Love Survives (7 page)

I think I wrote five letters before settling on something simple. I wanted her to know I was okay, but couldn’t lead on that I missed her. I was a soldier. I was strong, and brave, but when it came to Kat, I was weak.

Dear Kat,

Thanks for writing me all those letters. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. My life’s been busy and I know yours has too. I hear you and Branch are doing well from Mom’s letters. Tell him I said hi.

I will try to write more.

Love, Brooks

Her return letter was just as boring.

Dear Brooks,

I can’t believe you finally wrote me back. I was beginning to think that you’d forgotten all about me. Yesterday I tried snails for the first time. The texture grossed me out, but I managed to swallow them without barfing. I’ll write to you again soon. Please keep in touch as we all miss you.

Love, Katy

We kept in contact up until Christmas. That’s when I got the news that reminded me of still having feelings.

I’d called home to wish my parents a happy holiday and hung up after hearing about the engagement of Kat and Branch. Aside from feeling sick to my stomach, I couldn’t understand how I’d ever be able to be around them. I’d thought I’d been strong enough to let her have a happy life with Branch, but that wasn’t the case. Hearing that news made every single painful emotion come right back into play. I was a nervous wreck, who refused to respond to something that would forever destroy me. Even though I’d known this day would come, I wasn’t able to grasp the fact that she’d never be mine.

I realize that made no sense. She was never actually mine to begin with, not since we were little, but this was like a forever kind of commitment. If she married Branch I’d never have my chance.

That night I had a burger for Christmas dinner and shared my table with the one friend who had spent the last year at my side. It wasn’t fancy, or even something memorable, and it certainly wasn’t as cozy as looking across the table and seeing Kat smiling back at me, but it would suffice. It would keep from wanting to high tail it to Mexico and drown my sorrows in tequila.

In the next year, I fought with myself over staying in contact with Kat. There wasn’t a single day that passed where I didn’t miss her sweet voice, but I knew calling or writing would only drudge up old memories, while she was busy making new ones with my brother. That’s why, for a while, I refused to keep in contact with Kat, or anyone else. To keep them convinced that I was fine, I’d randomly mail a short note to each of them.

Much to my surprise I received a message to contact my brother because it was apparently an emergency. In that moment I pictured Kat injured, or even worse. I closed my eyes and attempted to erase the image, unsuccessfully. The phone rang three times before he answered. “Brooks, is that you?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong? Is Kat okay?”

“Of course you’d be worried about her,” he said rudely.

“What is it then? Are mom and dad okay?”

“The only person who isn’t okay is me, brother. You see, I just found a letter for my bride to be, from my so-called best man. What I want to know is how my own brother could sneak into my girlfriend’s room and fuck her? How could you, Brooks? You could have any girl you wanted in high school, why would you go after mine?”

I clenched my jaw to prevent from saying what would clearly end our relationship. “Does she know you found the letter?”

“You’re not going to answer me?”

“Whatever I say won’t make a difference. Yeah, I went into her room those nights, and yeah things became heated, but you have to know that she thought I was you, both times. In fact,” this was only for his benefit, and I was obviously lying through my teeth. “She doesn’t even know it happened. Branch, I never told her.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Those nights she was a mess. I only went in there because I heard her crying, and it was keeping me awake. Both times she practically begged me to be with her. When she called me by your name I didn’t correct her. This is all my fault.”

“Consider yourself uninvited to the wedding. No brother of mine would be so vindictive. Just so you know, I’m still marrying Katy. Hell, I’d marry her just so you can’t.”

“For the record, Branch, you knew all along how I felt about her. Did you really expect me to hold in my feelings forever?”

“Fuck you! We’re done.”

I wanted nothing more than to hang up on him, but knew I was in the wrong. No matter how much I loved Kat, I’d stepped over the line that was never to be crossed. “Branch, I’m sorry. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could take it back.”

The line was silent, and then I finally realized he’d hung up on me. That evening, while I was lying on my bunk, I heard my phone vibrate. When I checked the message I saw that it was from my brother. “She’s not going to marry me unless you’re a part of it.”

“Tell her I’ve been shipped overseas. Tell her they are deploying me. Tell everyone for all I care.”

“If I find out she knows, all hell is going to break loose. I’m warning you now.”

I wasn’t afraid of my brother, or his threats. He could shove them up his ass and twirl around for all I cared.

I wished that phone call had been the end of it, but a letter from Kat told me I was wrong.

Dear Brooks,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and maybe I should have told you a long time ago, but I found your letter in the tree house. Before I make you hate me, I want you to know that your words touched my heart. I don’t hate you for being there for me. I was mad, but I didn’t hate you.

Look, I took the note to your room and put it under your pillow so you’d find it when you visited. I didn’t know someone else would go in there.

Now it’s missing and I’m freaking out. Someone knows your secret; our secret.

Please don’t hate me, Brooks.

Love, Kat

PS: Please come home for the wedding. Whatever happens we can explain that it was all in the past. We’re a family and we’ll work through it.

At first I didn’t know how to respond. Obviously she didn’t know Branch had been the one to find the letter, and she certainly hadn’t suspected that he’d already called to rip me a new ass. What bothered me the most was the secrets being kept between two people that were about to marry.

