Love Survives (2 page)

As the minutes passed, we were all sent to wait for our parents. The three of us expected Kat’s mother to walk in and rescue us from another dreadful day full of lessons, but unfortunately she never stepped foot in our school again.

It was a day that would live in America’s hearts forever; a day that we lost so many of our own from terrorism. My mom said nothing on the ride home, but it was obvious she was frantic for answers. Once my dad came home it was clear that they were desperate to find Kat’s mom. We all assumed it was only her dad that we needed to fear the worst for. Hours passed, with my parents clung to each other, watching the news for a glimmer of hope, while we stayed back keeping Kat far away from seeing the aftermath.

It wasn’t like any of us, including the adults, could prepare for something so tragic. We didn’t know what to say, or how to act. Her pain could be heard as she flooded a river’s worth of tears. It got even worse when the truth was revealed.

On that day, September 11
^th
2001, Kat not only lost her mother, but also her father to the attacks on the Pentagon. We didn’t know the reason, not that it even mattered why. All any of my family cared about was protecting Kat from the extreme amount of pain she was going through. As the days passed, and the horrors became her own reality, I watched my best friend, and the girl I’d fallen in love with, lose herself. She put up walls and seemed lost in the truth of it all. It didn’t help that every channel on the television had coverage of the events that took her parents lives. Seeing the videos playing out, watching the building crumble, it was inevitably difficult. Her parents had been our family too. We’d called them aunt and uncle. We’d loved them our entire lives.

A day or so had gone by before my mom was able to obtain the recordings from their home voicemail. It was then that Kat heard her parent’s voices for the very last time. In their last moments alive they sent her a desperate plea to be strong and know they loved her more than anything else in the world. In my honest opinion it only made matters worse. Kat was destroyed, and I don’t know if she’d ever be able to forget what they sounded like in those last seconds they were with us on this earth. It was obvious that she’d lived with that memory, dwelled on it, until she lost herself completely.

From the very beginning our parents both pulled us aside one night to talk about it. My mother carried a tissue in her hands while she paced the small study. Dad sat back in his chair watching her with concern. “Boys, what’s happened is tragic. We still don’t know all the details, but Katy needs us to stay strong for her. It’s imperative that she not see us crying or upset.” My dad wasn’t always outspoken, but it was very obvious they considered Kat family. In his own way he was hurting too.

“What happens if they’re dead?” Branch asked.

“Don’t talk that way,” our mother interrupted with more sniffles.

“She’s right, Branch. Don’t say that. Think of Kat. She needs them to be okay.” Even though I was wondering the same thing, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it like my brother.

“Sorry, but it could happen. What then?”

“Then we take care of Katy. We give her support and love.” Our dad folded his hands as he spoke, looking over at both of us the whole time. “Do you understand, boys? It’s necessary to stay positive. We can’t give up hope.” It was weird, but I watched him turn to my mother when he said it, as if he was sending some kind of innuendo just for her.

Branch and I watched our mother march out of the room, seemingly disgusted.

When we turned to our dad for answers he faked a smile. “You’re mother is just upset. She’ll be fine.”

In those days following the death of her parents I put my personal feelings for Kat aside. She needed her two best friends, so that’s what Branch and I provided her with. We stayed by her side, even when we had nothing left to talk about. I held her hand when I knew she needed an extra amount of comfort. I cried when I knew she wasn’t around to see it, and come the day of the funeral, I held it all in to be the rock she needed me to be.

It wasn’t just Kat that was suffering though. I couldn’t remember ever seeing my mother so heartbroken before. Her tears were genuine, and I knew why. I’d been keeping a secret of my own for a long time, hoping that maybe my eyes had been playing tricks on me that night. I couldn’t believe that it was more than a friendly embrace. Yet, somehow I now knew it had to have been. Something had been going on with my mother and Kat’s dad; something taboo that could tear our families apart. There was no need to bring it up to my father, or even mention to my mother that I knew why she was having such a tough time. Mr. Michaels was dead, and whatever was going on between the two of them was irrelevant. I couldn’t shame my mother even though for a while I kept my distance. Now, more than ever, we had to become one family. Kat’s future depended on it. I depended on it. We needed my parents to stay together, so we wouldn’t be ripped apart anymore.

