The Mousetrap and Other Plays (23 page)

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. What have you been reading?

LENNOX
. I can't remember. Was Nadine here?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Yes, she's gone for a walk with Mr. Cope.

LENNOX
. Oh.

(
MRS
.
BOYNTON
looks at
LENNOX
for a moment or two.
)

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Has it ever occurred to you that your wife's in love with Jefferson Cope?

LENNOX
. (
Rather quicker
) Nadine—in love with Cope?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. He's certainly in love with
her.
I think you ought to be prepared, son, for the possibility that Nadine might—leave you.

LENNOX
. Leave me—Nadine?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. He's a very charming man, you know, and they've always been great friends—and it's been a dull life for Nadine. I'm afraid you haven't been able to be much of a companion to her.

LENNOX
. Nadine. I—I couldn't live without Nadine. (
He crosses down Left.
)

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. I'm afraid you may have to live without her—whether you want to or not.

LENNOX
. She said she might go . . . (
He breaks off.
) She asked me . . . What did she ask me?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. How should I know?

LENNOX
. I couldn't do it, though, could I? I mean—where should I go? How should I live?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. I'm afraid you could never support yourself, my poor boy.

(
LENNOX
moves to Left of the table. His manner is now definitely odd.
)

LENNOX
. It's you who are stopping me, isn't it? Can't you let me go? Please let me go.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. You can't go. (
She watches him closely.
) You can't go, Lennox. You're no good. I'm afraid you're going to be very unhappy.

LENNOX
. (
Muttering
) Unhappy. (
He sits Left of the table, his foot stepping on the bottle dropped by
RAYMOND
.)

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Pick that up.

(
LENNOX
picks up the bottle and stares at it.
)

It will be very quiet without Nadine—very quiet and very lonely.

LENNOX
. There's something I could do—if I could only remember. (
He rises and looks at the bottle.
) Something quite easy. (
He looks suddenly at
MRS
.
BOYNTON
.) Are
you
my enemy?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. What a very odd thing to say, dear boy.

(
Voices are heard off Right.
)

Give me that bottle, it belongs in here.

(
LENNOX
hands the bottle to
MRS
.
BOYNTON
,
then exits to the marquee.
MRS
.
BOYNTON
looks at the bottle and puts it on the table.
HIGGS
enters Right.
MISS
PRYCE
follows him on, catches her scarf on something and is held.
)

MISS
PRYCE
. Oh dear.

HIGGS
. Are ye fast? I mean, are yer stuck? (
He moves to
MISS
PRYCE
and detaches her.
)

MISS
PRYCE
. Thank you so much. I'm quite loose now. (
She moves Right Centre.
)

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
enters Right.
)

LADY
WESTHOLME
. Now where is Mahommed? (
She crosses to the marquee.
) That man is never about when one wants him.

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
exits to the marquee.
)

HIGGS
. (
Crossing to Centre
) What is that lad's name? Mahommed or Abraham?

MISS
PRYCE
. Lady Westholme says she always calls her dragoman Mahommed.

HIGGS
. What, even when it isn't 'is name?

MISS
PRYCE
. Apparently.

HIGGS
. Well! I wonder they stand for it.
Ah
wouldn't.

MISS
PRYCE
. But then you're such a masterful man, Mr. Higgs.

HIGGS
. Ay. Ah know my rights and I stands oop for 'em.

MISS
PRYCE
. I can see that.

HIGGS
. And them as doan't is neither fish, flesh, fowl, nor good red 'errin'.

MISS
PRYCE
. And he's such a nice man—and so
clean.
(
Confidentially
) He changes his shirt every day.

HIGGS
. 'E needs to in this climate. Eh, I wasn't 'alf in a muck sweat meself this morning.

MISS
PRYCE
. (
Reprovingly
)
Mr.
Higgs!

HIGGS
. Ah doan't 'old much with foreigners. I shared a cabin with one comin' over and one mornin' I caught 'im usin' my toothbrush.

MISS
PRYCE
. How revolting.

HIGGS
. And d'yer know what 'e said? He said, “Ah thought it was a ship's toothbrush—for us all like.” (
He laughs uproariously.
)

(
MISS
PRYCE
winces.
)

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Off; calling
) Mahommed.

HIGGS
. (
Calling
) P'raps 'e's oop on second floor, Lady Breastbone.

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
appears at the entrance to the marquee.
)

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Furiously
) What did you say, Mr. Higgs?

HIGGS
. Ah said p'raps 'e's oop on second floor, Lady Fishbone.

LADY
WESTHOLME
. You may find out to your cost, my good man, that my name is Westholme.

HIGGS
. Ay. An' 'is isn't Mahommed.

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
flounces back into the marquee and is heard again calling defiantly.
)

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Off; calling
)
Ma-hom-med.

