
) Hullo, sweetheart. Your nose is cold.

MOLLIE
. I've just come in. (
She crosses to the fire.
)

GILES
. Why? Where have you been? Surely you've not been out in this weather?

MOLLIE
. I had to go down to the village for some stuff I'd forgotten. Did you get the chicken netting?

GILES
. It wasn't the right kind. (
He sits on the Left arm of the armchair Centre
) I went on to another dump but that wasn't any good either. Practically a whole day wasted. My God, I'm half frozen. Car was skidding like anything. The snow's coming down thick. What do you bet we're not snowed up tomorrow?

MOLLIE
. Oh dear, I do hope not. (
She crosses to the radiator and feels it.
) If only the pipes don't freeze.

GILES
. (
Rising and moving up to
MOLLIE
) We'll have to keep the central heating well-stoked up. (
He feels the radiator.
) H'm, not too good—I wish they'd send the coke along. We've not got any too much.

MOLLIE
. (
Moving down to the sofa and sitting
) Oh! I do so want everything to go well at first. First impressions are so important.

GILES
. (
Moving down to Right of the sofa
) Is everything ready? Nobody's arrived yet, I suppose?

MOLLIE
. No, thank goodness. I think everything's in order. Mrs. Barlow's hooked it early. Afraid of the weather, I suppose.

GILES
. What a nuisance these daily women are. That leaves everything on your shoulders.

MOLLIE
.
And
yours! This is a partnership.

GILES
. (
Crossing to the fire
) So long as you don't ask me to cook.

MOLLIE
. (
Rising
) No, no, that's my department. Anyway, we've got lots of tins in case we are snowed up. (
Crossing to
GILES
) Oh, Giles, do you think it's going to be all right?

GILES
. Got cold feet, have you? Are you sorry now we didn't sell the place when your aunt left it to you, instead of having this mad idea of running it as a guest house?

MOLLIE
. No, I'm not. I love it. And talking of a guest house. Just look at
that
! (
She indicates the signboard in an accusing manner.
)

GILES
. (
Complacently
) Pretty good, what? (
He crosses to Left of the signboard.
)

MOLLIE
. It's a disaster! Don't you see? You've left out the “S”. Monkwell instead of Monkswell.

GILES
. Good Lord, so I did. However did I come to do that? But it doesn't really matter, does it? Monkwell is as good a name.

MOLLIE
. You're in disgrace. (
She crosses to the desk.
) Go and stoke up the central heating.

GILES
. Across that icy yard! Ugh! Shall I bank it up for the night now?

MOLLIE
. No, you don't do that until ten or eleven o'clock at night.

GILES
. How appalling!

MOLLIE
. Hurry up. Someone may arrive at any minute now.

GILES
. You've got all the rooms worked out?

MOLLIE
. Yes. (
She sits at the desk and picks up a paper from it.
) Mrs. Boyle, Front Fourposter Room. Major Metcalf, Blue Room. Miss Casewell, East Room. Mr. Wren, Oak Room.

GILES
. (
Crossing to Right of the sofa table
) I wonder what all these people will be like. Oughtn't we to have got rent in advance?

MOLLIE
. Oh no, I don't think so.

GILES
. We're rather mugs at this game.

MOLLIE
. They bring luggage. If they don't pay we hang on to their luggage. It's quite simple.

GILES
. I can't help thinking we ought to have taken a correspondence course in hotel keeping. We're sure to get had in some way. Their luggage might be just bricks wrapped up in newspaper, and where should we be then?

MOLLIE
. They all wrote from very good addresses.

GILES
. That's what servants with forged references do. Some of these people may be criminals hiding from the police. (
He moves up to the signboard and picks it up.
)

MOLLIE
. I don't care what they are so long as they pay us seven guineas every week.

GILES
. You're such a wonderful woman of business, Mollie.

(
GILES
exits through the arch up Right, carrying the signboard.
MOLLIE
switches on the radio.
)

VOICE ON THE RADIO
. And according to Scotland Yard, the crime took place at twenty-four Culver Street, Paddington. The murdered woman was a Mrs. Maureen Lyon. In connection with the murder, the police—

(
MOLLIE
rises and crosses to the armchair Centre.
)

—are anxious to interview a man seen in the vicinity, wearing a dark overcoat—

(
MOLLIE
picks up
GILES
's overcoat
)

—light scarf—

(
MOLLIE
picks up his scarf
)

—and a soft felt hat.

(
MOLLIE
picks up his hat and exits through the arch up Right.
)

Motorists are warned against icebound roads.

(
The door bell rings.
)

The heavy snow is expected to continue, and throughout the country . . .

(
MOLLIE
enters, crosses to the desk, switches off the radio and hurries off through the arch up Right.
)

MOLLIE
. (
Off
) How do you do?