I’ll never forget the day they found her parent’s remains. Kat had to be comforted by adults while Branch and myself were left to prepare for what we would say when we got our chance. In the tree house, where we’d shared so many good memories, the two of us discussed what we could say to Kat.

“I’m going to tell her a joke, not a bad one either. I’ll find the funniest thing I can, and make sure she smiles,” Branch announced.

“She doesn’t need to smile right now, you idiot. She needs to cry. Put yourself in her shoes.” It annoyed me how Branch thought he knew what Kat needed. “She’s falling apart. Both of her parents are gone. They’re never coming back. A joke isn’t going to solve anything.”

“It will make her smile. I’m no good at the other stuff.”

That’s where he was right. Being supportive was my specialty, and I was fully aware of how much he hated that quality in me. “We need to be there, even if we say nothing. She needs to know she’s not alone, Branch. Kat needs to know that she’s loved.”

His eyes opened wide, as if he knew my love for her was stronger than a family type of bond. Though he didn’t argue, I could tell when he walked away that he was still stewing over it. With no time to address the elephant in the room, we parted ways, avoiding the topic all together.

The next few days were pretty hectic. My parents scrambled to get in touch with lawyers, and important people handling the estate of the Michaels. Having only one aunt as her next of kin, both Branch and I worried that Kat would be sent away. We listened to our parents making calls while reassuring us that our lifelong friend wouldn’t be going anywhere. It wasn’t until her aunt left to go back to England that we could rest assured.

The next couple of months everyone walked on eggshells. The news hadn’t let up, yet we’d all learned to keep the television time to a minimum. My mother did everything in her power to transition Kat over to our house without causing her extra grief.

She’d pulled Branch and I aside to prepare us for the transition. “Boy’s, I need you to be gentlemen. You’ll be sharing your bathroom with a lady. That means you need to keep the toilet seat down, and always flush when you’re done going to the bathroom. If she needs to go, you let her in there first, and please give her privacy.”

We both nodded to agree.

My mom was falling apart. Dark circles were under her eyes, and at night I’d heard her downstairs crying when we were all supposed to be asleep.

If my mother wasn’t hard enough to watch, my beautiful friend also struggled. It was obvious she was broken. The once charismatic girl was quiet and withdrawn. She didn’t initiate a conversation, or activity. The more she pushed us away, the harder I tried to be the shoulder she needed to cry on. There were a few moments we shared that were intense. Several times, when we were alone in the tree house, I wanted to hold her; to kiss her and tell her she’d be okay. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to chance it. She needed a friend, not a horny pre-teen. Being her boyfriend could wait. After all, we had our whole lives to work that out. Back then I didn’t have doubts that she’d pick me. I’d been the one to wipe away her tears, to hold her hand, and to silently reassure her that she’d someday be happy again.

Chapter 2

About a year
after the death of her parents, Kat finally began to open up. She’d been seeing a doctor, who seemed to help her on the outside. I don’t even know if my parents were aware that inside she was still a disaster. Only someone who knew her would see the brutal truth firsthand. At night, while my family slept so silently, I’d creep toward her bedroom door and listen to her crying. Every sob was like tiny shards of glass being driven into my heart. At thirteen I knew I’d be in big trouble if I opened that door and got caught in her bed. Though it would have been innocent, I wasn’t going to risk any reason for them to want to send her away.

Kat belonged with us, no matter how hard it got sometimes. On good days it was obvious she was happy to be with our family.

My brother Branch had his own way of handling Kat. He’d wait on her, going above and beyond to cater to her every need. While I connected with her on a more emotional level, his actions were all physical. Our bonds were still strong, but clearly changed.

