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“I saw it with my own eyes, Lex. He’s totally into you. You should just tell him about Brady already. There isn’t anything you need to be hiding from him. You didn’t do anything w
rong.”

I nod my head and agree with her even though I really don’t agree at all. She’s saying all the same things I’ve heard from everyone for a year—that I have nothing to feel bad about and that nothing was my fault. The problem is that they aren’t entirely right. I just can’t get anyone to understand that the very fact I stayed with him says a lot about me. That’s a part of my past I’m hiding from Julian. Once I tell him about Brady, he’s going to wonder what kind of girl would stay in that kind of relatio
nship.

“Mari, I agree with you. He was totally into me this weekend, and it was freaking awesome. But now he’s apparently going to be too busy to really see me for the next few weeks. So how do I know he’s not planning on being totally into someone
else?”

“You don’t know, but you trust him and believe him when he says you guys are exclu
sive.”

“You haven’t seen how women act around him. They fling themselves at him every five minutes. They’re all over the hotel and all over him. And I’m talking about gorgeous w
omen.”

She shakes her head in frustration. “Just try and trust him, Lex. I know it’s hard, but try. If everything you told me is true, he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. But I still think you need to tell him about B
rady.”

“I know I should, but I can’t. Honestly, I’m kind of glad he’s going to be so busy the next few weeks. I’ve been having a hard time dealing with all the memories that are coming up right now, and it’s hard to hide
them.”

I tell her about my panic attack, which is huge, because I only really discuss them with Ellen. I can tell she’s worried about me, which is exactly why I don’t tell them how frequently it’s happened l
ately.

“Lexie, what happens if you totally freak out about something when you’re with Julian? This is going to be a rough couple weeks for you. If you tell him now, it won’t be a big deal
then.”

“I’m not going to freak out again, Mari. I’m good.” We’re rounding the corner for home, and Marissa reluctantly lets it go. Even though it was hot, the run felt good, and I’m glad I
went.

I take a long, relaxing shower and blow out my hair. When I finish doing my laundry, it’s still only six o’clock. This day is dragging. I told myself earlier I wasn’t going to keep checking my phone, but I can’t help it. There are no missed calls or texts. Nothing. I can’t help but be disappointed. I haven’t stopped thinking about Julian for five consecutive minutes since I left his house, and it appears he isn’t thinking about me at all. I want him to call me
first.

Luke isn’t coming over for a few more hours, so I need to occupy my time. Planning my outfits for work ahead of time saves me time in the mornings, so I do that for the rest of the week. While I’m in my closet, I try to organize my shoes into a better system. The only thing I dislike about this house is my closet because it’s too small. When I give up trying to figure out what to do with all my shoes, I straighten up the rest of my room. As I move around it, I think about how much better I like it than Julian’s. He has the view, which is magnificent, but the rest of his room is boring and impersonal. Mine is covered with photos, colorful artwork, and candles. My comforter is white with a huge, orange poppy on it, and I have tons of fun accent pillows. My bed looks comfortable and welcoming. I find myself thinking about what I would do to Julian’s place if I had the chance but force myself to stop. The future isn’t a place I need to be spending any time in right now. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with the present and the
past.

I start to change my sheets, but when I smell Julian’s scent on them, I stop. Instead I lie in my bed and surround myself with the memories of him being here. When that makes me feel worse, not better, I get up and strip the bed. How in the world can I miss him this much already? I hate the feelings I’m having. This is exactly why I didn’t want to get emotionally attached to a
nyone.

After I make my bed, I head back into the living room with my laptop. I’m going to shop for shoes because that always makes me feel better. An hour later, I’ve bought a pair of sexy, black Charles David pumps with wide straps that crisscross at the top and a pair of bone-colored Ralph Lauren espadrilles that tie around the ankle and have raffia on the heel. I’m three hundred dollars poorer but a bit ha
ppier.

When Luke walks in the door at seven forty-five, he picks me up and gives me a huge bear hug. It feels so different than when I’m in Julian’s arms, but the familiarity and warmth are comforting and we
lcome.

