The Mousetrap and Other Plays (47 page)

(
The voice of the
OPERATOR
is reasonably audible.
)

OPERATOR
. Number please.

MIDGE
. Regent four-six-nine-two, please.

OPERATOR
. What is your number?

MIDGE
. Dowfield two-two-one.

(
The
INSPECTOR
eases to Left of the sofa and looks at the
SERGEANT
.)

OPERATOR
. Dowfield two-two-one. There's a twenty-minute delay on the line.

MIDGE
. Oh!

OPERATOR
. Shall I keep the call in?

MIDGE
. Yes, keep the call in, please. You'll ring me?

OPERATOR
. Yes.

MIDGE
. Thank you. (
She replaces the receiver.
)

(
SIR
HENRY
enters Left.
)

SIR
HENRY
. Do you mind leaving us, Midge?

MIDGE
. Of course—but I'm expecting a call. (
She picks up her suitcase and crosses to Left.
)

SIR
HENRY
. I'll give you a hail when it comes through, unless they forget all about it.

(
MIDGE
exits Left.
SIR
HENRY
closes the door behind her.
)

(
He crosses to Left of the
INSPECTOR
.) A second thirty-eight Smith and Wesson exhibit in a brown leather holster is missing from my study.

INSPECTOR
. (
Taking a revolver from his pocket
) Would it be this gun, Sir Henry?

(
SIR
HENRY
,
surprised, takes the revolver from the
INSPECTOR
and carefully examines it.
)

SIR
HENRY
. Yes—yes, this is it. Where did you find it?

INSPECTOR
. That doesn't matter for the moment. But the shot that killed Doctor Cristow was fired from that gun. May I speak to your butler, Sir Henry? (
He holds out his hand for the revolver.
)

SIR
HENRY
. (
Handing the revolver to the
INSPECTOR
) Of course. (
He turns, crosses to the fireplace and presses the bell-push.
) Do you want to speak to him in here?

INSPECTOR
. (
Putting the revolver in his pocket
) If you please, Sir Henry.

SIR
HENRY
. Do you want me to go away or to remain? I should prefer to remain. Gudgeon is a very old and valued servant.

INSPECTOR
. I would prefer you to be here, Sir Henry.

(
GUDGEON
enters Left.
)

GUDGEON
. You rang, Sir Henry?

SIR
HENRY
. Yes, Gudgeon. (
He indicates the
INSPECTOR
.)

(
GUDGEON
looks politely at the
INSPECTOR
.)

INSPECTOR
. Gudgeon, have you lately had a pistol or a revolver in your possession?

(
SIR
HENRY
sits in the armchair Left centre
)

GUDGEON
. (
Crossing to Left of the
INSPECTOR
;
imperturbably
) I don't think so, sir. I don't own any firearms.

SERGEANT
. (
Reading from his notebook
) “I happened to glance over the banisters and I saw Mr. Gudgeon standing in the front hall with a revolver—

(
GUDGEON
reacts by clenching his fists.
)

—in his hand and he looked ever so peculiar . . .”

(
The
INSPECTOR
looks at the
SERGEANT
,
who breaks off abruptly.
)

GUDGEON
. That is quite correct, sir. I'm sorry it slipped my memory.

INSPECTOR
. Perhaps you will tell us exactly what occurred.

GUDGEON
. Certainly, sir. It was about one o'clock on Saturday. Normally, of course, I should have been bringing in luncheon, but owing to a murder having taken place a short time before, household routine was disorganized. As I was passing through the front hall, I noticed one of Sir Henry's pistols, a small Derringer it was, sir, lying on the oak chest there. I didn't think it should be left lying about, so I picked it up and subsequently took it to the master's study and put it back in its proper place. I may add, sir, that I have no recollection of having looked peculiar.

INSPECTOR
. (
Moving to Right of the sofa
) You say you put the gun in Sir Henry's study? (
He moves below the sofa and faces up stage.
) Is it there now?

GUDGEON
. To the best of my belief, sir. I can easily ascertain.

INSPECTOR
. (
Moving to Left of the sofa and taking the revolver from his pocket
) It wasn't—this gun?

GUDGEON
. (
Moving in to Left of the
INSPECTOR
and looking at the revolver
) On no, sir. That's a thirty-eight Smith and Wesson—this was a small pistol—a Derringer.

INSPECTOR
. You seem to know a good deal about firearms.

GUDGEON
. I served in the nineteen-fourteen-eighteen war, sir.

INSPECTOR
. (
Turning and moving down Right
) And you say you found this Derringer pistol—on the oak chest in the hall?

GUDGEON
. Yes, sir.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
enters up Centre from Left. The
INSPECTOR
eases above the Right end of the sofa.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Moving Centre
) How nice to see you, Mr. Colquhoun. What is all this about a pistol and Gudgeon? I found that child Doris in floods of tears. The girl was quite right to say what she saw if she thought she saw it. I find right and wrong bewildering myself—easy when wrong is pleasant and right is unpleasant—but confusing the other way about, if you know what I mean. And what have you been telling them about this pistol, Gudgeon?

