Authors: Hilary Wynne
“Well hello, Alexa. It’s about time you called me.” His tone is teasing, but I hear the seriousness under
neath.
I can tease too. “Is there something wrong with
your
phone, Ju
lian?”
“No,
corazón
, it works fine. I was just letting you miss me. It took too long. I was about to cave and call
you.”
My smile couldn’t be any bigger. He was waiting for me to cal
l him.
“Well if I would have known that, I would’ve called you from your apartment before I left today because that was when I started missing
you.”
There’s silence on the other end, and I’m not sure how Julian feels about what I just said. He doesn’t tell me either, which unnerves me a little. He just asks about my day and what I did to
night.
“It was certainly not as entertaining as the rest of my weekend, for sure. I cleaned a little, did laundry, changed my sheets, went for a run, and bought some new shoes. But not in that order.” I omit the whole Luke part of m
y day.
I hear him laugh softly. “I’m hurt you changed your sheets. I didn’t. Mine smell like
you.”
Seriously? Are we really so alike? “I had to change them. I lied down in them, and it made me sad. It made me miss you
more.”
I know the tone of my voice changed when I said those words. I do miss him, and I was sad. I don’t feel like playing games and hiding behind snarky com
ments.
“I miss you too,
corazón
. I thought about you all day today, and the only thing that made me feel better was when I got into bed a little while ago, and I could smell you on my sheets. It didn’t make me sad though. It made me
hard.”
I laugh at his comment, but it comes out sounding as phony as it is. I’m not in that kind of mood at all. I stay quiet. I don’t know what I need to hear him say to make me feel better, but he isn’t sayi
ng it.
“Are you okay, Alexa?” Julian’s voice is soft and g
entle.
I lie. “Yes, just exhausted. It was a long weekend. I just need to go to sleep.” Oh damn it! Tears spring to my eyes, and my voice cracks. I really am a total and complete
mess.
He responds quietly. “Okay. I’ll let you go then. Sweet dr
eams.”
All I hear are three words:
Let. You. Go
. That’s the problem. I don’t want him to let
me go.
“Goodnight, Ju
lian.”
That’s what I say, and I hang up the phone. I don’t allow myself to consider his reaction to my coldness. I turn my phone off, pull the covers up, and let some of the tears come. I’m crying because I have no idea how to handle all of these feelings that are running amok through my body, heart, and mind. I’ve been numb for almost a year, and as Julian breaks down the walls around my heart with his perfect words and loving touch, I’m being brought back to life. It’s absolutely wonderful and absolutely terri
fying.
I wake up the next morning feeling better. I needed to sleep, and despite all the drama of the weekend, I slept well. I already blew my hair out yesterday and picked my clothes out too, so getting ready for work takes no time at all. I’m wearing a fit and flare dress with a colorful and fun, multicolor-blocked and striped print. I put a skinny, brown belt around my waist and put on a pair of patent leather nude Via Spiga Mary Jane
pumps.
I grab a banana and some coffee and am into work by eight thirty. I’m the first one there, so it’s quiet. I turn my computer on and check through some new messages. As I’m scrolling down, I see the last one Julian sent me with the lyrics from “Brighter than the Sun.” I bet he doesn’t feel that way this morning. I was like a big, dark storm cloud last night when we talked. I should call him and apologize, but I’m not feeling brave enough for that this morning. I decide to send him lyrics from one of my favorite songs
,
“Breathe in Breathe Out” by Mat Ke
arney.
To: Julian Bauer—
[email protected]
es.com
From: Alexa Reed—
[email protected]
il.com
Subj: Deep B
reaths
We push an
d pull
And I fall down som
etimes
I’m not lett
ing go
You hold the othe
r line
I’m sorry about how rudely I got off the phone last night. I was tired, and I was sad. I missed you terribly yesterday. I hope you have a grea
t day.
Alexa
I hit send and get back to work. I actually have a busy morning and end up showing a couple of units. Andrea also called, and she’s coming in to see me before lunch. She wants to talk about my promotion and what will be happening in the next few weeks. Lauren and I plan to go to lunch after. I’m doing everything I can to take my mind off of J
ulian.
My meeting with Andrea goes great. It looks like I’ll be moving down to South Beach in a few weeks. I’m very excited at the opportunities this move will provide. It’s a promotion, and I’ll be making more money. The commute will be different, but I can’t help but think it means I’ll be closer to Julian. When we’re finished, Andrea calls Lauren in for a meeting. I leave the room and head back to my desk. I check my personal mail for the first time since this morning and smile when I see an e-mail from Julian. It came in shortly after I sent one to him ea
rlier.