He puts me back down on the couch and sits next to me. “Have you ordered food yet? I’m star
ving.”

I admit I haven’t and grab my phone to make the call. There are still no messages from Julian, and although it’s bumming me out, I’m determined not to let it ruin my night. I order our usual large, half-pepperoni, half-mushroom pizza and large Caesar salad. Marissa is in her room, and Shannon went to Cory’s, so we’re
alone.

“So how are you, Hooka?” Luke is smiling, and I can tell he’s in a good mood. Hopefully he stays that way. Luke generally is one of the most easy-going people I know, but lately he’s been moody and impatient. The last thing I need is any drama, so I steer clear of anything Julian re
lated.

“I’m good. How about you? What’s
new?”

“Nothing’s new. I went to see my parents today. That’s always fun.” I hear the sarcasm in his
voice.

“Really? That surprises me. You’re in a good mood.” I’m referring to the fact that he usually isn’t after he sees his parents. He goes through the same routine as I do with my parents. The difference is he’s an only child, so they’re always on his case about some
thing.

“Oh yes. Cecile and Clark were their usual pushy, condescending selves, but I’m here with you now, so even though my day was torture, at least it will end on a good
note.”

I lean over and kiss him on the cheek when he says this. I’m happy he wants to be around me. We haven’t been close lately, and it makes me sad. I’ve missed him. We keep the conversation light, and Luke tells me stories about people at Orion. He’s a great storyteller, and pretty soon I’m laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. I needed this so bad. The food shows up, and Luke pays even though it’s my turn. I let him because I just spent three hundred dollars I didn’t really have on shoes. We bring the food into the living room and sit on the floor around the coffee table.
True Blood
will be on in about thirty minutes, and we talk about last week’s episode. After a few minutes, Luke finally brings up J
ulian.

“So how was your weekend? Were you with Julian the whole
time?”

I finish my bite before I answer him. “Do you really want to talk about this? I don’t want to fight with
you.”

He nods. “I wouldn’t have asked. I’ve been worried about you since Friday night, but I didn’t want to interrupt anyt
hing.”

“I had a nice weekend, and yes, I was with Julian for most of it. Please don’t worry about me, Luke. I’m h
appy.”

He shrugs his shoulders and looks unconvinced. “Really? Because you didn’t look happy on Friday. What happ
ened?”

I get up to get us something to drink and reply over my shoulder, “I still don’t want to talk abou
t it.”

He waits to answer until I walk back in the room and sit down. “You know you can tell me anything, Lex. Did it have anything to do with two other w
omen?”

Seriously? Now what does he know? “Why do you ask that,
Luke?”

He looks me dead in the eyes. “I’ll take that as a yes. I ask because two women came looking for Julian right after you two left. They stayed by my bar for a while, and I listened to their conversation. One of them, the one with black hair, was talking about, um, her “relations” with Julian and how she’d like to resume them. She couldn’t seem to understand why he wasn’t into her anymore, and she told her friend she was going to change his mind this week. They were talking about some photo shoot and some other event that was going on at the hotel Memorial Day wee
kend.”

I feel sick to my stomach and put my pizza down. This was the last thing I needed to hear tonight. I don’t have the strength to deny that this was exactly what upset me on F
riday.

“Yes, I had the pleasure of seeing those two with their hands all over Julian. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like the way he handled it. We talked about it, and everything is okay now.” My voice is shaking a little, and Luke recognizes this was a big deal
to me.

“Lex, I didn’t tell you to hurt you. I really am trying to stop you from getting hurt. I’m not saying Julian did anything to encourage them, but when I tell you I watch women throw themselves at him all the time, I’m not exaggerating. I just don’t know how you’re going to be able to deal with
that.”

I don’t want Luke to see how much his words have hit home, so I lie. “I can handle it because we’ve decided we aren’t going to see anyone else, and I trust
him.”

