Love Survives (5 page)

After our chat, I had to give my brother the news. Honestly, he took it better than anyone, making me upset. His reaction only proved that he still felt threatened by my presence.

It wasn’t hard to deal with Branch until Kat entered the room. Then I could feel my heart being tugged in a different way.

“So, I told Mom and Dad earlier. They know I leave right after graduation.” It was the easiest way to break the ice with Kat; to get a feel of how she would take it.

“Where are you going?” Her curiosity made the hair on my arms stand up.

“He enlisted,” Branch announced.

“What? When?” Kat sat up and stared right into my eyes as if she was having a bad dream. I wasn’t certain, but I sensed more than a friendly concern on her face.

“Last week, like you care.” I’d been playing a video game with Branch while we talked, and unpaused the game to avoid looking at her for a long period of time. Besides, it made it easier to hide my emotions when I stayed occupied with something else.

She was quiet for a minute, but I refused to look in her direction. She couldn’t know how much it hurt me to imagine being away from her. She’d never know what it was like to be so close, but feel as if she were miles away. I couldn’t take the agonizing truth anymore. I had to free myself from this hell. It was the only way to stay sane. She was with Branch, who she obviously loved. She’d made her choice, so I had to make mine.

“We all care. What made you want to do that?”

“I want to be able to give back to our country, Kat. You’ve got until June to make amends with me,” I said with a snicker.

“Whether it’s June or next week, it wouldn’t change my opinion of you.”

I couldn’t handle the truth. Kat didn’t care if I left. She acted like she did, but it was obvious she and Branch wanted me out of their hair. I was holding them back, being the third wheel.

While standing just outside the room I listened to what they were saying. “That wasn’t nice, babe.” At least my brother had the decency to notice she’d been cold.

“I meant that we’d miss him the same.” Kat’s argument didn’t make me feel better.

“It wasn’t how it came out. All I heard was you telling him to get lost.”

“Well, I didn’t mean it that way. Maybe if he wasn’t being such a jerk lately he would have known.”

“Go apologize. Mom is already freaking out on him. He needs our support. I know he pissed you off last night, but maybe he’s scared and wants to occupy his time. He can’t be up our asses every second. Since we share the same DNA I’d say that he’s probably horny constantly.”

“Fine, I’ll go talk to him.”

I ran up the stairs after hearing her agree to come talk to me. The last thing I needed was her finding out I was still listening to the two of them talking.

When she came into my room I was tossing a ball against the wall. Even out of breath, I pretending to act annoyed when she spoke.

“Can we talk? I think you misunderstood me back there.”

“I didn’t misunderstand anything, Kat. I get that you want me out of the way. Trust me, I want to get the fuck away from you and my brother too.” It was important to push her away, so she wouldn’t hurt when I was gone. I didn’t want her to miss me because it would make me want to come home to comfort her.

“That’s not true and you know it. Why are you saying things like that? We would never cut you out of our lives. How could you even think that?”

I captured the ball and held it tight in my fist. “Do you love my brother?”

“What? Why would you ask me that? You know I do.”

“Yeah. He loves you, too. Don’t you get it? I can’t sit around here while you two are planning this fantastic life together. I’m drowning in your fucking happiness.” That was the first true statement I’d made all night.

“Don’t say it like that. We’d never push you away. It isn’t like we’re broadcasting ourselves. We hang out just like we used to.”

“It’s different even if you don’t see it. As far as pushing me away, well, you don’t have to, Kat. I’m the one walking away.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Her face was distraught, and as much as I wanted to look away I couldn’t. My heart was beating fast, beckoning me to keep staring.

“Did my brother send you up here, or did you come by yourself?”

She shrugged. “Both.”

“Just go back downstairs. I’m not going to waste my time explaining and I’ve already signed everything. I’ll be eighteen and able to leave on my own free will. You and Branch can go off to college and ride into the sunset on your white stallion for all I care.”

“That’s not fair. Why are you being so mean to me?” She’d begun to sob. I couldn’t get over how it made me feel inside.

I leaned forward and pointed toward the door. “Kat, we’re friends, even family. I didn’t do this to hurt you. Get it through your head and get out of my room.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Brooks. I don’t understand what I ever did to you to make you treat me this way. You used to protect me.”

“I used to do a lot of things and it got me nowhere.”

As I stood to be near her I couldn’t help watch as she closed the distance between us, leaning forward so no one else could hear what she was about to say. “I don’t want to lose you.”

I grabbed her arm at the wrist, causing her eyes to stare into mine. “Why? Say it, Kat. Tell me what we both already know.”

Her lips parted, but nothing came out. For a second she just looked at me, another bout of tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m not saying anything.”

It wasn’t until she began walking away that I responded. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

It was obvious that I’d hurt her. I could hear her clear across the hall sobbing. What caught my attention was that Branch didn’t check on her. He was probably still playing his video game while she laid in her room falling apart.

I had to admit that a part of me, the one that wanted to go inside and comfort her, felt terrible. The idea of hurting her crushed me though I knew I couldn’t cave. I had to stand my ground and put distance between us. It was the only way out of this mess I’d made. If Kat knew the truth she’d never forgive me.

The next few months went by too quickly, as did the growing tension between Kat and myself. By the time graduation came around, I could tell she was hiding something from me, though I didn’t know if I had the energy to figure out what it was.

“Congratulations you three. How about you all stand together for a picture?” If it hadn’t meant so much to my mother I wouldn’t have been open minded about the slew of photographs she was determined to take. While Kat and Branch posed happily together, my mind was in other places. This was going to be our last moments together. As much as I tried to convince myself that it was the right decision, I was suddenly having extreme doubts.