CHRISTOPHER
. (
Off
) Thanks so much.

(
CHRISTOPHER WREN
enters through the arch up Right with a suitcase, which he places Right of the refectory table. He is a rather wild-looking, neurotic young man. His hair is long and untidy and he wears a woven artistic tie. He has a confiding, almost childish manner. mollie
enters and moves up Centre.
)

Weather is simply awful. My taxi gave up at your gate. (
He crosses and places his hat on the sofa table.
) Wouldn't attempt the drive. No sporting instinct. (
Moving up to
MOLLIE
) Are you Mrs. Ralston? How delightful! My name's Wren.

MOLLIE
. How do you do, Mr. Wren?

CHRISTOPHER
. You know you're not at all as I'd pictured you. I've been thinking of you as a retired General's widow, Indian Army. I thought you'd be terrifically grim and Memsahibish, and that the whole place would be simply crammed with Benares brass. Instead, it's heavenly. (
Crossing below the sofa to Left of the sofa table
)—quite heavenly. Lovely proportions. (
Pointing at the desk
) That's a fake! (
Pointing at the sofa table
) Ah, but this table's genuine. I'm simply going to love this place. (
He moves below the armchair Centre.
) Have you got any wax flowers or birds of Paradise?

MOLLIE
. I'm afraid not.

CHRISTOPHER
. What a pity! Well, what about a sideboard? A purple plummy mahogany sideboard with great solid carved fruits on it?

MOLLIE
. Yes, we have—in the dining room. (
She glances at the door down Right.
)

CHRISTOPHER
. (
Following her glance
) In here? (
He moves down Right and opens the door.
) I must see it.

(
CHRISTOPHER
exits into the dining room and
MOLLIE
follows him.
GILES
enters through the archway up Right. He looks round and examines the suitcase. Hearing voices from the dining room
,
GILES
exits up Right.

MOLLIE
. (
Off
) Do come and warm yourself.

(
MOLLIE
enters from the dining room, followed by
CHRISTOPHER
.
MOLLIE
moves Centre.
)

CHRISTOPHER
. (
As he enters
) Absolutely perfect. Real bedrock respectability. But why do away with a centre mahogany table? (
Looking off Right.
) Little tables just spoil the effect.

(
GILES
enters up Right and stands Left of the large armchair Right.
)

MOLLIE
. We thought guests would prefer them—this is my husband.

CHRISTOPHER
. (
Moving up to
GILES
and shaking hands with him
) How do you do? Terrible weather, isn't it? Takes one back to Dickens and Scrooge and that irritating Tiny Tim. So bogus. (
He turns towards the fire.
) Of course, Mrs. Ralston, you're absolutely right about the little tables. I was being carried away by my feeling for period. If you had a mahogany dining table, you'd have to have the right family round it. (
He turns to
GILES
.) Stern handsome father with a beard, prolific, faded mother, eleven children of assorted ages, a grim governess, and somebody called “poor Harriet,” the poor relation who acts as general dogsbody and is very,
very
grateful for being given a good home!

GILES
. (
Disliking him
) I'll take your suitcase upstairs for you. (
He picks up the suitcase. To
MOLLIE
) Oak Room, did you say?

MOLLIE
. Yes.

CHRISTOPHER
. I do hope that it's got a fourposter with little chintz roses?

GILES
. It hasn't.

(
GILES
exits Left up the stairs with the suitcase.
)

CHRISTOPHER
. I don't believe your husband is going to like me. (
Moving a few paces towards
MOLLIE
) How long have you been married? Are you very much in love?

MOLLIE
. (
Coldly
) We've been married just a year. (
Moving towards the stairs Left.
) Perhaps you'd like to go up and see your room?

CHRISTOPHER
. Ticked off! (
He moves above the sofa table.
) But I do so like knowing all about people. I mean, I think people are so madly interesting. Don't you?

MOLLIE
. Well, I suppose some are and (
Turning to
CHRISTOPHER
) some are not.

CHRISTOPHER
. No, I don't agree. They're
all
interesting, because you never really know what anyone is like—or what they are really thinking. For instance,
you
don't know what
I'm
thinking about now, do you? (
He smiles as at some secret joke.
)

MOLLIE
. Not in the least. (
She moves down to the sofa table and takes a cigarette from the box.
) Cigarette?

CHRISTOPHER
. No, thank you. (
Moving to Right of
MOLLIE
) You see? The only people who really know what other people are like are artists—and they don't know why they know it! But if they're portrait painters (
he moves Centre
) it comes out—(
He sits on the Right arm of the sofa
) on the canvas.

MOLLIE
. Are you a painter? (
She lights her cigarette.
)