Love Survives (31 page)

“We didn’t know which one you’d want.”  I scattered all the items on the bed in front of her, watching B’s excited to the vast selection.

Kat covered her mouth, giggling. “We’ll never be able to eat all of this, and she’ll never go to sleep.”

I tickled B until she screamed and then gave her a second to calm down. “Again,” she requested. I repeated the process, loving the way it sounded to hear her laughing and happy.

Kat opened the package of peanut butter cups and took a bite. “This is so good.”

“Two matching cups, but you only get one.” I opened my mouth so she could feed me while I was preoccupied. What I said to her had meaning. A long time ago, back in high school, I’d written her a little note to go with her candy. I wondered if she’d remember, but from the look on her face I could tell she had.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you remember when we were in school and you left the peanut butter cups for me?” Obviously! That’s why I made the comment. Was she seriously just figuring this all out?

“One cup,” I corrected.

“Was that note some cryptic way of you telling me to choose you?”

DUH!

“Maybe,” I answered while still giving B all my attention.

She shoved me. “Why couldn’t you just say it to me, instead of leaving me messages that made no sense?”

I had to laugh. She should have been able to figure me out back then. It would have saved us all this grief. “Because I wanted you to choose on your own, not because I persuaded it. Little hints along the way couldn’t hurt. Not that it ever helped anyway. You were too damn stubborn to think that what you were doing was wrong, or who I should say?”

“Brooks! Cut it out.”

Kat got up and walked to the bathroom. I liked seeing her wearing my shirt. It was another reminder that she was so close to being all mine, finally after so long.

I heard her talking to herself when I stood up to check on her. “Jesus woman, you’re lucky he doesn’t go running the other direction.” Outside of the room I began laughing. She obviously didn’t realize how thin the walls were.

I didn’t hear her approaching and was shocked when she opened the door to find me standing there spying. “I think you’re beautiful.”

Her shocked face let me know that she had no clue I was listening. “I think all that sugar is going to your head.”

I allowed her to walk by me without another snarky comment, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking of one.

Kat covered B up, who seemed to be calm even though she’d eaten some chips. “Love you, B,” she whispered as she kissed her.

I made my way to the opposite bed. Watching them together was so comforting. They weren’t the only ones who needed to feel protected. Being with them allowed me to know what it felt like to be fulfilled. I didn’t care where we lived, or what we did to make money, as long as we were together.

Since I recognized it as being time to go to bed, I removed my shirt and got under the covers. It was obvious Kat was going to sleep with B, and as jealous as it made me, I felt content knowing they were an arm’s length away.

When she stood up and gave me a weird look I couldn’t figure her out. “What’s wrong?”

She looked down at my shirt she was wearing and then back to me. “Shut up.”

She was nervous. I didn’t know why. “Kat, get comfortable and get in bed. I’m not going to make fun of you if that’s what you think.” She was crazy. Maybe her awful husband made her feel ugly. I hated him more for damaging my perfect girl.

She got all defensive. “It’s not that.”

She shimmied off her shorts and then took her bra off without lifting the t-shirt. It was so weird. I didn’t get why she was hiding what I’d obviously seen before. I mean, the child in the bed next to her was proof of that. It had been a while since I’d seen her naked, but a body like hers wasn’t easily forgotten. “Since when did you get shy?”

“Would you stop?” I liked getting under her skin, especially when it was over something so silly. She was so cute, yet vulnerable at the same time. It made me continue to smile even though it was clearly supposed to be a serious moment.

Even after she climbed into the other bed I continued laughing at her. She tossed a pillow at me as if it was going to get me to stop.

“Sorry, I saw this going a little differently,” I joked.

“I’m not sleeping with you, Brooks. I just left my husband.” She was so serious about it. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was only teasing.

She would assume that from me. I guess in some ways, she should have. It was taking everything in me to not invite her into my arms. “I never asked you, did I?”

“Whatever.” She started to turn to face the opposite direction, like I annoyed her. I kept staring, waiting for her to make another smart remark. After a few seconds I realized she had no plans to face me again.

“Look at me, woman.”

Her dirty look only made me want to tease her more. It was obvious I’d gotten under her skin. “What?”

I brought my feet up and sat on the edge of my bed facing her. Thinking nothing of it, Kat froze, staring at my naked chest. At first I thought she’d just realized I taken off my shirt. Then it hit me. I’d had it for so long that it was just a part of me.

I looked down at my tattoo and touched it. The K was obviously for Kat, and I’d had it placed there for a reason. “Oh, this. I should probably explain. I guess I got it so long ago that I forgot you’ve never seen it.”

“When? Is that… Did you…” She couldn’t get her words out. Her eyes were stuck on that one area.

I sighed before replying. “Kat, my heart belongs to you. It’s not a secret. I got this done when I first went to Afghanistan. We’d just shared that night in the hotel room, and even though you’d left me I still loved you the same. I guess some people would call me stupid, but I just knew you were the one. I was going to put it over my heart. Instead, I put it here,” I pointed to the area, “Because the moment you walked out of my life I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”

Her hand came up and covered her face as she sat there in shock. “I don’t know what to say.”

I looked down at the tattoo, and then over toward our daughter. “Now, looking at what we made that night melts my heart even more.”

Kat had to peer away. She now knew that I’d carried so much of her with me every day. “Brooks.” Her whisper was so slow, like she was falling out of consciousness.

“Come here,” I ordered.

She shook her head, refusing me. “I can’t.” I respected her decision, but refused to let it be her final answer.