One night, after I’d been out in the tree house with Kat alone, doing nothing wrong, Branch pulled me aside in his room. He kept tapping on the post at the foot of his bed while staring me down. “What is your problem?” I finally asked.

“I want you to back off.”

“Huh?”

“Katy.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Branch. We’re friends, that’s all.” At the time it was the truth. We couldn’t be more. It was still too soon to take it to another level. She wasn’t emotionally ready to sneak around behind my parent’s backs.

“She says you’re smothering her. I told you before that she didn’t like you that way.”

Feeling defeated, and pathetic for holding onto hope, I walked away from my brother. It was obvious that all my efforts were for nothing.

For the next year I watched my brother pick on Kat, not in a rude way, but one that would indicate he was attempting to get under her skin for the attention. I became the one she turned to, but only for the support I’d always offered her. For a while I was certain we were on the same page. I kept telling myself that she was interested, and if we waited it out we’d be able to be together without causing problems with the family. After all, she lived in our house, and unless I wanted her to be shipped off to England with an aunt she barely knew, I had to keep the peace.

Then it happened.

The choice was made before I had a chance to grasp it was taking place. Sure, I’d seen my brother interacting with her. He’d warned me that she’d chosen him, yet I needed to see it with my own eyes. It was obvious he was still interested as well. We’d all begun to change, physically and mentally into young adults. Kat was blossoming into a beautiful woman. Her curves were pronounced, and she was who everyone at school wanted to have a piece of.

I’m sure our classmates knew they never had a chance. There was no way Branch or I would allow for them to. We’d already laid claim to her, not understanding that one day she’d have to choose one of us. Never in a million years could I have accepted that she chose Branch if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I’d like to say her decision came out of left field. I think I wouldn’t have as many regrets if I didn’t feel as if it were my fault that it happened. Certainly there was a reason why she chose him over me. I mean, it made no sense at all. He’d picked on her until she lost it and came running to me more times than I could count. I’d waited my whole life to make her mine, only to have my own brother step forward and take her away.

The first time I saw them sneaking off to be together I felt my heart being ripped from my chest. I hadn’t confessed my love, yet knew my brother was fully aware of my feelings. Our secret hide-out in the tree house became unbearable to visit. I couldn’t sit opposite them and see them having their own first time experiences without me. I couldn’t pretend that every little touch didn’t make my stomach turn and fuel my anger.

No longer could I look Kat in the eyes and not feel anguish because I’d missed my opportunity. For a while I wanted to tell on them, to get them into trouble so they couldn’t be together.  Then I went through a phase where I presumed she’d dump my brother and realize it was me she was in love with. Day after day I watched them desperately falling in love, and there was nothing I could do to make it go away. I was stuck living with it; with their secret because it would never be as bad as Kat having to live somewhere else.

Burying my feelings deep inside was my only option, but even that came with consequences. Branch could see right through me, and one night he let me know that I wasn’t going to get my chance.

We were sixteen, and they’d been secretly a couple for quite some time. He didn’t knock when he came into my room full of smiles. I could tell something monumental had happened, even before he confessed it.

He started tossing up a ball as he spoke, probably because he couldn’t bear to look me in the eyes and watch me hating him. “I never thought I’d gloat, Brooks. I told myself that I’d keep it a secret, but I’ve got to tell you this. I have to tell someone how awesome it was.”

I sat up in my bed, already knowing what he was going to say. I’d watched them making out, groping, and everything else that comes before the actual deed. “What are you going on about?”

“We did it, me and Katy. She finally let me get into those panties. It was scary at first. She bled, and seemed to be in a lot of pain, but I’m sure the next time will be even better, because we’ll know what to expect.”

How was I supposed to sit there and listen to him bragging? “Congrats to you, I guess.”

“You’re probably pissed she picked me, aren’t you?”

“No.” I shook my head and looked away, unable to lie to his face. “It’s great. I’m happy for you. She obviously made the right choice.” The bile was rising in my throat as I began fighting back the agonizing jealousy. This was bitter, ugly, and it was destroying me from the inside out.