It didn’t matter though. Kat and Branch were going to attend Salisbury University. They’d be on the opposite side of the state, while I was on the other side of the country. Our lives were headed in different directions.

Chapter 6

During our large
graduation party, where Branch clung to Kat for dear life, my dad pulled me to the side. He led us into the house before turning to face me. “Brooks, we need to talk.”

“What about?” If he wanted to give me one last ultimatum about joining the military he was too late.

“About Katy.”

This shocked me. “What about her? I think you have me confused with Branch.”

He shook his head and poured himself a vodka tonic. “That’s where you’re mistaken. I’m sure I have the right son.” My dad leaned against the countertop, sipping on his drink while narrowing his gaze on my reaction.

“I don’t understand.” Playing stupid was only going to get me so far.

“You’re leaving because of her aren’t you?” He held up his hand. “Before you deny it, hear me out. For years I’ve watched you around Katy. It’s not like I could avoid it. Her living under the same roof makes it hard to ignore. Your brother may walk around with blinders on, but it’s pretty obvious to me.”

“Dad, don’t do this. Nothing can change my decision. It’s set in stone.”

“That’s not why I’m asking.”

I didn’t understand why he wanted me to admit my feelings for Kat, not when it wouldn’t make any bit of a difference. I’d never be with Kat. She’d made her choice, and as much as it crushed me, I knew I had to move on. “You already know the answer.”

“You know, Brooks, some things aren’t so set in stone.”

“What’s that supposed to imply, Dad? Everything is set in stone. Look, I appreciate whatever you’re trying to do, but Kat’s with Branch. He’ll be good to her. They’ll have a great life together. I’m sure they’ll marry and have a couple kids. Maybe eventually I’ll be okay with it.”

My dad shook his head and looked out the window at the party going on. “There are things I think you should know about your brother, Brooks.”

This time I was the one putting up my hand. “It doesn’t matter. It will change nothing. I’ve done and said things I can’t take back. Spending time away is what we all need.”

After the talk with my father, I retreated to my room. I couldn’t stand around communicating with the family while pretending I didn’t care what the girl of my dreams was doing with my brother.

A little while later I heard someone knocking on the door before coming into my room. I was still in my swimming trunks without a shirt, and it was clear that was the first thing she noticed. “Hey, I brought you food.”

I leaned up to face her. “Thanks. I wasn’t that hungry.” She sat down beside me and put the tray to the side. “I like when you don’t hide your face.”

Kat looked away, but I could tell she was blushing. “I’m going to miss you, Brooks. Promise you’ll visit?”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. There was something about the moment, or perhaps it was the fact that we were completely alone in the house. “Yeah. I’ll come see you.” I didn’t know when, but I knew I couldn’t stay away forever.

“I better get back downstairs.”

I took her hand before she could get up. Her body came down against mine, and all I could see was how close her lips were. With one hand I stroked her cheek. “Don’t slap me, Kat. Please, just let me have a few seconds of this.” Then I kissed her, softly on the lips.

When she didn’t pull away or freak out, I took it upon myself to add some tongue. Far be it from me to deny her my skills. After at least a minute of full-blown making out, she pulled away and covered her mouth, as if she was ashamed.

“I’m sorry. I need to go back downstairs.”

It only took me a second to see the truth across her face. For so long I’d felt terrible for wishing for it. Now it all made sense. “Does he know you’re in love with me?”

She couldn’t look at me. “Please don’t do this, Brooks.”

I had to laugh. I’d been a fool for too long. My own conscience had prevented me from seeing what was right in front of me the whole time, and now I didn’t know what to do. “Kat, have you asked yourself how long you’re going to go on with my brother before you realize you picked the wrong guy?”

She stood and put her hands on her hips. “Don’t go there. You know I love Branch.”

I sat on my knees, staring directly into her eyes. My hands were trembling, but this was important. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. “When I’m on that bus tomorrow and you’re done waving goodbye to me, I want you to do me one favor.”

“What?” She asked in a whisper.

“I want you to think about being without Branch for a few months. Then switch it around and think about being without me. When you have your answer, you’ll know why I had to leave.”

Her tear-filled eyes allowed me to see that I’d gotten to her. “That makes no sense. You already know I’ll miss you.”

I cackled and plopped backwards on my mattress. “Kat, this ain’t even about missing me. This is about you living with a lie. It’s about my brother getting everything he wants and never considering that you were never his to have.”

Kat stood and turned her back to me. The moment was too intense. Maybe I shouldn’t have come on so strong.

“Please stop.” She said.

“Stop what? Stop feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t man enough to fight for what I wanted?” I wanted to hear it from her lips.

Kat started pacing around my room, going in one direction, only to turn and head in another. She was waving her hands around as if she were having a private conversation with herself. “What are you talking about?”

Just then the door opened. Branch was standing there, and it was obvious he was surprised to see us in the middle of a heated discussion. “Hey, I was wondering where you two were. Mom needs us to get the grill going. Dad had to run out for the cake.”

“I’ll give you a hand, bro.” I didn’t look at Kat when I left the room, nor did I mention what we were discussing to my brother. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I had my answer even if she was too ashamed to admit it.

When I came back into my room, probably about fifteen minutes later, I found Kat sitting on my bed. She’d obviously been crying the whole time and
prying through my things. In her hands was my art book, and she was flipped to a page that revealed one of my most exquisite pieces. I didn’t need to take a picture into class to copy from, and I certainly hadn’t asked her to model. I had her memorized. It was even possible that I could draw the woman with my eyes closed.