From: Julian Bauer—
[email protected]
es.com
To: Alexa Reed—
[email protected]
il.com
Subj: No
Doubts
I don’t know this song, but I like the lyrics. I’ll listen to it later. I missed you yesterday too. I still missed you this morning. I prefer waking up with you in my bed. I hate that anything about being with me is making yo
u sad.
My day is bette
r now.
Julian
I feel much better that he has reciprocated and said that he misses me too. I wish he would’ve written more, but he probably doesn’t have time to spend making me feel better and more s
ecure.
To: Julian Bauer—
[email protected]
es.com
From: Alexa Reed—
[email protected]
il.com
Subj: My bed was too b
ig too
Nothing about being with you makes me sad. It’s being
without
you that I have a problem with. I got a little spoiled this weekend. A few days away from you, and I’ll be back to being my less needy
self.
Alexa
I want to write in my e-mail that we could avoid the whole missing each other thing by seeing each other, but I don’t want to seem desperate. I assume, in most normal relationships, people slowly to get to know each other, and as they do, the amount of time they spend together grows. Brady and I started spending all of our time together right from the start, and that ended horribly. Julian and I just spent most of the weekend together, and as great as it was, it was also exhausting. I was fine being alone just a few weeks ago, and I’m going to be fine now. At least that’s what I keep telling m
yself.
I just finish sending my e-mail when Andrea and Lauren walk into my office. Lauren has a big smile on her face. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.” She’s beaming, and I guess correctly that she’s making the move to the Promenade with me. I’m genuinely happy for her. We work well together and have both been successful here. I get up and give her
a hug.
“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. And fo
r me.”
Andrea tells us a few more specifics and leaves for another appointment. Lauren and I grab our things and head out to lunch. We ride the elevator down and talk about how great it’s going to be that we’re moving together. We grab lunch at a great Thai place in Coc
owalk.
“We haven’t really talked since we went out that night a few weeks ago. I figured you’ve been mad at me because I hooked up with Luke.” Lauren brings up the conversation, so I decide to tell her how I really feel about her and Luke being tog
ether.
“I was never mad at you. I just didn’t, or don’t, think Luke is a good person to try to be in a relationship with. I thought that was what you wanted, so I tried to steer you in a different direction. It really isn’t any of my business, so I’m sorry for getting invo
lved.”
“No, I understand where you’re coming from. I’m sure Luke has told you we really aren’t seeing each other any
more.”
I feel bad for her because she looks upset by this, but I’m not at all surp
rised.
“I have no idea what’s going on with you two. Luke hasn’t said a word to me. We’ve been avoiding relationship to
pics.”
She seems disappointed I don’t know anything. I’m thinking she was hoping to get some information from me. “Really? I thought you two talked about everyt
hing.”
“We used to. Ever since I met Julian, things have changed. He isn’t a fan and doesn’t want to hear anything about what I’m d
oing.”
“It’s just because he’s jealous, L
exie.”
“Jealous? Luke isn’t jealous of Julian, or anyone for that matter. You know him, he thinks highly of himself.” I’m only half kidding. Luke doesn’t think many men are competition fo
r him.
“I don’t think he’s jealous of Julian like that. I just think he’s jealous that Julian is spending time with you, time you used to spend with
him.”
“Did he say that to you?” I’m very curious what Luke has said about Julian and me to other p
eople.
“Not in so many words. I just sensed he misses hanging out with
you.”
I ponder what Lauren said for a moment. Maybe Luke is just jealous that I’m not spending so much time with him. I’d rather think that’s why he has been acting so crazy than think it’s because he has romantic feelings f
or me.
“I miss hanging out with him too, but things were bound to change when one of us got into a relation
ship.”
Lauren shrugs her shoulders. “Well he might be having issues with you for a while because he definitely isn’t interested in being in a relation
ship.”
She tells me a little bit about what happened between them, and I just listen. It was exactly what I thought would happen. She wants more, and he won’t commit. Typical Luke. She asks about Julian, and I tell her a little. She doesn’t push for information, and I’m glad because I’m not in much of a sharing mood as far as that subject goes. We pay the bill, and she goes to use the bathroom. I have a minute, so I check my phone. I have a missed call and a text from Julian. They both came in about a half an hou
r ago.
Julian:
Going dark
Alexa?
