Love Survives (30 page)

She smiled, probably because she was glad it was over. “Thanks.”

We were both still sitting on the same bed. In this moment I felt like I needed some things answered. “Bobby knew you were still in love with me, didn’t he?”

She never looked away when she answered, making her words even more powerful. “Yeah, he did.”

This was another reason why I wasn’t going anywhere.

Chapter 34

I couldn’t believe
she’d told her husband how she felt about me. It was no wonder  he felt so threatened when I was around. “Kat, you really told him you loved me?”

“It was never a secret. He knew it when he met me. He was the person that held me when I cried about you. He was there for me when I had B, knowing that I didn’t love him. He asked me to marry him and said that he knew I wasn’t over you. After some time I came to love Bobby, but he’ll never be you. I thought I learned that after the Branch fiasco, but obviously I can’t learn from my mistakes, because here I am married to another man that I’m trying to convince myself to fall in love with.”

I knew she’d struggled. We both had. It was hard to imagine my pain and think of hers.

“I’m not the saint you picture me to be, Kat. I’ve seen and done things that I’m not proud of. Living in another country was hard. Sometimes I needed the comfort of a woman. It never meant much to me, but sometimes it helped with my sleep problems. You keep punishing yourself for the things you’ve done, but I don’t see those things are all that bad. You ran from the family because you thought you tore us all apart. Don’t you see that it wasn’t you? It was me. I did it. I was the one that took you to my bed that night. It was selfish, and could have been done the right way, years before. I wanted to hurt Branch. I wanted to shove your love for me right in his face, because after all that time, I was tired of him having what should have been mine all along. I knew that being with you would ruin your engagement and I went for it out of spite.”

This conversation was getting deep. I was imagining it going to other places, but kept telling myself that it was way too soon to assume she’d even be okay with it.

“I suppose this all could have been avoided if we knew how to communicate with each other.” She didn’t know how right she was. Not a day went by where I didn’t regret my decisions.

I laughed at my stupidity. “Yeah. Probably.”

I took her hand and kissed it, gently, becoming overwhelmed by the simplest touch. Immediately she responded to it. “Brooks, what do you want to happen now? I mean, once I figure out how to get a separation and file for divorce, which I am sure I’m doing, what do you want to happen? Can we be best friends again after all this time?” There it was. She’d used the friend word. I couldn’t take it. I’d waited far too long to have all of her, and it was time she knew exactly where I stood.

I got closer, placing my arm to be around her shoulder. Our eyes were fixed on each other. “Kat, I can’t be your friend. I’m sorry, but I can’t be that person anymore.” She burst into tears. I took her chin and lifted it so she’d look at me again. “What are you crying for?”

“I don’t know. I guess I keep feeling like even after everything we’ve been through, we could run off and live happily ever after. It’s stupid, I know. I thought that after the past few days we’d never want to let each other go again.”

It was hard to hide the smile forming on my face because it was huge. “I don’t want to be your friend because I need more than that. Open your eyes woman. I want to be your everything. I always have.”

Kat’s arms came around my back while her head plopped down on my chest. “Why didn’t you just say that? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Jesus. I’m alone in a hotel with you and our daughter. Can you name one other place in the world I’d rather be?” I kissed her head and kept my face there. “I’ll wait as long as it takes to get things sorted out with Bobby. As of right now, whose name is on the birth certificate as B’s father?”

“You.”

That was beyond shocking, yet another reason why the guy was freaking out. All along he’d known there was nothing stopping me from being a part of my child’s life. “That’s good to know.”

“I told you that I never kept it a secret from anyone here.”

Just then B woke up, looking around the room as if she was scared. “Mama.”

I watched Kat hold her arms out. Our daughter made her way over and climbed on top of her. We were all three so close together. In spite of the situation, I was in heaven. This was what I’d survived to see. This was what I fought so hard to come home to.

“B do you know who this is?” Kat asked.

She nodded.

“Do you know his name?”

“Books.”

We both laughed. “Sweetie, Brooks is your daddy.”

B was confused. Her face curled up like she was about to cry. It broke my heart. “No. He not.”

I wouldn’t let this break me. I had her whole life to convince her of who I was. “Come here, kiddo. Let me show you something.”

I carried her into the bathroom and stood her up on the vanity. First I pointed to Kat in the mirror, then myself, and finally her. “Mommy, Daddy, and B.”

She laughed at us, pointed to herself, and said “B”, then to Kat. “Mama.” When she looked over at me it was obvious she was trying to figure it all out. Then she poked me in the eye while looking back in the mirror at herself. “Mine.”

I couldn’t believe she recognized me as having the same color eyes as her. I guess she’d known that neither Kat nor Bobby resembled her the way I did. I tried hard to not get choked up. After all, she was only a toddler. By morning she’d forget that we had the same colored eyes. “You’re mine, little bug. I’m your daddy.”

“Daddy?” B was obviously wondering what was going on. I wasn’t even sure she knew what a daddy was.

I did my best to smile and look at Kat. “It’s going to take her a while to get used to it.”

“She needs to know the truth though.” Her words were like music for my soul. This was so real. I still couldn’t grasp it all.