Figuring that I should leave well enough alone, I refused to write her back at first. Then, after two weeks of letting it all simmer, I decided she need not worry about the letter, so she could focus on everything else that was more important to her.

Dear Kat,

I can see how you’re freaking out right now. You don’t need to be. The person that found the letter isn’t going to say anything, I can assure you of that.

Maybe if you weren’t always going into my room when you visited, they wouldn’t have went looking.

Anyway, it doesn’t even matter now. All is good and you can calm down.

As far as me coming home for the wedding, that may be a problem. I’m being deployed in January to Afghanistan and I’ve signed on to stay for two years.

By the time you get this letter Mom and Dad will already know and I will have made them promise to let me call Branch to tell him the bad news.

I’m really sorry I can’t be there to see you walk down the aisle. I know you’ll be the most beautiful woman that this world has ever seen.

Take care of my brother and yourself.

Love, Brooks

That next day I volunteered myself to be shipped to Afghanistan. Nothing else mattered. I had no reason to be optimistic about a future. My life had ended the day I signed it away to the Armed Forces. I knew what I was getting into, proving only that going home would never be an option. They’d all be better off if I never returned.

Chapter 8

I’ll never forget
the July morning when my cell phone rang with a familiar number displayed across it. By the time I got the nerve to answer she’d already hung up. My reaction wasn’t well thought though it didn’t need to be. Talking to Kat came natural. I redialed her number and listened to her answering. Suddenly everything I’d worked so hard to forget was right back as if it had only been pretending to be dormant.

Her voice filled my senses, making the hairs stand up on my skin. I could feel my body shaking, reminding me that after so long I was really hearing her talk.

“Hello?”

“What, did you change your mind or something? Is my voice not as sexy as it was before?” I wasn’t sure if breaking the ice with humor was a good idea, but I did it anyway, out of my own
un
comfortableness. I hadn’t practiced this because I swore it would never happen. Even though I’d spoke to my brother, it was obvious he didn’t want the two of us communicating.

Her laughter allowed me to know that she was in good spirits. “Your voice is fine. I just… I had to sneak to get your number, and I don’t really know why I’m calling. I guess I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Is it everything you wanted it to be?” I teased.

“All that and then some.” God, I missed her so much. A constant ache was tugging my heart, forcing me to face the truth, and it was very clear. No matter how much space I put between us, it would never change the amount of love I felt for her.

“I miss you, Kat. It gets real lonely sometimes. On nights like that, I wish I could call you and talk about damn near anything to pass the time. You and I never ran out of things to talk about, did we?” I could hear her sniffling. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. I think Branch is keeping us from each other and I don’t get it. We’re family, and he knows how important you’ve always been to me. You’re thousands of miles away. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want us talking.”

So I’d been right. “Kat, Branch found the letter. He went into my room after you fell asleep and read it. He called me that morning before you woke up.” I couldn’t believe he hadn’t mentioned it to her. If she was my girlfriend, I’d want answers. I would have gone to her immediately and let her have it. The fact that he hadn’t mentioned it was like a red flag. Something was up with Branch. It was as if he couldn’t bring me up in conversation to Kat, and I wanted to know why.

“What?”

“Yeah. Do you really think that I would talk to everyone else on the phone and not you? If I had to pick anyone to call, you’d be my first choice.”

“He knows about what we did?”

“Yup. He knows.”

“What did he say to you? Did he threaten you? Do your parents know?”

I could almost see her expression clearly as she questioned me. Kat was freaking out, and I couldn’t blame her. This was her livelihood on the line. She’d never be able to face my parents if they knew the truth. Kat was too good of a person to live with that kind of guilt. “Kat, he doesn’t blame you. You didn’t even know, which I’m just going to put it out there, it’s sort of weird. I know I’m a way better lover than my brother, but that’s beside the point.”

She giggled, reassuring me that she was okay.

“Anyway, we had words, and he made threats. It’s why I wasn’t going to come to the wedding.”

She interrupted. “You have to come, Brooks. I want you there.”

“Yeah, I heard. When he called to tell me the date had been moved up, I was shocked I was invited again. He’s pretty much said that if I come within ten feet of you and he isn’t around he’s going to kill me with his bare hands. Honestly, I’d like to see that fucker try it. After all this time, I’m pretty sure I’d rip him apart.”

“Okay, I don’t need to know all that. Forgive me for saying that, but I find it hard to believe that he’s never confronted me about us being together.”

“Kat, you’re innocent in all of this. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t even know you saw the letter. He thinks I left it under my pillow and you never found it. At least, that’s what I convinced him happened. As far as you know, we’ve never done anything. It’s all on me.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I think you know why.” The line got quiet, and I knew I’d crossed a boundary again.

“Brooks, I want you at the wedding, and Branch isn’t going to touch you. I appreciate that you kept me out of it, but it doesn’t change anything either way. I’m marrying Branch because I love him and we have a life together. I hope you understand that.”

As impossible as I knew it would be, I had to be there for her. Sure, I’d support my brother as well, but it wasn’t the same. I was coming home for Kat, and she needed to know that.

“I get it, Kat. I’ll be there for you on your special day and I won’t cause problems. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“Thank you.”

“Listen, I need to go.”