Uh-oh. I thought I was being good about this. I sent him two e-mails this morning, but I remember I didn’t check to see if he ever responded. I would call, but I don’t like being on the phone when I’m around other p
eople.
Alexa:
No Julian. I’m here
. Why?
He responds right
away.
Julian:
Where is
here?
Hmm … is he checking up
on me?
Alexa:
Here is at lunch in the grove with my coworker Lauren. Heading back to offic
e now
.
Julian:
Ok. I’ll
wait.
Alexa:
Wait for
what?
Julian
:
You
.
Alexa:
I’m con
fused
.
Julian:
Check your
email
I open my e-mail and see one from Julian from an hou
r ago.
From: Julian Bauer—
[email protected]
es.com
To: Alexa Reed—
[email protected]
il.com
Subj:
Needs
I would prefer you don’t stop needing me. I also got spoiled this weekend. It was a major change for me, and I liked it. I also like to see you happy, so I’m coming to you. See you aro
und 2.
Julian
I glance at my watch and see it’s two thirty. He’s waiting for me? I could not be more excited to see him. I text him
back.
Alexa:
Be there
in 20.
I tell Lauren we need to hurry back and explain that Julian is waiting for me. She sees how happy I am and offers to cover for me if I want to sneak out for a little while. I text Julian back and let him know to meet me at a little park in the comm
unity.
I find Julian sitting on a bench under a tree in the shade. His back is toward me. I come up from behind him and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek. He grabs my hand and pulls me around him and onto his lap. He flashes me a warm smile and kisses me softly on the
lips.
“Hey, you,” Julian says to me as he pulls his lips away from
mine.
“Hey,
you.”
I can’t stop smiling. I’m so happy to see him. It has only been a little more than twenty-four hours since I saw him last, but it really feels like so lon
g ago.
“You look beautiful as usual, Alexa.” Julian is running his hand up and down my back, and I feel the energy between us start to buzz. He’s wearing black slacks and a white linen shirt that he has rolled up at the sleeves. His outfit is plain and basic, and he makes it look
s hot.
“You do too, Julian. And by the way, flattery will get you everyw
here.”
I lean in to kiss him again, and he meets me halfway. He wraps his hand around the back of my neck and holds me close as he slips his tongue into my mouth and deepens the kiss. I feel it
everywhere
. We’re in a public place with people around, so this can’t go any further. I pull away before I start ripping his clothe
s off.
He moans softly and removes his hand. I stand up and sit down next to him instead of on him. I can’t help but notice I was not the only one turned on by that kiss. Julian notices me staring at his erection and chuckles but doesn’t say anything snarky. He seems a little reserved, and I wonder if something is
wrong.
“Thank you for coming to see me. I’m so sorry I kept you waiting. You know I suck at checking my phone and e-
mail.”
He’s looking at me with tenderness in his eyes. “I’ve been waiting for you for a very, very long time, Alexa. I’m just glad you’re finally
here.”
Oh my God. Really? I must be back in the fairytale with the prince because this stuff doesn’t happen in real life. I’m speechless so I just grab his hand and thread my fingers throug
h his.
“Did you really come down here just to se
e me?”
“Yes. Is that
okay?”
“It’s awesome. Now I don’t have to miss you for a little w
hile.”
“That was the plan. You sounded sad last night, and I haven’t been able to get your voice out of my
head.”
Great. I didn’t want him to come here because he feels sorry for me. It makes me feel a little pat
hetic.
“I was okay, Julian. I
am
okay. I just enjoyed being able to spend so much time with
you.”
He thinks about what I said for a minute before he replies. “So did I, Alexa. But I’m not sure I’m so okay. I pretty much have been living my life the same way for the last eight years. I work a lot. I spend some time with my family and friends, and I haven’t been a monk, but I’m not used to being around anyone as much as I was with you this wee
kend.”
He had been looking straight ahead, and when he turns and looks at me, he sees the panic in my eyes. “What’s wrong, A
lexa?”
“Nothing, Julian. I’m just bracing myself for the big
but
that sounded like it was coming at the end of that last sent
ence.”
He shakes his head as if he can’t believe I’m questioning his feelings. “I came here because I couldn’t stay away. I’m not sure I’m okay because every feeling I’m having is totally new to me. Every single thing that happened with you this weekend doesn’t happen in my world, by my choice. The part that’s messing with my head is that it all felt so right and so natural. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact I’ve only known you for a few weeks, and I can’t go a day without missing
you.”
I start to speak, and he interrupts me. “And if you say something sarcastic right now, it will not go over
well.”