I reached over and placed my hand gently on her leg. “Close your eyes.”

Once I got her to stand, I pulled her over to my bed. She halted me, opening her eyes to see how close we were. “I can’t do this, Brooks. It’s wrong.”

I grabbed the edge of my t-shirt and pulled her in the rest of the way until our lips were touching. “I’m not stealing from him when you were never his to begin with. You didn’t belong to Branch and you sure as hell don’t belong to Bobby. A piece of paper isn’t love. Close your eyes and tell me you don’t feel it again? Tell me that you haven’t thought of that night we spent together every single day since it happened? If you don’t want this, then back up and go to sleep.”

I didn’t move my mouth from grazing over hers. I could feel her body shaking. It was just as intense for me. I’d kept this all bottled up, and now, being in this room with her, I couldn’t keep from touching her. She couldn’t imagine what it was like for me to sleep in a tiny bed for two years, wishing I was wherever she was, holding her all through the night. Dreams of her is what kept me going. I’d thought about this moment so many times. I couldn’t wait any longer. My patience was running thin. She needed to be in my bed.

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

I stood up, staring down at her while I tugged my own t-shirt over her head. She kept her eyes fixed on mine while I backed us up onto my bed.

There was only a pair of underwear keeping her from being completely naked. I didn’t look down because honestly I didn’t need to. I’d memorized every inch of her years ago. Kissing her would have been easy, though I didn’t allow it to happen, not yet. I took my time, leading her under the covers with me, pulling her against my chest. She was still trembling, reminding how fragile this moment was between us. Years of pent up emotions were brewing between us. Words weren’t needed because we both knew what the other was feeling.

I held her tight in my arms, silently promising myself that I’d never let her slip away again. I wanted to keep her safe, to protect her from the ugliness and give her a reason to smile again, each and every day for the rest of our lives. Just like when we were kids, I held her close, giving her the comfort she needed to get by another day.

While she lightly stroked my chest, I pressed my lips against her head. “Don’t be scared, Kat. If you fall, I’ll catch you. I always have and I always will. Except, this time I’m never going to let you go.”

I could see where this was leading. It didn’t take a fool to figure it out. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop her if she initiated it. All it would take was a kiss, and I’d be giving her all of me. I tried to stay calm under the covers with her so close. It was impossible, and she knew it too. This wasn’t a game we were playing. In my heart she was mine. I really didn’t care about a piece of paper. She should have known that. For Christ sakes, I slept with her the night before she was supposed to marry my brother. There was obviously no limits when it came to being with her.

I just hoped that when it did happen, she stuck around, because nothing could hurt more than losing both of them. I wanted to believe that this was our forever, but I was still petrified it wouldn’t be.

Chapter 36

For a while
Kat laid against my chest, playing with my dog-tags. She kept tracing my name, saying nothing in the quiet of the room. I rubbed her back, offering her time to think about everything going on in her life. I wondered what she was thinking about. I considered asking her, but knew when she was ready she’d talk about it.

There was a lot of things that hadn’t been addressed. At some point she was going to want to know about every detail of my life when we were apart. I wondered if I should tell her about Mullins, Anderson, and even Spence. They’d been my friends when I felt the most alone.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want to know about Kat’s life. I knew she had friends that I hadn’t met. She talked highly of them in some of her letters. She was a member of a church and even volunteered as the Sunday school teacher.

We’d both grown and experienced things that made us who we were. At some point we’d have to tell each other everything. For now I was more worried about getting through one day at a time. Bobby would be out of jail by morning, and with that I knew I’d have to figure out where they’d be safe from him.

Kat was probably going to want to take matters into her own hands, but this time she wasn’t going to have a choice. My mind was made up. I loved her, and I was going to make sure she knew the depths of it while I did everything in my power to keep her protected.

I knew my coming back into her life was a huge game-changer. It wasn’t only an adjustment for me. Every aspect of her life was about to change. My prayers had been answered even if it wasn’t how I expected them to be. I’d never wish for her to be abused by her husband. I didn’t even ask God to help me break them up. I’d only prayed that one day I’d be able to hold her again. It was never about the sex with Kat. I felt my happiness when she was in my arms.

While the tension in the room increased, I was left to control the growing urgency between my legs. Time had made it impossible to control. I needed her, so much that I was afraid to ask, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it if she rejected me.

I’d wanted her for so long. Now we were here, in a hotel room, with our daughter sleeping on the bed beside us. I’d lived every moment for this, and even though I was desperately trying to hold onto some composure, every single inch she moved made it unbearable. That’s why when she looked up into my eyes I had to lick my lips. I didn’t mean it in a sexual way, but looking at her mouth and remembering what it felt like to kiss her left me needing what I knew I shouldn’t ask for, at least not yet.

All of a sudden everything around us disappeared. I stared deeply into her eyes, feeling the power of our connection leading us without effort.

“I love you.” The words were so softly spoken when they came from her mouth. They were still so powerful; enough to break me.

I adjusted myself on the bed to be able to place my hands on either side of her face. I needed her to show me how much because dammit I’d waited forever for it. “You were worth the wait.” Nothing could have prepared me for what it would feel like to kiss her for the first time after so long. I’d been staring at her lips for days, patiently waiting to have the chance to taste them again.

Our kiss, so powerful, paved the path for what was to come, both of us knowing there was no turning back. Kat and I both knew where we were headed. I didn’t have the power to stop her, not when her touch was like an electric jolt to my heart.