HIGGS
. (
Chuckling
) Eh! That's a grand voice for electioneering. She wouldn't need loudspeaker van.

MISS
PRYCE
. You know, I think all the servants must be asleep.

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Off; calling
)
Mahommed.

HIGGS
. (
Chuckling
) Not after that.

MISS
PRYCE
. (
Getting confidential again
) I do hope we're safe here. Those servants look so wild and
fierce.
Suppose they were to murder us all one night.

HIGGS
. Ah could understand 'em murderin' 'er ladyship—but what 'ave we done?

MISS
PRYCE
. They might rob us.

HIGGS
. Well, they're doin'
that
already without murderin' us. (
With maliciously assumed apprehension
) Of course, they could kidnap us and 'old us to ransom.

(
The
DRAGOMAN
enters quietly Right.
)

MISS
PRYCE
. Kidnap us! How dreadful.

DRAGOMAN
. (
Moving suddenly between
MISS
PRYCE
and
HIGGS
;
with a beaming smile
) You ready go nice walk, ladies and gentlemen?

MISS
PRYCE
. (
Startled
) Oh!

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Off; calling
) Mahommed.

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
enters from the marquee.
)

There you are. (
She moves below the table.
) Didn't you hear me calling?

DRAGOMAN
. Abraham hear someone call
Mahommed.

HIGGS
. (
Moving Left Centre; to
LADY
WESTHOLME
) And 'e put 'is telescope to 'is blind ear.

(
SARAH
and
RAYMOND
enter Right and stand down Right.
LADY
WESTHOLME
ignores
HIGGS
and crosses below him to Centre.
)

LADY
WESTHOLME
. And
where
are all the servants?

DRAGOMAN
. (
Moving to Right of
LADY
WESTHOLME
) Bedouin all sleep now. Later wake up, make dinner. But Abraham Christian. Abraham understand Christian ladies and gentlemen like afternoon instructive walk and then drink afternoon tea. You come now?

HIGGS
. Ay, we're coomin'. Coom on, ladies, and be kidnapped.

MISS
PRYCE
.
Mr. Higgs.
Don't say such dreadful things.

LADY
WESTHOLME
. (
Crossing to Right
) If you intend to accompany us, Mr. Higgs, I trust that you will curb your facetiousness and allow those
better educated
than yourself to enjoy the archaeological and historical interests of this place.

(
LADY
WESTHOLME
stalks out Right.
MISS
PRYCE
follows her off.
HIGGS
stands for a moment, nonplussed, scratching his head. He can think of no riposte. He chuckles and shakes his head.
)

HIGGS
. Nay—she got me
that
time.

(
HIGGS
exits Right. The
DRAGOMAN
follows him off.
)

SARAH
. What a circus! Oof! I want a drink. (
To
RAYMOND
) Do you think you can find one?

(
RAYMOND
crosses and exits to the marquee. There is a silence during which
SARAH
crosses to Right of
MRS
.
BOYNTON
.)

This really is a fantastic place.

(
MRS
.
BOYNTON
does not answer.
)

(
She looks at
MRS
.
BOYNTON
,
smiles and shrugs her shoulders.
) Your son and I have had a very pleasant walk.

(
MRS
.
BOYNTON
taps with her stick and does not answer.
RAYMOND
enters from the marquee carrying a glass of lime juice, which he hands to
SARAH
.)

Thank you.

(
SARAH
crosses and exits with the drink Right.
RAYMOND
moves a step or two after her.
)

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Ray, my dear, it won't do.

RAYMOND
. (
Stopping Centre and turning
) What won't do?

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. That girl. I encouraged you to go for a walk with her this afternoon against my better judgement—but I don't like her. I don't like the way she runs after you. I should just be barely civil to her and nothing more in future, if I were you.

RAYMOND
. That's impossible.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Oh, no, Raymond. You'll do what I say.

RAYMOND
. (
Moving Right Centre
) I tell you it's impossible. Sarah and I are friends.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. (
Moving a little and fixing him with her eye
) You won't be friends if I don't want you to be.

RAYMOND
. But I shall—I must.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. You won't be friends if I don't want you to be.

RAYMOND
. (
Crossing down Left
) You—you can't make me do things like that.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. Nonsense! You've always done what I wanted. (
Firmly
) You always will. You can't help yourself.

RAYMOND
. But Sarah—it's different . . .

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. It isn't different, son. You've got to give up Sarah.

RAYMOND
. No.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. You are going to give up Sarah.

RAYMOND
. (
Moving to Left of the table; his voice high and hysterical
) No—no—I won't do it.

MRS
.
BOYNTON
. I always know what's best for you. (
Forcefully
) You'll keep out of her way in future.