Luke actually snorts when I say the last part. “Cmon, Lexie. It’s me you’re talking to. You don’t trust anyone. Are you telling me that after a few weeks you think someone with his history is just going to become a one-woman kind of guy? I mean, I hope for your sake it’s true, but I think you’re being pretty naïve.” Hello, obnoxious Luke is
back.

“Thanks for the ego boost, Luke. Apparently you don’t think I’m good enough for someone to want to just be with me.” I’m hurt by his comments and insinuations, and I’m pissed that what was a great night is now taking a turn for the
worse.

“Lex, you know how I feel about you. You’re awesome, and I never said you weren’t girlfriend material. It’s not really about you. I don’t think Julian is boyfriend material. I’ve heard he hasn’t been in a relationship for like ten y
ears.”

“It’s been eight years, not ten, and I’m not sure what criteria you’re using to judge because you haven’t had any serious girlfriends since I’ve known you either.” I’m trying really hard not to sound pissed, but he’s throwing salt on a wound righ
t now.

“Exactly, and I’m not great boyfriend material either. I will be when the time is right th
ough.”

I look at Luke and say the words softly, hoping he will agree with me. “Maybe the time is right for Julian.” It isn’t really a statement but more a question. He senses he’s crossed a line and pulls
back.

“Maybe, Lex. If that’s what you really want, then I hope he has cha
nged.”

Luke squeezes my hand and looks toward the TV. The conversation is over, which is fine by me.
True Blood
is coming on, and the room is filled with the “Bad Things” theme song. It’s fitting, as my mood just turned bad. I can’t help but hear Julian’s voice in my head asking me to question Luke’s motives. Luke doesn’t really know Julian but is acting like he does. And while I believe Luke is concerned about me getting hurt, he’s really acting a little over th
e top.

We don’t talk about anything other than the show while it’s on, and when it’s over, I tell Luke I’m tired and that I want to go to sleep early tonight. He looks disappointed but doesn’t question me and gets up to leave. It’s true; I’m exhausted. But I also don’t want to talk about Julian anymore. Unfortunately, Luke isn’t done with the sensitive topic
s yet.

“Have you made plans for Memorial Day weekend, Lex? I’m sure Julian is going to be slammed at the hotel, and I’m not sure if you want to be alone or not.” Luke sounds genuinely concerned. He was with me for most of that weekend last year and knows this is a rough time f
or me.

“My plan is to cross that bridge when I come to it,” I say with a matter of fact tone that lets him know I have no desire to continue talking abo
ut it.

He’s standing outside on my porch now. “Okay, but I’m here for you if you need me. I’m on to work the whole weekend, but I can change my schedule if you need m
e to.”

“Thanks, Luke, I’ll be fine.” That’s actually the biggest lie I’ve told yet. Judging by my panic attack this morning, I’m not fine, and I’m sure it will get worse before it gets b
etter.

Luke gives me a small smile and leans into hug me. I hug him back, and as we’re pulling apart, he kisses me on the lips. It’s soft and tender and not at all just “friendly.” What the hell. Why did he just do that? I don’t ask because I don’t want to know. I just continue to pull out of the em
brace.

“Night,
Luke.”

He looks like he wants to say something more, but he doesn’t. He just tells me goodnight and walks to his car as I shut the door. This is
so
not
good.

I throw the dinner trash away and get ready for bed. I’m so done with this day. I feel like an emotional wreck, and my stomach is in knots from all the stuff Luke said, as well as from the kiss he just gave me. I really want to hear Julian’s voice. I need to hear it. I pick up my phone and dial his number. It goes straight to voicemail. I’m not sure where he is or what he’s doing on a Sunday at ten o’clock, but I know he isn’t with me. I don’t leave a message and opt for a text in
stead.

Alexa:
Just wanted to say good
night.

I’m about to turn my phone off when it rings. I see Julian’s name on the caller ID, and my heart begins to beat f
aster.

“Hey, Julian.” My voice comes out in a whisper as I try to hide my excit
ement.