GUDGEON
. (
Respectfully but emphatically
) I found the pistol in the hall, m'lady. I have no idea who put it there. I picked it up and put it back in its proper place. That is what I have told the Inspector and he quite understands.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Gently shaking her head at
GUDGEON
) You shouldn't have done that, Gudgeon. I'll talk to the Inspector myself.

GUDGEON
. But . . .

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I appreciate your motives, Gudgeon. I know you always try to save us trouble and annoyance. (
Firmly
) That will do now.

(
GUDGEON
hesitates, throws a quick glance at
SIR
HENRY
, then bows and exits Left.
SIR
HENRY
looks very grave.
)

(
She crosses to the sofa, sits and smiles disarmingly at the
INSPECTOR
.)

That was really very charming of Gudgeon. Quite feudal, if you know what I mean. Yes, feudal is the right word.

INSPECTOR
. Am I to understand, Lady Angkatell, that you yourself have some further knowledge about the matter?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Of course. Gudgeon didn't find the gun in the hall at all. He found it when he took the eggs out.

INSPECTOR
. The eggs?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes, out of the basket. (
She seems to think all is now explained.
)

SIR
HENRY
. You must tell us a little more, my dear. Inspector Colquhoun and I are still at sea.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Oh! The gun, you see, was
in
the basket—

(
SIR
HENRY
rises.
)

—
under
the eggs.

INSPECTOR
. What basket? And what eggs, Lady Angkatell?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. The basket I took down to the farm. The gun was in it and I put the eggs in on top of the gun and forgot about it. When we found poor John Cristow shot in here, it was such a shock that I let go the basket and Gudgeon caught it just in time—because of the eggs.

(
SIR
HENRY
moves slowly to the fireplace.
)

Later I asked him about writing the date on the eggs—so that one shouldn't eat the fresh ones before the old ones—and he said all that had already been attended to—and I remember now he was rather emphatic about it. He found the gun, you see, and put it back in Henry's study. Very nice and loyal of him—but also very foolish, because, of course, Inspector, the truth is what you want to hear, isn't it?

INSPECTOR
. (
Crossing above the sofa to Centre, grimly
) The truth is what I mean to get.

LADY
ANGKATELL
.
Of course.
It's all so sad, all this hounding people.

(
The
INSPECTOR
moves to Left of the sofa.
)

I don't suppose whoever it was that shot John Cristow really
meant
to shoot him—

(
The
INSPECTOR
and the
SERGEANT
look at each other.
)

—not seriously I mean. If it was Gerda, I'm quite sure she didn't. In fact, I'm rather surprised she didn't miss—it's the sort of thing one would expect of her.

(
The
INSPECTOR
crosses above the sofa to Right.
)

If she did shoot him, she's probably dreadfully sorry about it now. It's bad enough for children having their father murdered, without having their mother hanged for it. (
Accusingly
) I sometimes wonder if you policemen
think
of these things.

INSPECTOR
. (
Crossing below the sofa to Left of it; taken aback
) We are not contemplating making an arrest just at present, Lady Angkatell.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
With a dazzling smile
) Well, that's sensible. But I have always felt that you are a very sensible man, Mr. Colquhoun.

INSPECTOR
. Er—thank you, Lady Angkatell. (
He breaks up Centre and turns.
) Now I want to get this clear. (
He moves down Left Centre.
) You had been shooting with this revolver?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Pistol.

INSPECTOR
. Ah yes, so Gudgeon said. You had been shooting with it at the targets?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Oh, no, no. I took it out of Henry's study before I went to the farm.

INSPECTOR
. (
Looking at
SIR
HENRY
and then at the armchair Left Centre
) May I?

(
SIR
HENRY
nods.
)

(
He sits.
) Why, Lady Angkatell?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
With unexpected triumph
) I knew you'd ask me that. And of course there must be some answer. (
She looks at
SIR
HENRY
.) Mustn't there, Henry?

SIR
HENRY
. I should certainly have thought so, my dear.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes, obviously I must have had
some
idea in my head when I took that little Derringer and put it in my egg basket. (
She looks hopefully at
SIR
HENRY
.) I wonder what it could have been?

SIR
HENRY
. My wife is extremely absentminded, Inspector.

INSPECTOR
. So it seems.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Why should I have taken that pistol?

INSPECTOR
. (
Rising and breaking up Centre
) I haven't the faintest idea, Lady Angkatell.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Rising
) I came in
here
—this being your study, Henry—with the window there and the fireplace here. I had been talking to Simmonds about pillow cases—let's hang on to pillow cases—and I distinctly remember crossing—(
She moves to the writing table
) over to the fireplace—and thinking we must get a new poker—the curate, not the rector—(
She looks at the
INSPECTOR
) you're probably too young to know what that means.

(
The
INSPECTOR
and the
SERGEANT
look at each other.
)

And I remember opening the drawer and taking out the Derringer—it was a nice handy little gun—I've always liked it—and dropping it in the egg basket. And then I . . . No, there were so many things in my head—(
She eases to the sofa and sits
) what with bindweed in the border—and hoping Mrs. Medway would make a really rich
nègre en chemise.