B rested her head against my chest. I felt like she was giving me reassurance even though I knew she didn’t understand. “How about we take it day by day and let B figure it out herself? I’m not going anywhere, Kat. We’re going to raise her together whether you want to stay friends or get married. It’s up to you.”

Kat wrapped her arms around the both of us. “I don’t deserve this,” she whispered.

“You’re getting it anyway, so shut up and be happy. You’re going to have a lot of bad days coming your way. No matter what, I’ll be there.” It was a promise I intended to keep.

As the hours passed I enjoyed spending alone time with both of my girls, but mostly B. I got her set up on my iPad so she could enjoy her favorite shows without commercials. We laid there together like lifelong friends while Kat sat watching. Every once in a while I’d look over and see her smiling as if we were captivating.

After we ordered room service Kat’s phone began ringing. My stomach knotted up because I had a good feeling I knew who was going to be on the other end of the call. “Just answer it, Kat. He can’t hurt you.”

Kat rolled her eyes before putting it on speaker. “Hello?”

“Really, Katy? This is how you’re going to fuckin’ be? I’m tellin’ you right now, you better be home when I get there.”

She closed her eyes while responding to his madness. “It’s my house and you’re not welcome there anymore. I want you out, Bobby. I’ve taken pictures of what you did to me this time, and I even had to get a stitch in my head. I’m done with you hurting me for things I didn’t do.”

“Don’t even go there. You’re with him right now, aren’t ya?”

“That’s none of your business. I want a divorce, and I’m not changing my mind. I never should have given you a second chance. I should have known you wouldn’t change.”

“Bitch, I ain’t givin’ you a divorce, and I sure as hell ain’t lettin’ you take that little girl from me.”

“You don’t have a choice, Bobby. She’s not yours. If I want to keep her from you I can, and you know it’s true. She’s got her daddy’s name on that birth certificate. Now, if I were you, I’d think long and hard about what you say to me from here on out. I’d like to eventually be able to come to a visitation agreement with you, provided that you go back to anger management and get help. If you try to harm me, in any way, my offer is off the table. I’ll make sure you never see her again.”

“This ain’t over!” The click let us know he’s hung up. I didn’t want to mention that he wasn’t going to have visitation, not anymore. Kat needed to calm down before we got into that discussion.

When it looked like she was about to puke I took both of her hands into mine. “Come here.” I pulled her into a hug. “You’re safe, Kat. I’ve got you.”

She put her arms behind my back and clung to me for support. “Please don’t ever let go.”

It was obvious the call had her shaken up. All I was able to do was be there when she needed me. I’d do whatever she needed, because whether she wanted it or not, I was in this with her. Nothing would tear us apart.

While Kat sat back down, I started reading a book to B. I didn’t want her seeing her mother so freaked out. It was probably silly, but I’d change my voice to sound like different characters. My daughter giggled each time, making me happy to continue. “Again,” she requested.

I reached over with one arm, keeping a tight hold on Kat, while I read the story over and over to B. I was getting so used to calling her that. I liked it, but not as much as being able to bond with her this way, while keeping Kat from losing her shit.

After nearly reading the book until my eyes burned, I stood to stretch. B began jumping on the bed, almost falling off several times. “Don’t do that. You’re going to hurt yourself, bug. How about we go for a ride and let Mama get some rest?”

She shook her head. “Bye byes.”

I got her seated in a chair with wheels, kissed Kat on the head, and pushed B out of the door. Right before it closed I gave Kat strict orders. “Take a nap. I’m going to tire her out and hit the snack machine. I’ll bring you up a soda.”

I honestly didn’t know if she’d listen to me, but it was obvious she was exhausted. While we rode the elevator and explored the hotel, I worried about Kat. I wondered if she was rethinking her decision to leave Bobby. I thought about how indecisive she’d always been in the past. As much as it would hurt me, I knew I had to prepare for the worst, just in case it became my reality. I wanted to believe that all this time she was mine to keep, but it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours.

What Kat needed to understand was that I wasn’t going to give up this time. Nope, I planned on sticking around, being the best father my child could have.

B pointed to the vending machine. “Candy!” She knew how to say that word clearly.

“Daddy’s going to get you whatever you want.” I hadn’t realized I called myself that until she turned around and looked at me. She said nothing while staring into my eyes. I wondered if I should address it or leave it be. Finally after a few seconds I pointed to the machine. “Okay, tell me what you want.”

She pointed to at least five things. I kept shoving dollars in, hoping I pushed the right buttons. It wasn’t like she understood the word patience.

By the time I was done I had almost one of everything in the machine. “You’re mother is going to kill me for buying all this junk, kiddo.”

She clapped her hands as if she was amused by my statement. I got a kick out of being with her. It was so funny because I’d never let myself think that I could have a child. It had been some distant fantasy. Now that she was in my life, I couldn’t imagine a different path, and I didn’t want one either.

Chapter 35

“Hey Mama.
We’re back,” I announced as we came back into the room with all sorts of goodies.

Kat sat up in the bed and smiled though I could tell she’d been crying again. “I see that. Did you get everything they had?”